Introductions

[squirrelgurl07]

My son Tristan Asher was only 5 days away from being 5months old. He was at his babysitters, my best friend, because I was in school full time in an excellerated college so I could get a job and better provide for us. I got out of school that day on 2-24-09, and I got the call from her. Shed went to wake him and found him blue. She did CPR on him for 45 mins till the ambulance got there. They didnt even work on him just gave him an air mask. I guess they said he was DOA I miss him terribly. I was a single mom, 20, so it was hard but we were doing it. I love him and will continue to lvoe him. Its hard most days waking up without him but i press on knowing my angel bear wouldnt want me to give up

[dorita]

My son Tristan Asher was only 5 days away from being 5months old. He was at his babysitters, my best friend, because I was in school full time in an excellerated college so I could get a job and better provide for us. I got out of school that day on 2-24-09, and I got the call from her. Shed went to wake him and found him blue. She did CPR on him for 45 mins till the ambulance got there. They didnt even work on him just gave him an air mask. I guess they said he was DOA I miss him terribly. I was a single mom, 20, so it was hard but we were doing it. I love him and will continue to lvoe him. Its hard most days waking up without him but i press on knowing my angel bear wouldnt want me to give up

I am so sorry for you loss. I have been praying for you since I read about your baby. I don't have a lot of words.. but we are here for you anytime.

[AprilBaby]

DH and I have been TTC since July 2007. We finally got pregnant in July 2008 when we took a late honeymoon. I thought everything was going fine and I couldn't wait for my next u/s which was supposed to be Oct.29. I started cramping on the 24th/25th and I was told that was normal so I didn't think twice about it. On the night of the 27th the cramps got worse along with some back pain then the morning of the 28th when I went to the bathroom there was nothing but bright red blood and clots the size of my fist.

I was just about to enter my 4th month and m/c the day before my u/s. I did't even get a chance to find out what I was having.

I thought I was over it but I tend to think about my angel when I can't sleep at night or when I feel lonely. My due date would have been in April so as April approaches I start to feel sad all over again.

[dorita]

DH and I have been TTC since July 2007. We finally got pregnant in July 2008 when we took a late honeymoon. I thought everything was going fine and I couldn't wait for my next u/s which was supposed to be Oct.29. I started cramping on the 24th/25th and I was told that was normal so I didn't think twice about it. On the night of the 27th the cramps got worse along with some back pain then the morning of the 28th when I went to the bathroom there was nothing but bright red blood and clots the size of my fist.

I was just about to enter my 4th month and m/c the day before my u/s. I did't even get a chance to find out what I was having.

I thought I was over it but I tend to think about my angel when I can't sleep at night or when I feel lonely. My due date would have been in April so as April approaches I start to feel sad all over again.

I am so sorrry for your loss. I understand how you feel. it's been more than 3 years since my last mc and i still get sad / sad for each anniversary. Not everyone undertand.. but they are our angels in heaven.

[revia]

Many years ago I was told that I had a severely bicornuate uterus and that I would never carry a child to term, by two different doctors. Hubby and I accepted that and figured that we would just adopt one day.

In November 2008, AF was late. I was often irregular, so I didn't think too much of it. But after nearly 2 weeks, I got worried and bought a test. It was positive. I cried so hard, worried that I was going to need a D&C because I had been told it was too risky to carry to term.

I got a new doctor, and he wasn't as worried. He had delivered many babies to women with bicornuate uteruses.

I miscarried twins at 7 weeks. Doctor was still supportive, told me it was a fluke, and that I could try again in a couple of months. Nearly a year later, I m/c again. This time he sent me to a reproductive endocrinologist who diagnosed me with lupus anticoagulant.

Last May I became pregnant with a little boy. Took blood thinners throughout the pregnancy and everything was going great. Went in for my 20 week u/s and the tech thought she saw funneling of the cervix. Doc put me on bedrest until they could confirm it. A few days later, I lost my mucus plug and the doc made me come in immediately. Turns out I was having contractions (that I didn't feel) and I was dilating. I went to the hospital and got an emergency cerclage and was on bedrest with mag sulfate for a week when I went into labor again.

My son was born with me under anesthesia (so they could remove the cerclage... they couldn't do an epidural because of my blood thinners). Ronan lived for 30 minutes, but I spent the entire time coming out of anesthesia. My husband and my nurse made sure that he was brought in to me and they said I did get to see him, but I have no memory of it. I did get to hold him after he passed when I was fully awake. He was perfect in every way, just born way too soon.

I had numerous complications following the birth, including sepsis and severe hemorrhaging. I spent weeks in the hospital and it was over two months before I could return to work.

My doctor referred me to a specialist who put in a transabdominal cerclage in February. We are going to try again. Some days I feel like I'm a lunatic for keeping at it. Some days I feel guilty and like I'm being selfish. And some days I feel OK.

I am glad that I found this site, though. I'm looking forward to becoming part of this community.

[LaurieH]

I am adding again. I have now experienced my 4th first trimester miscarriage. I was so excited this time. My HCG numbers started off good and high (normal range) and tripled and/or doubled every 2 days. After I reached 2045, we went for an u/s and saw a yolk sac and gestational sac (or course) that measured 5w 2d which measured exactly with my ovulation date (vary obvious looking at my chart). I was so excited, but it appears right after that u/s things started going down hill. I did not feel pg (but it was early) and after awhile it was obvious to me that something was wrong. They decided to run another HCG to ease my mind but 11 days after the 2045 my levels were only 4439. Then two days later they were only 4892. I was devistated I know that it would end and if my body was a stupid as it has been in the past it would not know the pg was failing for several weeks. The day after the 4892 measurement I had another u/s which showed a fetus measuring 6w 1d (should have been 6w5d) with a heartbeat of 128bpm. The doctor told me that I had a 10% chance of miscarriage. I know that was only true if my HCGs were good. He did not think much of the numbers and said as long as they were rising by 60% every 2 days that was good. I asked what the prognosis was if they were only rising 10% and he had no answer. I was in some ways excited to see the heartbeat but sad since I had a 8w missed miscarriage almost a year earlier and I know the baby had to have had a heartbeat before we saw it at 10w. The other thing that annoyed me is that there was another sac observed in the ultrasound and it may have been there at the first u/s, but much smaller. I am not sure if this is what contributed to the loss of the baby and maybe hindered the development of the placenta (which may explain the low HCG and baby lagging behind). I started spotting brown the day after the u/s and all weekend and by Monday night there was some red associated with it. By Tuesday when I had rescheduled my OB appointment for I was definitely miscarring and lossing clots and tissue. My doc sent me for an u/s later that day instead of waiting for Thursday's appointment. Between those appointments I had a large loss of tissue etc and figured the baby probably come out then and by the time I got to the u/s appointment the baby was gone. I truly hate that everytime I am sent for an u/s no one knows why I am there. I had to tell the tech that I was there to see about a miscarriage while she thought we were just following up on the progress of the baby from last week. They made the appointment for me why do they not include this information with the request.

So now I am waiting for the brunt of the miscarriage to start and wondering why no one could give me and info as to the origins of the second sac observed in the u/s. If that could have contributed to the loss since it seemed to either show up or get bigger at the second ultrasound. I have more questions than answers and it makes me want to find another OB office with an u/s person on site.

[JESSIE2636]

On May 9th I started experiencing some cramping and I had a terrible back ache, I didn't think anything of it. On Mother's day I noticed some brown discharge that seemed strange, I called the nurse line and they told me it was normal and not to worry.

At around 11pm that night I noticed that the brown had turned to more of a pink and started to worry. I did a search for miscarriage and was horrified. I told my husband and we went to the emergency room. They couldn't find the heartbeat and said that was normal then they did an ultrasound and they didn't say a word.

When I got back to my room the Doctor was there waiting. He said its not good news, that I was prepared for. I was not prepared for him to tell me that the baby had passed 5 weeks ago so at around 9 weeks. They made an appointment for me to get a D&C the next morning and sent me home.

We got home and the cramps got much much worse. I got into bed and then had to get up again to take some pain pills they gave me. As soon as I stood up my water broke and I gave birth to our son in the bathtub. It was horrifying I have never looked into what happens during a miscarriage and both me and my husband have never been so scared.

I was so scared to see him but after my husband cleaned him up he was so beautiful. Perfect little hands and feet with a giant smile.

We named him Travis Rex Clewell (t-rex) and we are going to bury him tomorrow next to my grandparents. I filled a tiny wooden chest with memento's and my husband made a tiny cross with a baby dinosaur on it.

My husband has been amazing through all of this I don't know how he can stay so strong. I couln't have made it through this without his love and support.

We are heartbroken but there must be some reason that this happened, he was probably just too awesome. ;)

Thank you for letting me tell my story, all of our friends are avoiding us and the ones that are not don't want to talk about it.

[amanda82]

At 34 weeks and 3 days pregnant (May 5th) I had an appt. and everything was fine - I felt great. That night I didn't sleep well - I kept having a tightening feeling around my baby bump. I woke up the next day and felt bad all day - I just assumed I was having semi-painful BH. I called my ob just to make sure and his nurse said it was probably just BH but if they became frequent at 8-10 minutes over the course of an hour I should come in. I went through the rest of my day and they started to get better. I went home and as soon as I laid down they got worse and I kept timing them. Around 10:30 we went to the ER.

They tried to slow the contractions down with some pills and then morphine. They only got worse. I was freaked out because at 20 weeks my little one was diagnosed with ARPKD (polycystic kidney disease) and I was told he wouldn't make it and that he would probably come early. I started to dilate in the morning and when the dr. checked my baby was breach. He was born by c-section at 1:12 pm. We told all the dr.'s that we wanted to have everything done to try and save him. His lungs were underdeveloped and his blood wasn't separating, plus his kidneys were not functioning.

I saw him twice that night in the NICU and that night they airlifted him to KC to Children's Mercy to help him. He made it ok and they put him on a machine to fix his blood problem. My husband drove up the next morning (the roads were closed over night due to heavy flooding). He got there and Van was stable. I had to wait to be discharged in the afternoon.

About 15 minutes outside KC I got the call that the hospital needed us both there. I got there and we got to see him and touch him before the dr.'s came in. When they came in I knew it was bad news. The machine he was on caused a brain bleed which couldn't be stopped. We held him while he was still on the machine (it was the only thing keeping him alive). He even tried to open his eyes for me. After that we had him taken off life support and held him until he passed away.

Van F. W. born May 7th, 2009 - died May 8th, 2009

[shanay]

Hello,
This is Shanay. I havent written anything in a while. I m/c on 05/08 and am now 3 months pregnant. I was 5 months when I m/c last time so everything is worrying me. All is going good so far. I have to get a cervical cerclagy next month the stitch up my cervics so it wont open early like it did last time.
Everyone pray for me as I will do the same.
I will write back and let everyone know what happens.
Have anyone every had this precedure done before, if so how did it go.

[owaacstar]

I just lost my baby on 06/03/09, so this is all very fresh for me. My whole pregnancy was uneventful until that day. I was very cautious of everything that I ate and did everything right, at least according to my OBGYN, who is my uncle and said that he wished all his patients were as aware. I ate organically about 90% to 95% of the time and took Prenatals for years before I became pregnant (Wholefoods prenatal). This prenatal is taken three times a day, so that one can get all of the nutrients from that prenatal (aka one can only absorb (sp, im dyslexic) 500mg of calicum at a time and such). While pregnant, I made sure that I ate something with fat and enough water when I took my pill to make sure I absorbed all the water and fat soulable nutrients and ate an orange to absorb the iron. I only had a few times where my blood pressure was high, but it was high for me but normal for others. Most of the time my blood pressure was betweem 90/60 to 100/70. I walked about 2 to 5 miles a day, which is what I did before I became pregnant and did my belly dancing for pregnancy (I am a belly dancer, so this DVD was really boring, but it was for the baby). I did have two problems that where normal for pregnancy, one I had an upper respitory infection from my students. I am a teacher for a school district, so kido's gave me the buggy. And two, I had a yeast infection under my armpit, which I had to take medication for but took it as soon as I noticed and had a blood test done to make sure that it was not in my blood stream. So, basically a normal pregnancy with swelling feet and everything.

I was 28 weeks and 5 days pregnant on 06/03/09. I had noticed the night before that the baby had not moved when he normally did between 11pm and midnight (sometimes starting early at 10:30pm and going longer to 12:30am) and was a little worried. As soon as the storm passed outside, my dog and I went for a walk to see if I could wake up the baby, not really worrying too much because during that stage of development baby's can switch their wake cycles but I was still worried. That morning I went to the bank and stopped to get a Starbucks with caffine to see if that would get him kicking (this was my first caffine use the whole pregnancy) and walked over to Jim's dinner to get his favorite meal, french toast with eggs and sag. After eatting his favorite meal and having the cup of coffee, he still did not kick. This is when I called the doctor and they said to come in and not wait for my visit that was two days later.

I went in and they watched the baby's heartrate for two hours, but we kept losing his heartrate. His heartrate was in between 168 and 172 then would drop to 120's and 130's. This was not good and I was rushed over to the hospital and a specialist was called in by my doctor.

At the hospital, they montiored my heartrate again and then the specialist took me to a 3D/4D ultrasound to do messurements. The baby was right on target for everything, but the specialist couldn't get the baby to move, just like my doctor could not get him to move either. There was no cord problems except that there was a little build up near the entry point to the baby of oxygen. Blood flow as just find but heartrate was really high. The doctors gave me a shot to progress the lungs of the baby and then I was moved from Antipartium to Labor and Delivery. I was rehooked up to the monitors and they thought the baby's heartrate was mine. His heartrate was in the 80's! Then all of a sudden they could not find a heartrate and an ultrasound was used at that point. I got to see my little one's heart move twice very slowly and the next thing I know we were going down the hallway. I knew what was going on coming from a medical family. The antisegiologist (sp, again dyslexic) asked if I was allergic to any drugs and after listing my list of drugs, like Anectin, the doctor said, "Oh **** this is going to be interesting!" All I can remember is me jumping onto the other table in the operation room and then they shaved me and took off my necklace. I remember being cut into and then I remember feeling the pain of the painkiller coming into my left arm and the mask going over my face. The rest is very foggy and I do kind of remember the baby coming out. The next thing I know I am slowly waking up. I hear my uncle (my OBGYN) and the specialist talking about when to tell me. At this point I knew something was wrong but didn't know how bad it might be. The neo-natal unit tried to get Quanah Solon to breath, but he never did and never had a heartbeat. He was labeled a stillbirth and I was told that he had had a stroke.

I did order an autopsy because I wanted to know what happened. There were no signs, and the doctors said that most women wouldn't have known until their next visit. I knew because I was paying very close attention and would sing to him in his wake alert state and read to him and such. I know that I and the doctors did everything that they could and I know that the neo-natal team that helped try to get him to breath has the highest success rate here in San Antonio, TX. All of this helps to heal the pain of, what could I have done differently, but it does not heal the pain, just helps it. I know there is not anything I could have done and I accept that. Now it is time to heal and take care of me.

I have decided to take care of me by donating my milk to the local milk bank and go to three different therapy groups, all to help me mental status. I plan to try again as soon as I can. I know that it takes about 3 to 4 months to get the body's reserves back for calcium, iron, folate, ect. My doctor recommends that I wait a year to a year and a half to try again, but I really want to try sooner. I have started making sure that I continue on my really good diet and work on getting my reserves to normal levels so I can try again. I hope to try in about 6 month or so. This is why I want to make sure that I am emotionally ready so that I do not end up in a depression. I am also making sure that I am physically ready. I am terrified to try again, for I feel I do not think I am strong enough to handle the loss of another baby. I was told I could never have a child, so Quanah Solon was my miracle baby. I know that I can now have children, but maybe right now is not the time. He was my preview of what is to come. I know that I have not lost him, because his soul belongs to my family and he will be back. As a Native person, I have to believe this!

Stephanie

[Zagareen]

Hello!
Just reading all your stories makes the pain less for me. Thank you all for sharing.

Here's my story: My DH and I are both 28yo and have been TTC since Dec 2007. I took prenatal vitamins months before and made sure I was eating well. I went off the pill and three months later we started. I got pg right away in Jan 2008. At 8 weeks, I had lots of bleeding and immediately went to Drs. U/S showed the baby was in my tube and my hCG levels were below 1000. Methotrexate was adminstered after we got a second opinion. This was a devastating blow and having to tell those we informed about our pregnancy was even harder.

In August 2008, I got pg again. The HPT showed a very faint pink line and I was late. I went to the Drs who confirmed with a serum test. My levels were low and I M/C that weekend. This time, we kept the pg secret and later I told my mom.

This past April, I got pg again. Again, the HPT showed a faint pink line. I went in to the Drs and they didn't find anything in U/S. They thought because the pg was early, around 5 weeks. I started to spot so I went in to see the Dr. I was told my Dr that I would M/C since the hCG levels were low. I M/C that weekend. At this point, I was devastated and my DH as well since his mood change and all he wanted to do was cuddle and tell me "one day." We went in for an HSG and had my progestrone levels done. My progesterone levels were normal and I found out my uterus was normal. However, there was blockage in my right tube and my left tube was partially blocked. The previous Dr told me that the ectopic was in my left tube, this brought in some suspicions that the ectopic was in the right instead. The Dr said we should keep trying and if we couldn't get pg in a few months then we should do laparoscopy surgery to look at the blockages.

This June, I got pg and again the faint pink line. My immediate thought was that I will M/C. I had some spotting and then that turned in to more heavy bleeding with passed tissue. I went in to see the Dr. They took blood and then she examined me and noticed that my cervix was dilated. But I didn't save the tissue. I should have though. My level was 24 on my first day and two days later it was at 73. The week after it was 71. On Monday I will go in and see what the levels are. But I took a HPT and it was a BFP. I don't know what is going on. I still feel nauseated and light-headed and my bleeding is all brown blood and spotting. So I suppose my M/C is pending.

This has all been very hard for my DH and I. I am very thankful that APA has this forum where I can learn and heal.

Thank you for reading my story,
Cindy

[sydney0923]

hello everyone,

i am new here and still trying to navigate the site. i am very sorry for all of your losses. i now know what it feels like to lose a baby.

we lost our daughter this week, on july 30th. i got pregnant around the first of the year, after only being off the pill for 1 cycle. we were excited and felt incredibly lucky that it happened so easily. i had a great, healthy pregnancy. i never even had morning sickness. the baby seemed strong and moved a lot. i noticed last sunday, 7/26, that she was too still. i was over 31 weeks by then. we went to the hospital and found that she no longer had a heartbeat. it was the most devastating moment of my life. i was induced that evening, and almost 4 days later, delivered a 3 lb 13 oz baby girl with lots of dark hair and dark eyes. we named her ava.

i don't know what to do with myself now. today is our first day home and it is incredibly hard. since i just delivered, i am trying to take it easy but sitting still is so hard. my husband is awesome but he gets to stay busy to distract himself. i know we will get through this somehow. we are both 30 and we will try again, but how do you know when it's right to do that? i have no idea what happened to ava and don't think i could go through this again.

thank you for allowing me a place to tell my story. my prayers are with all of you.

[DucksLikeRain]

hello everyone,

i am new here and still trying to navigate the site. i am very sorry for all of your losses. i now know what it feels like to lose a baby.

we lost our daughter this week, on july 30th. i got pregnant around the first of the year, after only being off the pill for 1 cycle. we were excited and felt incredibly lucky that it happened so easily. i had a great, healthy pregnancy. i never even had morning sickness. the baby seemed strong and moved a lot. i noticed last sunday, 7/26, that she was too still. i was over 31 weeks by then. we went to the hospital and found that she no longer had a heartbeat. it was the most devastating moment of my life. i was induced that evening, and almost 4 days later, delivered a 3 lb 13 oz baby girl with lots of dark hair and dark eyes. we named her ava.

i don't know what to do with myself now. today is our first day home and it is incredibly hard. since i just delivered, i am trying to take it easy but sitting still is so hard. my husband is awesome but he gets to stay busy to distract himself. i know we will get through this somehow. we are both 30 and we will try again, but how do you know when it's right to do that? i have no idea what happened to ava and don't think i could go through this again.

thank you for allowing me a place to tell my story. my prayers are with all of you.

I am so sorry for you loss, sweetie. I know how hard it is, especially watching our husbands seeming to be able to cope better/stay busy when we can't.

I have not had a stillbirth, but I did have a daughter at 24 weeks that only lived a few short days. This was in November 2007 and we still haven't both come to a place where we're ready to try again. We waffle-one will be and the other won't, then we switch places. There are so many different things that go into that decision. Some ladies on here have gone on to get pregnant immediately after, some 6 months, and others not at all. It's such a personal thing. But I feel strongly that you will know when it's right for you. You will be able to feel the change from utter grief at the thought of another baby to acceptance and even excitement.

Please feel free to post your thoughts and feelings here and we will do our best to support you. I found APA to be one of my greatest sources of comfort and uplifting people in my time of sorrow.

[poohbearkrazy]

hello everyone,

i am new here and still trying to navigate the site. i am very sorry for all of your losses. i now know what it feels like to lose a baby.

we lost our daughter this week, on july 30th. i got pregnant around the first of the year, after only being off the pill for 1 cycle. we were excited and felt incredibly lucky that it happened so easily. i had a great, healthy pregnancy. i never even had morning sickness. the baby seemed strong and moved a lot. i noticed last sunday, 7/26, that she was too still. i was over 31 weeks by then. we went to the hospital and found that she no longer had a heartbeat. it was the most devastating moment of my life. i was induced that evening, and almost 4 days later, delivered a 3 lb 13 oz baby girl with lots of dark hair and dark eyes. we named her ava.

i don't know what to do with myself now. today is our first day home and it is incredibly hard. since i just delivered, i am trying to take it easy but sitting still is so hard. my husband is awesome but he gets to stay busy to distract himself. i know we will get through this somehow. we are both 30 and we will try again, but how do you know when it's right to do that? i have no idea what happened to ava and don't think i could go through this again.

thank you for allowing me a place to tell my story. my prayers are with all of you.

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss momma. I have a story very similar to yours. If you need someone to talk to who has been in your shoes i'm here any time. ((((Huge Hugs))))

[sydney0923]

thank you all so much for your kind words. it has been a crazy week since ava was born and passed away. i know someday i will be able to move on but right now it's incredibly hard. i keep coming up with reasons to blame myself, like i should have gone to the hospital sooner, slept on my back (accidentally) too much, caught some virus that weakened her heart- all silly things i know, but until i see my doc again i will probably keep making stuff up. is that normal?

[Heavynsmommy]

I am so sorry to hear all of your stories. Mine's a little different.

On Dec. 13, 2004, I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy we named Harley. I had my tubes tied two weeks later. We got to take him home and a few weeks later I went back to work. On March 17, 2005, I dropped Bub and Heavyn (our daughter) off at the baby-sitter's and went to work. I left work at lunch time and was heading home when I received a call from my babysitter's house. She would call me if Heavyn would bump her head, so I thought nothing of it. It turned out to be a city police officer informing me that my Harley was not breathing and non-responsive and being rushed to the hospital. After driving like a maniac and calling all of our family, I arrived at the hospital. They had to shock him 3 times, but he had a heatbeat. He would be lifelined to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis and the helicopter was on it's way. Arrangements were made and a caravan of cars headed to Indianapolis. My DH and I stayed with him all night. The next morning, March 18, 2005, 4 days after my 28th birthday, they told us he would never walk, talk, laugh, smile, or leave the hospital again. After disussing it, my DH and I decided that that would be no way for him to live and had them shut the machines off. 2 years later, I had my tubes untied and had a BFP in April 2008. The next day after my pg test, I started bleeding. The next week it was confirmed that I had mc. We're still ttc, but enjoying our little bit of Heavyn.

[Heavynsmommy]

You have my total understanding on losing a child to SIDS. That's what my 3 month old son died of.

[Heavynsmommy]

My son Tristan Asher was only 5 days away from being 5months old. He was at his babysitters, my best friend, because I was in school full time in an excellerated college so I could get a job and better provide for us. I got out of school that day on 2-24-09, and I got the call from her. Shed went to wake him and found him blue. She did CPR on him for 45 mins till the ambulance got there. They didnt even work on him just gave him an air mask. I guess they said he was DOA I miss him terribly. I was a single mom, 20, so it was hard but we were doing it. I love him and will continue to lvoe him. Its hard most days waking up without him but i press on knowing my angel bear wouldnt want me to give up

My son died of SIDS at 3 months old. (see my story). If you need someone to talk to that has been there and knows exactly what you're going through, I'm here.

[amanda224]

I'm knew to this site and forum so it will take a little while for me to get used to it.
I've read many of the stories and they are so inspirational. It has helped remind me that I'm not alone and that, sadly, many of us are going through the same things.
I have made to miscarriages this year and have been feeling sad and wondering if my time will come.
I'll post my story when I have more time to write.
Thank you for sharing your stories.

[amanda224]

My husband and I have had two miscarriages this year and are trying to stay strong for each other.
Sorry, this is so long but this is the first time I have actually told everyone the full story of what we’re going through.

Miscarriage #1
I got pregnant in December 2008 after being off birth control pills for three months. My husband and I were excited. We found out I was pregnant on Christmas Day. We told everyone and our parents told everyone.
My first dr. appointment was great and was 6 weeks along. Shortly after I began to spot a little and continued for a couple of days. I called the dr. office and they said that was normal, not to worry about it until it gets heavy like a period. I was worried. After more than a week of light spotting, I went to the dr. to make sure everything was ok. He did an exam and ultrasound. The exam showed a little bit of brown blood. The ultrasound showed our little peanut with a strong heartbeat. I was 8 weeks. Dr. said there was a chance i could miscarry and called my pregnancy a threatened miscarriage. He put me on pelvic rest and said to take it easy. I finally stopped spotting and was progressing fine. Then about two weeks later, I started spotting again. It was like the first time but I was cramping. I went throughout the day trying to ignore the cramps because I was scared of miscarrying. Finally, about 10 p.m. that night I decided to go to the ER. I knew something wasn’t right.
My husband and I went to the ER and the dr. did an exam and ultrasound. I knew the ultrasound tech didn’t find a heartbeat. Later, the dr. came back and said there was not heartbeat and that I was measuring 8 weeks instead of 10 weeks. This was Feb. 7.
Two days later my OB dr. confirmed it and the next day I had a D&C. My due date would have been Sept. 6. We don’t know what happened. The baby had a good heartbeat than shortly after that first u/s something happened and the baby died.

Miscarriage #2
After the first miscarriage, my husband and I decided to try again right away. I got pregnant in May. Since we were afraid of having another miscarriage, we only told two of our friends. I couldn’t go through telling everyone again, if something bad was going to happen.
This time went to a high-risk OB/GY specialist to make sure I would be taken care of. The first dr. visit was wonderful. He did an ultrasound and found the sac and double wall. I was only 6 weeks. Due date Feb. 19, 2010. Because of the last miscarriage, my dr. blood work and found that I have a positive lupus antibody.
I felt more pregnant this time than last. I was sick, etc. During my second dr. visit, my dr. wanted to take a peak at the baby. I was scared because I knew we should be able to hear a heartbeat. The u/s showed that there was no heartbeat and no baby. We had the sac but no baby. My dr. called it a blighted ovum. Said something went wrong in fertilization. This was July 17 and I should have been 9 weeks. Two days later we did another D&C.

This is so frustrating to me because I have never had any female problems or health problems. My whole life, dr. have told me I shouldn’t have a problem getting pregnant or having a baby.
It’s especially hard right now because it is getting closer to my first due date. It seems like all I think about is wanting a baby and if I hadn’t had that first miscarriage I would be holding my own little one any day now.
My husband is hurting, also, but doesn’t really talk about it. Sometimes he will make a few comments about what he’s feeling but that’s it. He is supportive of me and tells me we will have a baby one day and that the third time’s the charm. I hope he’s right.
Now, we are waiting on my body to heal before trying again. I don’t think I can handle going through another loss.

Me (25), Husband (26), Married for 2 yrs, been together 7 yrs total, MC #1 2/09, MC #2 7/09

[squirrelgurl07]

I am so sorry to hear all of your stories. Mine's a little different.

On Dec. 13, 2004, I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy we named Harley. I had my tubes tied two weeks later. We got to take him home and a few weeks later I went back to work. On March 17, 2005, I dropped Bub and Heavyn (our daughter) off at the baby-sitter's and went to work. I left work at lunch time and was heading home when I received a call from my babysitter's house. She would call me if Heavyn would bump her head, so I thought nothing of it. It turned out to be a city police officer informing me that my Harley was not breathing and non-responsive and being rushed to the hospital. After driving like a maniac and calling all of our family, I arrived at the hospital. They had to shock him 3 times, but he had a heatbeat. He would be lifelined to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis and the helicopter was on it's way. Arrangements were made and a caravan of cars headed to Indianapolis. My DH and I stayed with him all night. The next morning, March 18, 2005, 4 days after my 28th birthday, they told us he would never walk, talk, laugh, smile, or leave the hospital again. After disussing it, my DH and I decided that that would be no way for him to live and had them shut the machines off. 2 years later, I had my tubes untied and had a BFP in April 2008. The next day after my pg test, I started bleeding. The next week it was confirmed that I had mc. We're still ttc, but enjoying our little bit of Heavyn.

I lost my son to SIDS Heres many

[*Nat*]

hello everyone,

i am new here and still trying to navigate the site. i am very sorry for all of your losses. i now know what it feels like to lose a baby.

we lost our daughter this week, on july 30th. i got pregnant around the first of the year, after only being off the pill for 1 cycle. we were excited and felt incredibly lucky that it happened so easily. i had a great, healthy pregnancy. i never even had morning sickness. the baby seemed strong and moved a lot. i noticed last sunday, 7/26, that she was too still. i was over 31 weeks by then. we went to the hospital and found that she no longer had a heartbeat. it was the most devastating moment of my life. i was induced that evening, and almost 4 days later, delivered a 3 lb 13 oz baby girl with lots of dark hair and dark eyes. we named her ava.

i don't know what to do with myself now. today is our first day home and it is incredibly hard. since i just delivered, i am trying to take it easy but sitting still is so hard. my husband is awesome but he gets to stay busy to distract himself. i know we will get through this somehow. we are both 30 and we will try again, but how do you know when it's right to do that? i have no idea what happened to ava and don't think i could go through this again.

thank you for allowing me a place to tell my story. my prayers are with all of you.

My story is very similiar to yours. If you want to talk, let me know.

As for trying again. It will be a long time before I try again. The most obvious is because I am young but even if I wasnt, personally, I am not ready to have another child.

Like you, I had the perfect pregnancy (maybe I was little stressed but nothing I couldn't handle) and I was overdue and my daughter died inside of me and I didnt even know. I always (like you and so many other moms) wonder if anything I could have done would have saved her.

It's been two years and I know I still have a lot of healing left.

[lukeskristie]

How do you ladies do it...live? I miss my Laython every moment. I've had to start on Zoloft to get my emotions under control. I have 5 other people that need me to not be crying at the blink of an eye. Ya'll are strong women and I am in awe of you all.

[*Nat*]

Sweetie, it's hard but it's very day by day. It's still very fresh for you but give it time.



If you need to talk, PM me.

[Krista07]

My story,
My DH and I have been married now for 2 years and just like many of you, we never thought we would have trouble starting a family...
Miscarriage1:
I was about 9 weeks along when I lost my little one and we had told the whole family, co-workers we were pregnant...This was in Nov. of 08 that we lost our little angel...

Miscarriage 2 :
After our first m/c I was really nervous but thought things may be different this time so we tried again, I again went through bleeding that started at nine weeks and I was put on bedrest...my little one stayed strong until 14 weeks and then we no longer detected a hb...This was in June of 09.
I know the sadness of going thru two m/c in a year and someday still have hope that I will be able to have a baby...It has gotten better but some days are hard...
My DH and I are currently testing to see if we can find any answers...I just don't know if I can go through another m/c again...

[amanda224]

My story,
My DH and I have been married now for 2 years and just like many of you, we never thought we would have trouble starting a family...
Miscarriage1:
I was about 9 weeks along when I lost my little one and we had told the whole family, co-workers we were pregnant...This was in Nov. of 08 that we lost our little angel...

Miscarriage 2 :
After our first m/c I was really nervous but thought things may be different this time so we tried again, I again went through bleeding that started at nine weeks and I was put on bedrest...my little one stayed strong until 14 weeks and then we no longer detected a hb...This was in June of 09.
I know the sadness of going thru two m/c in a year and someday still have hope that I will be able to have a baby...It has gotten better but some days are hard...
My DH and I are currently testing to see if we can find any answers...I just don't know if I can go through another m/c again...

Our experiences are very similar. I had my first m/c in Feb. 09 at 10 weeks, couldn't detect hb anymore than got pregnant again and had my second m/c in July 09 at 9 weeks, it was a blighted ovum.
I have the same saddness, hopes and fears that you are experiencing. I went through some testing but didn't find anything.
My DH and I are TTC again but I am excited and scared to death at the same time. I don't think I could go through another miscarriage either.
If you ever need to talk PM me.

[ClarisseMarie]

I realized I haven't put my story here yet. I apologize in advance, it's not a simple one to tell, and could get a bit lengthy.

I guess you could say our family planning started in August 2008 with my first surprise BFP. Prior to then, we hadn't even made the decision yet about having children. When we first got married we said we didn't want to have kids, but after a few years that began to slowly change. Well in December 2007 I went off BCPs and we decided to use natural family planning. We knew it was a little riskier than other methods, but also knew that if I got pregnant, we would be excited, and that is exactly what happened in August 2008. I remember being very confused when a few days later another HPT showed a BFN. I did a lot of online research and found this discussion board, where people suggested I may have had a chemical pregnancy. I called my doctor, and sure enough, that was correct. I was pretty upset about it.

I got my second surprise BFP in January 2009. After we thought we were going to have a baby and found out we weren't after all, we became less careful than before - instead of abstaining an entire week before ovulation, we were only abstaining about 3-4 days before. Even though we weren't planning to start actively TTC until January 2010 (since I graduate in Dec. 2009), I desperately wanted a baby and tested every month, hoping to get another surprise. When I saw that BFP my first reaction was shock, and then extreme excitement. We both were thrilled, but a little cautious in our hope this time since we knew about chemical pregnancies. The first trimester passed, and though I was still really nervous, I kept telling myself the danger was mostly over. The chances of anything going wrong at this point were so slim, there was no way it could happen to me. I was so wrong...

When I went in for my mid-pregnancy ultrasound, I got to hear those words no one ever wants to hear: "I need to go get a doctor". After a few very scary minutes, a NP came in and told me they were going to get me an emergency appointment with the perinatal center. My baby had basically no amniotic fluid and her growth was very delayed. When we went to the perinatal center we learned about all kinds of terrible things like Triploidy, Trisomy 18, etc. Everyone assumed it was likely to be chromosomal. I was told of how my baby could die at any minute in my womb because of cord compression due to no cushion of amniotic fluid.

Nearly 6 weeks later (and many appointments later), we went back for a follow-up appointment and the baby had grown enough to be viable outside the womb, at least in terms of size, so they recommended hospitalization for me so they could monitor the baby 24/7 and do an emergency c-section if needed. I went into the hospital 3 days later (I was now 26 weeks pregnant) where I remained for 8 weeks. My baby surprised all of them. She never had dangerous dips in her heart rate, and when babies have no fluid, they usually have several in a day. She moved a LOT, which also doesn't happen when babies have no fluid - it's the fluid that helps them move. We realized we had a little fighter in there. In the hospital we go to see and hear her all the time, and fell so much more in love. Since she was doing so well in utero, I really thought there was a good chance she would survive. I had all the faith and hope in the world.

34 weeks is when they usually induce for babies with too-little fluid. Since my baby had been doing so well inside of me, they had talked about letting me stay pregnant a few weeks longer. Well the ultimate decision was to induce at 34 weeks because they thought she was no longer growing (though she was bigger than they thought), and growth is the main thing babies do after 34 weeks - they are developed otherwise (except for some reflexes I think).

On August 26, 2009 the induction process began, and 48 hours later, on August 28, 2009 at 10:22 PM a beautiful baby girl named Madelyn Rebecca was born. She weighed 3 pounds 4 ounces and was 15 inches long. We aren't sure exactly when she died, but know it was in one of our arms. The time of death reported on the autopsy was 11:45 p.m., but before seeing that, I assumed it was sooner. She only seemed alive for 15-30 minutes. We buried her on September 5, 2009.

To everyone's surprise she had no chromosomal abnormalities. Her kidneys just never developed enough for her to start making amniotic fluid (babies take over this function in the 2nd trimester). We are still in the process of looking for answers as to why her kidneys didn't develop, and what that could mean for future babies.

I don't think we'll ever recover from losing Madelyn. She was so precious to us, and always will be. We will keep her with us always in our hearts.

[Shadybaby]

I haven't posted on here since I found out I was pregnant in July. I had laparoscopic surgery in May to have some mild endometriosis lesions removed and some scarring. After the surgery we waited for a month and started our second round of clomid. We found out we were pregnant with twins when I was 6 weeks pregnant. After being released by my RE, I started going to my ob/gyn for treatment. Everything was looking good, both babies were growing well, although my little girl was always a little smaller than her brother. She was 2 days younger than her brother.
Everything changed on October 1st. I had been experiencing some dull lower back pain all day during work but I thought nothing of it, I thought it was just the weight of the babies. When I got home that evening, the pain got worse and I could barely stand up. I ended up going to labor and delivery and they did an ultrasound and checked my babies heartbeats which were fine and they had plenty of fluid around them. They looked at my cervix on ultrasound and it was still long and closed. However, my back pain was getting and worse and I had even began to throw up. They sent me home with a diagnosis of a muscle strain in my back. Told me to use a heating pad and to take tylenol. I went home and did this but nothing was making the pain go away and I couldn't keep any food down. I ended up sleeping on the floor because that was the only way I could get comfortable and make my back feel a little better.
The next day the pain started feeling a little better but I didn't feel like my normal self. I went to the store but stayed in for the remainder of the day. When I woke up the next morning, I felt leakage in my underwear like was leaking a little bit of urine. I called the doctor and was told to go to labor and delivery. We went and when the NP checked my cervix, she had a look on her face that told me something was very wrong. She told me I was leaking amniotic fluid and that I had dilated 2 cm. She said she was sorry but that more than likely I would lose my babies. My husband and I just cried, cried, cried. They gave me the option of terminating or going on bedrest. I choose bedrest and they admitted me to monitor the babies. Everything still looked good with the babies, they hadn't loss any fluid and they still had strong heartbeats so the next day they discharged me home to stay on bedrest. When I woke up the next morning and went to use the bathroom my water broke. We ended up back in the hospital and this time when they did an ultrasound, twin A ( my little girl) had lost a lot of fluid but she still had a strong heartbeat. Her brother was fine. He had plenty of fluid, a strong heartbeat and he was moving like nothing was wrong.
Then my doctor came in and explained to me that even if I tried to stay on bedrest until I made 24 weeks the likelihood of my angels surviving was slim to none. She said I could stay on bedrest with hopes that the bag would reseal itself or I could deliver my babies. She gave me the third choose to terminate the pregnancy so that I wouldn't have to go thorough delivery. I couldn't go through giving birth to them emotionally so I decided to have the D&E. I loss my angels on October 7th. As the days go by I can't help but wonder what might have been but I believe god has a plan and for whatever reason my babies were needed up above more than here on earth.
I can't really imagine getting pregnant anytime soon but at the age of 35 I don't want to wait too long. This has been one big emotional roller coaster but I pray everyday that the pain will subside.

[misfit]

I just read through all of these and it was very heartbreaking. Here's my story:
I always had the fear that I would have infertility issues and for the most part I believe it stemmed from that fact that I was never careful with my exBF and he got his new g/f pregnant right off the bat. DH and I married July 12, 2007 and I went off birth control that month. I found out I was pregnant Nov. 5, 2007 and joined the boards shortly after. I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and my son was born July 3, 2008. Initially we did not want to get pregnant right away so I started BC in August just to bleed the entire pack of pills and at that point decided I didnt want to continue on BC pills. We went NPP in September even though I was hoping to get pregnant, then TTC in October. I finally ended up pregnant my February cycle (started late January). I was in shock when I saw the BFP but it was incredibly faint. Took 6 days before I got a positive digital. My HCG levels rose lowly. It was 13 on 3/2/09 when they first few blood and that was 4 days after I first got a positive test. It was 205 on 3/9/09 and I was ecstatic. I'd had spotting the first weekend after my very faint positive but I tried to ignore it. 3/18/09 I started to spot- brown first, then pink, then red. I called the oncall DR who said to take tylenol and rest. On 3/19/09 I could not focus at work and afterwords drove straight the ER. I needed answers. The physical exam showed that the bleeding could be from my cervix, it was irritated. But when my numbers came back it wasnt good. They were 134. I was miscarrying. Waiting in that exam room I heard the baby music play over the intercom and it was so hard fighting back those tears. When I got out to the van I broke down sobbing, I hit the steering wheel. It was so hard. I started bleeding heavily and cramping badly the next morning. I just got my BFP again 10/5/09 and I've had some brown/pink spotting, but my HCG is good so far. I'm hoping this is a sticky bean. I already broke down crying the night I thought it was over but its just a waiting game now.

[klt1216]

I stopped taking the pill in November 2007, one month before our 1 year wedding anniversary. I never thought TTC was be this difficult for us. We haven't really stressed over it, but each time AF comes I know my husband is disappointed. Well, on my birthday this year (Sept. 26) I noticed some weird spotting/discharge on my underware, this was about a week before AF was supposed to come. I thought it could possibly be implantation bleeding, but didn't think much of it. I was supposed to start on a Monday and when I hadn't started by Friday I just couldn't wait any longer and I decided to take a test. Right away it showed the negative sign so I threw it in the cabinet and went to eat breakfast. I went to check it again right before I left for work and it was a BFP! I called the dr. to schedule an appointment as soon as I got to work. I hadn't planned on telling my husband until after I went to the doctor, but he asked me when I was supposed to start on the way home from dinner that night! I was caught off guard and I didn't have a little white lie prepared so I didn't really say anything, but I started crying. He asked why, I said I was late, he asked if I had taken a test and I said yes and then he just grinned from ear to ear. He knew what that meant and he was so excited.

I went to the doctor that next Wednesday and she said I was due June 9th, which is our nephew's birthday so my brother and sister-in-law were excited about that. Brad told his parents, but I didn't want to tell mine because we were all going away for the weekend together and I wanted to tell them in person.

So I made it to Friday when my parents, my brother, sister and her family were all together. I took a picture of the BFP and was pretending to show them some pictures when they saw it. Everyone was so excited and crying. My mom sent a text to all her friends before I knew it.

The next day, while we were taking a tour of a ranch together I started spotting a little. I didn't have any pain so I didn't think anything of it. I didn't tell my family because I didn't want to alarm anyone. I continue to spot over the weekend and on Monday morning when I got up to go to the bathroom there was an abnormal looking clot in the toilet. I knew right away something wasn't right so I called the doctor. She did an exam, an u/s which showed nothing and blood work. She said she wanted me to come in again on Wednesday and have more blood work done to compare my hormone levels.

I met my husband for lunch, but of course couldn't eat. I told him what had happened and he said we shouldn't worry until Wednesday when I go back. I called my mom and sister to prepare them for possible bad news on Wednesday. After I went back to the doctor they called me that afternoon to tell me my levels had gone from 137 to 40. So on one Wednesday I was at the dr. getting great news and one week later got horrible news. Needless to say we were heart broken. My husband really took it bad, but our friends and family have been so supportive. We are truly blessed with that.

I'm sorry this is so long and I thought about not posting it because I knew it would be so long, but it does really help to share. The doctor said there is no relation between almost 2 years TTC and this miscarriage. I'm sure most of you know, but most doctors won't even do any kind of testing until after your 3rd miscarriage, but I don't know if I can go through this 2 more times. The doctor said we can start trying after my next period, but I'm not sure right now if I'm ready to do that either. I guess time will tell. Thanks for listening and I will continue to pray for all of us.