Thank you all for sharing your stories. It breaks my heart that so many of us have to experience losses.
Here's my story:
My husband and I started TTC in August of 2004. I found out I was pregnant Labor Day, 2004. Everything was going fine. On January 4, 2005, we found out that we were having a boy. We named him Hunter. Both DH and I were so excited. In February, we moved out of state. I was still working in Illinois, so I would drive back and forth and stay in Illinois with my mom on the weekdays. The first week in February I left our house in Wisconsin at 5 in the morning so I could get to work in Illinois by 8. I slipped and fell and broke my ankle. DH carried me to the ER, and the doctor assured us the baby was fine, even though she did not do any tests. I was still nervous, but I thought I would wait until my doctor's appointment the next week, since I thought I felt Hunter move. On February 10th, I worked my last day in Illinois, and went to my last OB appointment there, before switching to a new OB in Wisconsin. It was weird, I hadn't felt Hunter move, but I wasn't worried about it. But I sat in the waiting room, looking at the other women, thinking that I looked smaller and less pregnant. They called me back, and instead of weighing me and getting a urine sample like usual, they put me on the table to check for a hb. It was like they already knew. I had been leaking fluids for about a week, but I had not thought anything of it, thinking (embarrassly) that I was losing a little bladder control. The nurse found no hb. SHe called the doctor in. He checked. He said "we need an U/S". I started to get really nervous. As they did the u/s, I saw my little angel's face. He looked so peaceful. But, there was no tell tale flash of a hb. The doctor grabbed my hand, and said "I'm sorry, your baby's heart has stopped beating, and he stopped growing". I will never forget that. I was rushed to the hospital, were I was given 3 more u/s to confirm that Hunter had passed. I was 27 weeks.
DH was already living in Wisconsin, and he rushed to Illinois to be with me. At the hospital, we were given the options, I could deliver Hunter, or I could be referred to a specialist, who could preform a D & E. The D & E is like a D & C, but done in as a surgery in a hospital. I was given that option because they thought Hunter was smaller than 27 weeks, at which the surgery would be dangerous. I was a mess and could not deliver vaginally. I was scheduled for a D & E. My water broke, and I was rushed back to the hospital. It appears that the leaking I had for a week, was actually leaking amniotic fluid. I blamed myself for not knowing. It was speculated, however, that Hunter's loss was caused by a cord accident. Though my water broke, I was not in labor, so I had the D & E on 2/16/05. It was horrible. Hunter was very large, and I should have had a c section or delivery. THere were complications, and a lot of pain. The emotional pain was a lot worse. It then took me 6 months to conceive Ian, and a lot of marital stress because of our differences in dealing with our loss. Ironically, I also went into labor with Ian at 26 1/2 weeks, and luckily, my doctor was able to stop my labor twice.
I love Ian with all my heart. I just wish I had both of my boys in my arms. But I know that Hunter is my little angel in heaven, looking after his daddy, mommy, and little brother.
I am so sorry of all of your losses. It is wonderful to have this site and to have a few shoulders to cry on.
Ali- mom to Ian (2 1/2) and Abbie (6 mos)