Thank you Stacy! I think this thread is a great idea, actually I don't think I've ever shared my complete story... I'll try not to make it too long.
After ttc for a year and a half DH and I conceived in February of this year. We were so excited, finally we were going to start our family. We went for our first u/s at about 8 weeks and were surprised to find that there were two heartbeats. We were shocked, and excited, but I was nervous and knew the risks were higher with twins. During the pregnancy I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) and immediately put on medication. I also tested positive for a ureaplasma bacteria, and was put on antibiotics for one week out of each month. Despite all the pills the pregnancy was progressing very well, my doctor was seeing me every two to three weeks and each time we looked at the babies and listened to the heartbeats and all was well.
Then when I was 18 weeks 6 days I woke up to find a small brown spot. I called in sick to work and called the Dr's. office. The nurse said there was nothing the Dr. could do but she scheduled me for an u/s that morning. Everything appeared fine. The heartbeats were strong and the babies were active. They sent me home and told me to "take it easy" for the weekend and I would see the Dr. on Monday for my scheduled appointment. I practicly put myself on bedrest, but the bleeding picked up at night. Saturday I thought about calling the Dr. but it seemed OK during the day, but at night again it picked up, so I called Sunday morning and was told to go to Labor and Delivery. I was with a small practice at a private woman's hospital. We waited and waited for the Dr.and the u/s tech. The babies were still active and we saw and heard the hearbeats several times. After a bunch of tests they realized that I was contracting, my cervix was shortening and thinning out. I was given three shots of Tributaline to stop the contractions. It appeared to be working, but I was still uncomfortable and so scared.
At about 8:00 Sunday night, while I was on the phone with my parents, my water broke. My Dr. told us that she wanted to transfer me to a nearby Medical Center and that they could possibly save one of the babies, but I knew it was too late. My poor husband trusted her and actually thought there might be something that could be done, but we were told from the beginning that there was only a small membrane separating the two babies, so I knew they couldn't do anything. I was transfered to the new hospital where the resident on call broke the news that there was no fluid around either baby. My husband was devastated, but I already knew that was what they would say.
I was so numb. The contractions weren't terrible so they gave me a sleeping pill. My Mom drove four hours and met us at the hospital that night. I woke up early the next morning in active labor and at 8:18 and 8:20 AM I delivered two beautiful, perfect, sleeping baby girls, 6oz and 4oz they were 19 weeks 3 days. To me they were perfect in every way, but just too small and too young to live on their own. I spent the rest of the day trying to pass the placenta and eventually they decided to do a D&C because I couldn't get it all out. They let me go home that night. I still can't believe it all happened and I still have tons of guilt because I know the babies were alive and healthy until I delivered them because my body failed. I'm still struggling with that.
Since then I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids. I had several u/s, an HSG, and most recently an operative hysteroscopy to remove the masses. My follow up is this week and I'll know then if what she removed was just fibroids or something else and also whether we are finally able to ttc once again. Sorry this is long and complicated, but I'm still trying to make sense of all of this. My original doctor never called or acknowledged what happened, so I feel like she left me for dead and am bitter about that. I do love my new Dr. and am hopeful that I will get and stay pg under her care.
Thank you for reading this and for all sharing your stories. You have all helped me more than you will ever know. This is the ONLY place I feel that I am totally understood and not judged for my feelings and I need that more than anything else. I hope that one day we can all find peace with what we have gone through, even if we don't understand it and never forget it. (HUGS TO EVERYONE) - Laura
Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06