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Thread: Introductions

  1. #1

    Default Introductions

    I realized that as much as we all post to this forum, our stories sometimes go unsaid. And sometimes, telling them again helps us, and helps others understand who we are. So, I thought I'd start this thread (I created it as a sticky) for us to tell our stories here... for those who want to.

    I'll start.

    After a bout with infertility and two early losses (4 and 7 weeks), I became pregnant with our son, Jasper. At 37 weeks, he hadn't moved one morning. At the midwife's office, we couldnt' find his heartbeat. I delivered him the next day, perfect in every way (8 pounds, 21.5 inches) except for a true knot in his umbilical cord.

    Three months later, I became pregnant again, and delivered our son Oscar on July 30th of this year. Healthy, happy, 9 pounds, 21.5 inches. Ironically, his umbilical cord was very SHORT. Whereas Jasper's was very long, possibly one of the reasons he became entangled.

    I am blessed to be here, in this life, and blessed to have been able to have another child after Jasper. Oscar is the light of our lives. But it's still hard for me. I see so much in Oscar that I wish Jasper could be here to experience.

    For anyone who's early on in a significant loss, I can say... it does get easier. Every day, every week, every month, the pain subsides. But it never goes away, and it becomes a part of who you are.

    Hugs to all mommies.

    Stacy



  2. #2

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    My dh and I started TTC in May 2005.

    In March 2006 we found out we were pregnant, only to lose the baby later that month. The doctors didn't find a reason for it, only that my hcg levels never rose like they should have. I named this baby Percy, short for percent, because the entire time we were in the bad percentage. Even after we found the heartbeat and the doctors said we only have a small percentage of losing the baby.. the heartbeat wasn't there 3 days later.

    In June 2006 we found out on fathers day that we were pregnant again. After a couple of bleeding scares everything has went smoothly so far. I have rented a doppler system and it saves me a lot of worrying (I really recommend it... just don't freak out if you can't find the heartbeat sometimes, just try again later). I am almost at my 1/2 mark now and am starting to enjoy the pregnancy without so much worry. I can't wait to meet my baby on or about the 27th of Feb!!!

    Hugs to everyone and Stacey is right, the pain does get easier.. but it never really goes away completely.

    Toni
    Toni and Jon Married 9/5/04
    m/c: 3/28/06 Tristan: 2/23/07 Liam: 4/28/08


  3. #3
    AOK Guest

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    My husband and I started TTC in August 2005 after being married for 3 years. We found out I was pg in September 2005, and we were elated! I shared my due date with my best friend. I saw the heartbeat at about 8 wks, and my excitement grew. At 10 wks. 2 days, I had one small brown spot, and my OB wanted me to come in for an US. We went in expecting to be reassured that all was well, but no heartbeat. The last measurement they had was 8 wks. 4 days.

    In May 2006 we found out I was pg again. I started on progesterone as soon as I found out. Right from the start, I had spotting and some bleeding. Even though my hcg levels rose like crazy, there was no fetal pole, and at about 5.5 weeks, we discovered another miscarriage.

    We did some blood tests and an HSG, and everything came back normal. In August 2006, we found out I was pg again. We were so hoping to tell everyone that "third time's the charm". I had been on progesterone from the time I ovulated, and my levels were doubling. I went in for an US at 8 wks 2 days, and there was no heartbeat again. That was almost 3 weeks ago.

    Needless to say, this has been a devestating year for us. Each of my miscarriages was "missed" because my body doesn't recognize that it has occurred. After 3 starts of pregnancy and 3 D&Cs in one year, my body doesn't know up from down.

    We had our first appt. with a specialist last week, and he is very hopeful that he can help us find some answers. We're hopeful too, but there are still days that I feel like it will never be my turn.

    Thank you ladies for all of your support and the hope that you give me. My time here on APA has been therapuetic and helpful for me. A special thanks to Stacy for starting this thread and being open enough to share your story. You are truly an inspiration to me.

    I wear a ring with this engraved in it: "It's not the destination, it's the journey." Here's hoping for a journey filled with hope, love, support, and growth for everyone.

    Andrea

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by AOK
    I wear a ring with this engraved in it: "It's not the destination, it's the journey." Here's hoping for a journey filled with hope, love, support, and growth for everyone.
    This is a wonderful sentiment. Thank you, Andrea.



  5. #5

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    Here is my story.

    DH and I had been married for 8 years when we decided that it was time to finally start a family. We became pg almost immediately. We were elated. The baby was all we could talk about. I went to my first appointment and saw my cute little peanut with a beating heart. I melted. It was the best time in my life. Three weeks after that appointment I started to spot. I went for another u/s that day to make sure. Instead of being reassured I was devastated. I had a D&C. My doctor, who is a wonderful compassionate woman, suggested that we test the baby. The test results showed that our baby girl had Turner's syndrome. I was somewhat relieved. At least that there wasn't anything wrong, just an unfortunate thing that happens.

    Well we waited for a few months and we started to try again. We have not gotten pg, but I had a weird cycle. Again my wonderful smart doctor suggested that we take the conservative route and run some hormone tests. I was devastated when I received the results. My FSH was elevated to 12.7. This indicates poor quality eggs. It is very early, but this cycle is like the last, and I don't have confidence that the second set of tests will be much better. I guess I will be seeing an RE soon. In the mean time I am seeing an Oriental Medicine Doctor and trying to keep my dream alive.

    This group has been essential for helping me get through days where I just wanted to stay in my room and not deal with the world. There is a lot of love here. Like a soft pillow to fall on.
    Mel

  6. #6

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    I found out I was pregnant with baby#4 on July 4th, 2004. I was so excited and a little nervous since the youngest had just turned 1 in May. Everything seemed to be going ok...I had severe morning sickness and had to be put on two different meds. We went in for our first appt. and everything looked great. I had finally hit the 12 week mark and the ms was finally wearing off. At 13 weeks it was almost completely gone.

    I came home from work one night and was standing there looking through the mail and I had the urge to go to the bathroom. I suddenly felt something wet. I went to the bathroom and was horrified to see blood. It was 11:30 at night and I ran upstairs crying to my husband that something was wrong....I knew I was losing the baby. We called my ob..I thank God she was the one on call for the weekend. We went to the ER the next morning. We dropped the girls off at my MIL house and I called my mom who lives in Texas.

    I remember lying there and the nurse was trying to hear the heartbeat and could not find it. They sent me up to do an ultrasound. My poor husband...he was watching her do it. I think he knew right then.
    We came back down to the ER and the doctor came in. I will never forget..he shut the door. I knew then. He sat down and said that he was so sorry, but it was a fetal demise. What a horrible way to say it. At 13 weeks and 4 days we lost our little one. My ob came down to the ER and just sat there and cried with us. She took me right up and did a D&C.

    I just remember asking why and how. We had 3 beautiful healthy girls...this was not "supposed" to happen. When we came home, I just sat and cried. My MIL brought the girls home and to my surprise, my mom had flown in from Texas. She stayed with me for a week.

    It has been two years and it has gotten easier, but never forgotten. Just when I think things are good, something happens and I get emotional all over again.

    I thank God that I had Nolan and now he is baby #5.

    My heart breaks every time I read another mc post. I grieve right along with each one.
    I love my babies...the new babies in my life...and I adore and love my DBF

  7. #7
    AOK Guest

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    I wear a ring with this engraved in it: "It's not the destination, it's the journey." Here's hoping for a journey filled with hope, love, support, and growth for everyone.


    This is a wonderful sentiment. Thank you, Andrea
    Thanks, Stacy. I know that this idea has helped me a lot, and it's nice to have it as a reminder around my finger. If anyone else is interested in this ring, I got it in a cool store in Seattle called Fireworks Gallery. Here is a link to the ring.

    http://www.fireworksgallery.net/a_prod13.asp

  8. #8
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    Thank you Stacy! I think this thread is a great idea, actually I don't think I've ever shared my complete story... I'll try not to make it too long.

    After ttc for a year and a half DH and I conceived in February of this year. We were so excited, finally we were going to start our family. We went for our first u/s at about 8 weeks and were surprised to find that there were two heartbeats. We were shocked, and excited, but I was nervous and knew the risks were higher with twins. During the pregnancy I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) and immediately put on medication. I also tested positive for a ureaplasma bacteria, and was put on antibiotics for one week out of each month. Despite all the pills the pregnancy was progressing very well, my doctor was seeing me every two to three weeks and each time we looked at the babies and listened to the heartbeats and all was well.

    Then when I was 18 weeks 6 days I woke up to find a small brown spot. I called in sick to work and called the Dr's. office. The nurse said there was nothing the Dr. could do but she scheduled me for an u/s that morning. Everything appeared fine. The heartbeats were strong and the babies were active. They sent me home and told me to "take it easy" for the weekend and I would see the Dr. on Monday for my scheduled appointment. I practicly put myself on bedrest, but the bleeding picked up at night. Saturday I thought about calling the Dr. but it seemed OK during the day, but at night again it picked up, so I called Sunday morning and was told to go to Labor and Delivery. I was with a small practice at a private woman's hospital. We waited and waited for the Dr.and the u/s tech. The babies were still active and we saw and heard the hearbeats several times. After a bunch of tests they realized that I was contracting, my cervix was shortening and thinning out. I was given three shots of Tributaline to stop the contractions. It appeared to be working, but I was still uncomfortable and so scared.

    At about 8:00 Sunday night, while I was on the phone with my parents, my water broke. My Dr. told us that she wanted to transfer me to a nearby Medical Center and that they could possibly save one of the babies, but I knew it was too late. My poor husband trusted her and actually thought there might be something that could be done, but we were told from the beginning that there was only a small membrane separating the two babies, so I knew they couldn't do anything. I was transfered to the new hospital where the resident on call broke the news that there was no fluid around either baby. My husband was devastated, but I already knew that was what they would say.

    I was so numb. The contractions weren't terrible so they gave me a sleeping pill. My Mom drove four hours and met us at the hospital that night. I woke up early the next morning in active labor and at 8:18 and 8:20 AM I delivered two beautiful, perfect, sleeping baby girls, 6oz and 4oz they were 19 weeks 3 days. To me they were perfect in every way, but just too small and too young to live on their own. I spent the rest of the day trying to pass the placenta and eventually they decided to do a D&C because I couldn't get it all out. They let me go home that night. I still can't believe it all happened and I still have tons of guilt because I know the babies were alive and healthy until I delivered them because my body failed. I'm still struggling with that.

    Since then I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids. I had several u/s, an HSG, and most recently an operative hysteroscopy to remove the masses. My follow up is this week and I'll know then if what she removed was just fibroids or something else and also whether we are finally able to ttc once again. Sorry this is long and complicated, but I'm still trying to make sense of all of this. My original doctor never called or acknowledged what happened, so I feel like she left me for dead and am bitter about that. I do love my new Dr. and am hopeful that I will get and stay pg under her care.

    Thank you for reading this and for all sharing your stories. You have all helped me more than you will ever know. This is the ONLY place I feel that I am totally understood and not judged for my feelings and I need that more than anything else. I hope that one day we can all find peace with what we have gone through, even if we don't understand it and never forget it. (HUGS TO EVERYONE) - Laura
    Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
    Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06

  9. #9

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    Laura,

    I am so sorry. I hope you will find peace through this process. I can't begin to imagine how you feel. We are glad that you have found us.
    Mel

  10. #10
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    Thanks Melly I'm also sorry for all that you are going through. I hope you get some answers and I'm glad that you like your Dr. I say this a lot, and probably because I'm trying to convince myself too, but don't give up hope!!! We have to keep believing that we will have the babies that we all desperately want! (HUGS) - Laura
    Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
    Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06

  11. #11
    3andMe's Avatar
    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Thank you all for sharing your stories. They are very touching, and I'm sure they are hard to write. I am so sorry for your losses.

    My pregnancy was very easy, compared to most. I didn't have more than a few queasy moments, and although I felt tired a lot at the beginning, that was because I was working full-time plus commuting two hours a day plus working a volunteer job as well. I tried to nap every day.

    We had a scare near the end when they told me she was small for her gestational age, but that turned out to be not true. I was induced 8 days past my due date. I was in labor for 22 hours before they did a C-Section for decellerations. Esme Claire was absolutely perfect. We stayed in the hospital for three days, and it was just amazing to us how mature and intelligent and beautiful she was. She seemed to be learning very quickly. I was fortunate at my hospital to have a single room and Esme never left my side. I slept with her on my chest, and I was able to breast feed as soon as they stapled me and rolled me into recovery. I'm glad I had all that time with her.

    We brought her home after 36 hours and enjoyed an evening at home with our new baby. I was up most of the night feeding her, and just feeling wakeful and excited. I held her in my arms and checked up on the APA postings. I had told DH to sleep through the night, since he couldn't feed her anyway and that way he would be well rested for the next day. I finished the last feeding at 5:30 AM in our bed and placed her in the bedside bassinette. At 8:30 AM we woke up and DH asked "How's our baby?" I picked her up and realized immediately she was dead, and there was a small amount of lividity on her cheek that indicated she'd been dead for a while. I still gave her a few futile breaths while DH called 911, but of course it was useless. This was six weeks ago. For the first few weeks, every day at 8:30 AM if I was in bed, I would start panicking.

    An autopsy by the coroner said it was SIDS. A second autopsy by a specialist in SIDS has shown no other particular causes, no metabolic abnormalities, nothing like that. We don't have any of the risk factors for SIDS. Esme was asleep on her back. She was extraordinarily young for SIDS, and this is sometimes considered to be an entirely different category (SIDS type II). We are still in the process of talking to specialists, but I don't think we are going to find out answers, and I know the next time we are going to be fraught with anxiety, not just during the pregnancy but during the entire first year of our baby's life.

    We want to try again as soon as we are given the green light. I don't think I've ever wanted to see AF as much in my life! On the positive side, I have learned how wonderful and supportive my friends on APA are, as well as my friends and coworkers outside of this forum. DH & I have always been close, but we have become closer still as a result of this tragedy.


  12. #12

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    Lydia,

    I am really sorry. I know that I said that before, but it just doesn't seems that it could be said enough.
    Mel

  13. #13
    DeDe Guest

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    Thank you so much for sharing all of your stories. I have cried reading each one of them and I am so sorry for all of you. It helps so much to know that there are people out there who have endured so much pain and sadness and still have the strength to tell others about their experience and think about trying again. You are all amazingly strong people and an inspiration to me.

    I just posted a quick synopsis of my story under "I'm in a mood". My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years and together for almost 8 years. We have been living in Switzerland for the past 4 years and will be happily moving home to PA this Christmas. We thought it was the perfect time to finally start a family.

    We went off the birth control and got pregnant within 2 months. In our excitement we did a home pregnancy test only 2 days after I missed my period and it was positive. We were so excited and we told a few of our closest friends and our families. Only 4 days after the positive pregnancy test I started to spot and by the next week it was worse. My doctor is on holiday but I saw another woman in the same office and she saw that there was nothing in my uterus. It was difficult for the first few days, but I realized that it was very common this early on and it shouldn't hurt our chances of having another healthy pregnancy.

    However, as they continued to monitor my hcg levels they found that they were rising and I was sent to the hospital last Friday, on my 30th birthday, diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. I have had no severe pain and my hormone levels are low, below 1000. They could not see it anywhere with an internal u/s so they gave me methotrexate.

    It has been extremely difficult, as I wrote on my other post, and I just can't wait until my hcg levels are dropping and we can finally start to move on. The Drs and the internet had me so scared that every little cramp I had I was thinking of going to the ER, until one resident finally explained to me that the pain of a dangerous ectopic will be unbearable and I will know it (she was prescribing painkillers to me for methotrexate pain and at the same time telling me that if I feel bad pain go to the ER immediately...didn't make much sense to me and I haven't taken any painkillers). I have been so confused and distraught. I was even thinking at one point, what if the baby is ok and now I am killing it...! I realize now that it was definitely a bad pregnancy and there was no hope.

    This week I am home from work and getting my hcg levels tested throughout the week to make sure that they are going down. I am going through all of the normal emotions from being impatient to start again to thinking about giving up already and adopting. I was thinking of getting my tubes checked because I have no risk factors at all that I am aware of for an ectopic pregnancy and then I was thinking maybe it would have been better if they would have just removed this "defective" tube...bottomline, I am confused and sad and I am not sure what the future holds! Thankfully my husband is more rational and really wants to try again and gives me hope that things could be completely different next time.

    Also, thankfully I found this forum and I no longer feel alone and defective. Thanks again for opening up and sharing your sadness and strength. You have all helped me tremendously already!

  14. #14
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    Ok...here is my story....when I was 18 I was told I would never be able to have babis due to alot of inside problems. I went through all the tears and heartache of never having my own baby. But over time I was "ok" with this. I met a wonderful man and he accepted the fact I would never have "his" baby. We were married Valentines day 2004. In July 2005 I had surgery due to endometriosis and a turned uterus. One of the side effects was I was now able to get pregnant!!! We decided to wait until February 2006 due to trying to get money situated. The first time we went unprotecte in Feb, we were pregnant!!! On the night before my 9 week sonogram I told DH that something was wrong. I did not feel any pain or anything, but just had a feeling something was not right. Sure enough, the next morning we saw there was no heartbeat. The baby measured 8 weeks. I went in for a d&c the next day.
    We were told to wait about a month and then we can ttc again. In August we found out we were pregnant again!!! We were soooo excited!!! Then the excitment ended on September 6. I started having spotting and cramping. Went in to the Dr, did a sonogram and was told I was about to m/c. Sure enough, as soon as the wand came out, so did sooooo much blood and the cramps came BAD. I lost my angel that day.

    I have an appointment on the 16th to see when we want to start ttc again. But to tell you the truth, I am SO SCARED! I am scared to bd mainly because if we use protection, what if that was the one time we could get pg? If we got pg, what if we lose it? I am still so lost. I think this loss was harder due to having to pass this one.

    Thank you for hearing my story! (Hugs to you all)

  15. #15
    mary30 Guest

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    Hi everyone all your stories were touching.

    Well DH and I got married almost two years ago and I've wanted a baby ever since. In March of 2006 we found I was pregnant we were so excited. I had to tell everyone at my work because of some work related hazards. I could not believe I was going to have a baby.

    When I was five weeks I started to spot and went to the ER and had my hcg levels checked and they were droping. I had a young female resident who told my right away I was loosing the baby.

    I was devastated. I think they were getting me ready for a d/c I had a foley inserted my blood type was match, I was so nervous. I just wanted them to call my doctor, but they wouldn't. Then another doctor came in and orderd a vagional ultrsound.

    I could not believe it, I saw on the screen a little peanut with a heart beat of 160!!! After going through all that for hours I was emotionally exhauseted.

    For the next few weeks everything was fine. Then at 9wks I started to spot again but I had cramps, then really bad cramps. I knew it was over. I did not need to have a d/c my body took care of things.

    Well I am now 5wks pregnant and I am soooo scared. I keep having this feeling something is wrong. I had to move my appt. till thursday so I won't know untill then. I Just can not get that thought out of my head.

    Take Care

  16. #16

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    I haven't had what's considered a "significant loss" and am in no way comparing my situation to those of other woman who've known more heartache than I have, but here's my story...

    Charlie and I had been TTC for ten months when we got pregnant at last. I lost that baby at 4w/4d, but we were o.k. with it. We figured that I'd ovulated too late, my uterine lining couldn't sustain a baby, whatever--we were o.k. at any rate. We took the, "YAY! At least we can get pregnant!" approach. That was August 2, 2006. I went on Clomid that cycle (as I was supposed to have done before getting pregnant on my own since I ovulate so late) and had another positive pregnancy test on August 27th. After ten months we actually got pregnant twice in a row! Whoa!

    My beta was perfect and rising, my progesterone was a nice, high 40.2, but he put me on Prometrium anyway as a precaution. At six weeks we saw the heartbeat but it was only 107 and I was measuring 4w/5d when I knew I should have been 6w/1d. From then on I just felt like things weren't going to go well this time in spite of my earlier optimism. Yesterday I went in for another ultrasound. I was 8w/6d. I was hoping to be told that I was measuring closer to my calculations and that the heartbeat was nice and strong and within perfect range.

    We saw our baby yesterday and this time he actually looked like a baby. But I was hunting for a heartbeat, as was my doctor. I didn't see one. I started to feel the panic even before he said, "Sweetie, I'm not seeing a heartbeat." I whispered, "Yeah." I mean, hey, I knew. I was looking, too.

    He told me not to get upset yet because sometimes the baby gets into a funny position and makes it hard to see, but I was measuring 8w/1d and a vaginal ultrasound should have picked up a healthy heartrate at that stage--late enough for there to be a heartbeat and too early to have enough wiggle room to NOT be able to pick it up. He sent me over to the hospital for another ultrasound but he also gave me a prescription for Tylenol #3. The tears wouldn't be held back at that point and I actually forgot where they do ultrasounds at the hospital in spite of having worked there for 11 years. I felt numb and unable to process information. I heard one of the nurses tell me to come back after the ultrasound and then I thought I'd made that up so I turned to the other nurse and said, "Did she say to come back?" She said, "Yes, come on back after the ultrasound," and my husband said, "Yes, you're supposed to come back," at the same time as he led me out.

    I told him in the car, "They don't give you a prescription for Tylenol #3 if they think everything is going to be o.k." The U/S tech didn't see a heartbeat either. Not that she told us this, but she didn't say, "A-ha! So there it is!" either.

    I went back to the OBGYN's office and was told they hadn't heard anything yet but that I should go on home and they'd call me. Two hours later, the office called and told me that the second ultrasound confirmed that there was "no cardiac activity" and that I could opt for a D&C or to miscarry on my own but that I should take time to think about it. I didn't need time to think. I chose to miscarry on my own.

    I'm still waiting to start the process of losing my child. I have my Tylenol #3 and have cried a million tears. My husband cried a million tears.

    My baby would have been 9 weeks today. I only measured at 8w/1 day yesterday. I know that it's not like the losses some of you other brave women have faced. But it's still happening so I'm having trouble processing it. I'm also afraid I'll never be able to carry a child to term or that I don't have any healthy eggs left.

    But thanks for listening. I feel like I need to talk about it to women who understand.


  17. #17

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    Mary,

    I will be thinking of you while you wait. I hope your little peanut is doing well.
    Mel

  18. #18
    mary30 Guest

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    Masie's Mom,
    Your loss is just as hard as everyones. It is all the hopes and dreams that are really hard to come to terms with. I know it will get better and I understand your loss. I will be thinking of you!!

    Melly,
    Thank You That means a lot.

    Mary

  19. #19
    3andMe's Avatar
    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Oh Maisie's Mom, I am so sorry to hear about your baby. Every loss is significant, and I am sorry you are having to go through this. I will be thinking of you.


  20. #20

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    Maisie's Mom,

    I am so sorry. I remember congratulating you on your BFP. This is so horrible. I wish I could come and give you a big hug. Each loss is so difficult no matter when or how.
    Mel

  21. #21
    bethie1012 Guest

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    All your stories are beautiful and I appreciate your being willing to share. I have been floating around on the losses board for a few days but haven't really posted. My latest m/c is still so new and honestly, I am angry and don't know what to say. I just wanted to say that I appreciate the fact that I have somewhere to come to and get support when I am ready to talk. Thanks ladies.

  22. #22

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    Chrysteen, we know each other well. You know as much about the pain of my losses as anyone. And I can honestly say that I don't consider your loss to be "less significant".

    Loss is loss. It comes in different colors and flavors, but it sucks no matter when or how you have to swallow it.

    We've been here for you through the last year of ups and downs. Let us be here for you now if you need us.

    Hugs. Call me anytime.

    Your dear friend,

    Stacy



  23. #23
    smc Guest

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    i wasnt going to post here because im really trying to move forward and not dwell... but i've got to.

    im stephanie. and i would have been due today. while probably just a chemical pregnancy, it ment alot to me. DH and i got PG right after he came home from Iraq... and the day after i found out i was pg, saw those two magic pink lines... i started bleeding and having terrible cramps, to the point where i was doubled over in pain. DH and i werent living with eachother at the time, he was finishing his contract at his base and i was packing to move to FL to be with him. Two days after i started bleeding i was schedualed to fly to be with him for extended leave/apt. hunting. With the counsel of the ladies here i made the decision to tell him... telling him that I had been PG and lost it was one of the hardest things ever.

    I cried about it with him... once. and dont bring it up anymore he refuses to talk about it.

    anyway, there is my story.

  24. #24

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    Stephanie & Beth,

    You can always come here. We are here when you want to talk. I am so sorry for your losses.
    Mel

  25. #25

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    I was fortunate enough to get pg the first month we tried with my now 2 1/2 yr old daughter. I guess I must have taken the whole miracle of birth process for granted b/c we have been unable to have another child in the last 20 months of trying.

    We were finally able to get pg after 7 months of trying. I was almost 9 wks pg when I started spotting and ended up losing the baby 3 days later. I miscarried the baby on my own at home, but when we got to the hospital our nurse told my husband that what we brought in wasn't the baby and she thought we might still be OK. He got his hopes up, but I knew it was over. The ultrasound confirmed there was no baby and we were sent home. I had been told I had ovarian cysts and was sent away with a nice parting gift - a terrible UTI from the catheter. I spent the next 2 wks in a lot of physical pain but we began ttc despite it all. I knew the only thing that would help me through this was to be pg again.

    I got a positive hpt about 4 wks after my m/c. I went in for hcg levels to monitor the pg until it was high enough to see something on US. I had a very tiny little bit of spotting, but it went away after a couple of days around week 5 and I thought I was in the clear. I felt exactly the same way I did when I was pg with my dd, so I knew everything was going to be fine. I was still having very sharp lower abdominal pains, sometimes making me get up carefully and walk very slowly, but I thought it was from the ovarian cysts. The pains were now just on the one side, but I didn't think much of it. I was still nervous though going in for the US at 7wks. I told my husband not to come b/c we were really only going to find out our due date. I could see the heartbeat and was so relieved, until the tech told me it was an ectopic. My baby was happy and healthy but I wasn't going to be able to have her. I met with my OB and was sent straight to the hospital for emergency surgery. My dh met me at home and took me to the hospital. As soon as we arrived I was whisked away to surgery. I woke up feeling numb, like someone had just stolen my baby from me. My OB had to remove my tube to stop the bleeding. And even now I can't stop the hurting.

    I believe that everything happens for a reason (although I know a lot of women here don't hold the same beliefs). I know that if I had not had the m/c, I would have never caught the ectopic before it ruptured (and my OB felt that I was very close to that point) and I might not be here today. I have yet to figure out why God has allowed me to go through all of this, and I may never know the real reasons. I know it is helping me to grow stronger as a Christian and has helped me to appreciate my daughter so much more.

  26. #26

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    Kenzie,

    I am so sorry for your losses. I hope God sends you a baby soon.
    Mel

  27. #27

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    I can't say it enough how sorry I am that we can all relate with the pain and suffering. Every story is very touching and I appreciate you guys sharing your story. Stacy this was a great idea.

    Well here goes my story...

    In February we found out we were pregnant. It was not planned but very much welcomed after the initial shock. We went to our appointment to receive yet another shock, we were having TWO babies!!! I cried and laughed at the same time and Df was as pale as a ghost. We didn't know exactly how we were going to manage with two babies (DF has three of his own) but we didn't care. We knew that one way or another we would get through it. I was SO excited and so proud to tell the world that I was carrying TWO babies, not only that but that they were identical. I loved the look on people's faces when I would mentioned it. It was such an amazing feeling.

    On May the 24th at 20 weeks, we went in to do the level II Us and from that day forward our lives completely changed. We were told that our angels had a disease called TTTS. (This disease affects identical twins that share a placenta. The shared placenta contains abnormal blood vessels that connect the umbilical cord and circulation of the twins. Meaning one twin can receive more flood and blood circulation that the other causing damage to one or both twins) We had three options 1) amnios to remove excess fluid from the twin that carried more. 2) surgery to laser and close off all connecting vessels. and 3) do nothing and wait and see. I wanted to save my babies and I wanted to save them right away. We decided that we wanted to do the surgery which at the moment we felt was the right decision. There was a 50/50 chance of both twins surviving or both passing away. I felt that was the best thing to do to save my babies and not make them suffer.

    I went into surgery on the 7th of June and watched the entire procedure. It was such an amazing sight, I saw my babies so clear on the monitor every detail about them and I was even able to tell that they were going to look like me. My bigger twin, Ricardo, was I think fascinated by the little camera that they used in the surgery because in the middle of everything he grabbed the camera and wouldn't let it go. We all had a good laugh in the OR because it was just the cutest thing. Little did I know that was the last time I was going to see my babies alive. After surgery, they took me to a room to monitor me over night. Leaving the OR room i knew something was not right because the babies heartbeats dropped but they assured me that it always happens after that procedure.

    I following day I was wheeled over to the surgeons office and when he started doing the US to check on them I looked and I couldn't find the heartbeats, he didn't have to say anything I just bursted into tears. He turned to me and said "I'm sorry Zulema, both of your babies have passed away". i didn't know what to do, I cried and then I just didn't want to believe it and then cried again. I felt numb, alone and empty. They told me that I was able to go to the hospital to induce the labor or wait it out. I didn't want to wait anymore, I just couldn't so I went straight to the hospital.

    After 16 hours of labor feeling every pain possible because the EPI didn't work, I gave birth to my sleeping beautiful babies Ricardo and Jose. I held them in my arms for three hours and then they were taken away from me forever.

    I have several regrets, and even though I know that at the moment the decisions I made I truly felt were the right decisions I wish I could have done things differently. I honestly wish I didn't try to play God and have the surgery done. Maybe if I would have only done the amnios, things would have eventually corrected themselves and I would still have my babies with me( I have read plenty of stories in which they stuck with only the amnios and they delivered healthy beautiful babies). I knew the risk but I still took a chance, I wish I wouldn't have .

    October 21st would have been my due date and in four days it will be 4 months since my babies went to heaven. It was getting easier for me but I think that with the due date getting closer it is getting difficult for me all over again. I know deep down inside I will one day have a baby to love and to hold but right now I just wish I had my angels back.

    That is my story in the "short version", sorry it was so long but I thank you very much if you have gotten this far.

    -Zulema

    Check out my new ride!


  28. #28
    carver06 Guest

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    I am sorry for everyone's losses. I wasn't going to post my story b/c there were so many others that were further along and I'm getting better and moving on. But I decided to go ahead....

    My dh and I were married this past Feb and we were not planning on starting a family until next year. I was on birth control and was having very strong emotional outburts I thought were due to stress from moving out on my own, being married and starting a new job that I absolutely hated. So I decided to quit taking my bc after April thinking maybe that would help. When I was on bc I started the same time every month. In May I didn't start on time...ok, I'm off from getting off the bc. Then I went out drinking with some friends one night, I didn't have much to drink but I was getting sick, so I stopped. I took a test that night and it was neg (this was 3 days after I was supposed to start). After being a week late, I took a test at the hospital I was working for and it was still negative. 2 weeks after being late I finally got a positive but you could barely see it. Called the dr's office and they did a urine test and confirmed it.
    I was in complete shock!! I cried, I was scared. After the shock wore off I was excited!!

    DH and I went in for the first appt b/c according to my last period I should have been 8 weeks and we should get to see the heartbeat. Well, they just saw the gestational sac and it measured at 4 weeks, dr said it was possible I was m/c. I asked her if it was possible ovulation was thrown off due to getting off the bc, she said it was and scheduled another us 1 week later to make sure everything was progressing. Sure enough the yolk sac was there then and moving along fine. Started the morning sickness, tiredness, sore breasts etc... 2 weeks later saw the heartbeat. I was concerned though b/c the heartbeat was only 85 and being a nurse I knew that was slow. The dr told me that it was ok for that size of baby and the ob nurse said she was surprised they could even pick one up at that age. But I wanted another us sooner than 4 weeks for my peace of mind. 2 weeks later, no heartbeat.
    It was strange, before I left to go to the dr I knew what was going to happen. I had a gut feeling and I remember looking outside and it was pouring down rain, first rain in a long time for us being in a drought, and I remember thinking that it was going to be bad news on a day like that.
    I was devestated of course. I had the option of a d/c or wait it out. I deciced to wait a week and if nothing I was going to do a d/c. In the mean time I wanted my hormone levels checked to make sure before I decided on a d/c. Then over that weekend I started spotting. The next week I lost it.
    After reading everyone elses stories though, has helped me. I'm actually getting excited about ready to have a baby. Today I even watched baby story and bringing home baby on TLC and got excited and wanting to experience all of that.
    I just hope and pray for all of us that we can have the joy of a baby soon!! Hugs to all and God bless!!!!

    --Stefanie

  29. #29

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    Today my 1st baby would have been ONE years old. i was Due October 2005...heres my story

    I found out i was pregnant on January 27th 2005, i was feeling nauseous so i stopped and bought a pregnancy test. BFP!!! i called anyone and everyone who would listen. DH and i had gotten married November 27, 2004 and knew that right away we wanted to try for a baby. i have a medical condition that i knew about that elevated miscarriage risk, so we knew that starting our family was nothing to wait on. my mother had complications with both my brother and myself when she had us, and almost died, she was 20 and 22 when we were born. Im 26....(well 25 when i got preggo with my first)

    the pregnancy progressed nicely. I had a little MS, the ultrasounds showed heatlhy heartbeats and healthy growth. we went for our 12 week appointment and the doppler rang out a beautiful noise of a babys heart beating. three days before my 16 week appt, i came home from work and went to the bathroom and noticed some brown discharge. i continued to spot thru the night, and called the OB. he said to rest and come in the next day if i was still bleeding. well i was, and an ultrasound showed a non viable baby, this was April 1st 2005. measuring about `15 weeks! i was totally devestated. right after i began to bleed SEVERELY. went home, started to go into shock from loss of blood, and had to be rushed back to the hospital for an emergency d&c.

    i had a hard time getting AF, so my OB put me on Progesterone and 10 days later, i got my period. DH and were vacationing in Victoria BC and thats where we conceived our beautiful daughter. I found out i was pregnant on July 1st 2005

    I stop and think about today, and today being my childs one year birthday, and i cannot imagine my life any differently than it is today! but im still sad for what could have been!!!


    thanks for allowing me to share!!

    Madison Elizabeth 3/12/06
    Eden Grace 11/9/07

  30. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by newmommie06
    I have several regrets, and even though I know that at the moment the decisions I made I truly felt were the right decisions I wish I could have done things differently. I honestly wish I didn't try to play God and have the surgery done.
    I don't think you were "playing God" by choosing to have the surgery. God has granted us knowledge and medical advances and we need to make decisions using both. Of course it is easy to say now that you shouldn't have had the surgery, but had you chose to do nothing, they may have still died and then you'd be blaming yourself for not doing the surgery. You did what you needed to do to give your babies a chance. As parents we have to make tough decisions. That's what life is about. I am sorry you had to go through this. Please don't blame yourself.

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