Hi everyone. My name is Pam and I was an active member on this board when I underwent my first IVF cycle back in July 2009. I was cycle buddies with Janie, Sarah, and Adriene. Rhonda, do you remember me? A natural miscarriage and a spontaneous ectopic pregnancy brought me to IVF. Anyway, my first cycle back in July was a BFN. Ever since, I've been silently keeping up and rooting for all of you. I disappeared because I found it easier to go through all of this on my own and spreading the news of disappointment was very hard for me. I don't know if that makes sense, but when I'm hurting, I tend to isolate myself. And that's what I've been doing for the past 9 months.
Anyway, I'm writing to hopefully give you hope. After my BFN in July, I jumped right back on the horse and did IVF #2 in September. Another BFN. The clinic I was going to was huge and I just didn't feel like they paid attention to detail or personalized anything. And although my insurance covered all of the costs at that clinic, I left and went to a new RE that wasn't covered. Ouch. But it's so worth it. Anyway, I didn't waste any time and I went through IVF #3 in November/Decemer. BFP! But my HCG #'s weren't doubling properly and they soon found out it wasn't a healthy pregnancy. I miscarried at 10 weeks. A miscarriage after IVF is so much worse than a negative. What a tease. And I have to say that after each failed cycle it was like someone kicked me in the stomach while I was down, and each time it was harder and harder to get back up.
I started exploring adoption and went to an adoption meeting. I started looking into DE. I am 37 years old, and was almost convinced that maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother. I've always had an amazing connection with kids and thought that was all I was ever meant to be, but was starting to come to grips that, no matter how badly I wanted it, maybe this wasn't in God's plan for me.
BUT, I wouldn't let myself give up. Once I was cleared after my m/c, I started IVF #4 in April. My embryo quality was never good in the past, and I usually ended up with only morulas on day 5. And poor embryo quality is something that can't be changed. I really thought I was doomed. Anyway, on day 5, I had an expanded blast (4BB)...I couldn't believe it! What progress! And 5 other early blasts. They transferred 3. After all of the embryos my husband and I made over the past year, we never had any make it to freeze. This cycle we actually had two! This seemed so surreal, and even if I didn't get pregnant, I was just so happy that we actually made it this far.
Well, my first HCG 9dp5dt: 260!
Second HCG 12dp5dt: 1408! Wow!
I had my ultrasound today and we saw 2 heartbeats both measuring perfectly. I'm in shock. I never thought I would be writing such good news.
But my point is to tell you that there's always hope. Don't give up prematurely. What kept me going was that the only guarantee of not becoming a mother was if I stopped trying. Believe me, I know how hard this journey is. There are some people that get lucky and they get pregnant on their first or second try, and it's wonderful! But there are others who may have to go through 4 or 5 or 6 cycles, and I completely understand how defeating repeated IVF failure is. The best decision I ever made was to switch clinics, pay out of pocket, and deplete our savings account. You need an RE who pays attention and who does the absolute best with what you give them. And a good RE will tell you if there's still hope or if it's time to move on to other options like DE. My new clinic was small and personal and they ran a tight ship. It felt really good to be their patient.
I hope this gives everyone some hope. I pray that all of you have great success in your journey. And I realize I'm not out of the woods yet. But, god forbid, if something happens, I'm going to get up and try again.
Good luck to all of you!
Pam
It's here?!?! I AM SCARED TO DEATH! All this hurry up,hurry up I can't wait and now a feel new to all of this. Well this part I will be new to. I can so write a book about waiting.
He said my egg retrieval will be about 6 weeks from my CD 1 call. Does that sound about right? Of course that lands me at my little niece's 1st birthday party. And as the family cake decorator....we shall see....
I can't believe it is finally happening. After cancer and financial issues and clinic searching....
I'm so sad. I don't want to have to tell anyone else what is going on. How do you all handle all your appointments with your work? Do you still keep what you are doing under wraps? This is sooooo not helping my anxiety!
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Originally Posted by ktbelle97
My RE said Clomid can tend to produce more cysts..Thats why he took me off of it and put me on injectables...but I also produced them on Gonal-F.. He also had me go on BCP's to get rid of them and to be quite honest, I am not going to do that again, unless I have several cysts. I hate the back and forth hormonal thing..and I think they often go away on their own..
22/03/10 - BETA#1 - 426 - BETA#2 - 1071 
Hopefully you and DH can figure out who you trust more. Sending you lots of patience and praying you find the answers you need to you can figure out your next move.
. Thanks! It is a trust thing. I switched clinics for a reason. I only went back to old RE because he is a brilliant microsurgeon and I just expected he would go along with my desire to have a laparoscopy to investigate and see if there was anything else that had been missed that is preventing me from getting pregnant. In making my request, I had to fill him in on everything that had happened in the past 2 years and he was just frank and said that in his opinion, there is not an implantation issue, there is a quality issue and moving forward with DE is our best bet at this point as we have tried EVERYTHING (even things he would have never convinced us to do). However, he said we should talk to one of the ART docs in their practice for an evaluation of my 4 cycles to see if they agree with me in looking for something else and continuing the IVIG. 
It's a great idea to drink a glass of wine to help relax you every now & then during the stim process. After transfer is when you have to start saying no. 
You and your husband must be thrilled. Praying that you and your babies have a H&H 9 months and a safe delivery. I switched from a large clinic to a small one last month and I'm already seeing a difference in the way I'm treated and the attention we receive. Hope I can get similar results to yours!
