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Thread: Am I really nuts?

  1. #1
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    Default Am I really nuts?

    My great uncle is very ill with about four months to live. I am driving back "home" starting tomorrow so that we can all see him. We'll stay about a week and then my MIL is driving with back with me.

    We are going 12 hours away from home. It will just be me and the kids. I plan to leave between 5 and 6 am since the baby wakes to nurse then before sleeping a few more hours. My DH will wake the bigs up, take them potty and get them in the car. I hope that they will sleep for at least another hour. When they wake up, I'll stop briefly to pass out breakfast cereal and water. I'll drive for probably two more hours, then stop for a potty break and maybe more food. I then plan to drive three more hours and then stop for lunch. After lunch, the baby will likely sleep for three hours and if the bigs did not go back to sleep in the morning they will also likely sleep for a bit. I hope to be able to drive for three-ish more hours and then stop for dinner. If things are going great, everyone will get in pjs and I'll drive for another hour or two before stopping for the night. If I'm too tired and the kids are too grumpy we'll stop for the night right after dinner. I shouldn't even be driving in the dark.

    We'll get up, have breakfast and then finish our drive maybe even arriving by lunch time.

    My MIL is harassing me to no end that this is an awful idea.

    What if I get a flat tire? I do doubt that I will be able to get the lug nuts off but I can call someone who can.
    What if I get tired? I'll stop. I have budgeted three days to go 12 hours away! Driving does not make me drowsy.
    What is the kids have to go potty? Um, I'll stop. I routinely take all three children to the potty at home and out ALL DAY LONG. I will bring a potty, too, and DS2 loves to pee in the grass. (silly boys!)
    What if one of the kids gets sick? If they are puking we'll get a hotel and stop. If they are just normal sick, they will probably be fine watching a DVD in the car....

    And by the way, she wants to change my planned schedule while we are in town (taking the children for a full half of the trip even though she is driving back with me and SPENDING A WHOLE WEEK at my house). And who cares that this is a trip to see my dying uncle? Who cares that when I stay at their house I have to double all of my preventative medications? Who cares that I lived in that area my whole life until last year and might want to see my best friends, whom have children whom are my children's best friends?

    Maybe I should have put this in ranting....

    Sure, it isn't ideal to do this by myself. But everyone, including my husband is working (and his school year just started).
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  2. #2

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    Silly MIL! This is life. You do what you have to do. If you have the energy and the financial means with which to make the trip, do it! Too bad you can't do it without staying with MIL. ;)
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  3. #3

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    I don't think it is nuts at all. I would maybe get AAA or see if you can get roadside assistance through your cell phone (we have it for $2.99/mo on my AT&T account) and maybe take the car in for a servicing before going to make sure everything is in order. But It sounds like you are very prepared and have a good plan. You can always find malls or fast food places with play areas to stop at if the kids need a break from the car and change the plans up a bit. I just drove to Columbus with DH for work a couple of months ago, but then drove home with the kids myself. We hit monster traffic in the city, so the ride home was about 7 1/2 hours - and it rained almost the whole way. We did just fine and I am sure you will, too. I think you should go with your plan so you get a chance to see your uncle and other friends and family while you are in town.

    And I am sorry to hear that your uncle is so sick


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  4. #4
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    I think that is a really good plan and you have given yourself plenty of time to account for any issues that might come up. As for when you are there I dislike visiting my in-laws for similar reasons they usually make us all do what they want and I don't get a say and it makes me annoyed the entire vacation. I told DH that I will only go where they live if before we leave we (DH & I) agree to the plans and don't let anyone change them. I would tell her you have a specific reasons for visiting and she can spend quality time with the kids when she is visiting at your house.

    2/28/13

  5. #5
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    We did take the van in for preventative maintenance and an oil change last week - replaced belts, gaskets, etc, everything that it was due to have done.

    MIL sent the latest harassment via a FB message and I don't think that I can write her back pleasantly just quite yet. She harrased my DH for an hour about this last night on the phone. MIL has gone so far to even suggest when my mom should take her vacation days while we are visiting.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  6. #6
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    It seems like a totally reasonable plan. It starts to get light around the time you plan to leave, and it doesn't get dark for about 13 hours after that, so you'll mostly be driving in daylight. Then, you plan to rest, before resuming the journey. Unforeseen things are just that, unforeseen. You can't predict what's going to happen, but chances are excellent nothing bad will happen, and you'll make it just fine in the time allotted. Can your DH run interference and let his mom know that you've discussed the plan, find it to be entirely reasonable, and that you will be going forward with it, but thank her for her concerns?

    Also, do you have to stay with MIL the whole time you're there? Can you stay with your friends for a few days here and there, to give yourself a break?

  7. #7
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    I second the AAA. We take a lot of road trips and have had them for years and they have always been very useful. I haven't had to use them for a flat but would. Ours was mostly battery issues or locking our keys in the car.

    Seems like a good plan to me too. It's not like you aren't used to being alone with the three kids. I would and have just told my MIL, these are the plans, you can come if you want or don't come if you don't want but we are doing x,y,z.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #8
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    I actually will only be staying at her house for two nights. The bigs likely four nights. The rest I will be at my mom's. Obviously since I grew up in my mom's house, my mom has used free and clear everything for a long time and never switched back once I moved out.

    I will ask my DH about AAA. We've never signed up for anything but until this last year lived surrounded by family. It makes sense if we are going to routinely be doing 12+ hour trips just to visit family to pay for a service like that.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  9. #9
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    I like the AAA travel planning stuff too. I just got a bunch of free maps and guide books for our upcoming road trip. And a trip tix....a special map booklet thing that they highlight the routes for us. even with a GPS, I still like to try to follow along in that. I also use the discounts on hotels. I just feel a lot better on road trips knowing that if we have issues, we can call and usually get someone to us pretty quickly (a major snow storm or something it might take a little longer to get help).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #10

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    We have roadside assistance thru our auto insurance company that I have used more than enough to cover the cost! Might as well check and compare it to AAA.

    And no, I don't think you're nuts at all!
    ~Andrea~


  11. #11

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    Wow to your MIL! There is nothing crazy or nut about taking yourself and the kids to see a family member whom are you close to when they have limited time. It sounds like you have well prepared everything. I feel like when a family member is going to die its important to have the time you can with them. I think she is the one with the problem not you. I don't understand her hesitation. I hope your trip goes well as I know it will and you have quality with your uncle.
    *** Lindsay ***



  12. #12
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    It doesn't sound crazy at all. You have a good plan and know what to do. She will just need to take a step back.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #13
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    Crazy was me driving from Oregon to Wisconsin across desolate eastern Montana in December alone with my girls, trying to cram 32 driving hours into 2 days.

    Planning to to take up to 3 days for a 12 hour drive-not crazy. You've got quite a plan in place and seem to have thought out a lot of the logistics. MIL needs to butt the heck out!

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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    Crazy was me driving from Oregon to Wisconsin across desolate eastern Montana in December alone with my girls, trying to cram 32 driving hours into 2 days.
    !
    That is crazy! I don't even like to drive across WI in December let alone across all those states and mountains!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    Crazy was me driving from Oregon to Wisconsin across desolate eastern Montana in December alone with my girls, trying to cram 32 driving hours into 2 days.

    Planning to to take up to 3 days for a 12 hour drive-not crazy. You've got quite a plan in place and seem to have thought out a lot of the logistics. MIL needs to butt the heck out!
    Yikes!

    Thanks for all the support ladies. With the pressure I was starting to think that I was nuts. I fully expect to be done with the trip by midday on the second day but left the extra day for all these just in cases. Maybe my MIL doesn't realize that I am fully prepared to stop when ever needed. There are even very nice, regular rest stops along the way where I could shower a pukey kid and do laundry.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  16. #16

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    What does she propose as an alternative? Sounds reasonable to me, as long as you are willing to be flexible and know that it is probablygoing to take you longer than you'd likeor expect Also make sure you stop when you have a place to stop. If the nexttown is 3hrs away and kids are grumbling already, it's probably better to get out then rather than pushing through.

  17. #17

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    Oh, and i agree with getting AAA. I love having it for peace of mind. I've never used it, but glad it's there!

    Can you just keep the reply simple and to the point? This is what we have decided is the best option for me to say goodbye to my uncle. I'd appreciate your support during this difficult time.

  18. #18
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    She wants me to go only if someone can drive with me at least part of the way. Supposedly someone could fly into one of the major cities along the way around 6 pm on Thursday. So, I'd have to get the kids to that location in time to pick up said person who would then need to drive straight though so they could go to work the next day. It took us 17 hours to drive straight through with the kids once already and I have ZERO desire to do that again. It was awful. We had to abort driving straight through the time before that one since at 1 am everyone woke up and started screaming and wouldn't stop. That was also awful (My DH is the kind of person that has to prove to himself that something doesn't work. He is now in agreement with me that taking at least two days with a stop overnight is the best way to go at least until the kids are much older.).

    I am a pretty flexible person so it will not stress me to have to stop more frequently or to take longer. Obviously, I'd like to do it just as I planned but my three kiddos have in no way agreed to said plan.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  19. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by runningmomofmany View Post
    This is what we have decided is the best option for me to say goodbye to my uncle. I'd appreciate your support during this difficult time.
    LOVE this!! It is PERFECT!!
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  20. #20

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    I think it sounds like a good plan. I have traveled three times by myself with the kids between NY and Florida... I drove from upstate NY to D.C. and took the auto train to Orlando, then drove 4 hours from there. It was stressful but not as bad as you'd think. As long as you have a really good plan and come prepared it's very doable and not nearly as bad as you'd imagine to travel with kids by yourself. Also I did have AAA. I didn't need it on the trip, but it has come in VERY handy several times and more then paid for it's self.

    As for you MIL, she sounds like she is being very over reaching in this situation. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I also like runningmomofmany's reply.

  21. #21
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    I think being locked in to being at a certain point by a certain time to pick up someone who then needs you to be sure you throw your plan and your kids' possible need to stop out the window in order to be at work the next morning sounds way crazier and more stressful than what you've got planned!

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  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashleen View Post
    I think it sounds like a good plan. I have traveled three times by myself with the kids between NY and Florida... I drove from upstate NY to D.C. and took the auto train to Orlando, then drove 4 hours from there. It was stressful but not as bad as you'd think. As long as you have a really good plan and come prepared it's very doable and not nearly as bad as you'd imagine to travel with kids by yourself. Also I did have AAA. I didn't need it on the trip, but it has come in VERY handy several times and more then paid for it's self.

    As for you MIL, she sounds like she is being very over reaching in this situation. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I also like runningmomofmany's reply.
    Thanks for sharing your trips. I'm glad to know how doable it ended up for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    I think being locked in to being at a certain point by a certain time to pick up someone who then needs you to be sure you throw your plan and your kids' possible need to stop out the window in order to be at work the next morning sounds way crazier and more stressful than what you've got planned!
    Exactly.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  23. #23

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    You are a fricking grown up, I think you can handle taking a 12 hour drive all by yourself. How rude of her to basically imply that you are unable in some way to take care of yourself and your children.

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)

  24. #24
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    I do think that she is worried out of love and care for us and am really trying to keep that in mind. I was very upset this morning but am not as much now. If nothing else, we/I have told her no twice in the last two weeks which is good for me as well.

    I did sign up for AAA.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by JJorn View Post
    I do think that she is worried out of love and care for us and am really trying to keep that in mind. I was very upset this morning but am not as much now. If nothing else, we/I have told her no twice in the last two weeks which is good for me as well.

    I did sign up for AAA.
    You have the right attitude.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #26
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    We made it! We were able to do eight hours of driving in eleven hours yesterday so only had four hours to do today. We made it to my mom's in time for lunch. DS2 had lots of fun peeing in the grass since he had to go about every 1.5 hours. Beyond that everything went smoothly. My MIL is now just trying to plan our whole time here. I think she about had a nervous break down.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  27. #27

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    Quote Originally Posted by JJorn View Post
    We made it! We were able to do eight hours of driving in eleven hours yesterday so only had four hours to do today. We made it to my mom's in time for lunch. DS2 had lots of fun peeing in the grass since he had to go about every 1.5 hours. Beyond that everything went smoothly. My MIL is now just trying to plan our whole time here. I think she about had a nervous break down.
    I am glad it went well
    *** Lindsay ***



  28. #28

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    Glad to hear it all worked out, as we were ALL confident it would!
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  29. #29

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    Glad it went well. Hopefully MIL will settle down a little now.

  30. #30
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    I guess I am late on this! Glad to hear it went well so far! I think it sounded well thought out and you accounted for what you could....would I do it? No freaking way. I give you credit! And not for going it alone but more for trying to drive for that long. You have some great kids there! Mine barely last 45 mins lol

    I don't see how this is any of MIL's business anyway? Hours of harassment? It has nothing to do with her!

    I will be thinking of you on the way back! Now THAT sounds crazy driving all that way with MIL!!!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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