I tried, I really did. I am just not OK with the decision to be done being taken from me. I don't know what to do. I want one more pregnancy, I want one more baby, I want one more member in our family. I don't want to give up until I get it.
I have lightly hinted to DH that I am not so sure I can keep my end of our bargain. First he jokingly said my word is no good, then he said if it wasn't so expensive....
What do I do with that?
Do I argue with him that yes it is expensive but so worth it, or that in the grand scheme of things the costs to get pregnant are so minor.
Or do I just let it go and try harder to be OK with not getting to have one last child? He is still really into the idea of fostering, I am too, but that doesn't fulfill this need to carry a baby again, to give our family (especially my girls) that experience and the joy of another family member.
Any advice or thoughts are welcomed...even if it is to say I should honor my word and do my best to give up.