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Thread: When you become that person...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
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    Brookfield, WI
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    Unhappy When you become that person...

    So how does everyone handle being the one that everyone has to be careful about talking babies and pregnancies around? Since DH and I have been STC for almost 7 years now I've apparently become "that woman."

    In our group of friends a younger couple (that honestly shouldn't be having kids yet but that's another story) just announced they were expecting. They wanted to announce it at a recent party but asked DH if they should first. I had just found out that yet again I failed so he said no. He then told me the next night alone. I was initially crushed but I was also very hormonal with PMS and bounced back within a few hours. I'm super grateful for them to consider our feelings on it, but I hate that I've become the person that people need to edit themselves around.

    Now we were going to as a big group go camping for a weekend but the only people that can come are the newly expectant parents and the other couple that just had a baby (who I do want to meet yet.) I feel like I'm constantly being put in these situations. I'm trying to be strong but it's getting so wearing...
    Tiffany (33) David (33) STC 7 years. Unexplained infertility. History of Endometriosis, Corrected Septate Uterus & possible PCOS. DH=Exceptional



  2. #2
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    My advice is just don't feel guilty about being "that person." The LAST thing you need is something else to feel guilty about. We all have our baggage, and this just happens to be yours.

    I work with little kids and families so I've had to develop nerves of steel. However, when it is a relative or coworker, it's harder for me. When it's too much, I will just take a step back. My cousin (10 years younger than me) gave birth to her third baby the same day I had my second miscarriage. I avoided a big family party a month later, and I know I upset some family members, but I did what I had to do. By the time he was 18 months, I was able to spend time with her and her children and it was lovely. Probably better than it would have been if I'd had to endure the earlier party, if that makes any sense.

    Just know your limits and what you can and can't handle. Be there as much as you can, but when you can't, be honest and don't feel ashamed. We're all human. Hope this helps.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #3

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    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Texas
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    Tiffany, I completely know how you feel and my heart goes out to you. I found out I was miscarrying my first the day my SIL was getting married and TWO weeks later she got pregnant (first time they had ever DTD, crazy lucky) and she just had her baby 3 days ago and I could barely walk into Texas womens with the overwhelming feeling from what I had experienced at that same hospital. My in laws never even think of how things like that might make me feel, every family event is surrounded by toddlers and constant baby talk. I choose to not talk about it with them becaue they dont understand but the best thing for me has been to find those few close girlfriends that you do feel comfortable with and can be completely honest with and have girls nights, wine/movie nights as a distraction. I am happy to hear your DH is so supportive, mine is over it and thinks that its been 8 months after two losses and to move on. I hope your next time is your lucky month! Lots of hugs for you!
    Me-Kelly (29) DH-Phillip (33) 2 unexplained losses. Ready for a rainbow baby!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Brookfield, WI
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    Thank you soooo much for the support, ladies. I will admit that it feels comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there struggling to get pregnant. My main battle now is just knowing that people have to be conscious around me on that topic. I don't want to be viewed as weak or fragile - I've always prided myself in my strength through difficult situations. But this has been such a deeply personal defeat that others have obviously seen me breaking some. But, it does make me human. I guess it's just a part of life, though, that people and situations change so our "core" group of friends may change now. Can't change family, but thankfully they've been supportive or just don't talk about the subject.
    Tiffany (33) David (33) STC 7 years. Unexplained infertility. History of Endometriosis, Corrected Septate Uterus & possible PCOS. DH=Exceptional



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsRiv View Post
    Thank you soooo much for the support, ladies. I will admit that it feels comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there struggling to get pregnant. My main battle now is just knowing that people have to be conscious around me on that topic. I don't want to be viewed as weak or fragile - I've always prided myself in my strength through difficult situations. But this has been such a deeply personal defeat that others have obviously seen me breaking some. But, it does make me human. I guess it's just a part of life, though, that people and situations change so our "core" group of friends may change now. Can't change family, but thankfully they've been supportive or just don't talk about the subject.
    I think there is a lot of truth in that.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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