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Thread: Becoming a working momma

  1. #1
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    Default Becoming a working momma

    Due to situations we are dealing with, we have decided that it would be best for our family for me to try to get a job. I am applying for a position right now. The thing is... I really don't want to. In fact, the thought makes me physically ill.

    First, I just want to clarify that I am not judging any mommas, working mothers or SAHM. I know we run the gamut here. There are moms who work because they choose to and enjoy it, those who work because they have to, and those who enjoy staying at home and those who would love to find work. I'm not looking down on anyone, this is just my personal situation and emotions here. But if anyone can share anything helpful, I would appreciate it.

    The original plan was to homeschool, and I was excited about it. But now I will be sending my oldest to public school, and I am worried about it for all kinds of reasons. It also means putting my 2 year old and nursling into daycare. Having someone else care for my nursling is probably the worst for me. I am having such a difficult time thinking about missing all that baby time together, especially since she very well might be my last. I feel crushed that I will have to pump part of the time instead of having that time together nursing. And having someone else see all those baby milestones. The possibility of her not getting as much love and affection as she would get at home. And my 2 year old, I worry about bad things happening in day care and her not being able to tell me about it. I will miss ALL of my children SO MUCH.

    I'm sure almost all working moms have these issues. Its just that working wasn't even part of the plan until a few days ago. This is a huge change, and its one I don't want... at least not right now when my babies are so young. I do love my chosen field, so its not that I will hate the job. I actually really have a passion for what I do. I'm just not ready to go back yet.

    I'm not sure how to deal with this.

  2. #2

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    Polly hugs....I didn't Know you were looking for full time work. Praying for you as I know these are hard choices. I say take it one step or day at a time. Things will work out. Could you work at a daycare where you can be with your youngest...and still nurse them...

  3. #3
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    Poor mama. I feel for you, I really do. I went back to work when my little guy was 5 months old and I struggled SO badly for quite a few months. My greatest struggle though, was feeling like I was working for nothing, because I truly felt like we would be fine as a 1 income family. So I felt like all my sadness, frustration, anxiety, etc was for naught. You possibly won't have that since your income will be providing your family with the things they really need. It will be hard knowing you will not be with your kids all day, but I'm sure it would be much harder to see th go without the things that you and your husband consider very important.
    FWIW, I feel that I was the one that suffered by my return to work. For my son, this was just the new normal and he adapted and overcame and enjoyed his time with his babysitter. I do not feel that he was emotionally damaged or anything like that. And in terms of missing milestones..my DH and I had very opposite schedules, we were very rarely in the same place at the same time. Still DS managed to time his first steps to be right in front of the both of us. I'm sure similar things will happen with your little one.
    Finally, with the pumping, if you are truly dedicated to EBF, nothing will stop you. I worked from the time DS was 5 months-11 months and he never had a drop of formula. I pumped twice a day at work and more at home if necessary, but the twice a day at work was typically enough. Your body knows what it's doing. You can do it!

    Now that I've decided to be a SAHM, I do have a bit of sadness. There is a special type of satisfaction you get from doing something that you're good at aside from being a mom. You may find that while obviously you miss your kids, you will be happy at work. I hope that is the case! Good luck in your search!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by pants View Post
    Polly hugs....I didn't Know you were looking for full time work. Praying for you as I know these are hard choices. I say take it one step or day at a time. Things will work out. Could you work at a daycare where you can be with your youngest...and still nurse them...
    Thanks, Brenda. I don't have the qualifications to work in a daycare, and I doubt that I would make enough to make it worth it as a day care assistant. I can make decent money, enough to pay for daycare for two and still bring in a decent chunk, if I can get hired as an ASL interpreter, which is what my education and experience is in.

    Quote Originally Posted by kmrk336 View Post
    Poor mama. I feel for you, I really do. I went back to work when my little guy was 5 months old and I struggled SO badly for quite a few months. My greatest struggle though, was feeling like I was working for nothing, because I truly felt like we would be fine as a 1 income family. So I felt like all my sadness, frustration, anxiety, etc was for naught. You possibly won't have that since your income will be providing your family with the things they really need. It will be hard knowing you will not be with your kids all day, but I'm sure it would be much harder to see th go without the things that you and your husband consider very important.
    FWIW, I feel that I was the one that suffered by my return to work. For my son, this was just the new normal and he adapted and overcame and enjoyed his time with his babysitter. I do not feel that he was emotionally damaged or anything like that. And in terms of missing milestones..my DH and I had very opposite schedules, we were very rarely in the same place at the same time. Still DS managed to time his first steps to be right in front of the both of us. I'm sure similar things will happen with your little one.
    Finally, with the pumping, if you are truly dedicated to EBF, nothing will stop you. I worked from the time DS was 5 months-11 months and he never had a drop of formula. I pumped twice a day at work and more at home if necessary, but the twice a day at work was typically enough. Your body knows what it's doing. You can do it!

    Now that I've decided to be a SAHM, I do have a bit of sadness. There is a special type of satisfaction you get from doing something that you're good at aside from being a mom. You may find that while obviously you miss your kids, you will be happy at work. I hope that is the case! Good luck in your search!
    Thank you for this! I appreciate you sharing your experience.

    Pumping is kind of a pain, but that's not really what I'm sad about. Its mostly feeling like I'm missing out on all those nursing sessions, having that close time with my baby. But I am grateful that I've had so much time with my children, and by the time I start working (if I get hired) I will have had 9 months with my youngest. I know many moms would give anything to have that much time before going back to work.

  5. #5

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    First of all, hugs momma. I know that feeling and it really sucks.

    As a full time working mom, one thing that I wanted to throw out there is that kids in childcare can have some pretty wonderful experiences if they are with someone you can truly trust. We were lucky enough to find a provider who we are so close with, she might as well be family. The different interactions and changes of scenery for part of their days are really refreshing for kids too. It was really hard at first, until you build up the trust, but my provider was able to text pics and videos throughout the day so I could see the smiles for myself. That helped A LOT. Maybe consider a daycare with some kids old enough to tell you about their day. I found that the older kids would tell me the day's events as I walked in the door. Also, my daycare is literally 4 minutes from my work and I can drop in at any time unannounced.

    I hope you can find a place where you have peace of mind and won't worry as much. It gets easier once they are all out of the baby phase and can talk some in my opinion.
    ~Andrea~


  6. #6
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    Hugs, Polly.

    Would it help to focus on the positives? I'm sure that you did not come upon this decision lightly, so it might help to put things in proper perspective, if you focused on how this benefits you as a family. There are wonderful, nurturing caregivers out there. Think of it as expanding the circle of trust to include some lovely people you and the kids would otherwise not have a chance to meet, and could potentially become friends/"family" for the long run.

    Outside of DH and I, DD loves and trusts her nanny the most. She is an amazingly wonderful woman who brings a whole different set of skills to the table. She is infinitely patient, spends so much focused time on DD, draws, paints and colors with her (none of which I'm good at), teaches her Spanish, etc. It has been a good experience for us, to have her in our lives. Several of my friends that have kids have similar relationship with their daycare providers, and even the teachers/assistants in their kids' classrooms.

  7. #7

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    It is totally possible to work and still be a great mom with happy kids, it is just a frame shift mentally. For me, working 3 long days (14+hours) is way preferable to working 5 8 hour days. When I am gone, I am gone and I am in work mode, and I still have more days at home than I do at the office. If you can find a situation like that it may help some. Also, working every other day helped me maintain my milk supply way longer, as I was nursing every other day. I agree with Sunkiss, the right child care provider can be a blessing for your kids; makes their family a bit bigger. When I was sick and had to be in the hospital for a week or more several times, my daughter stayed with her nanny and felt like she was having an adventure. She still calls her nanny's kids her brother and sister, and she has not been at their house for years now.
    It will be ok. But as you look for jobs try to be creative with the schedule to make it work for you as much as possible. Good luck!!

  8. #8
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    thinking of you Polly and praying for a great job that you will enjoy, a great daycare provider you can trust that your kids love, the right timing, and an overall peace about moving forward with this direction you and dh have decided is for the best !

    I would think grieving the losses is a process and everyone will take some time to adjust, but I also think lots of new and wonderful opportunities are going to open up for each of you that wouldn't have been there had you not pursued this path . God's grace has been sufficient thus far and I can't help believe it's just going to continue to hold you up through all the new upcoming changes in a way it's hard to imagine now .

    You are on my heart and in my prayers, momma!!!
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  9. #9
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    Thank you for all the empathy, encouragement and support, ladies! I truly appreciate it.

    If I get hired (its still an if, so all this is really still hypothetical), I will be working at a middle school. I won't be able to have my kindergartner at the same school as me, but hopefully she can transfer to one close to me. It will be nice to have the same days and holidays off together.

    Any tips on finding a great daycare provider? It would be fantastic if I could find one really close to work. I would love to be able to drop in unannounced every once and a while.

  10. #10

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    Plan to do several interviews before you make a decision. We interviewed something like 14 places over the phone, and followed up with six face-to-face interviews before we chose. When you go to interviews, try to go during a moderately busy time at the daycare so you can see just how it really is when everything is full swing. Call references and ask ALL the questions you can think of. There are checklists available online for what to ask a potential daycare. Start with asking local mom friends if you can, or what do they call it... Angie's List? I've heard of it but haven't ever looked.

    ETA: I didn't know many moms in the area when I was searching, so I started with a list of state registered daycares and did a map search to see which were close to my work.
    Last edited by sunkiss; 07-10-2014 at 01:54 PM.
    ~Andrea~


  11. #11

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    I know its not the same but, I made the choice to go back to part time for the summer (suppose to be full time but, I had to drop a class then, changed my major). I will be in school full time 12 credit hours a week which equals about 16 hours I am gone during the week right now I am gone 7 hours a week. I've been a SAHM for about 6 years before making the jump to even go to school and though honestly I didn't prefer to be a SAHM it has become my comfort zone even though I have a strong desire to work after college and college is a job in itself IMO. I know for you at least right now while its not your preferred choice and I am sorry that you had to make this hard choice. Here's some positive things to look forward to: you will probably feel proud of going back to work once you get started. If I remember correctly you are a license speech pathologist? You can probably work with children, it sounds rewarding for sure, you'll feel proud when it comes to possibly having extra money for the kids so when you do have time off you and your husband might be able to enjoy more as a family, your children will have more opportunity to grow with friends. I think its a huge step and it does seems to be overwhelming. I do think you'll do great though. I think paths to quality has resources of where to find a good licensed daycare also, its possible you may qualify for vouchers at least while you get on your feet to work. Good luck Polly.
    *** Lindsay ***



  12. #12

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    I'm sorry I know i would be feeling the same way.

    Does it need to be a full time job? Could you freelance and just work when needed somewhere? You would need reliable drop in daycare, but you could still homeschool around your hours and spend more time with the kids.

    I dont even know if that is common in your field. My MIL isnt an interpreter but is fluent after working in a school for the deaf for 10yrs. She retired from the health department as a nurse, but they still have her come in on a contract basis when they need her to interpret (there is a large HOH community in the area because of the school).

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by runningmomofmany View Post
    I'm sorry I know i would be feeling the same way.

    Does it need to be a full time job? Could you freelance and just work when needed somewhere? You would need reliable drop in daycare, but you could still homeschool around your hours and spend more time with the kids.

    I dont even know if that is common in your field. My MIL isnt an interpreter but is fluent after working in a school for the deaf for 10yrs. She retired from the health department as a nurse, but they still have her come in on a contract basis when they need her to interpret (there is a large HOH community in the area because of the school).
    I wish I could freelance. That was my original plan when I went into interpreting, so I could work around my family's needs. I freelanced in CA, but in NC the law requires national certification (RID) which I don't have. I do have my educational interpreting certification (EIPA), which means my only option in this state is to interpret for a K12 school. Typically schools just work with freelance interpreters for substitute/part time work. That really only leaves me with applying for full time k12 interpreter positions.

    To get my national certification I would need to go back to school and get my BA. Before I can even take the RID I have to have a Bachelors degree. I was planning to go back when the kids were a little older, since its not a degree I can do online. I wish I had done things in a different order, looking back. I could have finished up a lot of things much easier if we had stayed in CA longer.

  14. #14

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    My heart goes out to you. I am sorry. I hope you can make the best out of the situation.

    Daycare is tricky for little ones but I would check the local moms and forums for pointers - I find that it really depends on the location, in our area good nannies cost a fortune, drop in daycares are not that good, licensed chain daycares would be the way to go but there are some home daycares that are really good too.

    I wonder if it might be worth paying a good nanny who can help with homeschooling as well as other things. I do know a lady who works full time and homeschools her 3 kids and has a nanny who helps with some of the curriculum; the mom and dad teach the kids in the afternoons - not ideal but their kids seem to be thriving nevertheless.
    Last edited by tanyachap; 07-10-2014 at 07:27 PM.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  15. #15

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    One thing I've looked for though now I don't need it is babysitters from care.com you can look at some people's background checks and it will also show if they have 1st aide Certification too. Its a really great site. I am not sure how much it is to look at a someone's profile w/ those certifications but, a general membership is free.
    *** Lindsay ***



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