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Thread: Just beginning the process

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    Default Just beginning the process

    Hi I am Bailie and my husband and I have STC for a long time. We talked a lot about adoption and I really feel that God is asking us to adopt before we try advanced fertility treatments. We are going to adopt through the foster-to-adopt program in our state and we are really interested in adopting a sibling group. We have done our classes and the first part of the application is submitted and we are preparing to move onto the homestudy process.

    I just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. If any of y'all have any words of advice for just getting started we would certainly appreciate it!
    STC #1 for 5years
    Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tubes
    Praying for guidance in our journey to parenthood through adoption and eventually IVF.

  2. #2

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    I don't have any words of advice, but congrats on taking the steps to give your kids their forever home!

    Good luck with the process; I hope it is a smooth one for you!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    Bailie, I'm so excited to see you posting here. I don't know if you remember me but I remember you from several years ago and we emailed each other. I have no advice but wish you the best. I'll be stalking for updates.

    Erica

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
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    I remember you too!

    I am so excited that you are starting on the road to adopt from foster care !!!!!! We did not do foster care, but adopted ds from fcare 5.5yrs ago...best decision ever ! We hope to adopt again in 5ish years. It

    Hoping and praying the process goes smoothly for you . Please kup!!
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  5. #5

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    Hi Bailie! My DH and I STC for 7 years with 2 failed IVF attempts and we did the foster to adopt program with our state and are now very proud parents of a sibling set, my DS is 8 and my DD is 7. It was a whirlwind process for us and the best advice I can give is to make sure to ask lots of questions and stay focused on your goal. We found our social worker to be very discouraging in an attempt to set realistic expectations. For example, she told us we would likely not get a child under the age of 10 and we would have to wait for several years. We were matched with the first referral and at the time the kids were 5 and 6. We applied for them in November, interviewed in early January, met them in late January and they moved in mid-February. The social workers kept telling us not to tell people how fast it happened because it was such a textbook perfect case, but I really think that God was working on his plan then. Be honest about what you and your DH can realistically handle in a child or children and be open to discussion. Best of luck to you! It was an amazing, yet challenging experience for us but I look at my kids each day and am so thankful that we went down this path. They are simply amazing and it's such an honor to be their mom! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions - I'm always happy to share more about our experience!
    Alyssa
    Twin girls 5/24/09 Baby bean 3/3/11
    Adoption Finalized 8/31/12 - Proud mama to Max and Kacey

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Rural Nevada
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    Thank you all so much for the encouragement!

    Of course I remember you all - so glad to hear from you!

    The whole process kind of intimidates me but I just feel called to do this. I really believe that if we had proceeded with IVF and had our 'bio' babies then we may never have pursued adoption and wouldn't be on the path to finding our other kids. I know they are out there. That sounds crazy - the process is already making me nutty haha.

    I'm anxious for the home study process does anyone have any advice for that part of things?
    STC #1 for 5years
    Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tubes
    Praying for guidance in our journey to parenthood through adoption and eventually IVF.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,694

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    I didn't do foster care and I know the home study varies by state but really it was quite easy. It's the paperwork that is a pain. Basically we had to 5 classes in a group, social worker visited our house once to make sure that it was safe....things like smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detector, fire extinguisher, and that in general the house was safe and we weren't hoarders. And had a bedroom for the baby though it didn't have to be set up as a nursery at that point....we have it now set up but at the home visit it was still a guest room. Our friends that hunted had to have a gun safe. She didn't look through our closets or anything like that.

    I'm in a domestic infant program but due to state laws we technically have a foster license for the time frame of us taking custody until finalization six months later.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #8
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    Jul 2011
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    Michigan
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    Quote Originally Posted by WishingNWaiting View Post
    Hi Bailie! My DH and I STC for 7 years with 2 failed IVF attempts and we did the foster to adopt program with our state and are now very proud parents of a sibling set, my DS is 8 and my DD is 7. It was a whirlwind process for us and the best advice I can give is to make sure to ask lots of questions and stay focused on your goal. We found our social worker to be very discouraging in an attempt to set realistic expectations. For example, she told us we would likely not get a child under the age of 10 and we would have to wait for several years. We were matched with the first referral and at the time the kids were 5 and 6. We applied for them in November, interviewed in early January, met them in late January and they moved in mid-February. The social workers kept telling us not to tell people how fast it happened because it was such a textbook perfect case, but I really think that God was working on his plan then. Be honest about what you and your DH can realistically handle in a child or children and be open to discussion. Best of luck to you! It was an amazing, yet challenging experience for us but I look at my kids each day and am so thankful that we went down this path. They are simply amazing and it's such an honor to be their mom! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions - I'm always happy to share more about our experience!
    We had a similar situation...we were told it was likely going to be a long wait, child will probably be 8yrs+, etc...lol, but we applied in Jan, had our agency supervisor visit within a few weeks, submitted our paperwork and did our classes in Feb, got our homestudy approval in March and a referral the same day for a toddler (19months at the time) with no developmental delays or concerns, met him in May and did visitation, he was placed with us in June, and we finalized our adoption in Dec. It was less than a year start to finish! It was an absolute whirlwind for us too!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs.PMAL View Post
    Thank you all so much for the encouragement!

    Of course I remember you all - so glad to hear from you!

    The whole process kind of intimidates me but I just feel called to do this. I really believe that if we had proceeded with IVF and had our 'bio' babies then we may never have pursued adoption and wouldn't be on the path to finding our other kids. I know they are out there. That sounds crazy - the process is already making me nutty haha.

    I'm anxious for the home study process does anyone have any advice for that part of things?
    it is a very nerve-wracking and intimidating process with all the scrutinizing!! LOL, I felt a bit nutty too ! The best advice I have to offer is don't stress over the home visit...I spent 3 days scrubbing *everything*, lol, and our CW was there for probably 15mins . Like Jennifer said, it's basically to make sure you have room for the new kid/kids and you're not a hoarder or something . We were adoption-only so our home visit had less requirements...in our state for foster care, you need a note from the health dept stating your water has been tested and is free of lead, etc...they also check more things like smoke/carbon monoxide testers and fire extinguishers. I think they have to submit actual room and home sqft measurements also, but don't worry about that if your home/rooms are small I was actually shocked by how very little space is required.

    Also the supervisory period prior to adoption was insanely stressful for me because I had this fear they would find some reason to not let us finalize, but that was just irrational (at that point not even a biological family member could step in), lol, our 2 required visits over the 6 months couldn't have gone better (we loved our case worker ).

    Looking forward to our next adoption, I think I'll be far more relaxed now that we've done it once and the process doesn't seem so scary and foreign anymore .

    thinking of you!!!
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  9. #9

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    I think everyone freaks out over the homestudy I think I cleaned for 2 solid weeks, scrubbing grout with a toothbrush and even changing out framed pictures to make us look as "family friendly" as possible. Our SW hardly even looked in the house and I remember feeling like a fool for spending so much time worrying about things they didn't even ask about.

    As far as advice, I agree with Jennifer - it's the paperwork that can seem endless. We found that we would submit paperwork and the SW would come back and ask for basically the same stuff again. Just stay patient and focused on the end result. I put together a binder with copies of all the information and carried it with me pretty much everywhere so that if she requested something I could get it to her right away.

    One other thing was that we had to provide references for each of us. They wanted people that were not related, but had known us at least 10 years that could speak to our character. They mailed a questionaire to each of them and also did a face to face interview with a couple that we listed that we have been friends with forever. Because we had been childless for so long I think we naturally were friends with people with no children, so we wanted to make sure we picked people that could understand why we would be great parents and could relate that over to the SW. It took a little time to narrow down our list and speak to everyone that we wanted to include.

    Good luck! Keep the faith and don't let anything or anyone derail you, it will all be worth it in the end!
    Alyssa
    Twin girls 5/24/09 Baby bean 3/3/11
    Adoption Finalized 8/31/12 - Proud mama to Max and Kacey

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    Rural Nevada
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    Seriously thank you ladies so much! I'm a bit OCD about a clean house anyways so my overzealous cleaning was about to drive my husband nuts. I think I'll chill a bit on that.

    Our licensing worker told us to expect 3 visits. The first visit she said would last anywhere from 5-8 HOURS (oy vey). She said the second and final visits should be about an hour each. We have to have of course the fire extinguisher and smoke detectors and 35sq ft/room/child in the bedrooms and 200sqft/person in the home which puts us at available space for 4 kids. We are in the rural area of our state and have agreed to do Emergency Placement Care (if after one or two my heart can't take it we will quit) so we will be getting calls for children when they first come into care and need a place to stay to get their doctors appointments and counseling appointments and such all set up while they look for a long term foster care provider. We will then of course be given first option to choose to be the foster parents for those kids - Since our main focus is ultimately to adopt we won't do long term foster care unless the case worker really strongly believes that the parental rights will be terminated (for instance if the kids have been removed before). There is a HUGE need for EPC in our area and we have been told that we will receive a call likely within days of being licensed. We will stick to our age limits and certain other limits we have decided on (ie no severe physical disabilities - we simply aren't set up to handle that kind of thing, no history of animal abuse - I have too many animals around not to worry about that, etc...)

    We are considering a sibling group with the youngest child being an infant and the oldest being 8 or younger. A good friend of mine was licensed and the next day received a call for a 6 month old baby. When that baby was a year old they 'reopened' their license and was called within a week for another baby. But I also know people who have waited a very long time. I am praying for patience and really trying to just help who I can where I can when I can. I want to be a mom but I know that Gods timing is always right.

    Thank you again for all the encouragement and sorry for babbling so much
    STC #1 for 5years
    Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tubes
    Praying for guidance in our journey to parenthood through adoption and eventually IVF.

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