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Thread: Cody is just sassy. Advice...

  1. #1

    Thumbs down Cody is just sassy. Advice...

    I am not sure what's the normal for almost 6 year old children but, the sassy stuff and back talk is really wearing me out emotionally. It can be sometime that Cody isn't even involved and he wants to interrupt me and argue. Examples of James and I talking in the car Me- "Ah.. Sally's supply house of course I get coupons when I'm broke". Cody "You only have food coupons MOM you DO NOT HAVE THOSE OTHERS". James "Cody please don't interrupt mommy you don't know what coupons she has". Me- "Cody please don't argue with mommy". Cody- " BUT MOM YOU DO NOT HAVE THOSE COUPONS". Petty I know but, this is a daily thing he wants to argue about things he doesn't know exist. Its the same with food which I offer but, I have given up on them eating it. I made things they like for the most part and I always offer vegetables every single night. Last night it was Tyson nuggets, mashed potatoes, and corn and a small cup of Juicy Juice. Cody "I don't want corn" Me- "Why not you haven't tried it, you might like it if you try it". Cody- "No I won't because I want to be like daddy, he doesn't like corn". Me - "Daddy does like corn I hope you try a bite". Cody "No Daddy doesn't like corn". Me- "Cody, I don't lie to you I want to eat it but, I am not going to make you". Sophia "No corn".


    I show both of them how I ate my nuggets, corn, and potatoes - showing them its good. Holiday World "Cody do you want to try slide X its really cool?". Cody - "No". Me- "Why its a lot of fun you will probably like it". Cody "Nope I don't like the color green so I am not going". Me- "Oh.. the color doesn't matter its fun but, I'll leave you alone". Cody "Okay well I am also saying no because my teacher told me to think for myself". It so frustrating because those are the most recent things. I know he needs to think for himself I don't do my dad did to me and just take him on the slide anyways though I really wanted to I did not. He is so.. self-centered. Its really getting on my nerves and I know I am should think it but, I do what he wants to do. I try very hard to raise my children different than what I was raised. I have no guidance other than James' and his experiences. James tried to talk to Cody and said "Hey, it would be nice if you would go with mommy on the slide something you two can do together instead of having Sophia with you since she is too small". I try so.... hard to let him make the choices I don't want him to be depenant upon me but, I feel like in some ways not with the slide thing but, he does NOT believe me unless James confirms it. Whether its food that's good for him we also do broccoli, green beans, bell pepper (non-spicy), grapes, berries, etc.. he just doesn't accept my word for anything. He doesn't believe me I am picking and picking at my brain trying to figure out what I have done to break his trust into me somehow.

  2. #2

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    It sounds like maybe he is testing you and testing his independence. I think that a lot of kids act very differently around their moms, especially if she is home with them most of the time, because they want to test their limits and see what they can get away with. I get really frustrated because Olivia does this kind of thing with me as well, and then will turn around and listen to Daddy or accept his answer, etc. And she also pulls the thing of telling me what I know/don't know, or what something is/isn't all the time with me. DD: "Mommy, what's her name?" Me: "I don't know. I've never met her." DD: "Yes you do! What is her name??" Sometimes I just give up and make up a name to appease her. And sometimes I will just finish the argument by saying something like "Well I think it is x, so if you think it is y, then we will just have to disagree on this." That usually satisfies her enough because I don't actually tell her she is wrong (even when she is) but sometimes she just won't accept that she is wrong about something.


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by preciousnd98 View Post
    It sounds like maybe he is testing you and testing his independence. I think that a lot of kids act very differently around their moms, especially if she is home with them most of the time, because they want to test their limits and see what they can get away with. I get really frustrated because Olivia does this kind of thing with me as well, and then will turn around and listen to Daddy or accept his answer, etc. And she also pulls the thing of telling me what I know/don't know, or what something is/isn't all the time with me. DD: "Mommy, what's her name?" Me: "I don't know. I've never met her." DD: "Yes you do! What is her name??" Sometimes I just give up and make up a name to appease her. And sometimes I will just finish the argument by saying something like "Well I think it is x, so if you think it is y, then we will just have to disagree on this." That usually satisfies her enough because I don't actually tell her she is wrong (even when she is) but sometimes she just won't accept that she is wrong about something.
    I am glad to hear I am not the only one. Its really driving me crazy because he's always been really strongly opinionated but, this arguing stuff all the time is so hard!

  4. #4

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    The only conversations I have anymore with my almost 6 year old are arguments.
    I think a LOT of it has to do with being his primary caregiver. Since I'm the most consistent parent (i.e. always around) he's comfortable acting out with me because he knows I'll still be here, etc. And for a host of other reasons (personality similarities among others) we butt heads a lot.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by mommabert View Post
    The only conversations I have anymore with my almost 6 year old are arguments.
    I think a LOT of it has to do with being his primary caregiver. Since I'm the most consistent parent (i.e. always around) he's comfortable acting out with me because he knows I'll still be here, etc. And for a host of other reasons (personality similarities among others) we butt heads a lot.
    Oh gosh we also have similar personalities too. I'm a SAHM but, I recently started college almost 2 weeks ago but, he is used being without me during the day for the last two years because he's been in school for a full day 5 times a week.

  6. #6
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    I think a lot of it is developmental. They question everything, make up things as they go and when they are not testing your limits, they are testing the right and wrong around them. We often have to state a point and tell our almost 6 year old "Conversation is over" and ignore if she keeps pushing the point. You have to also keep in mind there are also so many new discoveries, emotions and literal physical growing pains going on right now. So as tiresome and annoying, at times absolutely unnerving it is for us as parents (I lose my patience these days very quickly being at the last stages of pregnancy and having no energy at all to have arguments!), it is even more difficult for them as they actually don't understand half of what is happening to them, why they have this urge to argue or get frustrated. DD1 just bursts in tears if I say no to her and it could be just something tiny and small and absolutely insignificant.
    That said, it is also important not to slack them at these stages, and continue being consistent and firm about things. They can understand reasoning and compromise but they also learn very quickly to manipulate and keep pushing them limits with parents and teachers. It is hard to find the balance between being loving and firm and strict but well, we are also learning, aren't we?
    Sending you lots of hugs and wishing you lots of patience.
    Miss T (10.17.2008) Miss A(06.30.2012) Flipper #3 due 06.2014
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  7. #7

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    Perfectly normal or at least I hope so as all three of mine will argue a hole in the ground. Mostly with each other!
    but my advice is not to engage him. I've learned this with my 8 yo dd. if I try to convince her of something she refuses to even consider. If I stay quiet, she usually comes to the same conclusion as me. So if you ask him to go down a slide and he says no, just say ok. If he wants to argue about a coupon just tell him it's ok if we disagree/ see it differently. Trying to convince a 5 yo old to see your point is exhausting and futile!

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeksy View Post
    I think a lot of it is developmental. They question everything, make up things as they go and when they are not testing your limits, they are testing the right and wrong around them. We often have to state a point and tell our almost 6 year old "Conversation is over" and ignore if she keeps pushing the point. You have to also keep in mind there are also so many new discoveries, emotions and literal physical growing pains going on right now. So as tiresome and annoying, at times absolutely unnerving it is for us as parents (I lose my patience these days very quickly being at the last stages of pregnancy and having no energy at all to have arguments!), it is even more difficult for them as they actually don't understand half of what is happening to them, why they have this urge to argue or get frustrated. DD1 just bursts in tears if I say no to her and it could be just something tiny and small and absolutely insignificant.
    That said, it is also important not to slack them at these stages, and continue being consistent and firm about things. They can understand reasoning and compromise but they also learn very quickly to manipulate and keep pushing them limits with parents and teachers. It is hard to find the balance between being loving and firm and strict but well, we are also learning, aren't we?
    Sending you lots of hugs and wishing you lots of patience.
    Amen sister! Thanks!

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Perfectly normal or at least I hope so as all three of mine will argue a hole in the ground. Mostly with each other!
    but my advice is not to engage him. I've learned this with my 8 yo dd. if I try to convince her of something she refuses to even consider. If I stay quiet, she usually comes to the same conclusion as me. So if you ask him to go down a slide and he says no, just say ok. If he wants to argue about a coupon just tell him it's ok if we disagree/ see it differently. Trying to convince a 5 yo old to see your point is exhausting and futile!
    I will keep this in mind thanks Bridget

  10. #10
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    Luckily mine don't do too much of this. DD2 is more likely to than DD1 but they do occasionally and I will just say, "We already discussed that" or "ok fine". I really don't have the energy to argue over things that don't really make sense lol. They do ask the same question over and over which drives me nuts and I will say "I already answered that question".

    I try to not pay too much attention to it but not ignore it. They deserve a response but if it's going in circles it needs to end. Once he is not getting anything more from you he will probably stop.
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    Luckily mine don't do too much of this. DD2 is more likely to than DD1 but they do occasionally and I will just say, "We already discussed that" or "ok fine". I really don't have the energy to argue over things that don't really make sense lol. They do ask the same question over and over which drives me nuts and I will say "I already answered that question".

    I try to not pay too much attention to it but not ignore it. They deserve a response but if it's going in circles it needs to end. Once he is not getting anything more from you he will probably stop.
    Yesterday I lost my patience and asked him "Why don't you believe me, for one I was not even talking to you for two did you read mommy's email"? Cody - "No I didn't".

  12. #12
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    I didn't read everyone's posts... but my oldest went through this stage. Where they know EVERYTHING, and no one else could possible know better. It was the hardest stage for me, I could deal with the tantrums as a baby and everything... but the attitude god.

    I just worked on him learning to say thing more politely, and to not stick his nose where it didn't belong... but he is turning 8, and we JUST got passed this stage a few months ugh.
    .~Becky~.



  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by o0astrid0o View Post
    I didn't read everyone's posts... but my oldest went through this stage. Where they know EVERYTHING, and no one else could possible know better. It was the hardest stage for me, I could deal with the tantrums as a baby and everything... but the attitude god.

    I just worked on him learning to say thing more politely, and to not stick his nose where it didn't belong... but he is turning 8, and we JUST got passed this stage a few months ugh.
    I am so happy I am not alone in this. I do tell sometimes "Cody that is not your business". Ekk.. with him turning 6 in a month this worries me it can last another two years. He had horrible tantrums as a toddler so I think this isn't as bad but, I think when school starts it will be easier.

  14. #14

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    Sorry but my son is 7.5 and he does this all the time--I think for him it is a personality trait because it's not just with me. He does it to other people and we just kind of exchange glances and roll our eyes LOL. Someday he will do something useful with his attitude (or piss a lot of people off, ha ha). I usually just say "I'm not going to argue with you". It's hard to just let it go sometimes but it's better than arguing all day.

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Sorry but my son is 7.5 and he does this all the time--I think for him it is a personality trait because it's not just with me. He does it to other people and we just kind of exchange glances and roll our eyes LOL. Someday he will do something useful with his attitude (or piss a lot of people off, ha ha). I usually just say "I'm not going to argue with you". It's hard to just let it go sometimes but it's better than arguing all day.
    I have told him this too.

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