Need to vent! Long....
So. My family is starting to upset me with the various comments they are making regarding my sister's wedding and planning my baby shower. According to them this whole pregnancy thing is just bad timing for them. While, yes, it surely is since my Sister is getting married October 4th and I will be 30 weeks pregnant with twins. It wasn't planned that way, SORRY TO BE an inconvenience.
I am in the wedding as a bridesmaid. All of the other girls have purchased their dresses, but I do not feel comfortable doing it yet since I have NO idea what size I am going to need by then. So I am trying to put it off as long as possible, thinking August would be plenty of time. They do not agree with that tactic. But If I am paying $150 for a dress, if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. I won't be able to get a new one in time and they don't do returns. If you google twin bellies you can get a pretty good idea of how huge I will be, but everyone is unique!
It's not that they are making very negative comments, its the fact that they can't get it through their thick heads that by that point, I will be huge and tired and will need to be very careful to not put myself into early labor.
Another thing is they are trying to plan my Bridal Shower for a couple of weeks after the wedding, I will be 33 weeks pregnant with twins. 1. I don't think I will have the energy to put all of the stuff away and organize it. And 2. I want to be prepared for babies WAY before that because you never know when Twins will arrive. While I am grateful that they want to throw me a shower, I just don't think it will be good timing and I would rather not have one. I have already started preparing and by then I intend to be 100% ready. Not waiting on big ticket items that we will need and if we don't get at the shower, we will have to run out and purchase.
So, I am looking for opinions. How do I approach my Mom and Sister about the wedding and try to explain to them I want to wait on the dress. And I don't want to be tasked with anything that will be too much for me to handle. (She does have a maid of honor that I think will step up to the tasks). And how do I go about explaining that I either don't want a baby shower or I want it to be in like August...
OR am I being crazy? Reading the stories about twins online and knowing a lot of people who have had twins, they tend to go naturally anytime between 32-37 weeks. It is the reality of my situation, how do I get them to understand that.
Last edited by RedDonahue; 06-18-2014 at 05:51 AM.
I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated. It is definitely understandable, but also understandable that they don't get it.
Are you getting your dress at a specific place? Maybe you could enlist their help to advocate for you? I'm sure they've encountered a twin situation or two and can vouch for the fact that it's not a good idea to get the dress too soon. Also, what about purchasing the dress larger and altering? Are they just super nervous that the dress won't be available then?
As far as the baby shower ... I feel like that's a bit more touchy and you can drop hints and send links to statistics, but it would be rude to point blank tell people when to have a shower for you. It sounds like you're not really depending on them for purchasing big ticket items, so I'd just register for what you want, buy what you want, and return whatever is a duplicate. If you're unavailable for your shower because you're in labor, they'll feel pretty silly that they didn't take you more seriously. ;)
You have to ask for what you want/need. It's not crazy or unreasonable--but you have to understand that they won't be operating with the same information you have so maybe you'll have to remind them, a lot. They won't forget you're having twins but they won't really get that the time table is different.
I totally get how asking about a shower is awkward. My SIL planned the whole thing for me and didn't really even want to me know about it--lol--so I couldn't really give any input which felt frustrating at times. But you don't want to feel ungrateful either, so it can be a mess.
With the wedding I would also call the store and tell them the situation and see if they can put a hold on the dress and size you closer to the wedding. or if they have a maternity version of the same dress. I am sure they have encountered this before.if all else fails be prepared to not be in a bridesmaid position. Maybe see if you can be a reader or another significant role. It is the brides choice and hopefully all will work out in the end.
With the shower, since they have told you they are throwing one, I would be honest with the dates. But for me I would want it after the wedding shower and even after the wedding. Personally I would want the bride center stage until the wedding. Your situation is unique with twins. Really though even with twin babies you don't gave to be 100% ready early. If they are not full term they will likely be in hospital a little longer then you. You can use that time to get last minute things. If they are full term then the later shower date is fine.
Hugs. It can be frustrating but also understand that your sister is having a hopefully one in a life time event and she does want attention. You are totally fair about not willing to take up on tasks that at the wedding itself will tire you out. Be honest about it and consult with them about things you can do. They need to be understanding as well.
I also agree about the dress. I was the maid of honour in January at around 17-18 weeks and I got my dress a week before the wedding.
As for your shower - let them know your concerns but just go with a flow. They are they ones planning. Plus whatever gifts people get will still end up with you. If God forbid the babies are born too early you can always turn it into some baby naming shower or meet the baby shower when they are out of the hospital cause I don't think they will need all the gadgets during their icu time.
Thanks ladies! I had a nice long talk with my Mom this morning and for the first time i feel like she really listened. (maybe because i was crying lol) I made it clear to her, that i don't want to step on my sister's toes. And I don't want to steal any of her thunder either because this will hopefully be her first and only wedding. That was part of the reason I got married at the courthouse in early April because her and I actually got engaged in the same weekend! And I wanted my wedding to be done and out of the way, way before hers.
Mom agreed that she should throw the shower maybe in August, before any bridal showers or wedding events. And while that is pretty early, I'll be around 25 weeks, I am very thankful. She was so insistent about throwing me one because she just loves babies, and DH's family is especially insistent since these are his first children. So either way I knew it was happening, but I'm happy I won't be stressing about it.
And I will be going in for the dress early August. Like someone said, I will just purchase a larger dress and have it altered down to fit me in all the right places. That is the safest bet. Sadly, she is using David's Bridal who no longer offer maternity dresses and she is going with Persimmon which is a special order color. Here's hoping it all works out!
I'm so glad it's getting worked out and I don't think you were unreasonable at any point.
I do want to say that, I do agree with pps about it being her "big day", but I seriously don't think that means putting all other family events on hold until after the wedding...your baby shower has nothing to do with her at all. Being a bride doesn't mean getting all the limelight for the entire planning process...it's her big "DAY", lol, not her big week, month, or year . Having a separate event at a different time doesn't steal anyone's thunder (especially if it's 2 months between events). Then again, lol, I'm someone who feels weddings are way over-rated and am hoping my kids decide to inform us they're eloping when the time comes
thinking of you momma and praying it all works out *perfectly*...you don't need the stress for sure! If things get intense with the dress issue, I know it won't solve anything, but maybe getting a prenatal massage the week of the wedding when things tend to get crazy will help you at least release some of the stress and tension...definitely do something for you around that time
I'm glad you talked to your mom and worked everything out. Its a relief I'm sure...so happy for you that everything is working out for everyone. I didn't know David's bridal stopped offering maternity. OK that stinks big time. then yes get a bigger size and alter down. I hate you'll may have to pay a buttload in alterations though.
So glad that your Mom was cool about August for the baby shower!! I think anytime after knowing the gender (if you're finding out, otherwise after 20 weeks) is perfectly fine for a shower.
I'm glad it all worked out! It all seemed very reasonable to me! I have never been pregnant with twins, but just being preggo with one feels like I have lost all control of my body. Every pound and 1/2 inch my belly goes out the more out of control and BIG I feel. Baby shower at 33 weeks with TWINS, gah, I get your POV!
As for the wedding thing..... I've been in the exact opposite boat as you! I was nearly 9 months pregnant ordering special order for my lil sis wedding. I was trying to figure out my size (including boogie milk) at 10 weeks PP. Ya, not much fun. Both my sisters had big expensive weddings given by my parents.... We hopped a plane to Hawaii, told no one, and got married on the beach with our older two as ring bearers. (At least Kelly would have loved me ) my family was upset, but I just don't like the fussiness of weddings for myself. Anyone else sure. Hopefully your family will "get it" more as you rapidly grow bigger very quickly!
waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*
12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks
Glad it all worked out! !!