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Thread: would you be upset

  1. #1

    Default would you be upset

    wile mil and fil were watching the kids i get a text from mil that says that dd scraped up her leg, didn't cry when she did it, and didn't cry when it was cleaned up and a bandaid was applied so not sure how she did it.
    when i got there (after finishing up my errands.) dd had 2 bandaids side by side, with blood that had seeped into the pad and was visible making it look like a pretty bad scrape. fil stated that she did it on the retaining wall (a place that dh and i have told the kids to stay away from as it looks like the whole wall is about to fall over. we have also told mil and fil to keep the kids away from it)
    my theory is poop happens, kids are quick and she probably ran over to the wall and tried to climb it and got in trouble for going to the wall
    dh was mad and said that i should stop having his parents watch the kids since they aren't "watching" them anyway.

    would you be upset enough to stop having your in-laws watch your kids? i don't really NEED them to watch the kids, i just do it so i can grocery shop and run other errands without the kids, and so that the in-laws can see their grandkids.



    and also for the summer there will be 4 more kids there... ranging in age from 6 to 12 would you continue to have them watch your 2 in addition to the 4 they have to watch or would you just take the kids shopping with you and resume dropping them off again once school starts for the others?


  2. #2
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    No, I wouldn't be mad. You're right, poop happens, even when you watch your kids like a hawk. One scrape, imo, is just kids being kids.


  3. #3

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    No I wouldn't freak out over a scraped knee... If anything I'd see it as the best way to teach your kids to stay away from the retaining wall next time. And as for the other 4 kids, I'd be ok with that too, My kids are always with their cousins at the grandparents house and are probably safer in the group vs just the 3 of them.
    Katie~
    DD1 (7) DD2 (4) DS1 (22 months) Baby #4 EDD 7/13/14

  4. #4
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    Accidents do happen (you should see the scars on my knees!!), but have there been other incidents that suggest they aren't watched? I'd just be aware of a pattern.

    I agree with the others about being with their cousins.
    Natalie [31] DH [40] 9/01, 1/06 NaturallyNatalie's Hair Accessories!

  5. #5

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    I wouldn't be concerned about the scrape at all, but having four more kids to watch might give me pause if mine is the youngest/needs most watching. 6-12 year olds don't need too much supervision, but how are your in-laws at multitasking with a big group of kids?
    Honestly, one day per week, it would be fine with me and I think it's important for them to spend time with each other. More important than you taking them to the grocery store.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  6. #6
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    Stuff happens. Scraped knee is easy to get, and not a big deal. As for the 4 additional kids, depends on the kids. I would have no trouble leaving my DD with kids like my nephews, because they are, by and large, responsible, kids, and will take good care of DD.

  7. #7
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    When I think about how many scrapes, bruises, broken bones my kids have had on MY watch...yeah. A skinned knee at grandma and grandpa's wouldn't even phase me. When I was out of the country with my mom when DD2 was 2 I came home to the back of her head being super glued shut. And not because the pedi or ER did it...my dear father trimmed her hair, tweezed out the gravel and cleansed the heck out of the cut and super glued it on his own...and yet I still have never hesitated leaving the kids with him when going on trips since then.

    As for the increase in kids-if you're talking once or twice a week for a few hours and the only concern is simply based on you wondering if they'll handle it, I'd be upfront and ask them if it'll still be ok, if they think they can handle your kids on top of the cousins or would they prefer you stick around the first few times to see how the dynamics go, etc.

    If DH is adamant about it I would tell him they're HIS parents, HE can talk to them about it...and that HE can watch the kids while you grocery shop if it's such a big deal

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  8. #8

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    No big deal to me, too.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  9. #9

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    The scrape would not make me mad or worried at all.

    As far as the summer and the other 4 kids, it really depends on your ILs and the cousins. My parents won't do a good job with 6 kids and will likely say no to begin with (unless it is an emergency). Some grandparents are fit and attentive in their 70s and some older kids are easy going and even reliable to watch younger ones. So it really depends.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  10. #10

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    You should see the scars I have since I was 10 and started shaving not exactly the same but, my point is kids get hurt all the time. How is your DH ever going to trust anyone if he can't handle your DD have a scrape? Cody's had a scrape while in my care does that mean I shouldn't be a parent? Not saying you are saying that I am going by your DH's theory? Do they get hurt all the time over there at MIL's house? Sophia also got scraped by falling off of one step at MIL's house and MIL was with her the whole time sometimes we just aren't as quick as little toddlers. If it just happened once your DH really needs to lighten up. I mean he can't trust his own parents? I would never ban my in laws over a scrape. Seriously unless it was an all the time thing but, I believe that most kids especially toddlers are more strong that what we give them credit for. Kids are usually are more hurt when someone takes their toy away vs running and falling or physically being hurt with something really small. Knock on wood neither of the kids other than a scrape here and there (maybe a couple of times of year) have never had a broken bone
    or sprain. We worried about a broken bone with Cody at age 1.5 but, the doctor did an x-ray and everything was fine Cody was just favoring one leg and we
    were told that was normal until the fear goes away and surely it did within 48 hours. I've never had a broken bone in my life (knock on wood) however, many of
    my classmates growing up at some point or another had a case on. It just happens!
    Last edited by mom2CodySophia0811; 06-11-2014 at 11:27 AM.

  11. #11

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    My guess is that it happens right in front of your husband, too. Maybe when he's looking right at the kids. (Mine bumped his head on a door while hanging onto me this very morning.) That how "kids" work. Unless they were negligent on some way, I dont think there's a reason to be upset.

  12. #12

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    A scraped knee would not phase me in the least.

    As far as the other kids, I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as it is not an all day thing...a couple hours, I wouldn't bat an eye.

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)
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  13. #13
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    I agree with everyone else. If your kids haven't had a scraped knee with your dh watching them by this point, he probably needs to watch them a little more.


  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    The scrape would not make me mad or worried at all.

    As far as the summer and the other 4 kids, it really depends on your ILs and the cousins. My parents won't do a good job with 6 kids and will likely say no to begin with (unless it is an emergency). Some grandparents are fit and attentive in their 70s and some older kids are easy going and even reliable to watch younger ones. So it really depends.
    I agree with this. Scrapped knee is no big deal even though they seemed to have played it down a bit. The extra kids would depend on the kids (rowdy, known to make trouble) and your in laws (their health, their ages, how attentive they are) so that is a tough one to answer. I would think an hour or 2 once a week would be fine but 6 kids on 2 adults sounds like a lot of work even for young grandparents!
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  15. #15

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    ok good. at first i thought i under reacted by shrugging it off but now i see that other moms would of done the same. i think that my dh is a bit too over protective of our children.

    the other children are pretty good with my kids, the oldest is good at redirection, and the 3rd oldest likes to play mommy with my dd and often keeps her entertained and out of trouble when every one gets together. the youngest however needs to be watched like a hawk and needs to be told what to do and not to do with the younger kids so she may be a problem but i think my il's can handle it. i didn't have much of an issue with it but dh is worried about it and says i should take the kids shopping... (i am thinking no, they can play for 2-3 hours with their cousins one day a week)


  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by froggie83 View Post
    ok good. at first i thought i under reacted by shrugging it off but now i see that other moms would of done the same. i think that my dh is a bit too over protective of our children.

    the other children are pretty good with my kids, the oldest is good at redirection, and the 3rd oldest likes to play mommy with my dd and often keeps her entertained and out of trouble when every one gets together. the youngest however needs to be watched like a hawk and needs to be told what to do and not to do with the younger kids so she may be a problem but i think my il's can handle it. i didn't have much of an issue with it but dh is worried about it and says i should take the kids shopping... (i am thinking no, they can play for 2-3 hours with their cousins one day a week)
    I agree with you completely on this one. Cousins are so important. I grew up living without my cousins 1.) On my father's side they were 4 hours away and only saw them for 2-3 days at a time 4 times a year! I wanted so badly to live in Indy near my cousins but, I was stuck here in Lame-O-Boring town. 2.) My mom's family was highly dysfunctional and still is. Its very sad that all of my maternal cousins lived here in town a big chunk of life and because of their problems
    I didn't get to see them now as an adult I've reached out and its all still super awkward because we should close but, we aren't. I totally think its best to see
    cousins as much as possible growing up. Cody and Sophia see their cousins about once a month or so mostly because everyone is so busy. Cody and Sophia
    have out of town cousins that they see here and there not much but, that's a different story. I don't think you are doing anything wrong I truly don't.

  17. #17
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    In my little world, whether I took the kids shopping with me or took advantage of family who wanted them to come over for a couple hours here and there while DH was working-that was the kind of decision left to me. If I wanted to leave them, and I was confident it was a safe place, no problem. The only time DH would have entered that decision was if something made me nervous about the situation. I'm all for co-parenting and having both parents' feelings factor in. But there has to be some latitude for singular decision making in day-to-day operations within my realm of "duty" which would include the kids and how our day runs while DH is working.

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  18. #18

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    From what you describe I will be comfortable leaving the kids with their cousins; however, I will pick times when your MIL is not busy (you say that DD needs a close watch); for example if I know MIL is busy around noon making lunch for everyone, I will drop my kids off at 9:30 and pick them up 11:30 or so; this way, MIL can watch DD more closely and not be distracted with errands or whatever is going on. The lunch thing is just an example out of the blue, perhaps your MIL does not spend much time prepping lunch but she might spend time doing something else which can distract her from taking care of the little ones.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  19. #19

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    we go to a story/craft time at our library and i drop the kids off at the il's after that its about 11:30 and unless i drag the kids out 2x a week there is no changing the time.... i don't have a problem with it at all, i know that while mil is making lunch the "mommy" niece will be keeping dd out of trouble. so i think it will be better for my kids to have the cousins there. (more eyes on them and distracting them from harmful stuff)


  20. #20

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    I would leave my kids with the UPS guy if it meant I could shop alone! JUST KIDDING!!

    But yeah, I agree with the others that a scraped knee would definitely not phase me. In fact, it happens almost every time MIL watches DD during the summer. Her patio is a little uneven and the cement has a texture to it, so every time she plays there, she seems to fall and get a pretty bad scrape. One summer she just kept re-injuring the same cut. I am amazed there isn't a bigger scar. As others said, it's just part of being a kid.

    And I agree the other kids could make the situation even better, especially if one of them likes to "mommy" your kids. My niece is great at this with DD, so she keeps her out of trouble when they are together.


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  21. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by preciousnd98 View Post
    I would leave my kids with the UPS guy if it meant I could shop alone! JUST KIDDING!!

    But yeah, I agree with the others that a scraped knee would definitely not phase me. In fact, it happens almost every time MIL watches DD during the summer. Her patio is a little uneven and the cement has a texture to it, so every time she plays there, she seems to fall and get a pretty bad scrape. One summer she just kept re-injuring the same cut. I am amazed there isn't a bigger scar. As others said, it's just part of being a kid.

    And I agree the other kids could make the situation even better, especially if one of them likes to "mommy" your kids. My niece is great at this with DD, so she keeps her out of trouble when they are together.
    both my uncle and my bil are UPS guys so i would definitely leave my kids with a ups man... but only one of those 2 UPS men. LOL


  22. #22
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    I'd say if something happens again, like someone gets a bruise or a scrape, THEN I'd reevaluate the situation. Hopefully it was an isolated incident. My kids wipe out too, even under my watchful eye. Things can go bad in a second. For example, Sonja was in the bath last Friday and Damien decided to have a crazy poo in his diaper. Sonja is 4 and VERY independent in the bath, sits and plays alone for 20 minutes sometimes. I'm in the next room always. Anyway, we live in a house that was built in 1909, so stuff breaks and things are not 100% sturdy. She was putting Ariel on the soap dish that's tiled to the wall, pulled too hard and the thing came off and clocked her square between the eyes. I was elbow deep in Damien's diaper.
    So things can happen to anyone. They probably didn't want you to get frantic and worry and rush home. They probably also didn't want to make a big deal out of it with your daughter since kids are very sensitive to adults' reactions. Sonja was more upset with "breaking the wall" than her injury. If they learn how to shake it off now, they won't be basket cases as older kids and as teens or adults. I'm thinking this was their approach and philosophy.... unless they're flippant on a consistent basis and more things happen that they just brush off, I'd give them another chance.

  23. #23

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    i have not had any issues with things happening while they are watching my kids, well nothing out of the normal. i think that my dh wants the kids to be placed in a bubble to prevent all injuries and accidents and illnesses. he is over protective of them and worries too much. (ds bonked his head on the table, not hard enough to make a mark but dh was ready to take him to the er about it. ds only cried for a minute and said it didn't hurt anymore when he was done crying.)
    his overkill attitude makes me wonder if i am too lax on stuff.

    another example: one of the kids gets a fever thats about 101.3. dh says call the dr, don't we have to bring them to the hospital? is that fever too high? aren't you going to do something? my response is lets give a fever reducer and see what happens in the next 24 hours. then i will call the nurses line at the dr office and see what they recommend.

    so when different situations come up i have to check with other moms to see if i am approaching the situation correctly or if i should be a bit more like dh.
    i love having a network of mommies to ask and to back up my decisions. you are wonderful!


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