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Thread: Any advice?

  1. #1
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    Default Any advice?

    I have posted before that my DD is quite loud in all ways. It has only grown worse the last few weeks and I don't know what to do. If she stubs her toe, she screams like she is dying (earsplitting volume). If the baby looks at her toys she screams. When something goes wrong she screams. And she won't stop with a single scream. I've had to send her to her room just about every day more than once for two weeks for incessant screaming with the instructions that she can come back out when she is done screaming. She'll scream in her room for at least five minutes but sometimes twenty minutes or more.

    I am sure that some of this is because I am fairly ill right now. I can't leave the house by myself with the kids currently. I am also very sun sensitive and sunscreen irritates my skin (think burning sensations and hives) so we haven't been doing all the things that we would normally do in nice weather.

    What can I do to help my DD process things in a calmer manner? Please tell me that this, too, shall pass.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  2. #2

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    I have found that sending a screaming child away is counterproductive. Unfortunately, it took years of doing it to my daughter before I realized that holding her tightly and whispering to her soothingly ended it in seconds. For my subsequent children I ditched the idea of timeouts for tantrums and instead offered my arms. My older ds will actually refuse sometimes and choose to be alone and that is fine. I just think it must feel terrible to be really upset and told to go away. It doesn't seem like the right moment to teach the concept of "walking away when angry". Those conversations need to happen during calm times, IMO.
    i also own a book called Think of Something Quiet which is a guide for achieving serenity in a classroom setting but the ideas can work at home as well. When I get home, I will flip through it and give you some more concrete ideas.

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry you're dealing with this especially while being sick. Screaming phases are something I am not looking forward to at all.

    Is there someone that can do outside stuff with her? IIRC you're relatively new in your area? Can she go on play dates or have a big-sister type sitter take her to the park or do some other things with her so she's getting one on one attention and maybe some outside time?
    Natalie [31] DH [40] 9/01, 1/06 NaturallyNatalie's Hair Accessories!

  4. #4

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    I agree with Bridget. I pretty much always offer hugs and / or help (deep breaths is a favorite here, we take them together, usually while I hold her) and almost never send her to her room without offering help first. The exception is if she's really truly being mean, like hitting or throwing things, and when I try to talk to her she hits me instead of listening. Which very seldom happens. But like Bridget's older DS, Maiya will often reject any help from me, and choose to be alone. There have been many times that, even when she chooses to be alone, she still just has to scream for a bit. But usually, she'll go to her room and play nicely until she's ready to come out.



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    The idea of having someone come and take the kids out while I am ill is an excellent one. I'll see what my budget can handle and talk to my DH about that.

    I generally do try to talk to her first and comfort her before giving up and sending her to her room. We talk about counting to ten and breathing deeply when she isn't freaking out but she says that she can't do that and won't practice with me then. She is almost five so I know that she could do that. I will try to model that for her at the next freak out to see if my doing it can help her to do it. She generally gives me a lot of attitude during these times, too, and isn't cuddly but I will try that as well.

    It is hard to even think with the ear piercing screams - I generally then also have a terrified, crying baby wondering what in the world it going on, too - so having a plan of attack before the next one hits will definitely be helpful for me.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  6. #6

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    Completely unrelated to the screaming ... I have recently heard that Coconut Oil can be used as sunscreen. Here's a great resource for natural sunscreen methods: http://livingprettynaturally.com/nat...-need-to-know/
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



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    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    Completely unrelated to the screaming ... I have recently heard that Coconut Oil can be used as sunscreen. Here's a great resource for natural sunscreen methods: http://livingprettynaturally.com/nat...-need-to-know/
    I am currently gluten free so I tried some coconut flour and oil and reacted. It could be a real thing for me, or it could be just because my body is freaking out in general. I might also have to go low salicylate and coconut is very high saliclyate, along with most other fruits and some vegetables. It turns out about 40% of the people with MCAD (a mast cell activation disorder) also have an aspirin/salicylate intolerance/allergy and I am unfortunately in that camp. So, as much as I long to go all natural it might actually be incredibly debilitating for me.

    For the illness bit, I do have a blog with some details.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  8. #8

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    No help here on the allergies but, screaming wise I don't see anything wrong with sending her to bedroom if it helps her get it out. I would remind him
    that he could play nice or go into his room. It works for us, and I think its good for kids to be in their room especially if the house is small. We never
    had more than 1000 sq feet for the whole which is still a good amount of space but, all of the rooms are very close together. I stay more
    calm too when I don't hear that screaming blood murder. It doesn't work for everyone I know but, it works for us. I also agree if you are
    able afford a babysitter too that would certainly help.
    *** Lindsay ***



  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by JJorn View Post
    The idea of having someone come and take the kids out while I am ill is an excellent one. I'll see what my budget can handle and talk to my DH about that.

    I generally do try to talk to her first and comfort her before giving up and sending her to her room. We talk about counting to ten and breathing deeply when she isn't freaking out but she says that she can't do that and won't practice with me then. She is almost five so I know that she could do that. I will try to model that for her at the next freak out to see if my doing it can help her to do it. She generally gives me a lot of attitude during these times, too, and isn't cuddly but I will try that as well.

    It is hard to even think with the ear piercing screams - I generally then also have a terrified, crying baby wondering what in the world it going on, too - so having a plan of attack before the next one hits will definitely be helpful for me.
    Almost 5 that was worst that being two for us. Cody acted like a hormonal teenager at this age ^ slamming his door "I hate you mom". So I told him "OK
    you need to wait and come out when your not screaming" I never took it personally at all. I know it hurts but, I know they also don't understand the affects of
    words until later.
    *** Lindsay ***



  10. #10

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    What about the Carrot Seed Oil? That one might work for you and offers a higher SPF anyway.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2CodySophia0811 View Post
    No help here on the allergies but, screaming wise I don't see anything wrong with sending her to bedroom if it helps her get it out. I would remind him
    that he could play nice or go into his room. It works for us, and I think its good for kids to be in their room especially if the house is small. We never
    had more than 1000 sq feet for the whole which is still a good amount of space but, all of the rooms are very close together. I stay more
    calm too when I don't hear that screaming blood murder. It doesn't work for everyone I know but, it works for us. I also agree if you are
    able afford a babysitter too that would certainly help.
    We also always had a small house. My concern is that over the last several weeks that this has only gotten worse and not better. But, over those same weeks I have also gotten more ill but I have no end in sight for that so I can't wait for that to be over for her behavior to improve. She knows that I am sick and we now stay home all the time because of it and I'm not sure how to make her understand that I can't help it.

    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    What about the Carrot Seed Oil? That one might work for you and offers a higher SPF anyway.
    I'll definitely check out the alternatives. Carrots themselves seem to be ok for me.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  12. #12

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    Have you tried the 1-2-3 consequence steps for DD? I couldn't handle the screaming, either. I don't know if those steps will work for you or if you'd have to yell them over her, but they help both me and the child calm down and get behavior under control.

    I really hope the Carrot Seed Oil will work for you! We're going to try it out during our beach trip this year.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  13. #13
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    Just wanted to say that I agree having someone take the kids for a bit could really help them...and help you get some rest. Having a local college or high school student come once or twice a week might make a big difference. Your family has been through a lot collectively in the last year or so..Maybe she's stressed with the illnesses, move, etc?

    ~ Cassie, mama to Madison (8), Ali (4) & Wesley (new dude!)


  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    Have you tried the 1-2-3 consequence steps for DD? I couldn't handle the screaming, either. I don't know if those steps will work for you or if you'd have to yell them over her, but they help both me and the child calm down and get behavior under control.

    I really hope the Carrot Seed Oil will work for you! We're going to try it out during our beach trip this year.
    We are usually strict with ask once, remind and then consequence but not lately while I have been ill. I am working very hard to get back to that, which I guess is a 1, 2 consequence. I have never looked closely at the 1-2-3 consequence process, does it involve more than what it suggests with the name? The kids do generally listen, though, it is just this screaming thing with her that is getting worse.

    Quote Originally Posted by jazzmom View Post
    Just wanted to say that I agree having someone take the kids for a bit could really help them...and help you get some rest. Having a local college or high school student come once or twice a week might make a big difference. Your family has been through a lot collectively in the last year or so..Maybe she's stressed with the illnesses, move, etc?
    My DH and I will talk about it tonight - there are tons of college age kids here and we have a high school student across the street that might be interested as well. Ugh, we are just putting out fires left and right over here.

    MCAD is worsened by stress so that might be why I am going from chronic to acute right now. The kids are also really missing our extended family and friends lately, too. We will be back for a visit at the end of the month, though.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

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    This is one of the strategies we have used at work to help students learn to control their emotional responses. It is designed to use with young children. It would take some groundwork before the tantrum (can't just pull it out mid scream and expect it to work) but it is a great tool and lots of people swear by it. Disclaimer: I haven't read the book myself. http://www.aapcpublishing.net/produc...x?productid=97
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I have a big board with visual aids for my 4-year-old, designed to help him calm down. I have a list of a few triggers ("What makes me mad"), like "When I have to stop doing something fun," a list of a couple of forbidden actions ("Can't-Do's), like "I am not allowed to hit or kick" and a list of items, accompanied by pictures of him doing them, of things that can help him calm down ("What helps me calm down"), like "I can play with a toy" or "I can look at a book" or "I can go rest on my bed."

    When he starts getting upset, I take him by the hand and lead him over to the board and remind him to choose one of his calm-down activities. And then NOTICE when he does it, then, and every time afterward, for longer than you'd think. And remind him when he is doing one of the can't-do's. And I had him help me make the board.


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    L, I love that.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  18. #18

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    I dont think i can add anything to what the others have said about screaming fits. i had 2 who did that, #2 and #5. They needed completely different things to calm down and learn to control their emotions, so i think its partly a matter of trial and error. Oh, one thing is sleep, is she getting enough? That is a huge trigger for #5, even now at 9 she will disolve into tears at the drop of a hat if she is sleep deprived.

    On the sunscreen front, i have a friend whose 2 daughters have extreme alergies and she's been trying out various homemade sunscreens. She said that coconut oil seems to be as effective as baby oil for sunscreen and nothing with that as the ingredient for protection works. She did make a concoction with zinc oxide that worked, but it was thick and white. i dont know if she's tried carrot seed oil. I'm going to go check with her... I am allergic to the chemical sunscreens, but can use the ones withzinc as the block. They are thick and sticky but better than getting burned. But mostly i avoid sunlight. easier in some places than others.

  19. #19

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    she said she hasnt used it yet, but that it worked well on the burn she already had this is the recipe she used http://www.phillipsessentials.com/20...oil-sunscreen/

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I have a big board with visual aids for my 4-year-old, designed to help him calm down. I have a list of a few triggers ("What makes me mad"), like "When I have to stop doing something fun," a list of a couple of forbidden actions ("Can't-Do's), like "I am not allowed to hit or kick" and a list of items, accompanied by pictures of him doing them, of things that can help him calm down ("What helps me calm down"), like "I can play with a toy" or "I can look at a book" or "I can go rest on my bed."

    When he starts getting upset, I take him by the hand and lead him over to the board and remind him to choose one of his calm-down activities. And then NOTICE when he does it, then, and every time afterward, for longer than you'd think. And remind him when he is doing one of the can't-do's. And I had him help me make the board.
    I think that we'll give that a try, too. Until we get that made I'll try to model and help her count to ten and breathe while she is screaming. My DH and I both don't think that she would want to be held or touched.

    She lost it three times today!

    Quote Originally Posted by runningmomofmany View Post
    I dont think i can add anything to what the others have said about screaming fits. i had 2 who did that, #2 and #5. They needed completely different things to calm down and learn to control their emotions, so i think its partly a matter of trial and error. Oh, one thing is sleep, is she getting enough? That is a huge trigger for #5, even now at 9 she will disolve into tears at the drop of a hat if she is sleep deprived.

    On the sunscreen front, i have a friend whose 2 daughters have extreme alergies and she's been trying out various homemade sunscreens. She said that coconut oil seems to be as effective as baby oil for sunscreen and nothing with that as the ingredient for protection works. She did make a concoction with zinc oxide that worked, but it was thick and white. i dont know if she's tried carrot seed oil. I'm going to go check with her... I am allergic to the chemical sunscreens, but can use the ones withzinc as the block. They are thick and sticky but better than getting burned. But mostly i avoid sunlight. easier in some places than others.
    It might be a sleep issue now that I think about it. My DS1 is waking up with the sun now and often failing asleep at dinner. My DD does say that she is tired. Neither will nap. We've put them to bed 30 minutes early the last two nights and will probably stick with that. I likely will be purchasing that clock that turns colors to let them know what it is time to get up. Hopefully they will just look at the clock and go back to sleep if it isn't time. Otherwise room darkening curtains might also be in our future.

    I generally react less quickly to zinc oxide sunscreens so making one of those might be a good idea for me (I am already used to looking paler than I normally am when I do put sunscreen on). I am going to go ahead and try the Badger Baby sunscreen to see if that would work (zinc oxide in sunflower oil, beeswax and vitamin E, I believe). If that isn't going to work then I will try to make some, I think.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  21. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by JJorn View Post
    The idea of having someone come and take the kids out while I am ill is an excellent one. I'll see what my budget can handle and talk to my DH about that.

    I generally do try to talk to her first and comfort her before giving up and sending her to her room. We talk about counting to ten and breathing deeply when she isn't freaking out but she says that she can't do that and won't practice with me then. She is almost five so I know that she could do that. I will try to model that for her at the next freak out to see if my doing it can help her to do it. She generally gives me a lot of attitude during these times, too, and isn't cuddly but I will try that as well.

    It is hard to even think with the ear piercing screams - I generally then also have a terrified, crying baby wondering what in the world it going on, too - so having a plan of attack before the next one hits will definitely be helpful for me.
    My daughter is 5 and into the attitude, non cuddly stage as well. Things have gotten better lately but she had a lot of issues after DS was born. Psychologist had said she's trying to gain control with the changing situation and when she doesn't like when someone is doing something, she can't control it and therefore, gets increasingly angry. With my daughter it is noises, breathing loud, sniffing, singing, humming, etc. She'd throw a tantrum and I had been sending her away and finally realized what worked was forcing her to come to me since sometimes she was so mad she didntwant to.. But I'd hold her tight and speak softly and her entire mood would change.

  22. #22

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    I made a coconut oil sunscreen with carrot seed oil for our Florida trip and we burnt pretty bad. I think we did not re apply as often as we should have because the same recipe did work at home in Wisconsin but the sun is less here too.

  23. #23
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    My DH tried to get her to take deep breaths this morning and she would not. I really think the visual aid that 3andMe mentioned might be the way to go. I'll need to get supplies for that this weekend but can take pictures and print those off at home. I'll also try to hold her and talk quietly today, if it happens again.

    That is a bummer about the sunscreen. I actually can burn outside the hours of 10 and 2 so making my own concoction is intimidating. I did buy two sun hats for this summer and I am hopeful that I can wear those to help prevent burning of my face and neck in the morning and late afternoon and be able to skip the sunscreen.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  24. #24

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    My other idea is sunscreen pills but, allergy wise I am not sure if that would be safe or not. I did however wanted to mention it or a long sleeve with breathable
    material ? Or would it be too hot? Do you have access to a gym with an indoor pool to let the kids burn off energy and maybe have a friend come with
    you to help?
    Last edited by mom2CodySophia0811; 06-05-2014 at 10:44 AM.
    *** Lindsay ***



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