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Thread: Do you send invites to...

  1. #1
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    Default Do you send invites to...

    Do you send invitations of special events to people you know will not be able to attend?

    My children are getting baptized in June, which is a pretty big event for us. Its also an event that not all people in our family agree with. So I'm not sure exactly who to send invitations to. For people who live in other states and will not be able to attend, I would like to send the invitations just to let them know its happening... I guess I want them to feel like we remembered them for this important thing that is happening, similar to sending a birth announcement? But I don't want it to come across as just wanting gifts or something (I don't even know if people do that for baptisms. This is new to us.)
    I am also not sure if I should send them to the people who disagree with baptizing small children. If I only send them to people who would be happy for us, then that also could cause a sticky situation. For example: I know my aunt would be pleased, but my parents would not. However, if I send one to my aunt, and not my parents, my mother in particular, might be offended that I sent one to her sister but not her.

    Advice??

  2. #2
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    Keira got baptized last year. Almost none of John's family is into the whole baptizing thing, nor are our closest friends, at all. But we sent out announcements anyhow. It wasn't an inviation it was more of a "this is happening and we are happy about it" like a baby announcement. I didn't hear anything negative from anyone, even those in the family that are vehemently against religion of any sort.

    IIRC your parents are LDS, no? I cannot imagine not sending an announcement to my parents if I were sending them out. I can't imagine them being so out of sorts over us making a different life choice than they would prefer that they would rather NOT get the memento, LDS or not...but I also know there are many different ...levels of tolerance and ability to look at things with an open mind...within the church.

    FWIW, Scharae was baptized earlier this month. We didn't send out announcements this time. We moved 2,000 miles away from both our families and knew that only my grandparents and parents were coming. In Keira's case there was enough random family close by that may or may not want to come that we did feel it worth sending the announcements to put it in their court.

    If you're sending announcements (or invitations I guess) and would be sending one to your aunt just for the sake of her being included in the event even from afar I would also plan on sending one to your parents. If you think it will ruffle their feathers that badly I would almost rethink sending them at all to people you know aren't going to be coming and maybe just send people like your aunt a personal email with thoughts on the event, pictures, etc.

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  3. #3
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    Thanks!
    Yeah, religion is such a weird issue in my family, particularly for my parents. They are LDS, and my dad's parents have been incredibly offensive in their "evangelizing" approach (causing massive family fights and hurt feelings), to the point that any mention of it makes things tense and awkward. I think (hope) that they are starting to relax around me more because I have never ever been that way toward them. But its like they still feel very gun shy. I'm not sure if sending them something would make them feel included or hurt.

    An announcement would probably be better than an invitation. I will look online and see if there is anything more appropriate for people who live far away.

  4. #4

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    I used to send them invites just in hopes of maybe they'll come now I don't because I've grown to accept not everyone can make it events. All of my dad's side of the family whom I get along with the most only 6 people out of the family have made an effort to see us though we always go to see them. I don't do it anymore its not worth the stamp just to be told "no we can't make it". I tried to invite everyone under the sun for Cody's first birthday and Sophia's first birthday because I feel like personally turning 1 is a big milestone. Both parties were the smallest parties we've had for the kids which we truly hoped that they'd be the biggest but, weren't because nobody could come after that I sort of "gave up". I wouldn't send any invites if you know for sure they won't come. It's a shame that for whatever reason people don't come to things like a birthday or a baptism. I never expected presents either I rather have more family than gifts. I do however think an announcement in lieu of an invite is an awesome idea. I did baby announcements, my marriage announcement, and my graduation announcement back in 2007 from HS. I love sending cards.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    Thanks!
    Yeah, religion is such a weird issue in my family, particularly for my parents. They are LDS, and my dad's parents have been incredibly offensive in their "evangelizing" approach (causing massive family fights and hurt feelings), to the point that any mention of it makes things tense and awkward. I think (hope) that they are starting to relax around me more because I have never ever been that way toward them. But its like they still feel very gun shy. I'm not sure if sending them something would make them feel included or hurt.

    An announcement would probably be better than an invitation. I will look online and see if there is anything more appropriate for people who live far away.
    I am sorry you have to deal with that. That's not fair for them to put in the position they should accept you and your family's beliefs.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2CodySophia0811 View Post
    I am sorry you have to deal with that. That's not fair for them to put in the position they should accept you and your family's beliefs.
    Its ok, I'm not upset with them. I understand why they feel the way they do. I grew up with all the drama between my parents and grandparents. I know what awful things my grandparents said, so I don't blame them for feeling the way they do now. It just sucks that it has affected things the way it did, and since I am no longer LDS, they are wary of me because of my grandparents. We have a great relationship, its just this one issue where things get weird and awkward.

    Anyway... that's all just personal family stuff, its not really the main point of my post. I just need to start sending stuff out and I feel at a loss.

  7. #7

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    We do baby dedications instead of baptism. And I usually send that invite along withthe birth announcement. So everyone is invited. But many do not come. That's OK. I just send them to let people know they are included and welcome to share in our day. Whether they agree or not.In your situation its a little different. Your changing up denominations so everyone is a bit older. I would probably just send to local family. And then maybe send announcements to everyone else? We do not send invites for when we are baptised after salvation. just word of mouth local invites..

  8. #8

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    BTW side note. We get invites all the time for infant baptisms from our family in catholic or Luther in churches. Most live farther away. But the local ones even if we don't agree with it we still go and be a part of their special day. So send to people that agree or not with it if you send invites.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    Its ok, I'm not upset with them. I understand why they feel the way they do. I grew up with all the drama between my parents and grandparents. I know what awful things my grandparents said, so I don't blame them for feeling the way they do now. It just sucks that it has affected things the way it did, and since I am no longer LDS, they are wary of me because of my grandparents. We have a great relationship, its just this one issue where things get weird and awkward.

    Anyway... that's all just personal family stuff, its not really the main point of my post. I just need to start sending stuff out and I feel at a loss.
    I understand

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