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Thread: Sister and Brother 4 1/2 years apart

  1. #1

    Default Sister and Brother 4 1/2 years apart

    Looks like we are finally getting a miracle sibling for our first miracle!

    It took quite a bit longer than we expected, however, and we just found out we're having a boy. I am very excited to have a son, but now I find myself wondering how Maiya and her brother will bond.

    I have a brother, but he is only 16 months younger than me. We fought a lot, but are close because we did EVERYTHING together. We had the same interests at the same time, the same schools, the same friends, everything. Without the age keeping my two sharing interests and such, I worry that they'll be like two only children, and never be really close.

    I know no one can predict the future, and every kid is different, and all that. I guess I'm just hoping for some stories, or anecdotes, or something. Whether your experiences say that they can be close, or that they'll never really bond, I guess I just want an idea what to expect! Call it pregnancy worries or just plain over thinking on my part...

    And, if anyone has any ideas on things a sister and brother that are so far apart can do together, that'd be fun, too!



  2. #2
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    My niece and nephew are just about that age difference and they are quite close. I do think siblings who are two years apart or less are super close, but it doesn't mean they can't be close if there is a bigger gap. I know a family where the first two are three years apart, and then more than five between the middle and the youngest ... And it is the younger two who are super close and neither of them get along well with the oldest. It's just the dynamic in that family.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #3

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    Cody and Sophia are 3 years 4 months apart. I know its not the same as 4.5 but, its still a good gap apart. I found a few things were helpful: Cody being 3 he wanted to help: Bringing diapers/ wipes, baby blankets, he knew what I was saying when I told him to be gentle around her. He was mature enough to know how to use a "small" voice. He could kneel down to her level if I she had tummy time and said things like "Hi Sophia, its me Cody", "I am your big brother". He is very protective of her when I was 5.5 weeks PP and went in for my check up while in the lobby Cody was waiting with James. James told me when a nurse came over
    to say hi to Sophia he was like "Hey be careful that's my little sister I am protecting her". He still is very protective of Sophia. They get along very well. The love each other very much. It might have to do with Cody's personality though too a bit because he has sort of a take charge type of personality. He likes to help, he can be bossy at times but, its not always a bad a thing. I know its not the same but, I actually have witnessed the opposite of fighting all the time with bigger gaps. I am not sure why but, both of my parents came from "big" families. My dad gets along with everyone but, seems to the most in common with my aunt which she is the oldest of five and he was the 2nd youngest of the five. My mom was the oldest of four and she gets along with her youngest sibling out of all of them. My MIL was one of the younger ones of 9 kids and she gets along the most with her oldest sister. My brother and I get along now we enjoy our company but, we are as close as I would hope for we are 2 years 4 months apart and I am the oldest. We don't have any other siblings. I hope that helps with insight. I think she'll be a great big sister.
    *** Lindsay ***



  4. #4
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    My brother and I are 5 years apart and while I wouldn't describe us as close we love and respect each other and still have a very special relationship. Every sibling relationship is different so you never know what will happen with yours. Congrats!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  5. #5

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    My 6 kids have all kinds of age difference, and they all get along great and have a lot of fun together. I think fostering a sense of family unity and the relationships between kids makes more of an impact on how they get along than how close in age. my 2 who are closest in age get along the worst, actually. They both get along better with everyone else I always figured it was because they were too close in age (17m) and there was just too much rivalry between them. I think one thing that helped my kids be such great friends is that we home school so they spend a lot more time together than if they were going off to school. They just know each other better. So i think that is key, that they spend time together and feel invested in a relationship.

  6. #6

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    And CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  7. #7
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    My brother and I are four years apart, almost to the day (our birthdays are three days apart), and have always been close. Its just the two of us. We live really far away from each other now, and don't talk as much as we used to, but when we do its like we were never apart. I remember helping my mom take care of him when he was a baby. We always played together when we were little, ran around outside, played with blocks, Barbies, GI Joes, trucks, dress up and play food/kitchen. I always built his lego sets for him because he wasn't into building, but loved to play with them once they were built. We played with our friends together too sometimes. Sure we fought sometimes, but what siblings don't? Just because we weren't that close in age didn't mean we couldn't be friends! I'm sure Maiya and the new baby will be close too! Congratulations!
    Jennifer


  8. #8

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    My brother and I are 4.5 years apart and aside from normal sibling fights growing up....we are super close now. Like, we talk multiple times a week and have a great sibling relationship! <3

    Congrats Janet!!
    Mother to seven flying, called home too soon.



  9. #9

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    congratulations!!!
    my brother is 16 months older than i am and we have never gotten along. i agree with running mom about family unity. we do everything together as a family and my 2 get along better than i ever did with my brother. my parents didn't do the family unity thing, dad always did stuff with my brother and i did stuff with mom. and it showes today as i have an awesome relationship with my mom but have an awkward time just talking to my dad.
    i think that your dd will love her baby brother!


  10. #10
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    I actually think that 4-5 years apart is the perfect amount of time. I don't have a brother but my sister is 4 yrs and 9 months younger than me. My mom said it wasn't like having two only kids but more like having two first born kids in some ways because I was at school and my mom and sister got to have a lot of one on one time. I was old enough to be helpful and old enough to express when I felt jealous and be able to understand that a baby needed more attention.
    I'm betting that Maiya will be great with him and be like a little momma and they will be really close most of the time. Maybe when she is 16 and he's 11/12, she might not want to hang out with him so much but once both are adults it changes again.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  11. #11

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    My brother is 6 years younger and one of my best friends. My 2 older kids are 20 months apart and I foresee them remaining close. They are best friends now and play awesome together. So I have to agree that it has most to do with family ways and of course individual personality.

  12. #12
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    Congrats! Congrats!

    I just wanted to pop in to say that I am 17 months older than my sister and we only get along when we don't live together. I love her, she loves me but our relationship growing up was always difficult (and we had to share a room the whole time!). My sister is also 17 months older than my brother and they were two peas in a pod growing up. So, close in age does not necessarily mean that siblings will get along. I think that personality is a much bigger factor.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  13. #13

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    It's really heartwarming to hear all of these great sibling relationships!
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  14. #14
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    My kids are 5 1/2 years apart and my sister and I are 5 1/2 years apart. My sister and I had a great relationship growing up. She took me under her wing and we slept in the same bed until she was a teenager. She was like a 2nd mom to me.

    My girl is my oldest, she's 10 and Jack will be 5 in September. They are so funny together. They fight and argue like most siblings, but for the most part they love eachother dearly. She's great with him and he is great with her.

    Your sweet babies will do fine! It will be an adjustment for sure since M has been an only child her whole life, but she's going to love being promoted to big sister! I'm so happy for you dear!

    Lauren (29) Wife of 10 years to J.R.(30) Mom to Bayleigh (8) & Jack (3)

  15. #15
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    Let's see...I have a sister 6 years younger than me and a brother 10 years younger than me. I'd call that too far apart. I really was never 'close' with either of them and my brother I spent a lot of time taking care of him as a babysitter more than as a sister. I was probably closest to them (well my sister at least) between ages 12-16, when she could actually do some of the things I could do--like play softball.

    I left home at 18 and things didn't really get better until I decided I was tired of it and reached out to them when I was much older. I think they felt abandoned a little bit and since they were still at home (and there's lots of other issues there) it was hard for me to want to be there.

    I wouldn't choose that gap for my kids---if we are blessed with a second.
    Natalie [31] DH [40] 9/01, 1/06 NaturallyNatalie's Hair Accessories!

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenMomof2 View Post
    My kids are 5 1/2 years apart and my sister and I are 5 1/2 years apart. My sister and I had a great relationship growing up. She took me under her wing and we slept in the same bed until she was a teenager. She was like a 2nd mom to me.
    !
    My sisters nickname for me is Other Mother. I have always thought of her as being kind of MY baby and that my parents brought her home just for me. A real live baby was way better than any old dolly!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  17. #17

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    Congratulations!

    My oldest sister is 5 years older than me, my other sister is 3 1/2 years older, and my brother is 5 years younger. Growing up, my 2 sisters fought like cats and dogs and my oldest sister wanted very little to do with any of us. But pretty much the day she left for college and was across the country from her family, she realized how much she missed us and her attitude toward us all changed drastically. We are very close now, as are all of my siblings. I was not close with my other sister until high school, when she really took me under her wing and wanted to treat me the way she wished our older sister had treated her. My brother and I were always pretty close.

    Today, we all talk regularly, we are all very close, and have great relationships. I think that as others said, it depends a lot on personality.


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  18. #18
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    I'm very close and have always been close with my brother, who is 6 years younger than me. I also have a sister 5 years older than me, and a sister who is 14 years older than me and am close with them as well. I don't think age makes much of a difference though, she will be a great big sister and love helping out!
    Dada (27) Mama-Jessie (26) Orion (4) Kadence (2) Osiris (Uterus)

  19. #19
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    I disagree with the family unity aspect and really think it has to do with the personality of the children and it's really not something you can control. You can set a good foundation by doing things as a family and fostering a healthy sibling relationship but ultimately it will be up to the kids.

    We did everything as a family and there is nothing negative about my childhood that would make me not feel close to my brother....it was just not there. Same with my DH and his sister (also 5 years apart). Maybe it has to do with 1 sibling going away to college when the other is just entering the teen years? I really don't know but DH's family also did everything together. It didn't "make them close" but they have great memories of their childhood. I am probably closer with my brother than DH is with his sister. If my brother hadn't moved halfway across the country I think we would be closer. We seemed to grow closer as adults but then he moved

    Anyway, my point really is that it's not something you can force or really control other than making a great life for all of you So just do that and everything will turn out fine.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  20. #20

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    My older brother and I are 13 months apart. We've never been close. My younger brother and I are 5.5 years apart (he's younger) and we've always been the best of buds, even now.

  21. #21

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    Thank you all for your feedback and stories! Makes me feel a bit better.

    Guess we wait and see just who this kid is! Maiya already loves him dearly and is very excited. Of course, she doesn't really have a clue what she's in for, hah.

    And thank you for all the congratulations! I'm still scared, but am beginning to think this will really happen. As he kicks me constantly.



  22. #22

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    Congrats!!

    The trio and Jericho are 2 1/2 years apart and while they are super close, he is in that pesky little brother stage right now, so there is a lot of squabbling. Should this current IUI or next months work, the trio will be 6 1/2 years older than our youngest and Jericho will be 4 years older.

    I think it is mostly about letting the kids know how important we are to each other...that family/siblings come first, but accepting that there will be times where things get trying.

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)

  23. #23
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    Congratulations!!! I am sure they will bond at some point of time. Not even all siblings of the same gender bond well. As long as you encourage and be fair to them both they will grow up in loving relationship. We are having a boy after 2 girls so I have my concerns as well but I am sure it will be fine.
    Miss T (10.17.2008) Miss A(06.30.2012) Flipper #3 due 06.2014
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