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Thread: article on grandparents

  1. #1
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    Default article on grandparents

    http://www.today.com/moms/back-sleep...ds-2D79619919#

    I was just talking to my MIL about all the different car seats that are needed and how long kids are in them.

    And just cringe at some stuff she says like how she was giving my DH solids at 3 weeks old because he was too hungry with just formula (doc told her to do it).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #2

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    That is SOOOO awesome!!
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  3. #3

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    A nice article and I wish there were classes around here for grandparents. My dad and step-mom have been totally cool with our wishes and adjust well. The sleeping on the stomach thing was OK for newborns in 1989 because my dad was telling me that's how I usually slept. We had a safe sleep class through a church for free earn baby bucks and Indiana is one of three states that particapes in I think its called First Candle program. When we explained this back to sleep thing to my dad and stepmom they totally were understanding and respected our wishes. My MIL respected our wishes too but, her and FIL grumble a bit about the new stuff of "Well... when I was their age/ when James was this age... we did it like THIS. I will do it but, I don't understand it/ don't like it". FIL dipped the other grandchildren's pacifers in soda!!! When James was like " Um... No we are not doing that nor are the kids are having soda". "Well.. but all the OTHER grandchildren did it". Well his other grandchildren have bottle rot and ours don't so I guess being a mean ole mom and not allowing bottles in bed and not allowing soda is so.. uncool. I don't care about "cool". My step-mom told (age 65) told me when my stepbrother was born (45) she was told at 2 weeks to do baby meats in the jar! Two weeks old by her doctor. What has made me cringe is MIL/FIL are very ignorant to the dangers of 2nd and 3rd hand smoke and MIL's excuse is "Well I was pregnant with James and I smoked the whole pregnancy and he turned out fine". I will stop this rant with older folks can be stubborn but, some of thing can be cool with new fangled stuff.
    *** Lindsay ***



  4. #4

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    I am sorry but I think it is kind of ridiculous that there are classes for grandparents. I would much rather my mom and MIL just ask me what I want them to do or I will just tell them.

  5. #5

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    I love this article.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  6. #6

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    It is ridiculous to have classes for grandparents but I think some grandparents will benefit greatly from such classes because they will go there and a neutral third party will present facts to them, which they will likely accept a lot better than from their children and sons/daughters in law. The same thing holds true for parties in litigation, you can talk to your client or opposing counsel till you are blue in the face but when a neutral mediator points out the problems in the case, the client or opposing counsel are way more likely to accept it.

    It took my MIL close to 4 years to accept various things about DH and my parenting style and it cost a lot of frustration to all of us because she would not quit calling and meddling and dispensing advice. After 4 years, she realized that it is OUR journey, OUR kids, OUR choice. Then things settled LOL
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  7. #7

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    It sounds to me like the class is mostly about "hey, remember you raised your kid and now it's your kid's turn to do the same. Be respectful, listen to and follow their wishes." Which, sadly, I think a lot of grandparents need to hear.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    It sounds to me like the class is mostly about "hey, remember you raised your kid and now it's your kid's turn to do the same. Be respectful, listen to and follow their wishes." Which, sadly, I think a lot of grandparents need to hear.
    I agree I see and hear about too often with grandparents really wanting to push their ways on everyone.
    *** Lindsay ***



  9. #9
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    I think this is fantastic, also.
    I do wonder if grandparents who are unwilling to respect their adult children's parental authority would be the type willing to take this kind of class, though? But its great information, regardless.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    It sounds to me like the class is mostly about "hey, remember you raised your kid and now it's your kid's turn to do the same. Be respectful, listen to and follow their wishes." Which, sadly, I think a lot of grandparents need to hear.
    Yes, but I do think that the parents who are willing to take the class are probably the ones who are more willing to listen to their child's requests. I can't see a grandmother who is set in her ways going to a class like this.

    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    I think this is fantastic, also.
    I do wonder if grandparents who are unwilling to respect their adult children's parental authority would be the type willing to take this kind of class, though? But its great information, regardless.
    I don't think they would be. I think a lot of the times grandmothers think "I raised you like this, and you turned out ok." I can't believe those would be the type to go and listen to an expert tell them all the things they should be doing that they didn't do when it was their turn.

    I could see my MIL wanting to go to a class like this because she does want to respect our wishes (though she struggles at times..I know she tries!) whereas my mother would NEVER. Good thing for me because it's easier to tell my mom exactly how I want things done .

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    I think this is fantastic, also.
    I do wonder if grandparents who are unwilling to respect their adult children's parental authority would be the type willing to take this kind of class, though? But its great information, regardless.
    This a good point even if the class is inexpensive or free somehow it might be hard to convince a grandparent to take it unless it was titled "Spoil your grandchild"
    Last edited by mom2CodySophia0811; 05-05-2014 at 09:00 PM.
    *** Lindsay ***



  12. #12
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    I think it's wonderful! I think it's really great that these people are taking the class because they are aware things have changed and want to be as helpful as possible. It's especially important because things have changed SO MUCH that I don't think they would even realize to ask certain questions about things they don't even realize they don't know.

    I wonder why bumpers and walkers are still made if they are so dangerous? I don't get it.

    I agree with PP that generally the grandparents who are taking this class are more likely to be helpful anyway. The ones who say, "I don't need a class to know how to be a grandparent" are probably the types of people who would say, "We did this in my day and my kids all survived". It's that lack of willingness to realize things have changed and that it doesn't make the way you did it wrong that so many people can't seem to understand.

    I hope these classes are around when I become a grandma! I would totally take one!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    I think it's wonderful! I think it's really great that these people are taking the class because they are aware things have changed and want to be as helpful as possible. It's especially important because things have changed SO MUCH that I don't think they would even realize to ask certain questions about things they don't even realize they don't know.

    I wonder why bumpers and walkers are still made if they are so dangerous? I don't get it.

    I agree with PP that generally the grandparents who are taking this class are more likely to be helpful anyway. The ones who say, "I don't need a class to know how to be a grandparent" are probably the types of people who would say, "We did this in my day and my kids all survived". It's that lack of willingness to realize things have changed and that it doesn't make the way you did it wrong that so many people can't seem to understand.

    I hope these classes are around when I become a grandma! I would totally take one!
    See... I don't get the walker thing other than if people don't use good old common sense the only danger I can truly see is if someone leaves the kid unsupervised near stairs. Apparently I went flying down the stairs as a baby in one but, I don't even know if I believe it because I was not injured.
    *** Lindsay ***



  14. #14

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    I think my MIL wanted to be helpful and yet she disregarded our authority; she thought she was helpful by offering me BF advice for example when she had never BF for a day in her life; she completely denied DS1's obvious developmental struggles thinking that the problems would solve on their own... She is one of those people who would have really benefited from the class because her heart was in the right place but she just could not accept that her advice was outdated and her experience irrelevant because in her mind she raised 3 children and hence she knew it all. I am sure if DH mentioned this class to her, she would have taken it and I am sure the class would have helped a lot.

    My mom was somewhat similar and I have fought with her for years too.

    So some of those grandparents who seemingly want to listen and help end up doing the exact opposite: they unknowingly meddle and disrespect their children's authority and it takes years of frustration to get to the point where they are actually helpful. So even if the class is taken by those who have good intentions, I think it is a good idea because my experience with 2 grandmas is that intentions just by themselves do not make grandparents easy to get along with...
    Last edited by tanyachap; 05-05-2014 at 10:41 PM.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by i.<3.cheesysmiles View Post
    I am sorry but I think it is kind of ridiculous that there are classes for grandparents. I would much rather my mom and MIL just ask me what I want them to do or I will just tell them.
    I kind of feel this way too. I think it is a learning process - for everyone involved. I think it is learning about everyone's new role in the family - mom and dad are the parents now, grandparents are not in charge of raising the little ones, etc. I have dealt with a good amount of crazy stuff too but eventually we all figured out where everyone fit.

    Things change all the time! Heck, the recommendations changed from the time I had DS to the time I had DD 2 years later. And I only reluctantly changed my approach (because it worked the first time, so why not do it again?). I cannot even imagine the leap it takes to take in 30-50 years of changes. I am sure when we have grandkids, our children will look at us with the "You did what with me??? It is a miracle I survived childhood!" look in their eys too.

  16. #16
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    My MIL is jealous and wishes there was a class for her to take.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    My MIL is jealous and wishes there was a class for her to take.
    That is great that she has that attitude! It means she will be willing to listen and wants to learn!

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