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Thread: "The talk"

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  1. #1

    Default "The talk"

    DD1 is five years old. I am wondering about other moms' opinions on beginning to talk with her about where babies come from and other topics of that nature. I really want her to feel comfortable talking with me about anything as she gets older and I would like to set the groundwork for that now. Do I wait until she starts asking questions or do I start talking about these things before she asks. She knows about her privates and we have had a very basic conversation about how she shouldn't let anyone touch her privates other than mom or dad or her doctor when we are with her, she doesn't really know that boys and girls are different (she doesn't have any brothers and hasn't had opportunity to notice the physical differences). I found this book and ordered it http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076...?ie=UTF8&psc=1. It looks really good and has good reviews. I thought it would be good to have it on hand for if she does start asking questions. But I wonder if I should just initiate the conversation before she starts hearing things other places. Any experienced moms have any insight on this?

    Sara (35), wife to Nick (34), mom to Ainsley (2/22/09) and Raegan (1/15/12)
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  2. #2

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    I am not sure since DS1 is about the same age, and we have not approached the subject yet. What is the book you linked? The link would not work for me. A have a friend who raves about "What Makes a Baby". She and I are pretty much the opposite on anything having to do with sexuality views so I have not looked too closely at it.

  3. #3

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    It's called It's not the Stork

    I just looked at that "What Makes a Baby" book on Amazon. While I am supportive of anybody having a baby however they want to have it, perhaps this book is a little too advanced based on the reviews and descriptions. Sounds like there is a lot of emphasis on inclusiveness of all types of families, which is important but maybe not where I want to start.
    Last edited by sara1215; 04-25-2014 at 07:16 PM.

    Sara (35), wife to Nick (34), mom to Ainsley (2/22/09) and Raegan (1/15/12)
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  4. #4

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    I have always just answered the questions as they come. Books are a great way to do it!

  5. #5
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    My DD1 is 7 and I feel like I want to have the talk soon. I kind of thought it would come up naturally when I was pg with DD3 because she was 5 at the time. She was too young to really care when I was pg with DD2. Well she never really asked so I didn't say anything. After the baby was born she asked how it came out and I told her honestly but she didn't ask how it got there in the first place so I didn't go there.

    She knows things and I don't know how and it's starting to freak me out. A few weeks ago she said (tmi) that sometimes she looks in the toilet after she goes #2. I said that was good to do just in case there is something alarming like blood. To this she replies, "<gasp!> Am I going to get my period?!" I was shocked! I never even use the word period when I talk about AF so there is no way she heard that in this house. When I asked her where she learned about that and what she thought it was she clammed up. Later on I explained what it was in basic terms but didn't get into the "being able to have children" aspect of it.

    Just a few days ago she asked how people decide how many kids to have. The way she was asking I could tell it was kind of going in the direction of how do you make one but we just answered that the parents decide what is right for them. I am starting to think it would just be easier to lay it all out there while she is still young and it's not too weird but I am afraid it's just too much info and will be over her head. I think you run that risk when you start too young but the only real "risk" would be having to have the conversation more than once I guess.

    I really think it depends on the child and what the child is exposed to.
    Last edited by macksmom; 04-25-2014 at 07:40 PM.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  6. #6

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    My oldest is 7 and so far I've just answered her questions. She hasn't asked for the 'how' yet as far as intercourse but she has asked things that have lead to it takes a mom and dad or male and female to produce babies. With her personality she just doesn't care yet... I wouldn't be surprised if my 4.5 year old asks more details sooner. So far I've just gone with answering questions as they have been asked, but I think if it doesn't come up in the next 6 months I'll bring it up. I just want to open the door before other kids do.
    Katie~
    DD1 (7) DD2 (4) DS1 (22 months) Baby #4 EDD 7/13/14

  7. #7

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    IMO, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. It's not "the conversation;" rather, it's just another medical or human anatomy thing. My 4 yr old knows that men and women make babies, that babies have traits that they get from mom and some from dad, that a bunch of cells grow into a baby etc.

    We have the human body app (tinybot) on our ipad. you can show a boy or a girl. Maybe playing with that and seeing that we're essentially the same but for a few parts can help. that might spur why we're different and you go from there. Or just talk about it the next time you watch a show with baby animals. I don't think you need graphic detail... just the truth.
    Last edited by ibisgirldc; 04-25-2014 at 08:11 PM.

  8. #8

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    I will check that app out. Sounds great.

    Sara (35), wife to Nick (34), mom to Ainsley (2/22/09) and Raegan (1/15/12)
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  9. #9
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    I just looked up both books and they both got good reviews. The one from the OP seems very detailed in a good way. For me personally that may be a good choice. I noticed DD1 does not fully pay attention when I am explaining these things. Maybe it's her, maybe it's me but I am thinking a book may be a good way to get the points across.

    You know your kid best and what she can and can't handle!

    Also, I only have girls and i do think that makes it a little harder when they don't see the difference right in front of them. DH is fairly private. The girls all run around naked and I know if there was a boy in the mix we could have had a lot more conversations about the differences between boys and girls' bodies by now. They still see men with shirts off and giggle because they are showing their boobies lol.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  10. #10

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    My DS1 has asked a lot of questions about how babies happen because he's been living with TTC parents for quite awhile. LOL. I just give him all of the scientific details. Sperm fertilizes the egg, the egg comes from Mom the sperm comes from Dad. The egg implants into the uterus, etc. We've gone over it a lot and he's only once thought to ask "how does the sperm get to the egg?" And not just in the "they swim up the fallopian tubes" why. When it came up I said that was a conversation for another time and he was fine with that.

    I think it's good to talk about these things freely and openly as long as you're comfortable with it. If you feel awkward talking about it, I think they'll feel awkward about it.

    I'm glad I've had opportunities to bring these things up so that I didn't feel like I needed an in to have the "talk." We're always talking and I'm so happy it feels natural like that.

    I think, if you're not in that position, books are a GREAT way to broach the subject and really help give a parent the platform to jump off of.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  11. #11

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    I am really surprised my 8yo dd has not asked. Both of my older kids know the man's sperm and the woman's egg come together to make a baby inside the mama. They call it mating! As in, "Mom and Dad mated and had us!" Lol. Can you tell we watch a lot of nature shows? Anyway, for all of the millions of questions they ask me, I'm just very surprised they haven't specifically asked how the sperm and egg get together or WHY the mating animals are mounting each other.

    Am, am, I had to laugh when you said that your girls giggle about men showing their boobies. My 6yo ds always wears a swim shirt, even for indoor swimming and he says, "I don't want people to see my boobies!" And then my 8yo daughter thinks it is completely unfair that boys can take off their shirts when they are hot.

  12. #12
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    The not the stork book is excellent. I have it in my collection at work and one I would buy for myself.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #13
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    I remember being a lot more knowledgeable about things when I was in 1st or 2nd grade than I feel my kids are, although they know about fertilization, eggs and sperm, genetics, DNA, mitochondria, what contributes to twin formation (imagine that!), and a lot of anatomy. Just last week, though, out of the blue, at the dinner table, they asked me point-blank how the sperm actually gets to the egg. So I told them. They got really skeeved out. Made a lot of funny faces. Said, "What if he pees? That would be so gross!" So then there was more explanation, until they got side-tracked by needing something more to eat.

    We do already have a lot of science and human body and biology books, so they have a basic understanding of how and what makes a baby, just not the actual human portion of it.

    (ETA older kids are 6, younger one is almost 4)


  14. #14

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    We've had on going conversations about it since I was pregnant with Jude. Even Jude understands where they come from... But they both asked. A book is a good idea I think if they are not asking.. Just yesterday actually I was showing them pictures in a human body book (not a kids book) with out them asking and they were very interested. Now they have a better understanding of exactly how the fertilized egg forms into a baby and understand about menstruation, so I think having visuals is great. Interestingly though even though they understand that the daddy's sperm gets inside the mommy to meet the egg they have never asked how it gets there.... They know about mating and think it means getting married. I will explain that part eventually even if they don't ask.... Maybe around 7 ot 8.



  15. #15

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    I answer questions as they come and explain in the most age appropriate way I see fit to the best of my knowledge and if I am unsure how to answer I ask James for help. I am pretty shy when it comes to stuff but, here recently I am pushing myself a bit to talk about some of it on a child's level as it comes up. We have Mollies and they are live barring fish some had babies though the kids did not see them give birth because it happened while we were at the store we noticed babies in our tank when we got home. Cody had some simple questions from that topic and it was a start of conversation about how nature works.
    *** Lindsay ***



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