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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Brookfield, WI
    Posts
    139

    Default SO Contribution

    So I was just wondering how much your significant other contributes to your baby-making process - besides the physical part, obviously Have they done any research in finding doctors or other things to try or look into? Or have you carried the burden pretty much yourself?

    I ask out of curiosity and because we may be looking into adoption and I was thinking since I've done most of the leg-work with the natural baby process (researching and finding doctors or other symptoms that I may notice with my body) that my DH could do more of the leg-work in that process. Obviously I would be completely involved but because adoption doesn't require all the personal physical stuff he should be able to do more.
    Tiffany (33) David (33) STC 7 years. Unexplained infertility. History of Endometriosis, Corrected Septate Uterus & possible PCOS. DH=Exceptional



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,471

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    My dh contributed finances, spermies, and emotional support, lol, that has been about it .

    During our adoption process he did the financial end of it and filled out his questionaire/survey as part of the home study, but again, that's all. I have done about 98% of everything, but these kinds of things are more my forte and not so much his.

    It's not so much that he's unwilling to do it or even that he's inept (definitely not!), but that I don't want to wait for him to be able to "get around to it". He's happy to help, but it's more of a priority to me...he sees no reason to rush whereas I wanted it done asap (tick tock tick tock ).

    So, yup, other than the time factor, dh could have easily taken over the adoption end of things since it was primarily paperwork, physicals, fingerprints, phone calls, and working out scheduling everything. LOL, although I probably wouldn't have trusted him with making sure the house was clean and orderly for the home visits, I'm too picky and he's not .

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,703

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    None for TTC. None of the research for the adoption. Though it is my nature to be organized and I do research for a living so he's used to me planning out everything (I do that with vacations and building the house too). We did do a few cycles with the IF clinic but never went as far as IUI or IVF. I did monitored cycles with clomid but we are pretty much unexplained. I don't have PCOS or anything and he tested fine. I think we started trying in 2006.

    With adoption he actually HAD to be more involved because he was required to go meet with the social worker and attend the classes (we are with LSS in WI). And he had to do his portions of the paperwork such as writing his autobiography and questionnaire. I still kept track of everything and did all the paperwork for things like proof of insurance, background checks. He helped me a bit with the financial since he does the bills and of course we did the one together where we had to talk about what we would accept in match...race, health issues, situations.
    In my experience, adoption has been way more work in terms of research than TTC ever was. It was intensive and invasive. But once the home study is done, it's just a lot of waiting. Now we basically just update paperwork once a year. And I have updated our profile once changing out the letter and our picture.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    GA
    Posts
    3,597

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    With my DH, the less he knew about what was going on, the better. There's a lot of stress and performance anxiety when he was more involved--and there were times he asked to know, it never went well. I think there's even a SA collection cup on our hallway table for when he "got around to it"--luckily for him we didn't need it.

    I think for adoption you should do it together as much as it feels right to you.

    This can be very overwhelming and isolating to do alone---that's why we come here!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    200

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    I think it is great you are considering adoption, there are so many children out there with no homes or supportive parents! I have a friend with a septate uterus also and she was told they can do a "metroplasty" and reshape the uterus persay which increases the chances of carrying a baby full term. Is that anything you have looked into? Here is the link with some info... http://www.babymed.com/info/septate-uterus
    Me-Kelly (29) DH-Phillip (33) 2 unexplained losses. Ready for a rainbow baby!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Brookfield, WI
    Posts
    139

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    My DH has definitely been there for the emotional side and is always willing for BD/collection time I'm thinking that if I can get him to start researching adoption more while I focus on our next 2 IUI's then I won't feel overwhelmed. I know adoption can take a long time so I don't want to delay it too much longer in hopes that I can get pregnant. At this point I'd just like to have a list of possible agency choices and what costs may be and what to expect. It's a totally new area for us as DH didn't want to initially go that route at first. He's Puerto Rican and I'm Caucasian so we're open to mixed race/gender/age.

    Quote Originally Posted by kellyh View Post
    I have a friend with a septate uterus also and she was told they can do a "metroplasty" and reshape the uterus persay which increases the chances of carrying a baby full term. Is that anything you have looked into? Here is the link with some info... http://www.babymed.com/info/septate-uterus
    I actually had a laparoscopic/hysteroscopic surgery 5ish years ago to correct my septate and when they found extensive endometriosis which they corrected as much as they could.
    Tiffany (33) David (33) STC 7 years. Unexplained infertility. History of Endometriosis, Corrected Septate Uterus & possible PCOS. DH=Exceptional



  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,703

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    http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/

    http://www.wiadopt.org/

    http://dcf.wisconsin.gov/children/adoption/

    Just a few places to start. You are also lucky to live where there are a number of agencies. What I did was contact the local ones and attend info meetings. I know at least the agency I am with limits the number of couples each year to keep the waiting families to an amount that is close to the average placements each year. Started thinking I was interested in international and moved to open domestic infant. There is also fos-adopt or kids already waiting.
    Costs vary from free-that would be waiting kids and foster care, to 20-45K for domestic infant (I would say average is probably 20-30K) and most expensive is international but placements there are way down in the past few years. There is a tax credit of 13K which is super helpful. Some employers also offer adoption assistance. Some people do fundraising or try for grants too.

    Some people find placements and get matched quickly and some of us take longer. For me from the initial meeting in Jan 2011, classes Mar 2011 and home study officially finished in August 2011 (my local office could take 8 families in 2011 but that varies) took 8 months. I have now been waiting for my match for two years and eight months. I expected about a two year wait so it's definitely taking longer than expected.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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