Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 456
Results 151 to 178 of 178

Thread: Brittany_dawn updates

  1. #151

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brittany_Dawn View Post
    Laura, yes he said possible product of conception (I truly hate that phrase). I'm guessing just tissue from 10 weeks of growing life.

    Jessica, yes it was transvaginal. It's not lubrication, I am still having small gushes of this clear yet tinted fluid.
    I hate that word too-- it's the worst
    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  2. #152
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Kelly,
    Okay makes so much sense now. Today the fluid went from a clear eggwhite type with red tint to a yellow tint.


    At least someone (not my doctor) can explain! Thanks Kelly!
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  3. #153
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Sooo, of course I'm in the phase of just wanting answers. Since most losses in the first tri are all unexplained (expect for research to deem it as more than likely a genetic anomaly) I can not turn to medical answers. So the next step is naturally online research. After my first back to back losses, I did so much research.... Just researching m/c in itself. My third I just truly believed it was the fault of that practice not prescribing me my prog. Script. But now experiencing my first loss while being on my "miracle saving give me 3 babies" script (truly shocking and devastating for me) I am looking at research in a whole different light.

    I'm tired of how cold the research feels....it's like reading myself as another statistic. I've read the emotional portion of miscarriage...."it's natural to want to become pregnant again" or "it may take time to heal". These words mean nothing to me. As I type this out crying, sitting alone on my couch, I want to just scream and start pulling on my chest. Why is my heart pulling apart? I can feel it ripping right down the middle.... I want another baby, my heart wants it, it's running from the other side. The other half of my heart is trying to push itself away; it's nudging me, saying you have 3 be grateful, don't risk it again.

    No one tells you how hurtful words of family become. My family doesn't even have a clue how bad their words hurt, I don't like confrontation and I know they are just looking out for me, so I keep my mouth shut and come home to cry later. In a general context, I would never think twice of their comments, "you have 3 beautiful children, there is no reason to have more..... Why add more to your plate.... Just enjoy those babies and smoother them in love." These comments are not mean, not vindictive, just out of concern and love.....but it still hurts. It makes the one side of my heart feel guilty. So guilty for wanting to carry and nourish a baby for a full 9 months. For wanting to labor and birth that baby into the outside world.

    I just feel so tired....why is my heart fighting with itself? Just knowing how torn I feel, I am so certain I'm not ready to be pregnant again. But I want to be some day.... How will my heart feel then? Will I always have to fight with half of my heart, the part that's terrified? If I become pregnant again, will that fear jeopardize my baby?

    These are my questions that research cannot answer.... I cannot answer..... I'm hoping god can.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  4. #154
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,432

    Default

    Oh Brittany...just seeing this now !!

    My heart aches for you...praying for answers !

    It's so hard wanting to protect our heart and yet our heart so badly aches for a baby to hold...it just feels like a lose-lose . I think time will bring more clarity, it's still so fresh right now

  5. Default

    There's no reason when it comes to love and what the heart wants. It feels like your doctor has a solid plan in place for a future pregnancy and I truly feel like it's going to work.

    It is very hard to hear people make comments about how you should be happy with what you have because OF COURSE you are happy with what you have but the want for more doesn't just go away because you love your current babies. After my m/c I kept wanting the WANT to go away. It didn't. And it took a long time to get pregnant again.

    When Cindy had her most recent loss (and I didn't know her yet) I asked if she had other children already. Boy did that question piss off her friend Lucy! I didn't meant it as though having living children would make the loss easy or she shouldn't feel loss, just that when I went through my loss it helped me to be able to hold my living babies close and appreciate them. We often don't know what to say and unfortunately that often results in hurting someone's feelings. I try to just leave it at "I'm sorry for your loss" now because anything else you want to say is just to comfort yourself, I think.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  6. #156
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Thanks ladies.... It is certainly tough.

    I think it's been harder on me because I sort of had the internal feeling something bad was going to happen. Kelly, Dorcas, you will remember. I know exactly when I ovulated and I marked our BD dates. I could pretty much get conception down to a 12 hour period. Plus getting a faint BFP at 9 dpo and a sure BFP at 10 dpo tells me no late implant. A/w, the minute my baby's measurements were off an not measuring up to my o date, I just mentally started breaking down. Then being asymptomactic the entire time left me feeling weary about my progesterone levels.

    Dorcas, I can say that for me also, having my children to hold and love has made it easier during the day to mentally forge on. Nights can be tough, especially if DH hits the gym. Not much distraction there.

    Just speaking of miscarriage in general.... I think as a women we never want to feel "defective". I know that research claims 1in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in her lifetime. I get that, things happen during development....but to experience one after another after another, and only being able carry a full term baby while on hormone therapy really does play the words defective over and over in my head. I just truly pray that my daughter never has to go through this. That it is just a "me" thing and nothing further. My moms side of the family has never experienced this, my dad's side has never experienced this, my sisters and cousins have never experienced this so I can be hopeful for my daughter.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  7. #157

    Default


    Brenda

  8. #158

    Default

    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  9. #159
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Gah! I have no idea what my body is trying to do..... I had break through bleeding (very old stuff) on Sunday May 25 the and a little on the 26th.... Then nothing until yesterday. Very light and old blood mixed...after two small gushes for the day, now nothing again......???? I am puzzled. I didn't chart (temp) at all this month and I have not paid much attention to CM, so I have no clue what's actually going on. Don't worry, we have been doing things to prevent so pregnancy is not an option.....just putting that out there for the other poas addicts!
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  10. Default

    That period of time between m/c and cycle regulation is SOOO frustrating. So sorry that you're in the middle of it.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  11. #161
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,432

    Default

    I think with retained placental tissue your cycles just may not regulate . I had regular periods and even ovulated regularly but cramped and bled/spotted in between until my D&C 3 months later. I did request prometrium in hopes of really building up my lining before my next period and another round of misoprostol/cytotec once af arrived, which did result in an increase of bleeding/cramping (not severe). I thought maybe if I stepped af up a couple notches it would cause my body to release the tissue, but it didn't work and I went in for my D&C. I was in more of a hurry to get things resolved though because I was starting medicated cycles.

    It's such a frustrating process for sure !!

  12. #162
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Hey ladies.... Been out a few days. So I definitely started AF on the 3rd. Horrible AF by the way. Which was made worse by the fact that we went camping (at least we have a travel trailer....made it a bit more bearable). First AF after m/c is the worst, guess it's because you don't want it and truly it shouldn't be here because I should be preggo.

    I'm pretty much done now, very light flow....no tissue passed like I was hoping. Not really sure if I'm still retaining that left over tissue or not. Little over a month and a half until I will find out (plus another AF that will hopefully clear it up).

    I feel good...physically and emotionally. There are still sad times, but hey that's expected! Hoping for good progress and maybe TTCing around the holidays!

    Preston has been trying to kick up his breast feeding sessions (he is in that tot phase where he pulls my shirt down or pinches my breast) I'm holding him at 5-6x a day....he tries maybe 8 or more, lol. I'm thinking giving him his time and waiting to TTC around the holidays will work. He has increased my supply though, wasn't expecting that
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  13. #163
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    188

    Default

    GLad to hear you feel good physically and emotionally! How long can you breast feed for? THats great you have been able to go for so long!
    Me-Kelly (29) DH-Phillip (33) 2 unexplained losses. Ready for a rainbow baby!

  14. #164
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    As long as Preston wants I guess.... It's different for very woman and baby. Ds1 breastfed for 11 months and was force weaned by my breast milk drying up due to being 3 months pregnant and working 9 hours a day (pump wasn't doing much ) DD breastfed exclusively for 13 1/2 months and just stopped one day on her own. I have no expectations or deadlines.... I would even love to tandem nurse if I had the opportunity
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  15. #165
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,432

    Default

    Ugh, I'm so sorry AF was rough on you, eesh and while camping too !!!

    I'm so glad you're feeling better physically and emotionally...it's definitely a process, but it's always nice to turn a big corner when you know things are going better . Praying for continued healing !

    After my latest loss, I was still bfing and my milk actually came in a few days later. I thought for sure dd would be thrilled, but she weaned ...absolutely would not nurse after that and it was so hard to have lost my baby and have my nursling wean within just a few days of each other. I have loved tandem nursing...those days are behind me now, but I totally recommend it

    I read your recent post in TTC, how are you doing?

  16. #166
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    I'm good! Just hanging out with the kids, enjoying the heat and swimming pool. Heading over to my parents for our normal "Sunday fun day" when all us sibs and our kids get to hang out. Probably would feel like a normal day for you 9 kids age 9-4months lol! My parents love it.... Can't wait for my younger sis to start having babies (TTC for a year) then it will be my brother eventually.... That's when it will really be a party!
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  17. #167
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    188

    Default

    What is tandem breast feeding? Do you feel that your milk does not last as long if you are forced to use a pump while at work? I am guessing the natural BF allows for more milk?

    so glad to see that you are feeling better!


    Quote Originally Posted by Brittany_Dawn View Post
    As long as Preston wants I guess.... It's different for very woman and baby. Ds1 breastfed for 11 months and was force weaned by my breast milk drying up due to being 3 months pregnant and working 9 hours a day (pump wasn't doing much ) DD breastfed exclusively for 13 1/2 months and just stopped one day on her own. I have no expectations or deadlines.... I would even love to tandem nurse if I had the opportunity
    Me-Kelly (29) DH-Phillip (33) 2 unexplained losses. Ready for a rainbow baby!

  18. #168
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Tandem means nursing two (or more) at the same time.... The babies can be the same age (twins) or siblings of different age.

    I went back to work when DS1 was 4months old. I pumped 3x for 20 mins (I worked at a school so there was support). I lasted until I was 3 months preg, DS1 was 11 months. That's just my body though.... And I stopped working after DD was born so I never dealt with it again.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  19. #169
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    188

    Default

    that is impressive! I work at an energy company so if I am ever lucky enough to have a baby I really hope I will get the support to be able to BF for as long as I am able to. Thanks for the info, always trying to learn something new!
    Me-Kelly (29) DH-Phillip (33) 2 unexplained losses. Ready for a rainbow baby!

  20. #170

    Default

    Brittany. I'm so glad your doing good. I have been thinking of you a lot. I love the pool days. I just got back from the pool with my sis...and the boys put themselves to bed for a nap. SUCCESS...

  21. #171
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Brenda,

    Success indeed!!!!!
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  22. #172
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    So I told DH today to please buy me a few tests for the 99cent store (I went to dollar tree and they were out! Yet again). I wanted to tests first before I mentioned anything, but oh well, I need the tests. He was shocked, and then said he was disappointed only because he wanted to give me time...plus my appointment coming up. He is not disappointed in the fact that I may be pregnant! Which is nice, lol. He thought we were careful...I thought so too except a small miscalculation on my part. I'm thinking I am probably not, but there is also the, you never know feeling too. I'm on CD 34 my normal being 30. My max was 35 day cycle over 5 years ago. My max LP was 17 days, also over 5 years ago(TTC Tristan). I'm probably around 16-20 DPO or if I really misread my CM signs then I could be as little as 10 DPO. Although never in my life of charting in 6 years have I ever o'd past cd 22. I'm a typical cd14-17 type.


    I don't know.....I'm just randomly talking here. Trying to ease my thoughts. I really feel excited to find out. I just want that bfp and A totally normal pregnancy. But I know waiting is a good thing too.... It's hard to wait when you want something! Wish I wasn't so terrified of miscarriage. It's scars you for life apparently.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  23. #173
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Super negative test..... That's okay! I feel good about it either way.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  24. #174
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Started spotting this morning. At least AF showed up and didn't drag it on.

    I'm temping this cycle. I wasn't very fond of the head games....
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  25. #175
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,432

    Default

    How is charting going this cycle?


  26. #176
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    188

    Default

    Glad to see you are doing good Brittany, I was just thinking of you recently and hoped things were looking up for you!
    Me-Kelly (29) DH-Phillip (33) 2 unexplained losses. Ready for a rainbow baby!

  27. #177
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Ohhhhhh ya, charting, lol. I'll start now

    I've never charted for prevention purposes....seems like such a waste all that effort you know, making myself temp at the same time everyday ahahahahahah #lazygirlproblems

    Btw, thanks both Kelly's! I'm getting along. I'm very grateful for my children as they keep me busy and my thoughts occupied. I have a state exam (math, bleh!!!!!!!) to study for (credential) and a core exam for my masters through my university right after that. These are my motivators! I want to be DONE with all things school by the time I deliver another baby (god willing).
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  28. #178
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,317

    Default

    Glad to see you are doing well Brittany, I think of you often and I am glad you still visit the DD Board. Looking forward to more updates from you and your journey!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •