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Thread: i dont know what to do anymore

  1. #1

    Default i dont know what to do anymore

    my husband and i have a 5 year old son and never had any complications with my pregnancy (i am 25 my hubby is 30) we tried for another for 3 years then out of nowhere got pregnant and sadly we miscarried at 7 weeks. 2 months later we got pregnant again and it ending again in miscarriage at 6 weeks. my husband is supportive of whatever i want and to be honest i have no clue what i want. i hate the thought of being pregnant again, i hate the thought of trying to get pregnant so much i dont even want to be intimate with my husband anymore. my son is always saying he wants a brother or sister and asks about the 2 we lost. i wanted nothing more then to have another baby for years and now i just cant see anymore kids in my future. i walk by the baby aisles in stores and think oh thats cute or i want that but then it feels like i get slapped back to reality and i hate everything again. i have a friend who is pregnant with her 5th child and her due date was 2 weeks ahead of mine and i cant stand to see or talk to her anymore. is all this normal? how can i get back to being myself again? im so lost i dont feel like myself anymore. none of this behavior is like me.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    In my head
    Posts
    11,964

    Default

    I don't have great advice, but I'm finding myself in a similar spot. I hate the idea of another loss so much I'm just not sure I can try again. Big hugs.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #3

    Default

    It's definitely hard to get back on the horse and try again.

    With two unexplained miscarriages in a row, have you sought out any testing with your OB/GYN? I probably wouldn't want to get back on the TTC bandwagon again, either, until testing ruled out some basic issues that can easily be addressed. It sounds like you're still interested in having more children, but just not going through that loss again.

    On the flip side, I am an only child and there was a period of my childhood where I often asked for a sibling, but my mother had to have a complete hysterectomy 6 months after my birth, so a sibling just wasn't in the cards (even an attempt at adoption fell through). I can tell you now, I'm content being an old child. My parents hosted and exchange student when I was 13 (bad age to do that) and she has become part of our family. As an adult, I am often grateful that I don't have a sibling that I have to factor in when dealing with stuff with my parents, etc. I'm happy and well adjusted and your son will be, too, if you decide not to add to your family.

    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    129

    Default

    The only insight I can offer for you is that what you are feeling is normal (if not YOUR norm) but others go through the same feelings. My first pregnancy resulted in a stillbirth at 28 weeks and I didn't want to talk to or be around anyone that was pregnant for quite some time. I actually remember the first pregnant woman that I felt happy for after my loss. To be honest, I don't recall what got me out of that funk. My next pregnancy (son born two years after my loss) was an accident and although I was happy through out the pregnancy (aside from the occasional hormonal moments) as soon as I had my son, I really wasn't interested in being around anyone who was pregnant again. I was still happy for them and would keep in touch via social media, but it was like a detox from preggo/baby overload. I was/am just excited to be away from it all.

    I think its just our womanly hormones.... perhaps trying journaling? Even though you don't know what you want right now, just writing your thoughts down can help the brain process and organize what's going on. I hope it helps.

    I'm not sure if anything I said is helpful or just jiberish but the point is - it's a normal feeling. you're not alone. it does pass.

    oh... and on the only child/sibling thing.... I am a bit opposite of the PP, I am an only child (with older half siblings, but we didn't grow up together) and I wish I had had someone to grow up with. I am a bit envious of my half sibs that they had each other growing up and those bonds now. We are closer now as adults but it would have been nice having that sibling relationship as a young child. The only advantage that I wouldn't want to change was the closeness I had with my mother. I didn't have to 'share' her and as a result she and I were best friends.

    that is all.....
    Me: Heather {28}, DH: Tahee {30}, & Baby Boy: Carter {born July 2, 2014}... makes three

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    10,355

    Default

    it is normal to feel that way but as PP said I would strongly encourage you to get some testing done. I too had 2 m/c 6 months apart and when I got preggo this time around I was forced to change OBs and was very happy I did or I wouldn't have found out that I had a clotting disorder and would have lost my little bean. So get some testing done and see what may or may not be the problem.
    Marsha

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