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Thread: Anyone not feel the bond

  1. #1

    Default Anyone not feel the bond

    I had all of the problems in the book while bfing dd1 and did not feel a bond with her until he was over 1 year old. This time, with dd2, is waaaaaaaay different (better) in that we got this bfing thing down by the time she was 2 weeks my nips weren't sore or bloody or anything. Actually, by 3 weeks we were absolutely perfect!! No pain at all...which is completely different from my bfing time with dd1.

    But I still don't feel a bond with dd2. I didn't love dd1 until she was over 1 year old. I had ppd and a horrible time trying to figure out bfing. I remember my mil saying "I love you" to dd1 when she was under a year old and thinking, "how freaking dare you! How the heck do you love her and I don't." I was soooo upset that she loved her and I didn't. With dd2, I think I love her, I'm pretty sure I feel it, but I still don't feel that special bond while breast feeding. Am I broken?

    I definitely do not have ppd this time!!! I feel amazingly awesome!!! I can't even fatham how I got through the first year with dd1!! This time is totally different and completely awesome!! But where's that bond? Will it come later?

  2. #2


    The infant stage can be really draining with little reward, before the smiles and babbles. I used to jokingly refer to my early infants as little blobs of need. However, at the risk of offending you, I will go ahead and admit that it's a little alarming to me to hear you say that you didn't love your dd until she was one, and are feeling similar lack of love for your second child. That does sound like textbook ppd to me. But I am no expert and did not suffer ppd so perhaps I just can't relate. The good news is you know the bond does come at some point, since you feel it with dd1.

  3. #3


    Oh yeah, I had the worst ppd with dd1!! It's was BAD!!! Luckily, I finally sought help and got on meds and got better. But this time it's different, I am happy this time just unsure of that bond people mention.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2013


    Let me ask you a weird question--is your baby wearing hats most of the time? The smell and pheromones released from the top of the head is integral to helping develop the feelings.

    If that's not it, and it's probably not, just grasping at straws--I'd ask your doctor at your next appt for some guidance.

    Natalie [31] DH [40] 9/01, 1/06 NaturallyNatalie's Hair Accessories!

  5. #5


    Nope, no hats.

    Maybe I'm mixed up. Is "the bond" people talking about the love? Because I'm almost positive I feel love. I definitely don't feel how I felt with dd1, which is good!! With dd1, I was angry, mad, depressed, sad, and almost resented her and bfing her. I rolled my eyes every time she rooted and needed to nurse looking back, I honestly don't know how I made it out alive with her. But with dd2, I don't feel any of those bad feelings, thank god!! But am I missing some special bond? I think I can feel the love for her coming soon....but man, I hate the newborn stage!! But I do not hate her or resent her.
    Last edited by dunegirl; 04-20-2014 at 09:35 PM.

  6. #6


    I did feel a bond with both of my children. I think I may have had some undiagnosed PPD with my first, but I still felt a bond and love for my sons the minute they were born. I would bring up your feelings with a doctor. There can be varying degrees of PPD.

  7. #7


    I would bring up your feelings to a doc, but I will also share that my DH felt as you do and didn't bond emotionally until later with our first. I think it's just harder on some people and the newborn stage is really tough. It just may be you are more suited for mothering at older ages. I don't think you're alone, by any stretch of the imagination. And if you're not feeling depressed now it's just a matter of time before you feel that intensity I think you're alluding to. Love comes in many forms and changes over time. I think at the very least some counseling would greatly benefit you in order to work through these ideas, feelings, and expectations you have about love toward your children.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Roswell, NM


    You know what.. to be honest. I don't bond well with my baby while he is latched to me. I have really big bazookas and we can never get comfortable.. well I don't. My boob covers most of his face. I have to use my other hand to push my boob down around his nose so he won't suffocate. I've tried so many positions and had numerous home visits with lactation consultant and I was just miserable. I only pump now, invested in a good pump. I love to hold him and watch him eat, see his face and relax be comfortable.

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