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Thread: 5 year old wanting paci

  1. #31

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    We have been struggling with her for at least a year but it got a little better for a while and got WAY worse once we moved the clocks ahead....I have wondered if it was just that....that she is automatically an hour off schedule now? IDK. Yes room sharing sucks and isn't helpful. I have almost considered putting the baby in with DD1 and giving DD2 her own room....not sure what that would do. I have DD3 on a decent schedule and she gets up very early which would disrupt DD1. Ugh. I need another room!

    ETA: And yes every.single.day I say "tonight we are doing early bedtimes!" and it just never happens which just opens the wound even further.
    I was actually going to suggest this. For us, we actually had better luck with DD for the short time when she shared a room with DS. But maybe DD2 is the opposite and needs as little distraction as possible. It might be worth trying, at least for a little while to see if she can get on a better sleep routine.

    And if it any consolation, we say we are going to do an earlier bed time for DD and it never seems to happen. I can't figure out what goes wrong, but it always ends up later than we intend. We can get DS down no problem, but DD is a masterful staller and manages to distract us every night!


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by preciousnd98 View Post
    I was actually going to suggest this. For us, we actually had better luck with DD for the short time when she shared a room with DS. But maybe DD2 is the opposite and needs as little distraction as possible. It might be worth trying, at least for a little while to see if she can get on a better sleep routine.

    And if it any consolation, we say we are going to do an earlier bed time for DD and it never seems to happen. I can't figure out what goes wrong, but it always ends up later than we intend. We can get DS down no problem, but DD is a masterful staller and manages to distract us every night!
    I just can't figure out which way that would go. She may need her own space or she may be horribly jealous and feel even worse if she is being singled out. I am thinking it would be the 2nd. She is not an easy going kid and gets very jealous. I think she would feel badly that DD1 gets to share a room with the baby and I think the baby would be too stimulated having someone in her room so I am thinking it would be a bad thing.

    The ironic thing is that we have a very strict routine/schedule so I don't know how this keeps going so wrong. I am thinking I will try to lean more towards focusing on helping her to relax and less talking. It's the talking that leads to stalling and a lot of the anger and yelling.

    I was very angry at DH last night because he just can NOT deal with her and goes right to yelling which makes everything worse. So I have been taking over a lot to try to avoid that but I am so drained that it's very hard for me. So after a few back and forths last night I told DH I was done and he needs to take over. So inevitably she comes out again and needed to be escorted back and from the total other side of the house I can hear him yelling and making a whole scene I was like, "seriously?!" I could have done that! I wanted you to take over because I could not handle it calmly anymore! I mean I know he is human too and this is frustrating but I think the more excited we get the more it stirs her up. He calmed down after that but it would be nice to not have to have this conversation all the time. Men. He will be reading that recommended book we are getting from the library today so hopefully that will help all around.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  3. #33
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    I'm jumping in super late here! I would not go back to the paci, at all! Also maybe try restricting the number of toys and stuffed animals, literally 1-2 is sufficient. Let her choose a new one each night if she wants. Night lights are helpful but stimulating. Use one, some even have dimmers (light that didn't seem too bright as you were falling asleep can seems way brighter at 2-3am! If that makes sense). My children have always gone to sleep 7/730 but I struggled for years with ds1 staying in bed (4-5-6x a night getting up until 3 yrs) I can't tell you how many crutches I used to help (rocking, letting him into our bed, moving his bed into our room, laying in his bed with him, omg I could go on....) being very gentle yet so strict at bed time did the trick. Also, I purchased the Sleep Sense program by Dana Obleman. I purchased other books too, but I love love love Danas approach. There is no miracle that's going to happen, it will be hard work because dd2 has put her foot down and she will probably fight you tooth and nail, but she will get it! (The sleep thing that is). If you want more specifics on sleep training (based on Dana's approach) you can PM me.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(28)DH(39) DSD-(18) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

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  4. #34

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    I have been having similar problems with my kids at night for months. They don't come put though, they call me in over and over. They don't end up asleep until around 10 or later sometimes despite being in bed by 8:30. I can't try bedtime any earlier because for some reason putting Paige to bed too early makes it so she stays up even later and just can't sleep. If it were up to her she would go to bed late and sleep late. Anyway the past 3 nights I have put my iPad in there with pandora on, put on a lullaby radio station (not children's lullaby's but just a plain lullaby station that seems to play really mellow relaxing music) and much to my surprise they have not called me once since doing this. Granted it's only been 3 nights, but that is still unheard of here. Anyway just thought I'd throw that out there as an idea.



  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brittany_Dawn View Post
    I'm jumping in super late here! I would not go back to the paci, at all! Also maybe try restricting the number of toys and stuffed animals, literally 1-2 is sufficient. Let her choose a new one each night if she wants. Night lights are helpful but stimulating. Use one, some even have dimmers (light that didn't seem too bright as you were falling asleep can seems way brighter at 2-3am! If that makes sense). My children have always gone to sleep 7/730 but I struggled for years with ds1 staying in bed (4-5-6x a night getting up until 3 yrs) I can't tell you how many crutches I used to help (rocking, letting him into our bed, moving his bed into our room, laying in his bed with him, omg I could go on....) being very gentle yet so strict at bed time did the trick. Also, I purchased the Sleep Sense program by Dana Obleman. I purchased other books too, but I love love love Danas approach. There is no miracle that's going to happen, it will be hard work because dd2 has put her foot down and she will probably fight you tooth and nail, but she will get it! (The sleep thing that is). If you want more specifics on sleep training (based on Dana's approach) you can PM me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashleen View Post
    I have been having similar problems with my kids at night for months. They don't come put though, they call me in over and over. They don't end up asleep until around 10 or later sometimes despite being in bed by 8:30. I can't try bedtime any earlier because for some reason putting Paige to bed too early makes it so she stays up even later and just can't sleep. If it were up to her she would go to bed late and sleep late. Anyway the past 3 nights I have put my iPad in there with pandora on, put on a lullaby radio station (not children's lullaby's but just a plain lullaby station that seems to play really mellow relaxing music) and much to my surprise they have not called me once since doing this. Granted it's only been 3 nights, but that is still unheard of here. Anyway just thought I'd throw that out there as an idea.
    Thanks for the input and suggestions. I will keep them in mind!

    I am mostly done with the sleepless in america book and it's very good. I like the author and how she clearly has respect for children. It's not one of those "get your kids on THIS schedule and don't stray from it" type book. She is very open to different methods for different kids and different families even if you are bed sharing, rocking to sleep, etc.

    As suspected we are doing a lot right but there are plenty of things we can do differently. I read a good portion of the book 2 nights ago when the kids stayed at my mom's. It was SUCH a peaceful night. I was enlightened and inspired to get this under control the next night when they came home. I realized DD was showing signs of severe sleep deprivation and had a new outlook. I realized she isn't doing this to ME/US but that she can't help it and I would do what I could to help her. And make sure I saw the signs of her tired window and did what I could to make a comfortable and safe environment for her to sleep.

    I found out they stayed up until 12am at my mom's! She said it was mostly DD2 and that even once they were settled and in bed she would not stop moving around. So I started closing the blinds in the house around 6:30pm and started the bedtime routine then. They had their final snacks and we were doing bedtime by 7pmish. I already noticed that DD was doing things that indicated she was already overtired so I was worried I already missed her window. Well, I was right! It was a nightmare And instead of taking 2 hours now it took over 3 since we started so early! She was not sleeping until 10pm and I was so worn out from trying to remain calm and understanding that I was in tears and went to bed not too long after. Even this morning I feel defeated. I know it was only 1 night but it was SOOOOO much harder than I thought it would be! It was hard to remain understanding. I tried to pass things off to DH and he apparently has no clue what calm is. I could hear him yelling from across the house and when I told him that was defeating the point he said he WAS being calm I just feel like I am doing this alone. He is probably going to start reading the book tonight so maybe that will help him realize how he needs to act.

    I just fear I don't have it in me to work at this. I wasn't even with the kids all day and I could barely hang on last night. The worst thing is that switching her to the top was the biggest.mistake.ever. I wish I had not done that. I think she wants to switch back but I feel SOOOOO badly for DD1. She is SO excited about the switch and I don't want her to have to go back to the top I am most upset about that. She deals with so much. It's not fair to her. She also didn't get to sleep until about 10 because of all the back and forth in and out of the room. It's really an awful situation.

    Usually I am renewed by morning but I feel very defeated today. It could be that AF is due tomorrow She doesn't help matters! I am thinking we may need to resort to using a little melatonin maybe for a few nights just to get her on the right track. In the past once we started using it we had to use it for months and slowly wean her from it. This time I think we may start smaller and try just a few drops to see if it just helps. I feel like if SHE sees she can fall asleep without a battle it may give her some more confidence at night and she will get rid of some of the anxiety surrounding the process of falling asleep. I don't really know anymore
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  6. #36
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    All that you described about last night is the reason we moved IN BED to 6:30. If I started then, I missed DD2's window and life was awful. Was it tough? Yes. Did it mean we missed out on a lot of social activities? Yes. Did it mean I caught flack from all directions about MY need for early bedtimes? Yes. But it has been worth it. So worth it. And yes, I thrived off bedtime being early and came to truly appreciate it despite the difficulties it caused. But it wasn't for me, it was for my kids. And I thrived because in the long run home was more peaceful. But finding that window takes trial and error. For us it was 5:30-6:45. If it was 7 before laying DD2 down, all bets were off. We started utilizing melatonin when those days were happening more often than not-in other words, once she started school and it was all but impossible to have bedtime happen by 6:30.

    Some kids are truly night owls. But many just are overtired and their tired cues are way earlier than most parents would think to start watching for them. Glad the book seems to have some hopeful ideas in it

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  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    All that you described about last night is the reason we moved IN BED to 6:30. If I started then, I missed DD2's window and life was awful. Was it tough? Yes. Did it mean we missed out on a lot of social activities? Yes. Did it mean I caught flack from all directions about MY need for early bedtimes? Yes. But it has been worth it. So worth it. And yes, I thrived off bedtime being early and came to truly appreciate it despite the difficulties it caused. But it wasn't for me, it was for my kids. And I thrived because in the long run home was more peaceful. But finding that window takes trial and error. For us it was 5:30-6:45. If it was 7 before laying DD2 down, all bets were off. We started utilizing melatonin when those days were happening more often than not-in other words, once she started school and it was all but impossible to have bedtime happen by 6:30.

    Some kids are truly night owls. But many just are overtired and their tired cues are way earlier than most parents would think to start watching for them. Glad the book seems to have some hopeful ideas in it
    It's VERY hard to conceive of starting bedtime that early. It's going to take a lot of adjusting. DH was totally confused saying it would not work. It's not like he works late or that the kids have activities. There is no reason why we can't rearrange things. He was like, "so when are we going to eat dinner at 4:30?" Well yeah if we need to! There are plenty of things we can do to make it work it's just going to take WORK. Part of the reason I think this all happened was because we get very lazy at night and let the schedules slide...we are both checking computers or doing chores or whatever and we lose track of who is doing what and what time it is and where we should be in the bedtime routine. Well a lot of it is me and he doesn't pick up the slack so if I am not like a drill sergeant with the routine nothing happens and it's suddenly 8pm. I just run out of steam at night. Anyway, the hardest part if that it's SO light outside! It's hard for ME to get into the mindset of bedtime! That is why I go around the house and start pulling shades....I will start it at 6pm now. The bedrooms have room darkening shades but the rest of the house doesn't so it's still pretty light despite doing that. I am not sure if I will be able to change that.

    Last night was special though and they were both VERY overtired. Tonight will probably not be much better because they are excited about easter so I don't have high hopes for tonight but we'll see.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  8. #38

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    DS1 also goes to bed 6:30, 7 the latest. He needs a lot of sleep and later bedtime makes him overtired. I am the sleep nazi as DH is always lenient with activities and I am the one who has to enforce it.

    DS1 had his social skills group yesterday and one of the moms there sewed him a weighted blanket. It has made a huge difference for him, especially because he moves endlessly before falling asleep and also because he often wakes up at 4 a.m. and takes him time to fall asleep again but with the weighted blanket he falls asleep immediately. That mom sewed weighted blankets for her nieces and nephews and one of her nieces is very anxious and has difficulty falling asleep, pretty much she described your DD2 to a t. The weighted blanket has made a huge difference for her niece.

    From what you describe your DD is not getting enough sleep but it also sounds like she has serious anxiety falling asleep and that is the root of the problem. When did this problem occur? Was it when she gave up the paci or was it related to another event? Because pacifiers are very calming and that might have been her coping mechanism; she needs a new coping mechanism and I do not know that earlier bedtime will do it.

    I know that she is not autistic, ADHD or anything else but I would google forums of what moms with special needs kids have done to help them fall asleep to get some ideas. He anxiety is very similar to what most ASD/ADHD kids have and moms of these kids have figured out coping mechanisms so you can try different things. I have personally dealt with DS1's inability to fall asleep for YEARS. I understand the frustration all too well.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  9. #39

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    Basically in your shoes I would work towards earlier bedtime but I would go back to when the problem happened. Anxiety associated with falling asleep is a serious problem. I have it now and have had it for my entire life. I have figured out what works for me and DS1 has it too so I have had to think outside the box to solve it for him too. It might be that she has this problem too and you have to figure out what works, then enforce it and teach her how to deal with it. But something needs to be done because speaking from first hand experience the problem only gets worse.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

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    I was thinking a weighted blanket may be a good idea but she gets SO hot when trying to fall asleep which contributes to the problem. This time of the year is hard because it's before we would turn on the AC and they wont sleep with the windows open so it's a little warm at times.

    I believe this all started when we got rid of the paci last year. I was thinking back and it was July of last year. It was SO BAD, just like it is now actually, that we started using melatonin. Then I freaked out that we (and she) was too dependent on it so I tried to stop but realized she needed to be very slowly weaned. We finally weaned her in December I think and everything was good for a while. Then right after her birthday things started to go downhill again. Her bday is 2/27....I really think it was daylight savings that sealed our fate. I think it screwed her up and we have not been able to set her straight again. Maybe that coincided with a growth spurt or something IDK. But she has not used a paci for almost a year so she SHOULD be able to fall asleep w/o it. I think she is overtired and anxious and just starting to panic at bedtime. I think it's like how we may feel if we had to catch a flight at 5am and had to wake up at like 2-3am and get the kids to the airport or something lol. I would be a mess and so anxious knowing I need the sleep but too nervous to settle down. That is how I imagine she feels.

    We had a long day outside today with a lot of walking. She already melted down when we got home but she did well while we were out. She is in the bath now with a little lavender scented epsom salt but only a little because it smells strong and I worry about her eczema. Not sure if we will try the melatonin tonight...it's automatically going to be a bad night because they are very excited about easter tomorrow so maybe we should just suck it up and go for it.

    And yeah I told DH that she needs to be treated as a child with special needs...whether this is a true special need or not it's not something she is doing on purpose and she needs extra help in this area. We would not treat a child with diagnosed special needs with punishments or yelling and as difficult as it is we need to be calm and understanding. Remind me of that in 4 hours when I am in the midst of bedtime hell.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  11. #41

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    One of the problems with Ds1 was the weather being warm and the room being too warm. So i bought a portable AC unit from Lowes for $300 for the bedroom. It keeps the room temp at 70 and he uses his weighted blanket when needed. My son does not handle too warm well. My kids sleep a lot better with the AC. Plus it makes this noise that is initially annoying but they got used to it right away so it is like a background noise. Very calming for DS1. And it has not affected our electric bill a lot. We turn it on around 5:30

  12. #42

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    It is normal to feel angry and defeated but I know you will find a solution. It takes time but something will work.

    Is she the type of kid who finds rocking calming. A mom I know bought a kid rocking chair and her dd would rock in it while being read books. Made her sleepy and helped with bedtime.

    Your DD should be able to fall asleep without the paci and I would not introduce it because there are problems with long terms use after age 2/2.5. But it seems like she might have always had anxiety but the paci was her coping mechanism and she remembers it especially since her baby sis has them all over the place.

    I usually put ds1 first and stay there while he falls asleep. He used to need an hour or more and now he is out for 10 min or less. Ilwe have had stretches of days when he needed 3 hours to fall asleep with me rocking, patting. Nightmare.

  13. #43
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    Their AC is in the wall and I have no issue with using it early but right now it's covered from the outside. It also provides some white noise that is helpful but we have an air purifier in there for that on the off months.

    I don't really mind staying with her. I bring my kindle and I can read or go online. She just gets ansy and wants to leave or tells me to leave and eventually ends up leaving too. When things were good she would go to sleep first then DD1 would follow. Then we started to have to hold DD1 off until DD2 fell asleep but since that is a whole affair now it's all a mess. Last night was ridiculous. DD1 went in first, then DD2 who was causing trouble so I told DD1 to leave for a bit, then DD2 wanted to leave. Then DD1 went back in and we held DD2 out in the living room. We returned DD2 and she caused trouble again...I don't even remember what happened after that lol. I think DD2 came out again and totally lost it begging for more food but she was not hungry. Eventually she was escorted back and stayed around 10pm.

    Now with my stupid genius idea of moving her to the top I can't even lay with her or comfort her while she is in bed.

    BTW I had no real intention of giving her back the paci and ironically she has not asked for it since that initial time and the next day.
    Last edited by macksmom; 04-19-2014 at 06:08 PM.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  14. #44
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    Well this is just worst than the previous 2 nights put together. We did everything we could. She had 2 full snacks before bed, brushed teeth, said she was tired and wanted to go to bed. It's less than 30 mins later and she is in hysterics saying she is starving. SHE JUST ATE. This is part of what she does. She is out of her mind right now. We have given in to the food request before and it just leads to more stalling. This is awful though.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  15. #45

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    Sounds frustrating... Remind me why you decided to stop melatonin...

    We did use melatonin with DS1 but it made him much crankier during the day and he was plenty cranky already plus his body would adjust quickly to the lower doses. But if he took a long nap during the day (he has dropped naps 99% of the time) I would give him TJ chewable melatonin once in a while.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  16. #46

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    We have recently had the worst sleep issues with my 2 year but they are different (still has a bottle(s), sleeping with us , etc). So I totally sympathize!! It's a nightmare

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    Jeez, Am. It sounds so draining! Have you talked to her dr about it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    Sounds frustrating... Remind me why you decided to stop melatonin...

    We did use melatonin with DS1 but it made him much crankier during the day and he was plenty cranky already plus his body would adjust quickly to the lower doses. But if he took a long nap during the day (he has dropped naps 99% of the time) I would give him TJ chewable melatonin once in a while.
    It was causing some night waking and bed wetting. I also didn't like her being dependent on it. We weaned her and she was fine! I am not sure why this horror has occurred. I have been blaming it on daylight savings but IDK....it seems so severe. And now DD1 seems to be getting in the mix! They both come in and out of the bedroom blaming each other for keeping the other awake. <----- This is me and how I can't take another minute of it. I laid in there for an hour and luckily they were at least quiet but I could see them both tossing and turning. Granted they are excited about easter but this is getting insane. So after DD2's food crying fit we compromised on some milk. She drank it, brushed her teeth again and DH went in and read her a story and laid with her. He was MUCH better tonight thank goodness! Then DD1 claimed she was SOOOO tired so I sent her back in. DH came out. 5 mins later DD1 comes out complaining DD2 is talking or moving or breathing I don't know. I went in and laid on the floor for maybe an hour? IDK. I was reading on my kindle. They were both quiet but restless! WTF is up with them?! Is someone pumping caffiene into their room? Oh and I made DH uncover the AC so that is on too because it was kind of stuffy in there. I left aroun 9:30 defeated with both of them awake. DD1 came out again complaining about DD2. I went back and was more stern. They both got up separately to use the bathroom and I have not heard much since so I am hoping that was it. Last check in was 9:45 which is actually the earliest this has ended in a while so maybe that is a plus. Basically 3 hours of this ****.

    I did give her some melatonin tonight but I guess it was not enough. It was only about 1/4 of the full dose. I just though a little something would help. It may have made her less wild because she did seem calmer. I am wondering what will happen when school starts. It will either hopefully get a little better or crash and burn!

    I don't know how much earlier we can start bedtime and I don't know if it's helping to start earlier. It's wearing me out to do this for 3 hours/night. It's just dragging it out more and I haaaaate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by emma1978 View Post
    We have recently had the worst sleep issues with my 2 year but they are different (still has a bottle(s), sleeping with us , etc). So I totally sympathize!! It's a nightmare
    It's torture! It's the saddest thing when you are so exhausted that all you can do is look forward to the end of the day and have to deal with this! Beyond frustrating.

    And another lovely side effect....I am binge eating and drinking like crazy! I can't imagine the damage I have done to myself. You will see me in the diet thread next week complaining I know it!!!!!!!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Jeez, Am. It sounds so draining! Have you talked to her dr about it?
    I had back when we dropped the paci and we were dealing with basically the same thing. The doc is the one who gave us the green light on the melatonin. Because of our insurance I can't take her for a physical until May and I have to take her for her to start kinder so I plan to go in soon anyway. If it's still happening by then I will definitely bring it up! Although I can't imagine making it another month like this....she needs to catch up on some vaxes....maybe I will bring her in to discuss this and get a vax or something. Last time I spoke with the doc she didn't offer too much help and suggested things I was already doing. I think I mentioned above - we don't make a lot of the obvious mistakes so the advice is the standard, "No TV right before bed, no TV in the room, no caffeine, no late errands, no over-scheduling kids, get them fresh air and exercise" etc. Whatever is going on is more advanced (like anxiety) or a timing thing that I have not figured out...
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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    Have you asked her why it takes her so long to fall asleep, even when she is obviously tired? Can you move her into your room temporarily, so she won't disturb DD1?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Have you asked her why it takes her so long to fall asleep, even when she is obviously tired? Can you move her into your room temporarily, so she won't disturb DD1?
    She generally says she isn't tired.

    I don't know if moving her to my room would help. She would have to share my bed since there is no room in there for another bed (tiny bedrooms!). I wouldn't even mind letting her fall asleep in there and carrying her in except that she is 45lbs and now on the TOP BUNK....genius....
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  22. #52

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    I would not bring her to your room! I can't transition my 2 yr old out of our bed!! So obviously I am biased but I would not do it!

  23. #53

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    Im so sorry Could you put your older dd in your bed to go to sleep then transfer her later? Ifshe's a good sleeper she might not even notice the transfer, even if she has to walk herself there.

    Do you think Sleepless in America would be a good book for a teen to read? My oldest daughter has a hard time getting to sleep but instead of listening to me, she stays up as late as she can until she finally falls asleep. She has a lot of anxiety about waking up. i really think if she went to bed earlier she would sleep better all night. But what do i know.

    My husband and i had a big discussion last night about how we can gain some control of the bedtime situation. i think we are going to have to split the girls up and put the big girls down stairs. They are going to be really unhappy about that because they'll have to share a bathroom with the boys (or come upstairs). And i lose the guest bedroom, which is a big deal because dh's parents come and stay for 2wks at a time (seperately). i need another bedroom

    I really think the biggest issue is staying up too late, or past the natural sleepy time. missing that makes them over stimulated and makes it harder to go to sleep. Add in the tension and emotion happening around bedtime and that creates the anxiety.

    We are going to have to start bedtime right after dinner in order to get DD in bed by 8ish, which means the older girls will also have to get ready for bed then so they dont wake the littler ones. but then that will push dinner clean up later. DH wants to just have the boys clean up after dinner while all the girls get ready for bed. They wont be happy about that!

    Blah, anyway, know you are not alone!

  24. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by emma1978 View Post
    I would not bring her to your room! I can't transition my 2 yr old out of our bed!! So obviously I am biased but I would not do it!
    Yeah definitely not doing that! It just would not work for us and would cause bigger problems. She is the type of kid that if you give her an inch she will take a mile so 1-2 night start off in my room nights would stretch to all night to all week, etc. I am just not a bed sharer. I don't even like my DH there lol! It's just not for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by runningmomofmany View Post
    Im so sorry Could you put your older dd in your bed to go to sleep then transfer her later? Ifshe's a good sleeper she might not even notice the transfer, even if she has to walk herself there.

    Do you think Sleepless in America would be a good book for a teen to read? My oldest daughter has a hard time getting to sleep but instead of listening to me, she stays up as late as she can until she finally falls asleep. She has a lot of anxiety about waking up. i really think if she went to bed earlier she would sleep better all night. But what do i know.

    My husband and i had a big discussion last night about how we can gain some control of the bedtime situation. i think we are going to have to split the girls up and put the big girls down stairs. They are going to be really unhappy about that because they'll have to share a bathroom with the boys (or come upstairs). And i lose the guest bedroom, which is a big deal because dh's parents come and stay for 2wks at a time (seperately). i need another bedroom

    I really think the biggest issue is staying up too late, or past the natural sleepy time. missing that makes them over stimulated and makes it harder to go to sleep. Add in the tension and emotion happening around bedtime and that creates the anxiety.

    We are going to have to start bedtime right after dinner in order to get DD in bed by 8ish, which means the older girls will also have to get ready for bed then so they dont wake the littler ones. but then that will push dinner clean up later. DH wants to just have the boys clean up after dinner while all the girls get ready for bed. They wont be happy about that!

    Blah, anyway, know you are not alone!
    Ugh so sorry that sounds rough and confusing. It's SO hard to keep control of the evenings with lots of people in the house and when you are drained and need a break. It seems like that is the time you REALLY need to keep on top of things. Just like we would not just let the morning routine fall apart because we are tired, the night time one needs the same attention. I think even more because I found that too much energy at night leads to bad things for all the kids.

    I would definitely see if your DD would be willing to read the book. It talks about the importance of sleep and sleep cycles and circadian rhythms, etc. It's not only about kids. I am sure she could skim through a few chapters. As much as I like it, it gets a little reptetitive after a while. It's a lot of "bobby was acting out, having meltdowns, his parents were at the ends of their ropes....they changed this, that and this and now it's like bobby is a different kid!" Pretty much every example sounds like that with different variations of what the parents changed to make it better.

    So last night was very successful but I assume it had to do with the melatonin. We upped her to .5 of a dose which really did the trick. I was worried because we had a LONG day and got home late from our family's house and they wanted to watch their show when they got home and it was already 7ish. They were VERY tired but good tired. I noticed DD1 gets really hyper when she is tired and she starts to get the other kids excited. So we tried making her calm down before she made the others too excited. I put DD3 down around 7:20ish. We made sure DD2 had enough food and got her in bed by 8 I think? I left her room at 8:40 and she did not get out of bed at all. DD1 went in at 9 and apparently she was still awake but was calm and quiet! I am sure she was more relaxed because of the melatonin. I plan to continue to do it for a few days and go down to .25 after that for a few more days and then try to stop it. Maybe that will just reset her body clock enough to out her back on track. I really think it was daylight savings that threw her off. I also think she started to become anxious causing it all to get out of control. I have been making a big deal about how she went right to sleep last night. I have been waiting for one good night so that she could regain some confidence and maybe lessen some of the anxiety. So I am REALLY happy about this. Also I think cooling the room down helped too! It wont help my electric bill but whatever!

    Thanks for all the support and I hope those of you struggling too find some relief. It's VERY draining.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  25. #55

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    Am, I have been following but just haven't had anything helpful to add. I hope tonight continues on the right path. Sounds so hard for everyone.

  26. #56

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    Hoping for more good nights.... It is so exhausting being sleep deprived; it really affects all aspects of one's life...
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  27. #57

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    http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-...ZHVDV6SNSQFC0A
    Am, I saw this book on a display at my library today. It's called a What to Do When You Dread Your Bed. It is from a series of a "What to Do Guides" for children. I haven't read this particular one but we used the worry one, and the stuck brain one for my dd when she was suffering pretty severe anxiety. They worked really, really well. We still use some of the coping tools, three years later.

  28. #58
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    14,835

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcie View Post
    Am, I have been following but just haven't had anything helpful to add. I hope tonight continues on the right path. Sounds so hard for everyone.
    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    Hoping for more good nights.... It is so exhausting being sleep deprived; it really affects all aspects of one's life...
    Thanks! Last night was good too. I am sure it's the melatonin which makes me want to never stop it lol. That is why I didn't want to start it. But I can see her gaining confidence with each night she falls asleep at a decent hour and we are still talking about methods of coping when she can't sleep so I feel like it's a work in progress but it's been really great. Phew.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-...ZHVDV6SNSQFC0A
    Am, I saw this book on a display at my library today. It's called a What to Do When You Dread Your Bed. It is from a series of a "What to Do Guides" for children. I haven't read this particular one but we used the worry one, and the stuck brain one for my dd when she was suffering pretty severe anxiety. They worked really, really well. We still use some of the coping tools, three years later.
    Thanks! I will look for this!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  29. #59
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,681

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-...ZHVDV6SNSQFC0A
    Am, I saw this book on a display at my library today. It's called a What to Do When You Dread Your Bed. It is from a series of a "What to Do Guides" for children. I haven't read this particular one but we used the worry one, and the stuck brain one for my dd when she was suffering pretty severe anxiety. They worked really, really well. We still use some of the coping tools, three years later.
    That is such an excellent series!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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