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Thread: How do you cope with the fear?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
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    Default How do you cope with the fear?

    Hey everyone. I know a lot of us in this room have a history of loss and STC. I'm just wondering how you cope with the fear of loss? I'm getting really close to the point where I lost my pregnancy last time and I'm starting to feel terrified. How do you think and stay positive? Sorry for bringing negativity just really looking for some coping advice. TIA

    Me - Jess DH - Matt
    September 2013

  2. #2

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    I'm right there with you Jess. I think after a loss, it's perfectly normal to worry but I have just had to put my faith in GOD, that he will take care of this baby and let bring it home. I know some on here are not religious but I am and that's my way of coping with the worry. (((HUGS)))

  3. #3
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    Everyday for me is a mix of excitement and fear. One minute I will be happy, skipping down the hallways, and then every time i feel a weird twinge or an ache, the worrying starts. I think some of my fears will subside once I see my little bean on May 7th. But until then I will be all over the place emotionally.

    Jess, you have a lot of things going for you! You've seen those two heartbeats, they are watching you closely with weekly ultrasounds. That is awesome. Try and keep yourself distracted with positive things, maybe crafts, planning baby things or shopping, etc. I personally like to zone out watching movies or trashy tv lol Sending prayers for those little ones your way!

  4. #4

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    I am finally getting to a place where I am less worried. I think inching closer to the 2nd trimester is naturally making me feel better. Of course, I do keep thinking in the back of my head that we have some ladies in here with some later term losses, but I try to tell myself that those are pretty rare.

    I felt pretty good when I got past all of my anniversary dates. I had the date the m/c started, the estimated date the baby passed, and the day the baby tissue actually passed. Then I also had the calendar anniversary date. All of that passed and I had my appointment at 11 weeks and heard the heartbeat on the doppler and THEN I really felt good! ;)

    But, that said, it's always in the back of my head that anything can go wrong at any time. Especially after a loss.

    I do not really have a good coping mechanism to share.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  5. #5
    Join Date
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    SoCal
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    It is really tough.... Time helps but memories never fade. You may have times when you "cope" for a while, months, but then memories bring up grief. I think it's okay to grieve, not just when loss happens, but for life.
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(27)DH(39) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brittany_Dawn View Post
    It is really tough.... Time helps but memories never fade. You may have times when you "cope" for a while, months, but then memories bring up grief. I think it's okay to grieve, not just when loss happens, but for life.
    I agree.

  7. #7
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    Nov 2012
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    East China MI
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    Thanks everyone I'm feeling a little better today. I know worrying is a waste of time so just trying to stay positive! It definitely helps that I have another us on Wednesday

    Me - Jess DH - Matt
    September 2013

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    Michigan
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    Some days are better than others . Obviously, I have a lot going on to distract me so I'm able to just "do the next thing", but on occasion I'm hit with extreme anxiety . A few nights ago, I couldn't sleep because of the anxiety...just kept thinking about the possibility of having to start all over again and really not knowing if I could do it again...the losses are just too hard. It was the night I didn't take benadryl, but ended up taking it an hour or so later because I was just about through the roof with overwhelming feelings of "what if" (and I was feeling really sick, lol).

    The further along I get the easier it is to cope. In another week I'll be past the point of all of my 1st tri losses . I have had two losses in the 2nd tri that were unexplained so usually I relax a lot more around 20wks and don't worry about it much at all after the point of "viability" around 24wks.

    I just really don't want to waste however much time I do have with my LO by worrying. So even though the worry is always there, I keep it out of the forefront of my thoughts by thinking on the positives. It helps that I'm naturally a positive person anyway, but I really am just so thankful to have another opportunity to have another baby . The fact I've gotten this far is miraculous, lol, by the grace of God, I beat the odds! I had less than 3% chance of having a viable pg, yet here I am almost 9wks with a baby who has a beautiful beating heart (my RE actually said my odds were around 1%)! It's not another blighted ovum or a chemical pg and we've made it past the point of 9 of my losses...so much to celebrate so I focus on that .

    What has helped the very most though is to remember what I believe about God, faith is so important to me and I trust that whatever the outcome it's going to be okay...I'll get through it. I find comfort and strength by reading my bible, praying, listening to hymns or praise/worship music, and surrounding myself with positive, encouraging people. Sharing my fears with dh and asking him to pray for me has been a blessing too...just knowing he's supporting me makes all the difference . One of my fav verses is: "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind".

    It's sure not easy though and my heart goes out to you .

    Praying all of our fears are completely unfounded and each of has a hh9m !
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  9. #9
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    Nov 2012
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    East China MI
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    Thanks Kelly I've been thinking about you often as well as everyone in this room.

    I'm on vaca from work this week which is good because I can relax buy bad because I have lots of time to think! Looking at twin baby ideas on Pinterest is helping today!

    Me - Jess DH - Matt
    September 2013

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by JessieBee1027 View Post
    Looking at twin baby ideas on Pinterest is helping today!
    Hooray for Pinterest!

  11. #11

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    The fear never really went away, I just got better at coming to terms and dealing with it. A little bit is healthy, a lot can be paralyzing. I got to where I could focus on and celebrate each milestone and small victory. Pinterest is great for distraction too!


    Erica 33, DH 34, STC for 4+ years, Diagnosed DOR 4/2011, mom to 4 , Barbados IVF March 2013!!!

  12. #12
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    Jul 2006
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    31,436

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    I'm relying on God, completely.

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