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Thread: Need serious potty training help

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  1. #1
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    Default Need serious potty training help

    Ok, particularly those who have had to potty train an older child who has younger siblings in diapers. I know that is what is holding this up with my 3 yr old. She knows how to use it, when she needs to go but is refusing. This week she spent 4 days at my moms. Peed in the potty like a champ. Still issues with poop but had the pee under control. The minute she came home, peeing in her pants again. I put her in regular pants, if she pees them I have her clean herself up, help clean the floor and help change her into clean pants and have her carry the dirty items to a basket in the bathroom.

    I try giving her special attention, and letting the twins play on their own in the playroom with us which they do well so I am not continuously doting on them.

    We have tried stickers, candy, anything, she doesn't care. HELP!!!


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  2. #2

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    Both of my girls needed some kind of a big deal at that age to help it sink in. For my oldest (she was 3 at the time) she really wanted to go to preschool and I told her she couldn't go until she was using the potty all the time (excluding poop issues, but that came about a month later). 2 days later she was fully pee trained. Just stickers and candy wasn't enough to end the power struggle between her and I.

    My 2nd DD was (just shy of 3) almost the same, more then capable, but just not wanting to. She also wanted to do what the bigger kids were doing and move to the preschool room at church and I wouldn't let her till she could use the potty. Also we planned a big kid trip with their grandma and cousins to a fun place and I just told her grandma wasn't taking kids in diapers (we had her little brother in diapers). Again within a week she was fully using the potty. Stickers and reward charts, even m&ms have never been effective incentives for my kids in regards to potty training.

    We will see how this goes with #3, at this point he seems way more interested then either of the girls did.
    Katie~
    DD1 (7) DD2 (4) DS1 (22 months) Baby #4 EDD 7/13/14

  3. #3
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    How far past 3 is she? I might back off and put her back in diapers and try to make her have more control? Have you given incentives? It really depends on her personality what will work. My first is pretty easy going and she pee trained in 2-3 days but then would hold #2 until naptime (she was still in a crib until 3.5yo) and then hang out in the crib, poo and refuse to nap. I had to basically drop her naps (which seemed reasonable by 3.5 since she kind of wasn't napping anymore anyway) and once she didn't have that time to hold out until she was forced to do it on the potty and she was fine.

    DD2 is VERY stubborn. She was pee trained in about 2 days too but she refused to do #2. I tried SO many things. I even took her to the store and had her pick out things and said she could have them when she pooped on the potty. She held out for TEN MONTHS. She knew she would get those gifts but she just did not care. She would ask for a pullup and poo in that. I was getting really tired of changing her as I was pregnant and she was over 3.5 and big! I finally bought a few packs up pullups and put them in a basket and said once they were gone that was it - no more pullups. I switched to cloth trainers for overnight since she still was not night trained. She held it in for 3 days or so but finally went and from that point on was fine. After a week or so I was able to bring back the disposable pullups for night time too. I knew once she was good with the potty she would be ok and not go back.

    Both my older 2 had younger siblings in diapers when they PT. It was never an issue. Maybe because they were wearing pull ups? What makes you think the babies being in diapers are holding her back?
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  4. #4
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    She turned 3 in October so almost 3.5 here. I have tried dangling the big reward of riding the school bus, this is actually our 3rd attempt PTing. She gets it down except poop and then stops. She acts totally different around the twins which is why I think that's the bulk of the issue. Mom can take her for a few days and her whole behavior is different, much calmer, listens better. I think she feels she has to compete constantly. Last week she grabbed a cloth diaper out of the bin and laid down and tried to put it on herself. I had her get up and get on the potty and she peed there.

    I feel bad, I am frustrated enough to put her back in pull ups but I feel like I am not doing her any favors and just delaying her even more. She stayed completely dry at moms, even overnight which I am not pressed about.


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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarlett View Post
    She turned 3 in October so almost 3.5 here. I have tried dangling the big reward of riding the school bus, this is actually our 3rd attempt PTing. She gets it down except poop and then stops. She acts totally different around the twins which is why I think that's the bulk of the issue. Mom can take her for a few days and her whole behavior is different, much calmer, listens better. I think she feels she has to compete constantly. Last week she grabbed a cloth diaper out of the bin and laid down and tried to put it on herself. I had her get up and get on the potty and she peed there.

    I feel bad, I am frustrated enough to put her back in pull ups but I feel like I am not doing her any favors and just delaying her even more. She stayed completely dry at moms, even overnight which I am not pressed about.
    Yeah see you have a power issue there. Obviously it's not that she isn't ready physically but maybe she isn't mentally. You know her best. You will need to find a way to get her to feel like she has the control.

    As I said mine went on for 10 months so I am certainly not a pro at this lol. It sounds like you are right and she feels like she has to compete. I would say play up the "big girl or big sis" role but it sounds like you are doing that. It's not surprising she is better at grandma's....I think all of them are. Maybe you can put her back in pull ups and try what I did (buy a bunch and tell her that it's) - once she knows she has an end date maybe she will be more mentally prepared? At least she will feel like she has some time back in pull ups and time to get ready to be without? IDK. Age 3 sucks. It's very frustrating.

    Has she done #2 at moms?
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  6. #6
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    She has done #2 occasionally at both places. Idk, I am torn, I don't want to scar her by pushing potty training too much which DH. Is afraid of, I also feel like I am doing a disservice to her by keeping her in diapers/pull-ups


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  7. #7

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    My firm belief is that she will be potty trained at exactly the same time whether you keep pushing through now, or wait and try again later. The choice is between days, weeks or even months of struggling and accidents, or diapers.

    I'd put her in diapers, cloth preferably so she's aware of being wet. And talk about what a big girl she is, give her the attention she seems to be needing in a positive way. Keep talking about going to the potty. maybe set a date in the future to start potty training again, and count down on the calendar, or make a paper link chain. So she's excited about trying again.

  8. #8

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    No experience, but what if you got a couple of little potty seats for the twins and acted like you want her to help teach them by showing them what to do... Obviously you wouldn't actively train the twins, but I think it would be pretty harmless to sit them on there once in a while so it seems to her that they are being trained too. This way she might start competing to be the best at potty training, and at least not feel like she is being singled out for it... And who knows the twins might potty train early if they are introduced early... I had a potty chair out for my kids from the time they could walk (I didn't try to train them, just talked about what it was and sometimes sat them on it if they came to the bathroom. With me) and they potty trained (day, night, and poop) at 18m and 16m without ever having to have an accident.



  9. #9

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    She can do it and she doesn't choose to. She wins and you lose, doesn't matter what you do. You have to hand the control back over to her and let her make up her own mind. She will do it once she decides to. The end. Sorry

  10. #10
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    Potty seats for the twins might be an idea. They are close to walking so perhaps in a month or two.



    Quote Originally Posted by tapir View Post
    She can do it and she doesn't choose to. She wins and you lose, doesn't matter what you do. You have to hand the control back over to her and let her make up her own mind. She will do it once she decides to. The end. Sorry
    Yeah, I am feeling that way. I feel like I am making future training even harder by giving in and putting her back in pull-ups though.


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  11. #11

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    I am another vote for putting it on the back burner. Once it (or anything,really) becomes a power struggle, the true goal gets totally lost. It will happen without question so just let her decide when.
    n.

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