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Thread: walking away

  1. #1

    Default walking away

    Do you encourage your children to walk away from each other when they are angry? Mine (3 and 5) are having a hard time occasionally, and while DD can be rational, her little brother is in total caveman mode at the moment. Very rarely it escalates and one of them pushes, shoves, stomps, etc. Last night I suggested to DD that when she gets that angry, she should turn around and walk away so she doesn't make a choice she will regret. She's a total rule follower, but she does have a temper. But now I am wondering whether telling her to walk away was bad advice, and that they won't learn to settle issues on their own.

    I do have to admit, I am not one that lets them just battle it out without parental intervention. They are young, and I think they need guidance to learn how to deal with arguments. I try to walk a fine line and not get too involved, but I definitely don't just let them go at it and hope they work it out.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    I don't tell them to walk away as a solution to arguments or disputes. If one is teasing another or just being irrational (cavewoman!) I encourage them to walk away but if they are fighting over something I try to guide them on how to solve it. It only works 50% of the time because DD2 is usually the cave woman and DD1 is the responsible one and it is too unbalanced and DD2 is usually not open for suggestions lol.

    So my answer really depends on what the nature of the dispute is. I think telling your DD to walk away if she has a temper is good advice. You are not telling her to abandon the issue but just to address it when she is more level-headed. I think it will be helpful in the long run. I would encourage her to go back and readdress it when she has cooled off....
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  3. #3

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    I don't have another so thats' not exactly my problem. I have a tempermental little guy who can be sweet as sweet can be... but who will explode suddenly. (learned from his dad, perhaps) Lately - out of the blue - that's been leading to all-out temper tantrums, terrible-twos style. (Which we'd skipped, but are getting in spades now.)

    I've taught him the "3+10" method (found on some parenting websites) to take three deep breaths and then to count to ten. It's kinda new so I can't say that it works or not, but thus far, the few times that we've tried it, it's been useful. So i guess that's step away, but it's saying more to calm down and then discuss whatever the problem was.

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    We use "walk away" for things where the emotions are higher than the situation should warrant (mainly Scharae...and that's pretty much ALL THE TIME) because no rational resolution will happen when that's the case and I need for them to start recognizing when they're that "high" and how to come back down. For myself, I often have to do that. If I don't things will be said or done that I will regret almost immediately but I am someone who "sees red" and become irrational when I'm ramped up. I have to tell DH "I need to walk away, give me a minute". And I think that's just fine to do, as an adult. As a kid, it's not going to be "ok" in every situation and I know that. But I still am teaching it to my kids (again, mainly to Scharae). I tell them they need to communicate that they are walking away "to calm down" and they need to be willing to come back to the situation to communicate. I know Scharae has done it at school and it has been a little bit of a problem, but I just told the teacher she was welcome to forbid it but I wasn't going to be jumping on any discipline train if/when things went south (again...not the best parenting tactic but...) and that I was happy to sit down and write it into her IEP if she felt it was necessary.

    At age 3 and 5 I absolutely, with parental involvement, would encourage that. If communication isn't happening, what's the point in persisting?

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