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Thread: Is it me or her?

  1. #1

    Default Is it me or her?

    I'm feeling like a crappy mom right now. I don't know what to do. Hoping to get some thoughts from you mamas.

    DD is SO CLINGY. I know, I need to make sure her "attachment tank" is full. But every time I try to play with her everything just goes to hell. She starts acting naughty, jumping on me, being bossy. I normally cut her off when she treats me that way: "Ok, mom's done playing now if you're going to treat me like that." Which leads to her having an enormous meltdown and me being annoyed. Tonight I tried playing three or four different games with her, and every single time it led to crappy behavior and a meltdown.

    Ugh, ugh, ugh! DH is awesome and has told me to take a break tonight even though he's been with her all weekend because I've been working. He took her to Chuckie Cheese, her grandma came for a visit, etc. He says she acts very differently to him than she does towards me right now. He's started to rough-house with her more because she's just so physical right now. But I won't play with her like that for obvious reasons. Maybe she's testing me?




  2. #2
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    Sounds like she just needs a physical outlet, and she thinks she can get that from you. Which I know there are limits as far as rough play when you are expecting, but you can try tickling her (My son is obsessed with being tickled), having a dance party with loud music, and let her have supervised jumps on the bed or couch. My kids like to jump off of the ottoman onto a bean bag. I think the best thing for me when my kids are needing that outlet is for me to stand up. It's harder for them to climb all over me when I'm up off the floor or couch, I'll hold their hands and dance with them, spin them in circles, hang them upside down by their feet, tickle them, toss them onto the couch or bed. And it doesn't do any damage to my pregnant belly.

    I'm sure it's just a mix of restlessness, boundaries, the anxiety of knowing there's another sibling on the way, you're now limited to what you can do because of that sibling. It can be stressful!!
    Dada (27) Mama-Jessie (26) Orion (4) Kadence (2) Osiris (Uterus)

  3. #3
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    My dd1 was like that when I was pregnant with dd2. She continued being this way for a while after dd2 was born. I think it has to do with 2 things: turning 4 soon (who said terrible 2s and 3s are terrible? 4s and 5s are TOUGH too!!!) and shift of attention, anticipation of a new member arriving. What does she like to do on her own? It would be helpful to find a bunch of activities for her which can be half-or unsupervised. So you just need to be nearby. Also, involve her if possible into real life activities - my dd1 discovered the world of kitchen, cooking and baking when I was pg with dd2 and she LOVED helping. Even tossing the salad was and still is some magical process for her.

    These are my favorite blogs and they are fellow Kid blogger network members with a bunch of awesome activities: http://redtedart.com http://happyhooligans.com http://theimaginationtree.com http://kidsactivitiesblog.com (let me know if a link is broken - I might have mixed something up?). They also have FB pages you can follow and get more ideas on activities.

    It is very hard being pregnant with an active spirited child - I've been there twice! And on the other hand it is VERY hard for your active and spirited child atm as well. Huge hugs and hope things settle on their own.
    Miss T (10.17.2008) Miss A(06.30.2012) Flipper #3 due 06.2014
    Follow my blog on Facebook

  4. #4

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    My DS2 is 3y2m and he has been a handful for a couple of months. This was the same age at which DS1 was a handful, so I was rather expecting it. It is possible that it is pregnancy related and it's also possible it is not. Thanks Varya for all of those wonderful links!! I'll be looking through them as time presents itself.

    I also recently read an article about the importance of movement to assist in integrating knowledge. It is possible that your DD is in the midst of a key developmental leap which also requires extra movement to help process everything.

    I also find that my children seem to act the worst with me. There are three adults in our home and the behavior is the worst with me, next with DH, and lastly with Grandma.

    I cannot put my 3 year old to bed at night. He refuses to cooperate with me. I believe it's because he just wants me to lay down and sleep with him, but we've been working on weaning the cosleeping for over a year now and I don't want to waste all of that work by sleeping with him again. I don't know if his neediness is about the impending brother, just his own sleep regression, or something else. DH handles bedtime 80-90% of the time because he has seen HOW EXTREMELY difficult it is for both DS2 and myself. He has WAY less trouble than I do. DS2 lays in his bed for DH and on occasion will only get up maybe once or twice on DH's nights. DH gets annoyed with the chatter between the boys, but I think that's a normal process of going to sleep in the room with a sibling (correct me if I'm wrong, I'm an only child). I think it's rare for their nighttime chatter to go past 20 minutes, DS1 is usually asleep within 5-10 minutes while DS2 may continue to whisper or chatter to himself a bit longer.

    Bedtime is our most frustrating issue at the moment, but DS2 has also been more clingy than usual as well. It's all a mystery until the phase has passed, isn't it? Yet, it's just torture going through it.

    We ALL know what you're going through and can completely sympathize. Is your DD a Scopio sign? Her thing about the meltdowns with the games reminds me of DS1 and he's a Scorpio.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  5. #5

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    Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies for helping me feel less alone here.

    DH has been putting her to bed for the last several nights in a row without laying down next to her. It was her idea, I suggested she's getting too big for us to lay together while she falls asleep so we should get a special reading chair and read her books (which we were already doing) from there and then she can fall asleep in her bed after that. She thought that was a splendid idea and asked to do it the next night. So DH has done it now about 4 nights and he's on the road this week so now its just DD and I for the week alone together...wish me luck!!!

    Jessie, I think you are so right about the physical outlet. Thank goodness she has "school" this summer (she's in daycare because I'm contracted to teach, but several of my teaching gigs fell through, long story) because she is loving it and getting tons of time with peers. When she comes home I do need to make more effort to get her out on walks or to the community pool. Hoping to do lots of physical things this week instead of rough housing because I am not into that at the moment.

    Varya, thank you so much for the links. I will check them out. She is certainly active and spirited as well and always has been, and I think she is going through a cognitive leap now as well which is contributing.

    Dorcas, developmental leap happening now for sure, I agree. Behavior is worse with me too, for sure. I'm glad I'm not alone. It is just so strange this shift, she was such a mommy's girl and I was always the one who could fix it, now I'm the last one she wants. And it happened SO FAST. And she is a libra. I'm the Scorpio, maybe its me!



  6. #6

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    Ha! I'm a Libra! Naturally I'm going to say it's the Scorpio's fault. Just kidding! ;)

    Was your DH staying in the room, in the reading chair, until she fell asleep? We did that for a bit during the transition, too. I just can't do it for long because I'll just fall asleep in the chair. Plus we're past that part and I just don't care to take a step backward. It's so exciting that it was HER idea and she's doing so well with it!!!
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  7. #7
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    Ha! My 5 year old (the spirited one) is a Libra too and I am a Sagi. We still clash characters despite supposedly being a good mom-daughter match. Down the road it all might change but atm it gets pretty hard!

  8. #8

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    Lol! What's up with these spirited Libras? Aren't they supposed to be the balanced ones? ;)



  9. #9
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    You'd think that! But apparently it is either very balanced or very imbalanced lol

  10. #10

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    I don't know, I was an as a kid.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    I don't know, I was an as a kid.

    I'm trying to picture it.......
    waiting for our hearts to healBrittany(27)DH(39) DS-Tristan(4) DD-Brooke(3) DS-Preston(1)*my miracles*

    12/05/07 14wks, 10/10/08 9wks, 12/20/13 8wks, 05/06/14 10wks

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by khadijavye View Post
    I don't know, I was an as a kid.
    I'm sure you made a mistake with emoticon? !

  13. #13

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    Ladies!

    So tonight I followed the new bedtime routine she and DH have been doing and she was fantastic.

    She's getting so big, so fast. I can't handle it! Feeling so emotional these days about her growth and the new one coming. Ugh!



  14. #14

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    My Mom will tell you I was a really good kid. I swear! ;)

    I am SO glad that you were able to use the new routine and it went well!! When Ds1 came to visit at the hospital after DS2's birth he looked like a giant!! It was wild.
    Dorcas (35) DH (36) 3/13



  15. #15
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    So great that the routine is working! Dd1 Was so attached to me before dd2 was born and became such a daddy's girl after that!

  16. #16
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    I can totally relate. DD is 3.5 years old and i swear ever since she found out I am pregnant she is super clingy, whiney, just overall emotional! She's not like that with her dad, grandparents, daycare lady. I have been trying to do as many one on one things with her before the twins arrive but its exhausting. Hopefully it gets better, but something tells me it will be worse when they are here.

    On another note, my Mother told me that when she was pregnant with my little sister ( I was 5 ), I started wetting the bed at night. And it continued until the day my sister was born. Mom has always said it was an anxiety and emotional thing, I think children are a lot more affected than we realize by our pregnancies...

    Glad the new routine is working!!

  17. #17
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    We get that here too !

    I'm so glad things are going better though ! I know for us, it's day to day sometimes...some days are practically perfect and others it seems like everyone is having an emotional break down at the same time, lol, but usually it's just one or two kiddos who will just be super needy and it can be exhausting going that extra mile with them to get us all through the day still sane .

    Thankfully, I do have older kids to help with the little ones and sometimes the youngest kiddos actually prefer the older ones to me which is a nice break for me . However, if the older kids are struggling, phew, that's all on me and it's not so simple as getting out the right sippy cup, reading a million books while the laundry piles up, or giving them cookies for dinner...I love having teens (I have 4 of them ages: boy 13, girl 15, boy almost 17, and girl 18), but the challenges of raising them now are a lot more involved than they were when they were little . Some days the little kid melt-downs will just put me over the edge, but I'll handle the older kids fine...then there are days where I manage the little kids and their difficulties better than average, lol, but totally fail when one of my older kids has an issue.

    Anyway, my point, lol, I totes get it for sure and my heart goes out to you !! Hoping and praying dd adjust to all the anticipation and changes ahead quickly. I know for my kids the adjustments to the "new normal" don't usually take too terribly long, lol, I definitely have moments of questioning my sanity (and theirs...kids can be so insane sometimes ), but every day gets a bit easier until the tough times fade and you're back to more good days than bad
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






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