I have a kind of sensitive question.
This is my second pregnancy. My first was stillborn at 7 months. A little girl, Amaya, that I had to (knowing she had already passed) deliver anyway. Even though she isn't here, she is still my daughter & still my first born. However, when people ask me if this is my first child I feel unsure how to answer. I don't like to tell people my whole story but at the same time I don't want to ever deny her or that she was here. If I simply say no, people inevitable follow up with "How old is your other child" or "I didn't know you had a kid" or something to that degree that prompts more information. I've even said "No, this is my second pregnancy but... (and then I stall at) this will be my first child(?)...". I just don't know what to say. I'm either giving too much information for just a passing conversation or short answers and I'm dreading anything further discussion because I am so emotional this go-a-round.
I know it's a tender subject because I'm in tears as I write it but if anyone with similar experience can share how they handle this situation I would appreciate it.
Also I am finding, not that I want to "move on" but that I want to focus on this pregnancy in a more positive way and if I am being asked about Amaya, well.. it brings me down. I know my blood pressure raises too. I cry at the slightest thing now and when something that has a personal meaning to me comes up I am even more emotional! I'm trying my best to be healthy (mentally and physically) with this baby but it's hard to escape this mindset.
One more thing is that the "every pregnancy is different" topic. I can relate because both my pregnancies are so different and I do have thoughts and want to discuss that but if I jump into a conversation like that then we are back to the questions about my other child... ugh... I just don't know where that balance is. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind over it.
Can anyone offer some help please!?