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Thread: I know y'all cannot make my decision for me...

  1. #1
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    Default I know y'all cannot make my decision for me...

    But maybe if I talk it out a bit my mind can become a bit clearer?

    So I had a full tubal ligation (no clamps, not just cut and burned but a 3" chunk removed) in August 2011. And then wound up pregnant last month.

    I had an appointment last week with my OB. He said the pregnancy was almost certainly in my uterus based on how soon and quickly and naturally it all ended-I didn't even bleed 36 hours and had no lingering spotting afterward and it was all over by 5 weeks. He said that if it had been ectopic I probably would have had it go longer, it would have ended more dramatically, and the bleeding would/should have been different. So most likely it would have ended the same without my having ever had a tubal surgery done.

    He said my left tube is almost certainly very much unblocked which means the right tube is highly likely to be at least partially unblocked which, with our fertility history, means more pregnancies are likely. He said he only left just over 1" of tube at the ovary end but "the uterus and the Fallopian tubes are like teenage boys and girls-you can hardly keep them apart"

    His first recommendation is a vasectomy. John won't do that, various reasons. Just something he's not budging on, and I'm not pushing him on. So next suggestion is one of the IUDs but I've had them both and my body has expelled them both. Next suggestion is NuvaRing (because it's hormones directly in the area to be affected) but we conceived Keira using NuvaRing. So that leaves us with me having another surgery, this time to completely remove both tubes. He would leave the ovaries and uterus, so not a hysterectomy. He told me that he has never read any cases nor hear any anectdotal stories of a woman becoming pregnant with both tubes completely removed. So there's that.

    I asked about us just leaving things alone, basically NPP. He said that he doesn't suggest this because while my left tube is obviously unblocked, it may not be copmletely unblocked and I'm still at higher risk for ectopic.

    So now John and I are in discussions about what to do. The logical answer is to have the surgery. No real quesiton there. And we already made this decision once so shouldn't it be an easy and automatic decision to remake?

    But emotionally...AGH! It's stupid, right? To even entertain the idea of leaving things as they are? John and I just keep feeling like maybe we need to keep our options open. But we were fine and happy and moving on before last month. And then we were sent into a tailspin. So now, is this the emotional kneejerk reaction to that or is it a blessing in disguise, knowing that we COULD still get pregnant? That we COULD have a baby? And if that's the case-what is the liklihood that I can have a safe and successful pregnancy? Keira ended in drama with sudden severe pre-e at 36 weeks, Scharae was PTL 28-35 weeks when I finally was allowed to deliver, and then each pregnancy after that ended earlier and earlier culminating in a very dangerous situation for me. I made certain decisions with that last pregnancy that worsened those conditions-wouldn't allow my OB to remove my cerclage after my water broke which allowed a uterine infection to fester. I feel like I'm more prepared now to go into a pregnancy with MY safety in mind and not clinging so hard to "doing everytihng possible" like last time. John keeps feeling like I'm so much healthier, my body is more prepared to handle a pregnancy that even has a possibility of being high risk. But is that enough to justify leaving things hanging?

    I know none of you can answer that. Just looking for input, opinions, thoughts. I'm trying to come to the same decision as John. It's my body, my choice. But to make that choice I feel like I need to give his feelings a fair shake and consider what he wants.

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  2. #2

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    I would have the tubes removed, no questions asked, I would also start moving toward adoption. HUGS

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)
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    After everything you've been through, I'd have to agree with Katrina.
    Lynne, Grandma to three beautiful girls and one handsome little man!


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    There are so many sides to this very complicated situation. I know if I was in your shoes I would think twice about having the tubes completely removed. That is not to say I wouldn't do it, but I would wait until I came to the same conclusion you both did in the past. I know I would look at the situation of my tubes opening as a sign. I know I would be emotional about it and I would not want to feel forced into that path only to have regret, doubts, hard feelings later down the road. I would want to feel in 100% control of that decision instead of basing this decision purely off of emotion. So that being said I would prevent pregnancy right now (condoms, pill, timing) to give me time to get past this emotional event and make it so I could clearly make my decision. Many, many hugs for even having to think about this decision again.

    Jeanne, mom to Dev0n (6) Isabe11e (5) and C0rbin (3.5) Vio1et (almost 2)


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    Quote Originally Posted by LanceBabe View Post
    After everything you've been through, I'd have to agree with Katrina.
    ITA.
    Me: 29, DH: 29, DS: 2, DD: Born 2/10/11

  6. #6

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    I would just leave it alone. Just the event of things is a sign from fate alone. Maybe make that FINAL decision in a yr or 2 once you are absolute about it. Me personally I would just leave the pg part in gods hands. If truly meant it will be.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tyvek View Post
    There are so many sides to this very complicated situation. I know if I was in your shoes I would think twice about having the tubes completely removed. That is not to say I wouldn't do it, but I would wait until I came to the same conclusion you both did in the past. I know I would look at the situation of my tubes opening as a sign. I know I would be emotional about it and I would not want to feel forced into that path only to have regret, doubts, hard feelings later down the road. I would want to feel in 100% control of that decision instead of basing this decision purely off of emotion. So that being said I would prevent pregnancy right now (condoms, pill, timing) to give me time to get past this emotional event and make it so I could clearly make my decision. Many, many hugs for even having to think about this decision again.
    I agree completely. I don't think it is a decision to rush into. You can take your time. I don't know all of your history, but from what you are saying it seems like there is at least part of you that wants another baby, and your DH too.
    Angela (28) DH, Pat (30) DS Connor (4), DS Leo (2), DS Nathan



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    Quote Originally Posted by tyvek View Post
    There are so many sides to this very complicated situation. I know if I was in your shoes I would think twice about having the tubes completely removed. That is not to say I wouldn't do it, but I would wait until I came to the same conclusion you both did in the past. I know I would look at the situation of my tubes opening as a sign. I know I would be emotional about it and I would not want to feel forced into that path only to have regret, doubts, hard feelings later down the road. I would want to feel in 100% control of that decision instead of basing this decision purely off of emotion. So that being said I would prevent pregnancy right now (condoms, pill, timing) to give me time to get past this emotional event and make it so I could clearly make my decision. Many, many hugs for even having to think about this decision again.
    ITA. I have been playing around with the idea of getting my tubes tied because logically we really should be done. But my heart is just not in the same spot as my brain. While my health issues have been really minor compared to what you have been through, odds are, I would have a premie and then there is the fact that I am much older. Can we handle a severely autistic child? Can we handle a child with Down syndrome? How would we care for them into adulthood if we are going to become elderly ourselves? That is the kind of stuff I think about .... But I still cannot bring myself to get my tubes tied.


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    Quote Originally Posted by tyvek View Post
    There are so many sides to this very complicated situation. I know if I was in your shoes I would think twice about having the tubes completely removed. That is not to say I wouldn't do it, but I would wait until I came to the same conclusion you both did in the past. I know I would look at the situation of my tubes opening as a sign. I know I would be emotional about it and I would not want to feel forced into that path only to have regret, doubts, hard feelings later down the road. I would want to feel in 100% control of that decision instead of basing this decision purely off of emotion. So that being said I would prevent pregnancy right now (condoms, pill, timing) to give me time to get past this emotional event and make it so I could clearly make my decision. Many, many hugs for even having to think about this decision again.
    I agree with this. Logically, having the surgery is the best option. With your tubes being the way they are, the chances of implantation in the correct place are very slim, and after that, there are the risks of a healthy pregnancy for you and the baby. Are you willing to go through more losses and heartache and possibly life threatening situations?
    Emotionally, though, I understand that it would take time to reach a point where you can feel confident in your decision without regrets. I can't imagine how crazy this has been for you... how emotionally wrenching and confusing. I would wait until some emotional healing has happened before making the decision, so you are not adding trauma on top of trauma.

  10. #10
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    I would definitely have both tubes removed. Though I did not have premature labor I had very hard pregnancies and was high risk at 26-28 until delivery with both kids. Though I am on YAZ (to prevent cysts) and I've also had my tubes the likelihood of pregnancy is 0. If by some crazy out of this world chance I got pregnant that resulted in m/c I would would not want that to ever happen again. For us though if we had better insurance for my husband he personally would get the V done.



  11. #11
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    I would also prevent pregnancy for a few months so that this latest pregnancy is a little farther in the past before making a decision. Right now I imagine that things are very raw for you and your DH and the emotions might overwhelm your decision making. The decision to have another child is certainly emotional but there is logic/other components of the decision, too.

    I know that this decision is going to be very hard for me to make, too, and I've had uncomplicated pregnancies. I think that there will always be room in my heart for another child.
    Jessica (32) and Ryan (32). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    I agree with this. Logically, having the surgery is the best option. With your tubes being the way they are, the chances of implantation in the correct place are very slim, and after that, there are the risks of a healthy pregnancy for you and the baby. Are you willing to go through more losses and heartache and possibly life threatening situations?
    Emotionally, though, I understand that it would take time to reach a point where you can feel confident in your decision without regrets. I can't imagine how crazy this has been for you... how emotionally wrenching and confusing. I would wait until some emotional healing has happened before making the decision, so you are not adding trauma on top of trauma.
    I agree, take some time, no reason to rush into anything

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    If I were in your shoes (although I can't completely know how I would feel) I would give up on the idea of pregnancy and do everything possible to prevent it. Having 2 children already I would feel a responsibility for them to make sure I am as healthy as possible physically, mentally and emotionally and the idea of putting THEM through another pregnancy with risk to my health and their emotions would not be fair or worth it to me. That said, if you desire more children that is totally possible and I would examine and rethink that decision. As far as having them myself - I would shut that door completely and tell DH that is not an option. I realize it's partly his decision but if he is firm on no V I would be just as firm on no pregnancies which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more problematic than a simple snip procedure. And while we're on that topic, personally I would be angry at DH for not wanting to do that. Yes it's his decision but does he really want you to risk your mental and physical health again?! He holds a very simple, easy solution to this part of the issue and by him refusing he is forcing you to have to endure more elaborate medical procedures and make the emotional decisions thereby taking away your choice in the matter. Without knowing more about his reasoning that is how I would feel.

    None of these are easy decisions....
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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    If I were in your shoes (although I can't completely know how I would feel) I would give up on the idea of pregnancy and do everything possible to prevent it. Having 2 children already I would feel a responsibility for them to make sure I am as healthy as possible physically, mentally and emotionally and the idea of putting THEM through another pregnancy with risk to my health and their emotions would not be fair or worth it to me. That said, if you desire more children that is totally possible and I would examine and rethink that decision. As far as having them myself - I would shut that door completely and tell DH that is not an option. I realize it's partly his decision but if he is firm on no V I would be just as firm on no pregnancies which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more problematic than a simple snip procedure. And while we're on that topic, personally I would be angry at DH for not wanting to do that. Yes it's his decision but does he really want you to risk your mental and physical health again?! He holds a very simple, easy solution to this part of the issue and by him refusing he is forcing you to have to endure more elaborate medical procedures and make the emotional decisions thereby taking away your choice in the matter. Without knowing more about his reasoning that is how I would feel.

    None of these are easy decisions....
    I agree. IMO, the children need a mother more than the mother needs more children, and if another pregnancy could be emotionally/physically damaging to you, then I would do everything possible to prevent it. But, I don't think there is any need to rush the decision. Do everything you can to prevent for now, and make the decision after you've put some distance between the recent pregnancy and the decision making.

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I agree. IMO, the children need a mother more than the mother needs more children, and if another pregnancy could be emotionally/physically damaging to you, then I would do everything possible to prevent it. But, I don't think there is any need to rush the decision. Do everything you can to prevent for now, and make the decision after you've put some distance between the recent pregnancy and the decision making.
    I agree with this. I am so sorry you even have to make this decision. Big hugs to you.

  16. #16

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    Well I can't seem to do a quote but I was going to quote tyvek as I completely agree with everything she said. I would want to be in a place where I was 100% about my decsion before I did anything and it really sounds like you need some time to get there.

  17. #17

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    Although I'm not a frequent poster, I've been around APA for a long time and have read your struggles with three terrible losses. I have been thinking your current situation since you posted...wondering what you would do and what I would do were I in the same situation. It's an incredibly complicated decision to make, and I'm sure you know that whatever decision you make would be the right one. But, for me, it would be really REALLY difficult not to see the reopening of the tubes as an chance to, well, re-choose. When you had your tubes tied, you were in a very hard place emotionally, realizing that your children could have been deprived of their mother and coming to terms with all that meant. You were also grieving a loss, and healing from being very sick yourself. You made the best decision for you and your family at that time. But now. Now...you have a different perspective. And it sounds like deep in your heart, you still held some spark of hope to add another LO to your family.

    As far as a potential pregnancy goes, I know you have had heartrending difficulties in carrying your pregnancies. But every pregnancy is different, and you are in a much different place now, physically and mentally, than you were with those previous pregnancies. Technology has advanced, as it continues to do. There is new evidence that subclinical uterine infection is a significant cause of preterm labor. I don't know....I think about the problems your family had a while back with MRSA, and wonder if you had subclinical infection that was impacting your ability to carry your babies, and whether the massive doses of antibiotic you had after Malcom may have eradicated that and given you a fresh start.

    Again. Whatever decision you make will be the right one. But I urge you to wait until you feel sure before taking drastic steps. I have always felt that there was another baby in your future and was not surprised to see your positive pregnancy test despite a pretty radical ligation. But there is more than one way to grow a family and only you know the right way for you.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  18. #18
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    I totally understand how important it is to be here for my kids. I think more now than ever before-I'm positive I'm in a better emotional place to make decisions that would ensure that, should I get pregnant again. With Malcolm I was throwing the book at it in direct emotional response to all the thing I knew I hadn't done with Taela and Aiyana. Which I can understand why, but on this end I can also see how irrational I was being. Like I said, it seems like it should be an easy choice to remake with the same decision. But that's point-we already made that choice and it didn't work. I know for a fact that had I not had a tubal we would have had another pregnancy by then and I never would have gotten my body to the healthy point it is now, which seems to mean something.

    Quote Originally Posted by dana_renay View Post
    Technology has advanced, as it continues to do. There is new evidence that subclinical uterine infection is a significant cause of preterm labor. I don't know....I think about the problems your family had a while back with MRSA, and wonder if you had subclinical infection that was impacting your ability to carry your babies, and whether the massive doses of antibiotic you had after Malcom may have eradicated that and given you a fresh start.
    It's funny you mention this. At my 6 week check, after Malcolm, I had c.diff and was put on even more meds. At 12 weeks I went back to my MFM doctor and we had a very frank chat about me and more pregnancies. My regular OB/GYN was (is) not in support of it. But she told me that she felt I COULD carry a pregnancy, but that I had chronic "infective flora" in my uterus. I had MRSA for the first time while pregnant with Scharae on my thigh and in my pubic area (I have horribly deep stretch marks in my lower pubic area from my pregnancy with Keira and I have only ever gotten MRSA in the corner of a stretch mark for some reason). And then between her and Taela I was treated 4 different times for separate infections, and then again in the 2 years between her and Aiyana at least 3 more. I haven't had any *active* infections since then and have finally cultured negative for the first time just in the last 6 months. So anyways, she talked to me about the natural flora of our bodies and how mine seemed to have overactive bacteria in my uterus to where she thinks my body was always on "medium alert" in my uterus and then when there would be a baby in there either it would go into high alert and attack, causing the PROM or, more likely, the flora would bloom and active infections rather than passive levels of bacteria would come about. At the time she told me that she had read about some uterine flushes with different antibiotics and other things that were being used to treat these subclinical infections but had never done such herself.

    So on Wednesday I emailed her and asked her opinion. She emailed this morning and she still holds that she wouldn't say we should NOT have more children but does acknowledge my regular OB's position "based on his scope of practice which is the management of normal, low-risk pregnancies". She has, in the 2 years since our last conversation, had the opportunity to do some training at Johns Hopkins and Brigham and Womens (I think that's the name?) with doctors that have used these flushes and effectively gotten subclinical uterine infections under control and has seen women with similar backgrounds as me go through safe and successful pregnancies. Her email said she was pretty confident that she could get me to 36 weeks (classical c-section may force delivery about then) which is the farthest I've ever gotten before.

    So. New information to the table-and John's not around to talk to about it. Although he's already on board with trying again so it's not him that needs to talk-it's me.

    Oh and on the vasectomy-it's not a selfish decision he has made on his own. It's one we've talked about. After looking death in the face and him watching his wife nearly die, that's a very obvious reality for us. And should I die there isn't any reason he shouldn't have more kids. Yes, a vasectomy can be reversed, but at this point we've chosen to make that decision. Not that I need to justify it

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    I am truly uneducated about whether this is a remote possibility in your specific case, but is IVF an option for you instead of attempting it naturally, given your tubes being cut? If there is a possibility of carrying a baby through a healthy pregnancy, would it be possible to medically ensure that the egg would implant in the right place?

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    Well, if it were me, DH would be getting a vasectomy, no question. Since that's not an option for you (and I won't lie, I kind of want to throttle your DH for taking it off the table, considering it's such an easy procedure compared to a tubal), I'd have the surgery. I know that you're feeling conflicted about the possibility of having another baby, but given your history, it seems just way too dangerous to me. You have other children to consider, and if I were you, I'd not be willing to put myself at risk to bring another baby into the world when that risk could involve leaving my children without a mother.



  21. #21

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    I'm fascinated by the medical science at play here. It sounds like that explanation makes a lot of sense with respect to your previous losses and it opens up a path for potential treatment. I think if you could get very zen about the outcome, see it as an experiment and let the chips fall where they may, it could be worth trying again. However, that is *only* if you could honestly get to the point where you would be willing to throw in the towel and experience another loss rather than fighting for your baby and putting yourself at risk. And we all know, as mothers, what a difficult choice that would be.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    If I were in your shoes (although I can't completely know how I would feel) I would give up on the idea of pregnancy and do everything possible to prevent it. Having 2 children already I would feel a responsibility for them to make sure I am as healthy as possible physically, mentally and emotionally and the idea of putting THEM through another pregnancy with risk to my health and their emotions would not be fair or worth it to me. That said, if you desire more children that is totally possible and I would examine and rethink that decision. As far as having them myself - I would shut that door completely and tell DH that is not an option. I realize it's partly his decision but if he is firm on no V I would be just as firm on no pregnancies which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more problematic than a simple snip procedure. And while we're on that topic, personally I would be angry at DH for not wanting to do that. Yes it's his decision but does he really want you to risk your mental and physical health again?! He holds a very simple, easy solution to this part of the issue and by him refusing he is forcing you to have to endure more elaborate medical procedures and make the emotional decisions thereby taking away your choice in the matter. Without knowing more about his reasoning that is how I would feel.

    None of these are easy decisions....
    I have to completely agree with this. However, I also realize that I am a very logical person and many women cannot simply take a decision "no more pregnancies" when there is clear evidence that they should not do it. It is just the way many people are and I understand it.

    Also, I am not convinced at all that if you are healthier you are at less risk for premature labor and complications. My neighbor just had another preemie with a lot of complications after losing a lot of weight, keeping it off and being healthy for 3 years. (This was #3 for her with a lot of losses in between.) And I know a lot of other people who had perfect health and still had a bunch of PG complications. So I think your DH's argument (that you will be in a better shape) is not really valid to be honest. It is more of hope and speculation than reality although being healthier and losing weight is helpful, it does not far from guaranteeing anything.

    Remember that whatever you decide we are here for you. Hugs.
    Last edited by tanyachap; 07-08-2013 at 10:20 AM.
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  23. #23
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    !!!!

    I think if the mfm dr gives the green light and dh is on board then go for it if it's really what you want...hope for the best and plan for otherwise. I doubt dh or your dr would risk your life to coddle your emotions . Ivf seems like a great option too like Polly said.

    The tube removal sounds like your best permanent choice if you decide another pg would be too much.

    My heart goes out to you and I will most definitely be praying (((huge huge hugs)))!!!

    Thinking of you...kup !
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    That's a lot to take in at once. It does sound positive and she sounds confident that you could have a healthy pregnancy.

    IMO it sounds like you are not only physically, but emotionally prepared to make the decisions that may come should you get pregnant again. Emotions run high and I could never EVER imagine being in the positions that you have been put in and would never judge what you did/did not do under those circumstances

    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    I am truly uneducated about whether this is a remote possibility in your specific case, but is IVF an option for you instead of attempting it naturally, given your tubes being cut? If there is a possibility of carrying a baby through a healthy pregnancy, would it be possible to medically ensure that the egg would implant in the right place?
    This is an interesting thought. It would help to ensure that the baby implants in the uterus and not in the tube.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  25. #25

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    I honestly don't know what I would do. While DH and I have decided that we are done, neither of us is doing anything to make that permanent. I totally understand the struggle to make that decision, especially if you made it once and now are facing it again. I just want to offer you hugs and support as you face it. I do agree with Tyvek and others that maybe waiting a little while might help you feel more comfortable with your decision.


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    I am truly uneducated about whether this is a remote possibility in your specific case, but is IVF an option for you instead of attempting it naturally, given your tubes being cut? If there is a possibility of carrying a baby through a healthy pregnancy, would it be possible to medically ensure that the egg would implant in the right place?
    I honestly have never even considered IVF-mainly because the getting pregnant part has never been an issue, you know? I don't think we would want to go to those lengths (thinking of the $$ because we have zero coverage for it) and would put that money toward adoption instead.

    I'm really struggling to separate the emotions from "the right decision" here. I know we could adopt. John's dad adopted him when he was 7 and it is definitely something he has always been open to, but we never felt like it was what we were supposed to do. Probably because we were still getting pregnant and having babies. So now I have to wonder-is my MFM right? Could she very likely do some preemptive procedures and help us with a successful pregnancy? Is that why our minds are now open to having another? Or are our minds open because adoption is something we should pursue and we just need to get past this emotional upheaval to recognize that?

    I know that those who don't hold with any kind of spiritual beliefs can't identify with this, but both of us just really feel like we're not done. He is taking that to mean no surgery and to trust that we can have a successful pregnancy, in light of the news that at least one of my tubes isn't blocked and that MFM has hope. I believe I can get there, where he is at, but right now I'm more in the thought that "not done" doesn't have to mean "get pregnant". I talked with my dad about it. He and my mom are very conservative Mormons (John and I are more what we term...gray Mormons. We don't live our life as black and white and letter of the law as some) and as such, sterilization surgeries "should be" very clearly justified in their minds. They were very supportive of my decision to have the tubal done 2 years ago and if this time around was their choice, it would result in the same choice being made. But he did say something that rang true to me and I made sure to pass along to John. He told me that until we could both be on the same page-either for adoption, another pregnancy, or surgery-John needs to be willing to "wear a rubber" (so weird hearing my dad say that to me!) because if we got pregnant and I wasn't on board and something happened with the baby he doubts I could ever truly get over negative feelings toward John. If I got pregnant and ended up in another life threatening situation-whether I made it through or not-he doesn't think John could ever forgive himself for pushing the matter. Unfortunately I'm a little worried that we might already be in the "wait and see" boat because we were awesomely responsible *dripping sarcasm* on Friday night and totally acting like irresponsible teenagers at a lookout point. Which is so stupid, considering last month. But, too late now.

    Thanks everyone for your input. I know to many it seems like it should be a no-brainer. And believe me-the logical part of me agrees. But there are many decisions in life that seem logical but the illogical prevails and turns out better than ever hoped for. I keep trying to tell myself that there really are things in life that "just happen" and not everything points to what is "meant to be". I think time is going to be the overall thing that will help me separate my logic and my emotions and figure this out.

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  27. #27

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    Good luck in whatever decision you make.



  28. #28
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I don't know what I would do in your shoes. I couldn't make a decision for you, and you didn't ask us to anyway. For me, I would be terrified of dying, and terrified of losing another child, I think. It is incredibly selfless of you to be concerned that your DH could still be able to father children with a future wife in the event of your death.

    I know that living every day has its risks, and I have done plenty of things in my life that are risky. I like adventure. On the other hand, pregnancy after a tubal ligation is risky enough to begin with (even if this past one was probably in the uterus), and I wouldn't be fully reassured that a low-level infection was what caused all of the previous premature labors. It would scare me too much.

    I also know that this must seem like destiny in some way, and it must be hard to not think about it every single moment, and what the future can hold. I don't envy your decisions. I am on your side, whatever you do, and I wish you peace with your decision when you make it.


  29. #29
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    I think that what your Dad said is so important - being on the same page and being in peace with that choice.

    FWIW, my DH is also opposed to vasectomy, always has been (for his own reasons). I respect that. By the same token, he has never asked me to have my tubes tied. He has never even brought that up, I have considered it. We use fertility awareness method and it takes two to make it work.

  30. #30

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    I personally do not think it is a no-brainer. I have learned that some people are more logical than others, some are more emotional, some are more spiritual, some are more balanced etc. When I said I am a very logical person I meant that as "take my opinion with a big grain of salt". I realize that I take a lot of decisions very rationally and am able to plan steps ahead. It drives my DH crazy at times and hence he abdicated all financial planning decisions.

    I do know a lot of people who do not feel done although there is plenty of arguments that they should be. I also realize that it is a very difficult spot to be in and especially delicate when your spouse is the one pushing for another child.

    But since you asked for our opinions, we are just saying what we think. FWIW, my neighbor also had a high risk specialist and had hopes that the 3rd one will be fine but her 3rd one was actually more premature than the 2nd. It is anecdotal evidence for sure but it comes to show that medical advancements are not a guarantee. I know you know it though...
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

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