But maybe if I talk it out a bit my mind can become a bit clearer?
So I had a full tubal ligation (no clamps, not just cut and burned but a 3" chunk removed) in August 2011. And then wound up pregnant last month.
I had an appointment last week with my OB. He said the pregnancy was almost certainly in my uterus based on how soon and quickly and naturally it all ended-I didn't even bleed 36 hours and had no lingering spotting afterward and it was all over by 5 weeks. He said that if it had been ectopic I probably would have had it go longer, it would have ended more dramatically, and the bleeding would/should have been different. So most likely it would have ended the same without my having ever had a tubal surgery done.
He said my left tube is almost certainly very much unblocked which means the right tube is highly likely to be at least partially unblocked which, with our fertility history, means more pregnancies are likely. He said he only left just over 1" of tube at the ovary end but "the uterus and the Fallopian tubes are like teenage boys and girls-you can hardly keep them apart"
His first recommendation is a vasectomy. John won't do that, various reasons. Just something he's not budging on, and I'm not pushing him on. So next suggestion is one of the IUDs but I've had them both and my body has expelled them both. Next suggestion is NuvaRing (because it's hormones directly in the area to be affected) but we conceived Keira using NuvaRing. So that leaves us with me having another surgery, this time to completely remove both tubes. He would leave the ovaries and uterus, so not a hysterectomy. He told me that he has never read any cases nor hear any anectdotal stories of a woman becoming pregnant with both tubes completely removed. So there's that.
I asked about us just leaving things alone, basically NPP. He said that he doesn't suggest this because while my left tube is obviously unblocked, it may not be copmletely unblocked and I'm still at higher risk for ectopic.
So now John and I are in discussions about what to do. The logical answer is to have the surgery. No real quesiton there. And we already made this decision once so shouldn't it be an easy and automatic decision to remake?
But emotionally...AGH! It's stupid, right? To even entertain the idea of leaving things as they are? John and I just keep feeling like maybe we need to keep our options open. But we were fine and happy and moving on before last month. And then we were sent into a tailspin. So now, is this the emotional kneejerk reaction to that or is it a blessing in disguise, knowing that we COULD still get pregnant? That we COULD have a baby? And if that's the case-what is the liklihood that I can have a safe and successful pregnancy? Keira ended in drama with sudden severe pre-e at 36 weeks, Scharae was PTL 28-35 weeks when I finally was allowed to deliver, and then each pregnancy after that ended earlier and earlier culminating in a very dangerous situation for me. I made certain decisions with that last pregnancy that worsened those conditions-wouldn't allow my OB to remove my cerclage after my water broke which allowed a uterine infection to fester. I feel like I'm more prepared now to go into a pregnancy with MY safety in mind and not clinging so hard to "doing everytihng possible" like last time. John keeps feeling like I'm so much healthier, my body is more prepared to handle a pregnancy that even has a possibility of being high risk. But is that enough to justify leaving things hanging?
I know none of you can answer that. Just looking for input, opinions, thoughts. I'm trying to come to the same decision as John. It's my body, my choice. But to make that choice I feel like I need to give his feelings a fair shake and consider what he wants.