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Thread: Tell me it's ok

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  1. #1
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    Default Tell me it's ok

    To wean DD3. I want to. I don't really enjoy BFing her Sadly I never really have enjoyed it with her. She is rough and basically all business. I am tired. I am spread thin. I have nursed her for a year - all I really wanted to do. I could go on forever with reasons why I want to stop and only a handful of why I should continue but something is holding me back. I feel bad and guilty but I know i have no real reason to.

    The only thing that makes sense is I KNOW she is my last baby so I guess that is why I am dragging my feet but it seems odd when I don't even enjoy it. I was planning on continuing to pump but just switch to bottles but I don't even know if I want to do that. I am in a wedding in Sept and it would be nice to not have to worry about it and I wanted to get laser hair removal a few months ago and they said they can't do it while i am nursing (because of hormones or something like that) so could go ahead with that too finally.

    Anyone else feel like this when it was time to stop even when they didn't particularly enjoy nursing? I know I was torn up with DD1 but I liked our nursing relationship (although I was getting worn out). DD2 wasn't as boob attached but I was ok with nursing and sad to stop. DD3 was always rough and I had a hard time even making it to a year. And now here I am with a free pass to stop and I am procrastinating

    She seems to take whole milk ok. Right now it's mixed with BM for her overnight feeding so I don't think she notices. My plan is to do half BM and half whole milk in bottles or cups......eventually.....
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (20M)

  2. #2
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    I think its just fine to stop. You made it past a year! That is wonderful!

    I weaned DD2 at 14 months because I had to go back on meds that were not safe for BFing. I would have nursed her longer, but couldn't. Still, I was very grateful to have been able to nurse her that long. You still have the option to pump, like you said. Whatever you decide, I think is fine. If she was a little baby, I might encourage you to continue, and I know there is now a push for extended BFing, which is great... but I think making it past a year is still really good!

  3. #3

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    Stop. You're not enjoying it. She'll be fine with regular milk. Don't make yourself feel guilty. You've done well by her!



  4. #4
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    It's ok! You did an awesome job making it this far. I totally know what you mean with feeling guilty and dragging your feet - I'm pretty sure my youngest is our last and it took me forever to decide to wean, in part because it was convenient, and in part because IDK if I'll ever get another chance to BF. Now I feel guilty for not doing it sooner because she started SSTN immediately after 2,5 years of waking and nursing all night long.
    Me: 29, DH: 29, DS: 2, DD: Born 2/10/11

  5. #5
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    Thanks ladies! I am very proud to have made it to a year with all 3 of them. That was really my goal so it feels good to have accomplished it. I guess knowing she is my last makes it harder but really it's like pregnancy - I did NOT enjoy being pregnant at all and I am happy I never will be again but there is that little bit of sadness that it's the end of that phase of my life. That is a good thing but it's taking some adjustment I guess. And I guess I feel guilty that I went longer with the other 2 but as long as I made it to a year I guess it doesn't make much of a difference. If it were winter I would keep going through flu season but there is really no reason to keep going (aside from the general medical benefits).

    Quote Originally Posted by TX2008 View Post
    It's ok! You did an awesome job making it this far. I totally know what you mean with feeling guilty and dragging your feet - I'm pretty sure my youngest is our last and it took me forever to decide to wean, in part because it was convenient, and in part because IDK if I'll ever get another chance to BF. Now I feel guilty for not doing it sooner because she started SSTN immediately after 2,5 years of waking and nursing all night long.
    See that is another reason in the "pro" column. She doesn't STTN and never really has although a few times she has made it to 5am in the past few weeks. I thought I would just have DH take over night stuff but we tried it one night and it just happened to be a TOTAL disaster. It might have been a coincidence because her naps were messed up that day but we were too afraid to try again lol. Now he goes back to work tomorrow so I am reluctant to try that but I can just stop nursing at night and switch to a bottle but I am just really lazy lol.

    How did you wean? She only nurses 3 times/day - when she gets up, before her nap (doesn't fall asleep at the boob) and before bedtime (also doesn't fall asleep). Then she usually wakes 2xs/night - once around 12:30 and then 4 or 5. It's really not that bad but it also would be pretty easy to just switch to a bottle and be done. I found it hard to wean DD1 when she was 18M and knew how to ask for it. DD2 was 15M and it was easier because she was younger. I assume this could be a pretty smooth transition as long as I replace each nursing session with a bottle which I have no problem doing.

    Sigh. I will do it soon.....I should just come up with a plan. I actually think it will make my relationship with her better because I wont feel as burdened. She is really fidgety and has been doing some serious acrobatics at the boob so I can't even enjoy rocking her because she is in all sorts of strange positions. Nursing in public is totally out of the question. I would love to just be able to hold her and cuddle and rock with a bottle rather than all the squirming.....although maybe she will squirm with a bottle too who knows. At least it wont hurt as much!
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (20M)

  6. #6

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    Why would you give her a bottle? How old is she?



  7. #7

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    I think you should wean her. I understand you r hesitant to do it but let me tell you that since she is your last baby, you will feel that way no matter how old she is. Since we decided to be done at 2 kids, I nursed DS2 till he was 3 and talking well It was still difficult. On the bright side, I could drink again But it sounds like there is no logical reason to continue and you will be better off weaning. DS also STTN once I night weaned him at 2+ and started eating very well after he completely weaned whereas before he would just graze and nursed like a champ.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  8. #8
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    I weaned using aversion (neem oil - stinky bitter stuff). I actually posted about it a few weeks ago because I couldn't believe that it worked from first try. But DD is older than yours, so IDK if it would work for a younger baby. She literally weaned overnight, after learning that boobies are yucky all of a sudden! She's been SSTN ever since (before that the only way she'd fall asleep was on the boob or in the car, now she talks herself back to sleep). We co-sleep, though, that may be another difference.
    Me: 29, DH: 29, DS: 2, DD: Born 2/10/11

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Why would you give her a bottle? How old is she?
    She just turned 1 about 1 week ago. I guess I figured she would be more comforted by a bottle and it would be an easier transition. She can drink from a straw cup and I considered going that route but I just thought a bottle would be less "traumatic". I did that with DD2 and it seemed to work well and she was 15M although she became stuck on it and still insisted on drinking milk from a bottle until age 4 . I never really thought it was bad because it wasn't like she was falling asleep with it in her mouth or using it to go to sleep. She would just drink it and hand it to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    I think you should wean her. I understand you r hesitant to do it but let me tell you that since she is your last baby, you will feel that way no matter how old she is. Since we decided to be done at 2 kids, I nursed DS2 till he was 3 and talking well It was still difficult. On the bright side, I could drink again But it sounds like there is no logical reason to continue and you will be better off weaning. DS also STTN once I night weaned him at 2+ and started eating very well after he completely weaned whereas before he would just graze and nursed like a champ.
    See I thought since she is my last I would just hold on forever like until age 2 or 3 but it's been so not pleasant that I have been counting down the days until she turned 1. Now that she is 1 I am rethinking it And yeah you are totally right I would be feeling this way even if I nursed another 2-3 years and I know from experience it's a harder to wean an older child - at least that was my experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by TX2008 View Post
    I weaned using aversion (neem oil - stinky bitter stuff). I actually posted about it a few weeks ago because I couldn't believe that it worked from first try. But DD is older than yours, so IDK if it would work for a younger baby. She literally weaned overnight, after learning that boobies are yucky all of a sudden! She's been SSTN ever since (before that the only way she'd fall asleep was on the boob or in the car, now she talks herself back to sleep). We co-sleep, though, that may be another difference.
    Ah yes I remember! I had never heard of that tactic. I think just switching to a bottle or sippy should work for us. Glad that worked for you!
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (20M)

  10. #10

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    I bf'd my son till 13 months but my daughter till only about 11 months. I didn't exactly wean her but my supply dropped and I didn't really work to restore it. I was so tired of pumping, working, I also switched jobs and we bought and sold a house. ... Anyways, I don't regret it. I made it for a long time and gave it all I could ( mostly until the end). Lots of people don't even do as much and their babies are just fine, lol. And we are pretty much done too with 2 kids. Anyways, it's really up to you but I personally think its fine to stop now!

  11. #11

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    Ah. See, I think I'd avoid the bottle so that I wouldn't have to wean again later, but I BF'ed DS1 until he was just over 3yo, so I've not dealt with weaning at this age. I don't think either of my twins (14mo) would take a bottle of milk from me, but they've never taken bottles, so it's never even occurred to me. I think I'd have to teach them how to drink from a bottle! LOL



  12. #12
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    I think a year is great so go for it and don't worry about feeling guilty.



  13. #13
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    I wouldn't start a bottle either, unless that's how she drinks milk now, just because it's another thing to wean off from... Having said that, DS never drank milk from a bottle or a sippy cup (he would drink water from a cup but not milk or formula). DS wasn't BF'd and had the bottle before bed till at least 18 months. I eventually replaced the formula before bed with just water and he had that for a few months before giving it up, but it was pretty obvious it was a security item for him (he stopped getting the bottles during the day not long after 1 year). He never really drank milk until 3 years, he just ate a lot of plain yogurt once we stopped formula during the day. DD didn't start drinking milk until a few weeks ago when we weaned, she also was a plain yogurt baby. She loves milk now, though.

    I think part of the reason she's SSTN now is because she doesn't have to pee at night, or not have to pee as much. She used to wake up with a wet diaper 3-4 times a night, get changed, nurse to sleep, repeat. Now I give her a sippy with water and she'll take a few sips at night if she does wake up, but she also started waking up dry most mornings since we weaned. Sorry for rambling! It's my newly-found free time at night!
    Me: 29, DH: 29, DS: 2, DD: Born 2/10/11

  14. #14
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    Be proud and hold your head high! If she is going to take a bottle of milk I saw wean, wean, wean! There is no award to keep going. You ave hit your personal goal and you don't like it. All f that says it's weaning time. Good luck with your choice!

    Jeanne, mom to Dev0n (5) Isabe11e (4) and C0rbin (3) Vio1et (16 months)


  15. #15
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    Thanks everyone She takes a bottle from DH. I think I have given her one once or twice just to see how she would do and she drank it. Maybe I will try one at her nap today to see what she does. I don't mind having to wean her from it down the road although I guess it would be nice to have one less thing to wean from. I just don't think she would drink a full amount from a sippy - she just literally sips from it whereas a bottle she would finish in one sitting.
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (20M)

  16. #16
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    I believe 'extended' breastfeeding should continue as long as both mom AND baby enjoy it

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #17
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    I decided to go for it....I think lol.

    I gave her a bottle for bedtime last night and it was great. She was fine with it although she was exhausted. I pumped afterwards and got the EXACT amount she drank for the bottle which I thought was so cool. Overnight I nursed because I didn't really have a plan. I nursed her this morning at 6:30 and put her back down.

    Then she got up at 8 and didn't appear to care if she nursed or not so I skipped it (especially since I had just nursed at 6 anyway). Then I got to thinking maybe I would try a bottle for the nap....and again at bedtime, and since it was DH's night he would do the overnight and since tomorrow will be the weekend I can do a bottle overnight too and just go with it....

    Then I realized I needed to KNOW when my last nursing session was so I could mentally take it in and enjoy it. So I nursed her before her nap just now and it may have been my last one....ever

    I wanted to sob through it but I didn't. And I didn't after either although I got teary and I am now....I think I feel like I know I should be sad but I am really not so I am having a hard time summoning those feelings. Also I don't think I am even sad for the right reasons. I am sort of sad that I will never feed a child from my breast again (if this goes as planned) but more that my baby is old enough not to need it and so are my other 2 babies which means I am getting older....and that this stage of my life: pregnancy and breastfeeding is officially over And that is GOOD but hard to swallow.

    Well, thanks for the support and thanks for listening! I hope to report back with successful news in a few days. I do plan to pump still....for now....not sure if I will bother to keep that up. That will probably be when I really lose it. Right now I can always go back but once I stop pumping and dry up then it's really over.

    I am ready though
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (20M)

  18. #18
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    Good luck! I know how bittersweet this is.

    FWIW, I got SUPER emotional for about a week after we weaned. I mean, overboard emotional. But I was also PMSing so IDK if it was just a horrible combination or what. But it tapered off gradually afterwards.
    Me: 29, DH: 29, DS: 2, DD: Born 2/10/11

  19. #19
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    Just want to add to what I wrote in the other post - STTN doesn't depend on what your child eats. You may want to switch her at least during the day from bottle to sippy cup with a soft end (not a nipple) or a straw. Miss A does amazingly good drinking straight from a cup.
    Huge hugs. I am thinking how our weaning would go and already feel sad!
    Miss T (10.17.2008) Miss A(06.30.2012) Flipper #3 due 06.2014
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