I go back to see my OB on the 24th of this month to get the results from the genetic testing from the D&C. There's always the possibility that it takes longer than that, but he said 3-4 weeks it average, and that will be 5 weeks. So fingers crossed we'll have the results.

I'm trying not to think about it much at all, hoping the time just flies by. But it's getting difficult. I'm trying not to blame myself, but since I was diagnosed with Celiac's and pretty much just ignored that fact for years and wasn't eating gluten free, I can't help but feel like it's my fault and I made this happen by not changing my diet when I was told to several years ago.

But at the same time, I'm almost kind of hoping that's what went wrong. Just that I should have been eating gluten free and I wasn't and that's what caused the problems. Because, as much as it would suck knowing that it was my fault and was completely preventable, it would mean that it is completely preventable if I actually take care of myself.

I feel like a big ball of anxiety. Like my life is just on hold until we get the results back. We're done trying for this year regardless, because with my health issues being pregnant in the summer is practical suicide. haha. So I'm trying to come to terms with that. But I keep freaking myself out that it's something I CAN'T fix. That maybe I'll never be able to carry a baby to term.

I don't know. Is anyone else feeling like things just seem hopeless? I know they're not. We don't even know anything yet. But I'm finding it hard not to go there.