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Thread: What to do....

  1. #1

    Default What to do....

    So I went for my 10 week ultrasound and appointment tues and long story short we found out our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. There was a fetal pole and a yolk sack but that's it, no heat best, plus the gestational sack is irregular shaped, almost like an exaggerated kidney bean. My doctor and the ultrasound tech were beyond wonderful! They have both been through similar miscarriages and my doctor shared her experience with me. She explained my options...wait it out, the pill (that's what my doctor did), or d&c. She said it was 100% up to us and she explained all three options in detail. My baby has been gone for 4 1/2 weeks and my symptoms are still soooo strong. My nausea is horrible. I don't think my body has any idea the baby is gone. She said it could still take a couple weeks to miscarry naturally. I would prefer to do it naturally so I don't have to make a decision. My doctor said if I needed to come back for another ultrasound that was fine, they did two that day and the rational side of me knows what I saw and there was no question....but part of me (the one that's in denial) says I want to see it one more time just to make sure. For some reason I always thought when you miscarry you start bleeding right away....this waiting knowing my baby is gone but still there is torture. I just want this to all be over with. I first said I wanted to give it until Friday night and then I would do the pill but after reading people's experiences with it, it sounds brutal. Does anyone have any advice?

  2. #2

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    Im so sorry your going through this... I had a similar situation about 2 years ago, I should have been 11 weeks but had an u/s and baby stopped developing around 5/6 weeks... I gave myself a week to wait, my dr. at the time said it could take 3-4 weeks or 1-2 days... and I had to move on with life I didn't feel like I could walk around waiting for a month... It took about 5 days and then the heavy bleeding started. Im not sure if i'd go that route again, but at the time it was the right choice for me.
    Katie~
    DD1 (7) DD2 (4) DS1 (22 months) Baby #4 EDD 7/13/14

  3. #3
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    *hugs* I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience with my 3rd miscarriage. I continued to have pregnancy symptoms even though there was no heartbeat or growth of the baby. I chose to have a D&C because I couldn't emotionally deal with being pregnant and knowing the baby had passed. In my experience I found a D&C to be much less painful than a natural miscarriage. The natural miscarriage I had dragged out over the course of a week and a half. Once I had a D&C I had light bleeding the day of, took it easy the next day, and I was back to normal physically two days later. For me this was the best decision and if I were to ever have another miscarriage I would do a D&C again. I'm so sorry you have to make this choice, you just have to do what feels right.


  4. #4
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    I also went for an 11 week appointment and found out that the baby had died some point after my 8-9 week ultrasound. My nausea had gotten much better by week 10, though, and the baby was smaller than it was at 8-9 weeks. I ended up miscarrying naturally several days later. My OB said that sometimes a woman just needs to know that the baby is gone before she will miscarry. I had the option of waiting, a D&C or a pill inserted into the cervix to cause dilation (cervidil?). I opted to wait at least a week before deciding and ended up not needing to do anything.
    Jessica (32) and Ryan (32). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by handsdown View Post
    *hugs* I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience with my 3rd miscarriage. I continued to have pregnancy symptoms even though there was no heartbeat or growth of the baby. I chose to have a D&C because I couldn't emotionally deal with being pregnant and knowing the baby had passed. In my experience I found a D&C to be much less painful than a natural miscarriage. The natural miscarriage I had dragged out over the course of a week and a half. Once I had a D&C I had light bleeding the day of, took it easy the next day, and I was back to normal physically two days later. For me this was the best decision and if I were to ever have another miscarriage I would do a D&C again. I'm so sorry you have to make this choice, you just have to do what feels right.
    This was also my experience with my first miscarriage; I would also recommend a D&C.

  6. #6

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    I'm so sorry. We went in for our appt at 9 weeks and had the kidney shaped gestational sac with a yolk sac but no fetal pole. Waited a week to see if there might be a change and 2nd ultrasound showed no change. Still had all the symptoms of being pregnant which was a bummer and no indications that I would miscarry on my own, my blood draws kept showing the HCG going up. I opted to go for the D&C because I was worried about being in pain around my son but I don't think I would choose that option again. I had light bleeding for 2 1/2 months and passed another piece of tissue before my cycles started again. D&C was Nov 28th and didn't get back to normal until February.
    Having the D&C did give us the opportunity to do testing on the tissue to see if there was a reason for the baby not developing. Per my doc it was a partial molar pregnancy and because of that diagnosis I had to continue to get blood draws until my HCG was back to 0 because in reality it was never really a baby it was a growth that produced HCG and had the potential to turn into cancer... it took about 10 weeks after the D&C (the same # of weeks pregnant I had been at the time of the D&C) for my HCG levels to go back to 0.
    So sorry you have to make such an agonizing decision.
    Last edited by AnnaBoop; 06-20-2013 at 12:59 PM.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by handsdown View Post
    *hugs* I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience with my 3rd miscarriage. I continued to have pregnancy symptoms even though there was no heartbeat or growth of the baby. I chose to have a D&C because I couldn't emotionally deal with being pregnant and knowing the baby had passed. In my experience I found a D&C to be much less painful than a natural miscarriage. The natural miscarriage I had dragged out over the course of a week and a half. Once I had a D&C I had light bleeding the day of, took it easy the next day, and I was back to normal physically two days later. For me this was the best decision and if I were to ever have another miscarriage I would do a D&C again. I'm so sorry you have to make this choice, you just have to do what feels right.
    I agree. Mine was a simple choice today, but having gone through 3 natural miscarriages and all the pain that goes along with them, I would recommend the d&c. With the 3 previous ones I didn't know about the loss until I miscarried, so I didn't have the choice. But I don't know that I could sit around and just wait for things to happen. I'm far too impatient for that. And if you're already having trouble with the waiting, it's only likely to get worse.

    Definitely go back in and get another u/s if he's offering it to you. Maybe by then the shock will have worn off some and it will help everything sink in.

  8. #8
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    (((Huge hugs)))...I'm so very very sorry for your loss ! I always waited 2wks and most of the time it happened in that time frame but with my 2nd tri losses I was induced with cervidil and delivered in the hospital. I've never had a d&c.With my current loss I took the pills (misoprostol) which did nothing but irritate my cervix. It was determined I had another sac that was ectopic (gestational sac in utero was gone but hcg levels were still going up) so I was treated with injections for that 5wks ago...still waiting for my hcg to return to normal.Praying everything happens naturally...I know the waiting is so hard !
    Last edited by kellyowens; 06-20-2013 at 04:21 PM.

  9. #9

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    I am so so sorry for all of your losses....it is so hard on so many levels. I think I might go tomorrow if she can squeeze me in for another ultrasound just for my sanity. I think I just need to see it again......I love my doctor for being so understanding. It really helps that she has been through this. Kelly I had no idea you have been going through all if that, I will keep you in my prayers!

  10. #10

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    Having just gone thru a natural miscarriage, I probably would have had the D&C if I had the option. The pain was beyond terrible and like someone else had mentioned its now been going on for almost a week & 1/2. Today is the 1st day I have felt somewhat o.k.

    Last edited by laurasuzy1981; 06-21-2013 at 09:48 AM.
    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  11. #11

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    Well I opted for the pill...I just spoke with my doctor again. I will start them tonight. I may regret it but decided with our high deductible surgery would be much more expensive. My doc though I was a great candidate for the pill and she said that she doesn't recommend them to everyone. I can't seem to stop crying today. I know the baby is gone but I am so sad that this will mean its really over and that today is the last day my baby will be physically inside me...I hate this so much!

    Have any of you that have taken the pill had natural labor before? I was wondering how it compares...
    MJ(29) - DH(34) - Married 6 Years - Angel Babies 6/13, 10/13



  12. #12

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    I haven't taken the pill, so I can't say on that front.

    But I'm with you on not being able to stop crying today. -Hugs-

  13. #13

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    Hugs to you as well Elly, I'm so sorry!
    MJ(29) - DH(34) - Married 6 Years - Angel Babies 6/13, 10/13



  14. #14

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    Yesterday was the 1st day that I didn't cry. It does get better a little each day, I promise.
    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  15. #15

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    I sure hope so. Thanks for the encouraging words.

  16. #16

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    I really thought I was okay with this at first. But I'm clearly not. From the very beginning I was so sure it wasn't going to survive. I was hoping it would, but I just knew it wouldn't. At least until the u/s at 8 wks when I saw it and heard the heartbeat. Then I started to get hopeful. Then at 9 1/2 weeks I heard the heartbeat again and it was so strong. At that point I thought all my worry was for nothing and this one was finally going to stick. And then at 11ks...nothing.

    I sure how you're right and it gets easier. I guess today is kind of the first day I've actually let myself cry and actually start to accept what happened. Yesterday I was just in such shock, like I was floating above my body as it was going through everything. IF that makes sense.

    I don't know. Stay strong ladies.

  17. #17
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    Elly and Laura... (((huge hugs))) thinking of you both! I'm so sorry you're going through this too !!

    MJ...I was due Dec 22nd with twins...your prayers are much appreciated . Cervidil is similar to misoprostol/cytotec from my understanding and it was very much like a f/t labor for me. I had regular contrx that increased in intensity over several hours. It became very intense like transition at the end. I was 19wks and 15wks when I delivered but my babies had passed away a couple of wks prior each time. I did have side effects that made me feel flu-like (achy, fever/chills, nausea, diarrhea).My later 1st tri losses (9 and 10wks) were Natural but similar with regular ctrx only not as intense. My water broke with those four losses and I had a lot of bleeding when everything passed but it let up after an hour or so.

    Thinking of you and praying the meds are effective quickly with no side effects...!Breaks my heart for you ...
    Last edited by kellyowens; 06-21-2013 at 09:35 PM. Reason: paragraphs

  18. #18

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    Well the worst is over I think. Shorty after my last post the first clots passed (small to medium) and I wiped to go to lay down and there was another clot with two of the pills. Okay... So I went to lay down but of course couldn't sleep so I read some stories of other ladies going through miscarriages and hit up about ever 30min to sit on the toilet. Cramps with meds are around a 3. I continue to pass clots each time. About 3:30 I
    Was laying there and my cramps felt worse and I felt a little more pressure so I got up and sat on the toilet and got some to to wipe and before I could there was a gush of blood and the sack fell right onto the tp. I of course started balling knowing that was my baby and my DH heard and came in. I will spare all the details of my melt down, I am sure you ladies know it all to well. So now I am still cramping but it is staying around a 2-3 maybe better at times with pain meds. I am not one that takes medicine unless I have to. I had natural childbirth with my DD, but this wasn't a pain I felt I wanted to experience, not that you want to experience any pain. I am bey glad I took the pain meds! I am going to try to sleep now.

    After you passed the sack how much longer did you cramp and bleed?

  19. #19

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    Thinking of you MJ!!!

    I had a consistent bleed & cramps for about 2 days after I passed the sack. Wednesday was the last day I passed a clot and yesterday (Friday) was the 1st day I felt "o.k."

    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  20. #20
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    ...crying with you as I read this...so hard when they're not with us anymore .

    My cramping usually stops after everything has passed but I typically bleed 1-3wks. The first week is like af and if I continue beyond a week it's usually spotting or a light flow.

    Praying for healing and comfort !!
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  21. #21
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    After I passed a very big clot (likely the baby - I did NOT look closely) things quickly tapered off. I bled for about a week and then went to spotting for another 10 days or so. Then I had a short annovulatory cycle so it felt like I bled for a long while. I hope that this is all over for you soon.
    Jessica (32) and Ryan (32). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart

  22. #22

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    Thanks guys. Last night physically wasn't to bad but emotionally was horrible. I ended up taking one more dose of the pain medicine and finally we to sleep for a while. It's good to know what to expect in the coming days and week.

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    How are you feeling this afternoon, MJ?? I hope you are resting and taking it easy!
    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  24. #24

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    Well my DH said we needed to get out of the house and get our minds off things so we went fishing, yes I love to fish. I caught a really nice bass!!! It was the biggest I have ever caught and I was super excited and it totally helped to keep my mind from dwelling on it as long as the fish were biting. I got horrible sunburn on my legs though....I am guessing one of the meds make me extra sensitive to the sun even though I didn't read that on the label. We picked up a movie on the way home and fell asleep watching it. How are you doing?

  25. #25

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    I'm feeling good- feeling "normal" again. Can't believe it's been a week already but at the same time it Feels like an eternity though
    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  26. #26

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    At least you are feeling better, that's a good start! How have you been emotionally?

  27. #27
    midgetlb6 Guest

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    After passing my babies it was light bleeding for 2 days then the 3rd I had more painful contractions and passed another huge clot then light af to spotting for 2 weeks on n off. I'm sooo sorry your going thru this

  28. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by mjd View Post
    At least you are feeling better, that's a good start! How have you been emotionally?
    Emotionally I have my ups and downs. As selfish as it sounds, I feel sorry for myself. I also feel like a failure and think what if this baby was my one and only shot at being a Mommy. We got pregnant so easily the 1st time-- what if it's not so easy the next? I feel an emptiness not being pregnant

    How are you doing today????
    Laura (33) DH (37) x 4




  29. #29

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    Thank you midget! I have had off and on cramps from mild to stronger period type cramps. I took some tylenol this morning and it help with the stronger ones but they are picking back up now. I haven't had a lot of bleeding since that early morning but have clots varying in sizes every time I go to the bathroom.

    Laura, I completely understand how you are feeling! I have many of the same thoughts and feelings. My DD (she is 3) keeps asking why her baby had to go live with God because she wanted it to live with her. Explaining things to a three year old isn't easy especially because I have the same questions and I don't understand either. I am suppose to be working today but can't seem to focus on anything....
    MJ(29) - DH(34) - Married 6 Years - Angel Babies 6/13, 10/13



  30. #30
    midgetlb6 Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by laurasuzy1981 View Post
    Emotionally I have my ups and downs. As selfish as it sounds, I feel sorry for myself. I also feel like a failure and think what if this baby was my one and only shot at being a Mommy. We got pregnant so easily the 1st time-- what if it's not so easy the next? I feel an emptiness not being pregnant

    How are you doing today????

    YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, and your entitled to your feelings of selfishness and emptiness. Once you heal you can start TTC again, i'd like to tell you that the pain of the loss goes away even with a new pregnancy or baby but it does not. It eases up over time where you can think about your baby and not totally lose it, but the ache is always there. One day we will all meet our angel babies, it sucks that there is a slew of them in heaven but we will meet again. Again i'm so sorry any one has to suffer a loss like this and sending huge

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