So how have your DH's/SO's handled it?
So how have your DH's/SO's handled it?
Mine doesn't really understand. He tries and was sympathetic but really hasn't engaged with any of our kids until after birth. They seem theoretical I think to him until that point.
Jessica (32) and Ryan (32). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
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My DH has been extremely supportive! He's not the most sensitive person (he's very manly man like), but I was really surprised how comforting he was/is. He has listened to me endlessly talk and try to rationalize the MC. He's very much on board for TTC as soon as my levels come down and my period comes back.
How's your DH??
Laura (32) DH (36) x 4
With my early losses, dh wasn't too understanding as to why I was upset. His thoughts were, " Well, something must've been wrong with them genetically and that was God's way of not letting them suffer." Although he's probably right, it was not what I wanted to hear. Then with my two losses at 15 and 17 weeks, he was absolutely heartbroken. Especially with the second one. We'd made it passed the time we lost the other baby and thought we were in the clear. Lesson learned, never let your guard down. There is no safety zone with pregnancy. Sorry to rattle on, but I guess I was just trying to say my dh took it differently with however far along I was. I am so sorry you and your dh are having to go through this.
Mine is focusing 100% on making sure I'm okay and telling me how to make sure to take care of myself and this and that. It kind of got to me last night and I was crying when we went to bed because I felt like he didn't even care that I lost the baby, but he assured me he cares a lot and he's sad. But his only priority is still making sure I'm okay and taking care of myself. So that helped a lot.
What about you, Mary? How is yours handling it?
Thanks for sharing everyone! My DH has always been supportive and is doesn't normally get emotional. I have seen him cry three times, one when my horse died that I was extremely close with and I am sure it was because I was balling uncontrollably and so heart broken and the other two were when my grandmother and his aunt died. Although I am pretty sure he did tear up when our daughter was born, but that's totally different. Do other words he is not a very emotional guy and isn't a big talker. When we found out he cried with me and was very turn up the entire day as I was. Since he doesn't talk about what he's feeling I don't know what he is feeling and it concerns me because I wish he would talk about it. Now he holds me and listens and consoles me and I have been trying to remember through this he is hurting too. He does seen to feel like I do, like our baby was our baby even though he or she wasn't very far along. He was hesitant to have another baby, so I wasn't sure he had really connected to this pregnancy yet. He was excited about it and our three year old daughter was beyond excited and I think that helped him too. I am not sure what your religious beliefs are but one of my first thoughts after we got home was there isn't a body what happens to the baby and he was very adamant that God recognizes our baby as he does every baby mo matter the gestation, so I do think he is feeling this like the loss of a child. Men are such a weird breed! . I wish he was more like me in these cases and would just talk about it with someone. He won't even tell his best friend or brother about it. He said he just doesn't want to...what does that mean? I don't know how much of his tearing up us because I am hurting so much or if he is hurting just as much.
Sorry I write a book!
Wrote not write, stupid cell phone.
I can tell my DH is trying hard to get it, but he's not the most openly empathic guy. I always feel like he thinks his job is to distract me but emotionally I need to just be with this for a bit. It's hard for me to explain to him. I know he's hurting too, but he has a different way of dealing with it.