I hope its okay to vent in here about a few things. I feel as though I have good morals and values but, I am started to feel pushed further and further away from religion. I was never brought up in a religious home but, my dad did go through a stage where he really wanted to be a part of church. My mother only went when it benefited her. He went to what I consider a modest not in your face type of church. I enjoy a non-denominational church myself but, I know I am contradicting myself when I say its really hard to follow a bible and that I find most of the bible is so far out there I would be lying to myself if I said I believe it all. This is the most confusing part of my life right now. I have a lot to be grateful for: The Habitat for Humanity they are a Christian Organization however, you do not have to be part of any religious group what so ever to qualify. They do not push beliefs on anyone IMO. My kids are healthy, smart, well behaved, and beautiful inside and out. I give back to to others that have less. Then, the dark side of all of this- those that have known my drama with my mother and her evil spiteful non-sense. The pity party that nags me : "What did I do to deserve this crap from her and cps coming out"? - findings: unsubstantiated still two more weeks or so when it close out. She has told the whole world lies about which will just build my case for when I am able to file for harassment. A friend copied and pasted a conversation my mom started with her on FB and forwarded it to me. Then I had an ex boyfriend "lecture" me about how I should forgive her and let her back into my life which I deleted and blocked him after I ripped him a new one. Those that always do good get hurt the most. Its unfair that people that are good parents lose babies, those that never smoked a day in their life get lung cancer from 2nd hand, a brand new baby is born that can't hear or see, people all over the world may not know where their next meal comes from, all of this awfulness that is the world makes me think "If there is God, where is he?".