DS does not want to stay at Granny's house
Every time we visit MIL, DS whines and cries the whole time we are there. He says he just wants to go home. It does not matter how many toys we bring, how many electronic games we bring or that we can play their favorite shows on Netflix on MIL's computer. He just whines and whines and whines and wants to go home. DH typically spends the whole day working on one the rentals or doing yard work and comes inside to eat lunch. I spend the day confined in a small living room/kitchen with the kids. I cook a big meal and clean MIL's dishes, take out trash or whatever other housework she needs. And it is really irritating to listen to him. I get angry (obviously, that is not good). No matter how many times I explain it, he does not get that it hurts Granny's feelings when he says he does not want to be there. Or at least it does not appear to be getting through. I just sent him out to sit on the porch because I am so frustrated. DD is trying to get him engaged in something and make him feel better. He just sits there .... I am really not sure how to handle this. And I am probably not even thinking straight because I let my own frustration get better of me. I need mommy time out. Any suggestions?
ETA .... Somehow I got a smiley face next to the title .... It was not intentional but maybe I just need to lighten up. Lol.
Last edited by impatient; 05-04-2013 at 01:48 PM.
Does he do that other places as well? Is it just that he prefers to be at home? I would probably come up with something special he only gets to do there- a toy/movie/etc. he really wants that stays at grandma's house.
No, it is just at MIL's. But it is the only place where we stay for a long time (all day) vs. visiting just for a while. Usually we visit other people with kids so it is different. I think I need to come up with some special toy that he really likes and keep it at MIL's house. It is hard because both DH and I are busy working on things around the house and property when we come here so the kids do not get much attention.
I can see that it would be not very much fun for him. I hope your MIL can understand and not take it personally. A special toy that really gets his attention, even a video game or movie, may not be a bad idea. Do you have a smart phone and if so is he allowed to play on it? That may be a special thing he could do there...
Does he have to go with you for these long visits? Can you break up the day by taking him to a nearby park or playground, some place he doesn't otherwise get to go? I can understand getting dragged some place where I didn't want to be in the first place, only to be ignored all day long, would be so not fun, and would likely have responded similarly in his shoes.
Sounds like he is just bored, all of the things you mentioned are things he has to do on his own, maybe he just needs more "engagement". Can he "help" his dad do some of the outside chores? I know that makes for a longer less productive day for DH, but DS will be learning lots of valuable skills. Even if it is just for some of the time, doing simple jobs like holding a flashlight. Or if he can't help DH, can he help you clean or cook meals? Talk to him before hand about what you expect of him, what you are going to do and how he can help so he can be part of the team that helps at Granny's house.
Originally Posted by Suja
ITA I hope that you find something that works for you soon!
Originally Posted by runningmomofmany
Also, I would try not to take it personally. He is being honest with you and expressing that he would rather be somewhere else and let's be honest if the situation was reversed you would probably feel the same way.
First, I hope his Grandma can understand how he feels and not take it personally. He's not even 5, he's bored and just being honest. It should be considered a good thing!
In fact, I always like to encourage Maiya to be honest with me. If she's bored, I want her to tell me. So, what I would suggest is to work with him through this. BEFORE going, in fact, probably a few days before going, talk to him about it. Acknowledge his feelings "I know you get bored there" and thank him for going along with you guys "It's really important that we get this done as a family, so thank you for being there with us." Then ask him if he has any ideas for making it easier. Maybe, if it's an option, ask him if he wants to have a fun day before the work day (or after, but if it were me, I would do before, because then Maiya would need more of a rest day, anyway). Or, if that's not an option, ask him what kinds of things he wants to do while there. Does he want to help dad? Does he want to help mom? Does he want a special video? Does he want a wading pool? I would just let him think of what kinds of things he can do to help the day pass.
Depending on his personality and how much you guys want to let him help, maybe even tell him a "schedule". First, you will help dad rake leaves, then you can watch a movie. Then we'll have lunch. Then you can help me cook, then you can go play in the sprinklers. Maybe between feeling like a part of the team, and having an organized schedule, he will feel like there's more for him to do and that he's more a part of it than just being drug along.