Results 1 to 21 of 21

Thread: Please pardon my intrusion...

  1. #1

    Default Please pardon my intrusion...

    I've thought all day about if it would be ok for me to drop in here and ask a few questions since I'm not TTC. I'm in this room a lot just to see how people are doing, but I don't ever feel comfortable posting. It is not my intention to offend, but I don't really know who else to ask about these things. If this is too much please feel free to have the thread removed and I'll try to seek advice elsewhere.

    So here's my story:
    I got married at 19 and went to the dr for BC because we weren't ready to start a family yet. After asking what seemed like a million questions the dr told me he didn't think I needed BC. Apparently my highly irregular cycles and some other factors indicated to him that I had an underlying medical condition that would make it difficult, if not impossible, to get pg on my own. I didn't really understand the full implications of that at the time since I really didn't know anything about my body - I didn't know how much I didn't know either. I decided not to have any testing or anything done and started the BC anyway. After months of severe side effects from several different hormone based BCs the dr again told me he didn't really think I needed it and felt I was risking too much of my health to continue taking it. So I stopped taking it in October only to find out in January (just 3 months later) that I was pg . I started seeing a CNM who reviewed my medical history and called the pregnancy a miracle, telling me to enjoy it because it may be the only time I'd ever be pg in my life.
    Fast forward 6 years to now...I'm pregnant with my 5th child. I've had 4 normal healthy pregnancies and this one (minus a random kidney infection) seems to be no different. I've never had any testing done so I don't know if there really is something medically off with my body, but what I do know is I don't seem to have any trouble getting pg. Since I stopped my BC in October of 2006 I've had 8 cycles and ended up pg 5 times despite my many efforts to spread my children out. I don't mean to sound ungrateful and I do my children dearly but my sanity is starting to demand a reprieve from the constant onslaught of pregnancy hormones despite the fact that I'm not ready to say DONE just yet. I asked my dr today how likely it was that I would continue this trend of having a baby every 18mos or so if I didn't do anything to change our current system - her answer: highly likely. Since I can't put anything foreign into my body on a regular basis (including hormones, IUDs, spermicide, ect.) due to significant side effects I'm pretty much resigned to condoms and somehow tracking my very irregular cycles. DH is very against the idea of using condoms every time all the time, but would use them some every month if I could pin down my fertile times. I got some suggestions to read "Taking Control of Your Fertility" which I intend on doing ASAP. My dr highly recommended a digital monitor to make sure that I was getting an accurate and long enough fertility window each month since it only takes one sperm to make a baby and the most recent studies have shown that 7 days after sex there can still be viable sperm in the fallopian tubes. This is where my questions start to come in.

    My understanding is that OPKs will only show positive 12-72 hours before ovulation. Is that right? That doesn't sound like it would be long enough to successfully avoid getting pg again. I'm pretty sure I O 5-6 days after sex when I got pg with Selene. Has anyone ever tried this ( http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com...tion-test.html ) kind of test or know if they are accurate?

    I've been searching for fertility monitors online and found several different kinds.
    http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/ovacue.html This one is more expensive than I had anticipated, but claims to be accurate up to 7 days in advance and work with irregular cycles. Has anyone ever tried this kind of test or know anything about it? Is there something better I could look at. These are just from a google search and I really don't know anything about them.
    http://www.amazon.com/Clearblue-Fert.../dp/B0000532QB This one was recommended as a possibility also. Any experience with it?

    I am intending on using temping and tracking cervical mucus and changes, but my dr recommended using a test to back up my findings based on the fact that I co-sleep, am up and down a lot at night with all the kids (both can affect temp), and we have sex on a really regular basis (can affect CM). She felt the tests would help solidify our prevention methods more. If there is anything else I haven't hit on that might help with this or be good questions for my dr please feel free to share. Honestly I didn't think I would ever end up needing to know any of this and I'd really love some guidance right now. I'm not due again till October so even if all I get is some good ideas on where to do more research that would be awesome as I do have some time to work on this more. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and I hope you can understand that I'm only coming here for your wisdom and information.




  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    7,991

    Default

    I don't understand how a care-provider could make a statement like that without extensive testing ? Evidently, they were wrong so it's moot but it still dumbfounds me .

    (((Hugs)))...I'm so sorry you've had such bad reactions to bc ...sure complicates things if you don't want to do anything permanent.

    I would think if you don't want to get pg you will have to use contraception every single time until you become familiar with your body's rhythm. I wouldn't trust the fertility monitor until I've used it through a couple of cycles if I were absolutely sure I did not want to be pg .

    Honestly, if it comes down to the inconvenience of using condoms or getting pg before I was ready I'd choose condoms (or abstinence) rather than the 2-3yr commitment of my body to pg/bfing and my entire person to a lifetime of parenting/mentoring another human being .

    Do you think you and dh could commit to using condoms for awhile if you agreed in advance that it was for the sake of your and your family's health and well-being? Like really sit down and talk about what your goals are for yourselves and your family then agree together what you need to do to accomplish that and stick to it ??

    I think there's a workable solution but like everything it's going to take sacrifice and commitment if it's really what you want .

    ...praying for you Nicole!!!

    Eta...I think you're off to a great start with the book and monitors!! I wish I had more to add but you're definitely on the right track!
    Last edited by kellyowens; 04-24-2013 at 08:21 PM.

  3. #3

    Default

    Kelly, he'd be ok with condoms all the time for a couple months or so while we get used to something else. It's the idea of all the time for the next 15+ years that he's really opposed to. That's why I'm looking into other options. We have talked several times about what we want and tried to plan. I really never thought it would come to this though so I haven't a clue when it comes to all the tracking stuff.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    7,991

    Default

    I felt like it didn't take long to get a feel for the temping/charting . Like you, I have a co-sleeping nursing toddler but my temps still show a biphasic pattern.
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    GA
    Posts
    3,037

    Default

    I don't think it's insensitive to post a question like that here. It occurred to me shortly after learning to chart that it might be a genius solution as a natural "birth control" method. Honestly, having taken longer than I'd like to get pg after 7 years of BC I don't think I ever want to go back to it.

    You mentioned that you can't use things but condoms are ok...what about a diaphragm? I think they still make those...right?

    I really hope you'll find the answer you're looking for and you shouldn't feel weird asking for what you want.
    Natalie [31] DH [40] with the terrible chiweenies Ozzie and Sharon 9/01, 1/06


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    9,586
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    I would really just ask your DH to suck it up and use condoms for the majority of your cycle. If you were to chart/temp, stop using the condoms three days after O and then start them back up at some time before O - like Day 6 of your cycle. I also can not use hormonal birth control (awful side effects) and IUDs are not an option (I already have horrific cramping and we want to prevent conception only) so we truly only used condoms all the time, every time and have a 100% success rate of preventing pregnancy. It then took 9 months to conceive our first and only one month to conceive the next 4 so it seems that we are very likely to get pregnant if we don't use a condom.
    Jessica (32) and Ryan (32). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    Check out our business, JRSolutions.

  7. #7

    Default

    Thank you for responding. Diaphragms and sponges both require spermicide to be effective and I'm too sensitive to use it on a regular or long term basis.

    I'm glad this doesn't seem to be upsetting anyone. I've seen how hard you ladies try to make this happen and it just seems like it would take an emotional tole on a person. I didn't want to add to that by asking for your help in preventing what you are working so hard to accomplish. I wasn't sure who else might have some insight on these types of products though.

    DH doesn't really like the idea of a vasectomy even when it comes time to say we are done so I'm really hoping we can find something else that works fairly well. This is gonna sound weird, but honestly I've raised the idea of being a surrogate before - if I'm already pg with someone else's baby I can't get pg again with my own. DH thought I was crazy the first time I said it. Now he seems at least open to the idea. I don't know if it will ever happen. It's been on my mind for the last three pregnancies though. If nursing was more effective at suppressing ovulation for me I'd even consider just pumping to donate or becoming a wet nurse long term, but despite tandem nursing I've still seen af return after just 6 months the last 2 times so I think that's out. I'd totally pump for or after any surrogate babies to get that six months though. Like I said, I know this sounds crazy, but that's where my head has been.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    GA
    Posts
    3,037

    Default

    Sounds like you have a really big heart

    I think being a surrogate is an awesome idea, not to mention the possible financial benefits, it would at least temporarily be a solution.

    Your situation is really making me think, because like others I can't tolerate hormonal BC (gives me severe chronic migraines) and I while I used a Mirena IUD for 7 years with no side effects, I'm really sure I don't want to go back to that.
    Natalie [31] DH [40] with the terrible chiweenies Ozzie and Sharon 9/01, 1/06


  9. #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kellyowens View Post
    I don't understand how a care-provider could make a statement like that without extensive testing ? Evidently, they were wrong so it's moot but it still dumbfounds me
    He wanted to do lots of testing at the time that he suggested something might be wrong, but I didn't have any insurance and we were broke from the wedding. I was so young and uninformed at the time that I didn't really understand the implications of a problem like that. I thought it just meant I couldn't get pg which wasn't really a "problem" for me at the time since we weren't ready for kids yet anyway. I just figured when we got to the point of wanting kids I'd have the testing done and we'd fix whatever issue I had. I didn't know what it might mean for my general health if he had been right so it just wasn't a financial priority for us to have the testing done at the time. Since getting pg the first time I have been pg, bfing, or both nonstop so testing to see if something really is off has never come up again. I don't even know if it's possible something is still wrong despite all my pregnancies. I've never thought to ask my current dr about it until now. Is it worth bringing up to her after all this? Can they even do any kind of testing (I don't know what it would entail) while I'm pg or bfing? Something else to keep in mind I guess.




  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    1,275

    Default

    I don't want to be the rude one here, and I am so glad that you have already found some help with your question, but I really think that the expecting in general forum might be a more appropriate place to post this question. Many if us have been ttc for quite a long time and it is sometimes difficult to read posts like this. I hope you understand and I wish you the best of luck.

    Can anyone help bump?

  11. #11

    Default

    Sometimes, in order to get questions answered you have to post in TTC,as it gets the most traffic. I've STC as well and had many losses, but completely understand her reasoning for her post. What has been said in the past is that if you come across something that bothers you, simply do not go back to that thread. I've had to be that person and moved on like it was never posted. We are all here for support in one way or the other and would never purposely say anything to be hurtful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    1,275

    Default

    I have done that before. But the op sounded like she was hesitant if it was the appropriate place to post this type of question and I was thinking that it would probably not be, primarily due to content (it is not about ttc or stc).

    Most of the time when it is not a ttc question (like this) I have seen questions get redirected to a different place. I did not mean any offense on my end, and am sorry if it came off that way.

  13. #13

    Default

    I'm sorry to have caused heart ache with this. Really the only reason I thought this room would be the best place to find answers is because I don't have any experience with the charting or any of the monitoring products on the market so I needed to talk to someone that would know more or have more experience than me. I've done hours of research on my own but nothing can replace the opinions and experiences of people you trust. I specifically structured my OP in a way that would warn people of the content from the start in case it was more than they wanted to read. Thank you for the responses I did get and I'll look elsewhere for information from now on.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    It is hard since the forum being condensed to find the 'perfect' place to post questions - especially since we don't have a family planning section. NFP/TTC are very closely related and TTC ladies realy are the best place to get this kind of information, but if there are any hurt feelings a Mod could always move this to a different section of the forum

  15. #15

    Default

    Moved to New Moms/Moms in General
    Karen (28), DF (28), DD (3), DS (2 months)


    Beanpop's Fluffy Butt Diapers *GRAND RE-OPENING 3/13*

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,736

    Default

    Is your objection to IUD based on the hormonal aspect of it? Can you consider a copper IUD, like ParaGard?

  17. #17

    Default

    I tried the hormone IUD in 2007 after delivering my son and had A LOT of side effects after just a few months (CNM I was seeing at the time said "never again"). I've never used to copper IUD, but there are studies that suggest it can cause thyroid issues, which run rampant in my family anyway. Based on that and my history of being highly sensitive to pretty much everything my dr now doesn't feel it's in my best interest if there are still other options available that we are willing to try.




  18. #18

    Default

    I have had the same issues with contraception. I'm allergic to spermicide, cannot tolerate hormonal BC, have moral objections to copper IUD. We resorted to NFP because of that, and eventually had some issues with that too. So we gave up BC completely, but I wasn't as fertile as you ;)my first 4 are 5yrs apart, then 4yrs between 4 and 5 and 6yrs between 5 and 6. With no BC used at all after #2.

    I would recommend you using condoms for most of your cycle until you get the hang of it. You'll learn your fertility signs. I think the only benefit the ovulation predictor will give you is confirmation that you did ovulate, making it "safe" to go condom free. You should be safe to be condom free from 4days post ovulation through your cycle. Especially once you learn to detect cm (it can be hard at first to distinguish from semen). Eventually you would only need to use condoms from about a week before ovulation to 3 days after.

    Also not all condoms are created equally. The natural lamb ones are slightly less "safe" but a whole lot more comfortable. There are some other latex free that are more natural feeling as well.


  19. #19

    Default

    I would keep tracking your cycles because it will teach you to understand your your body and when you are fertile. In the meantime, condoms seem the only way to protect yourself.

    I cannot believe your doc decided you would have fertility issues without running a single test. But that's moot
    KEVIN (5.5) & MATTHEW (4)

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    14,283

    Default

    We use Fertility Awareness Method because I learned to use it while TTC ... but my cycles are much more regular and I do not get pregnant quite as easily. I temped with both kids. With DS, my temping worked beautifully ... I had a nice clear chart every cycle. When we were TTC the second time around, I was BFing and my temps were useless - I think due to interrupted sleep and whacky BFing hormones. I was actually convinced I was not ovulating and was going to stop temping and go see a Dr ... except I just got pregnant. So I think temping is not very reliable under those conditions. I did not use a fertility monitor but I used OPKs. In my opinion, they were hard to read. In hind sight (and along with temps and other fertility symptoms), I could tell that the darkest line corresponded when everything else was pointing to ovulation. .... With all that said, I would look for an NFP class nearby. I bet you can find one. I have never used one, but I googled it and bunch of websites came up. It may take a while, but I would hope that someone out there has dealt with a similar situation. I bet that you can figure out a way. The only thing I really go on these days is CM but it may not be the best option for you. But maybe you can go by cervical position, when it is open, closed, etc. It may take a few cycles to figure out your pattern, but there has to be something there. Best wishes!

  21. #21

    Default

    I used the OV Watch to get pregnant. http://www.ovwatch.com/ I am 100% certain that it was responsible for my son after 7 mos of trying b/c I was still using the pee sticks, not sure if the watch really worked. I had been traveling for work all that month so we had sex exactly once in that cycle. It was on a day when the watch said that I was very fertile but the sticks still said that was not. If I had waited until the day when the sticks said "go for it" (as I had done in the previous months) according to the watch, I would have been past the window.

    I got the watch b/c two friends who had histories of multiple miscarriages and visits to the RE used it successfully. They swore by it so after having no luck with the typical methods, we gave it a go.

    That said, I think the OV Watch is designed for women with regular cycles. Mine are. I don't know if it would work to ID your fertile periods given your particular history. Check the website?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •