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Thread: Update!

  1. #1
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    Aug 2011
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    Default Update!

    Sorry it took SO long for me to get on here and update but believe it or not, we just got home for the day about an hour ago and had to put baby girl straight to bed. LONG day. Ended up not getting a chance to come home after court so we've been on the go all day.

    However, we have good news from court. For now anyway. One lady terminated her petition. The other decided to continue hers (she's the grandmother and adoptive mom to bio mom's oldest child) but she told us after court that she didn't know what to do about it. She said on one hand she wants her but she doesn't want to cause her pain taking her from us and she doesn't want to cause us pain when we've cared for her and been the only parents she's ever known. She said the second time she met me when I told her how my step dad is with her she went home and told her husband she didn't know if they were doing the right thing. She said it was obvious she's loved and very well cared for. She asked if we wanted to adopt and if we'd be open to letting her brother know her if we adopted and we said yes.

    The dad was there and he actually asked to speak to us privately right away. Said a lot, cried a few times, and told us he's on our side and he wants us to adopt. Said he hates the thought of turning his back on baby girl, but he's living with his mom and his fiance has MS and he doesn't know if he can care for her. He has three kids that he has no contact with. He also said he used to do drugs and alcohol but that he doesn't anymore (I suppose only time will tell because they ALL say that). He did however seem like a nice man who really cares. I doubt, even if he ended up trying to get custody, that he would from what he told us about his home life and all.

    We did learn that mom's oldest child was born addicted to drugs and that he nearly died. He made it through thank goodness and his grandmother got custody of him when he was 5 months old. So mom has never taken care of any of her children. This lady said she's been trying to get her help for 12 years and mom never will do it. She has quite a history, and it's worse than I thought. This lady said mom went 5 years and "forgot" to see her son. It's awful. Also, he's autistic which makes me wonder if that has anything to do with drugs...being an educator I've always been just dying to understand autism.

    Anyway, when all is said and done I think we might finally be dealing with the only people who have a chance of getting her. That's dad, this lady, and us. Dad says he has no family who could take her and mom definitely doesn't either. Also, when the petitioner mentioned a few times that while she wants what's best for baby girl she's "selfish and wants to raise her 21st baby" (she's almost 60 and has raised 20 children who apparently can't care for their children so it's neverending)...anyway when she said this over and over again I noticed the SW give the CASA representatives a very pointed look that seemed to say "I'm not so sure about this". This lady hasn't done anything on her petition in over 3 months so I don't know. She still gets visitation and her brother gets to meet baby girl on Tuesday, but so far in 3 months this lady only showed to 2 of them. I kind of feel like everyone can say the right things all day long but it's their actions that are going to tell the story.

    I do think today is a success though. Also in July we're going to have a permanency plan as part of the foster care review. I guess that means a decision will be made about permanent care for her. The GAL is on our side for that so far. She'll be 9 months old then. She will have only known us in all that time so...I hope it goes our way. For today, we're breathing a sigh of relief, continuing to take it one day at a time, and loving the heck out of this baby girl! Thank you all so much for your continued support. I can't tell you what it means!
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  2. #2
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    Sounds as though it was good news for the most part.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #3

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    Wow, what a process! Still sounding very good! Praying for y'all!



  4. #4

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    Yay, that's great news!!

  5. #5

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    Glad to hear it went well in court today!


  6. #6
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    Aug 2012
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    New York
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    Sounds like a long but productive day! I think it's so great that baby girls grandmother and dad can be realistic with themselves about what they can and cannot handle. I find it so interesting how you have felt badly about keeping the moms baby from her and how the grandmother feels as is she is trying to keep your baby from you. I really hope this all goes your way, and yesterday sounds like a step in the right direction

  7. #7
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    Jul 2011
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    ...great update!!! Breathing a huge sigh of relief for you !!! Praying July brings awesome news...thinking of you!!

  8. #8
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    Feb 2006
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    Would grandma be willing to have an open adoption? She and the siblings get visitation on your terms? Send her pictures, cards, invites to parties?



  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julbella78 View Post
    Would grandma be willing to have an open adoption? She and the siblings get visitation on your terms? Send her pictures, cards, invites to parties?
    I think she's considering that now. She's actually the step grandma to the sibling and the kids have different dads...so the weird thing is she's no relation to either child. That's confusing to me but the court sees it how the court sees it. I worry about her a little because she says some things that concern me. She talks a lot about how she wants a baby because she wants a baby, and not about how she thinks she can provide for her most. Also her brother has Autism and I've worked with many many kids with Autism and that concerns me a little. It just depends on how bad it is I guess and how well they handle it. I've worked with a lot of kids who were pretty rough...not necessarily violent and they didn't mean to be rough or hurt you but when they have moments that are hard they just freak out sometimes. A few months ago one of them knocked me down at school and he was 4. So...I can only imagine how a 12 year old could be. He could be just fine though. I hope that DSS really investigates that to make sure it's safe for baby girl if she ends up going there. Though I feel our ages and our willingness for open adoption should put us ahead. I'd hope so anyway. I'd hate it if baby girl didn't have someone who could run outside and play with her and get down on the floor and crawl with her and things like that.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  10. #10

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    Leah, great news so far!
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




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