Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Should there be repercussions?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14,836

    Default Should there be repercussions?

    So I have mentioned the actions of DD2 on here before...mischief, naughtiness, etc. This morning was particularly bad. She refused to eat cereal that she asked for (a recurring problem - asking for food and not eating it) and I refused to give her anything else until she at least ate some if not all of it. I tend to the other kids and come back to find her scooping the cereal out onto the table and floor and pouring the milk out. There was more to all of this but that is the jist of it. So she got reprimanded and punished for that. Immediately after this incident I sent her to her room.

    Fast forward about 20 minutes and we are frantically looking for DD1's glasses. Can't find them anywhere. Asked DD2 if she knew where they were or put them somewhere - she said no. In my heart I knew she did - she has hidden things before. So DD1 goes to school with no glasses. I spend the next hour looking until finally she points them out and said she put them there - between DD1's mattress and side of bed. I seriously don't think I ever would have found them!

    Anyway, needless to say I am pissed and told her there would be something taken away. I just couldn't think straight at the moment.

    Later after we got finished dropping the glasses off at school I mentioned to her that I wished she had told me where they we and we would not have had to walk there to drop them off. I asked her why she didn't tell us where they were before DD1 left for school and she said she wanted DD1 to find them. I started to get the impression that maybe she didn't understand the gravity of the situation - that we were looking, that DD1 needed them for school, etc. She just turned 4. She is smart and seems to understand things but sometimes I treat her as if she is older I guess because she isn't a baby anymore and I am used to DD1 and sometimes don't realize that she is only 4 and not as mature as a 6 yo.

    Ok, so if you are still with me lol....WWYD? Would you just give her a talking to and explain why that was wrong? Would you reprimand by taking something away? (I was thinking of not letting her watch her nightly show - something we have taken away before as punishment). That wouldn't be until after dinner. I kind of feel like the whole point is lost now and it's in the past and if I were to do something I should have at that moment....I couldn't because she had speech like 5 mins after we found the glasses....

    She did want to play a game before speech and I said I couldn't because we spent so much time looking for the glasses that we had no time left to play. Is that enough?

    Thanks if you made it this far!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Toeing the edge between sanity and insanity
    Posts
    30,564

    Default

    I'm a fan of natural consequences and at her age I think the "we have to do the things we need to do before we can do the things we want to do" is an awesome tool. In this case NEEDING to find the glasses took up all the time to do a WANT-the game. I would leave it at that this time. But if it becomes a habit of hers-hiding things or doing stuff to slow down the morning-I'd probably move on to more longer lasting consequences.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter



  3. #3

    Default

    I would be furious about the cereal - at that age, she definitely knows better. If my DD did that she would lose a privilege for the whole day, for sure. The glasses...I doubt she understood how important that was. I have started telling DD "it makes me very happy and proud when you tell me the truth" anytime I think she's hiding something. It really tends to work. I would probably explain the situation to her today and then move on.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    MN
    Posts
    2,347

    Default

    At 4 years old, she is definitely old enough to know better - about the food, AND about lying. I don't think the hiding things is as big of deal as the fact that you asked her if she knew where they were and she lied to your face. It's not exactly the same thing as a little one making up a fantasy tale about something not important. Time outs was the punishment for lying at my house. We could come off the stairs (time out spot) after an alloted time IF we could tell why were put in time out and apologize. Back to the stairs to continue thinking until we came clean. Hugs and kisses and back to play.
    Rae (27), DH (26), Lucas (6/3/12), Amelia (12/13/13)

  5. #5

    Default

    For the cereal, I would have her clean up the mess herself. I would help - b/c that's appropriate at that age - but she would be expected to fix her mess. As my son hears in restaurants, at home, wherever, if he makes a mess, someone has to clean it up. It's not nice to make other people do that. He has to experience what it means to take time out of play etc to get his own hands dirty to pick up what he drops (or pours). But i would keep my calm; he made an error so we're fixing it. Let's not do that again...

    On the glasses, normal, imo. including the lying. Preschoolers are, as i read somewhere, averse to emotional pain. So they may be aware that they did something wrong but they don't want to take responsibility for it. they don't want you to get mad or disappointed. Or maybe in the moment, they don't even recall that they moved something, i.e., your daughter may not have realized that she was "lying" while you were asking her about the glasses and searching for them. finally, it sounds like she thought that she was playing a game. Maybe all of those things didn't happen at once, but over the course of an hour... that's the mind of a preschooler.

    if there were consequences, i guess they had to be in the moment. It's too late to do something at the end of the day. I might talk to her before bed or in the morning to say that helping to get out the door is great... that you appreciate it when she helps you and her big sister to get out the door in the morning. Not sure exactly, but imo, it's too late for consequences. (which would be minor anyway)
    Last edited by ibisgirldc; 04-10-2013 at 10:46 AM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    12,331

    Default

    I agree that the natural consequence of not being able to play a game because you had to look for the glasses is enough. Especially since it has already happened and waiting until after dinner might not have enough impact. Maybe at some point remind her that her sister needs her glasses to see at school and they are not a toy that can be played with... although I think she probably knew that. I'd also have her apologize to her sister when she came home.
    Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
    Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06

  7. #7

    Default

    IMO and IME an average 4 year old knows it was wrong to hide and lie about the glasses but an average 4 year old also does not fully comprehend what it means to need glasses for school and how it affect her sister to be without glasses. By not letting her play a game before speech, she faced the natural consequences of her actions and by you telling her what she did, making her go with your to DD1's school she experienced more natural consequences.

    I would not take away the night show as a punishment because (a) it is too remote from the event (if you told her right away what her punishment is, then it is different), and (b) because she likely did not fully comprehend the gravity of the situation and her mischief. In general, I am not against negative consequences for certain actions since my children do not respond to positive reinforcement as the only way of discipline and often natural consequences do not adequately address certain situations. In this case, I would leave it where it is but will be more strict with similar mischief in the future if she does something similar again.

    Hugs, mama. I feel for you - my DS1 had a really bad day yesterday. I had to send to him to his room twice to compose myself, I was peeved soooooooooo bad. I was happy today is Wednesday, one of the two days I go to work
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  8. #8

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rae_1478 View Post
    At 4 years old, she is definitely old enough to know better - about the food, AND about lying. I don't think the hiding things is as big of deal as the fact that you asked her if she knew where they were and she lied to your face. It's not exactly the same thing as a little one making up a fantasy tale about something not important. Time outs was the punishment for lying at my house. We could come off the stairs (time out spot) after an alloted time IF we could tell why were put in time out and apologize. Back to the stairs to continue thinking until we came clean. Hugs and kisses and back to play.
    I agree with the bolded, completely. DS2 is starting to tell lies (I don't have it, Momma, as he hides something behind his back, or blaming things on older brother that I know he did). We handle lies with TO's as well, and if it's severe, a toy/privilege is taken away for the day. That's just one thing that we don't tolerate. Since you told her that something would be taken away, I would follow through with that.




  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14,836

    Default

    Thanks for all the replies. Normally I would have made her clean it up - I usually do when she does stuff like that (not totally common but she has done similar things before). She absolutely knows what she is doing is wrong. Anyway, I was so angry I made her leave the room and I was trying to get DD1 ready for school so in automatic mode and just cleaned it up myself. I don't trust them to clean up milk messes anyway. But yeah, I should have made her help. I just couldn't handle her being there at the moment.

    I did make her help remove the stickers she stuck all over a shelf in her bedroom while she was banished there. See this is what she does - one naughty action leads to another. She also got something taken away for that debacle so I feel that was handled. The glasses thing was just odd. She claims she hid them last night which was possible because she was being a total pain at bedtime. So it's possible she didn't really remember or know what was going on. I was so angry with her and was kind of just fumbling around in the morning looking for these glasses that I am not sure I ever directly looked at her and asked her if she knew where they were, you know? It was just one of those overwhelmed moments. I do think it's common to lie at this age. I remember DD1 doing it too. Heck she does it now at times. DD2 started lying around age 3 saying she didn't do something I knew she did. Or saying, "A ghost did it" - which was SO hard not to laugh at

    This day got so much worse that this glasses incident was just a drop in the bucket! I need a drink and need to just fast forward to bedtime and start fresh tomorrow!!!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    I do think it's common to lie at this age.
    It 100% absolutely is. It's a human thing. It's a part of normal child development. (lots written on it). The question is never whether a preschooler will lie; it's why and what you do about it.

  11. #11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    This day got so much worse that this glasses incident was just a drop in the bucket! I need a drink and need to just fast forward to bedtime and start fresh tomorrow!!!
    I understand. We had one of those days yesterday.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  12. #12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    I understand. We had one of those days yesterday.
    Gah, is it a full moon?! Add us to the list of having a rotten day...that ended with an entire (large, expensive) bottle of baby shampoo dumped in the tub.




Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •