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Thread: Question about homosexuality so I guess I will keep it in here ;)

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    Default Question about homosexuality so I guess I will keep it in here ;)

    Since this seems to be the safest place to discuss gay issues I figured I would just post this question that I have been thinking about....

    If you and your family are supportive and you want to raise your children to be supportive, do you explain what homosexuality is or just play it off like it's so normal that it doesn't need explaining?

    I had thought if DH and I just approached it as normal that our kids would just accept it as normal and move on. My best friend and her partner live in our basement apartment and my kids have a close relationship with them. They have not asked anything about their relationship yet but I am starting to wonder if we should just explain what being gay means before they hear it from someone else or draw their own conclusions. My friend and her partner plan to get married. My kids have been talking a lot about people getting married (they don't know my friend's plans, just in general) and will ask if boys can marry other boys and girls marry other girls. We have explained they can. That's really as far as we went. Then DD2 said she wanted to marry me

    One of DD1's friends has 2 moms. She has mentioned he has 2 moms before and I just say "wow lucky him"!

    Should I be explaining what it means to have 2 moms? How do you all handle this? Do you use the terms gay, lesbian, homosexual? I often think of the book Nurture Shock and how when race was not discussed the kids ended up drawing their own conclusions about children who were different races and/or segregating themselves. I don't want that to happen but I don't want it to seem "abnormal" in that it needs explaining....you know what I mean?
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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    We're not there yet, but I think that we will talk about different types of families (single parent, gay, straight, blended) at some point.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    We're not there yet, but I think that we will talk about different types of families (single parent, gay, straight, blended) at some point.
    We do that but we haven't gotten into the specifics. I am just feeling like maybe it's not enough to just say it in that way anymore as DD1 is 6.5.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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    My younger brother is gay and so it has always been the norm for our kids in that a person loves who they love. I have not ever needed to label it as of yet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    My younger brother is gay and so it has always been the norm for our kids in that a person loves who they love. I have not ever needed to label it as of yet.
    does he have a partner? Do the kids know them as a couple?
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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    I don't see the need to get into specifics. Just the general there are all kinds of families, sometime a boy and boy love each other, somethings a girl and girl love each other and sometimes a boy and girl love each other.

    I will say that my family never sat down and explained it to me. I knew my uncle was different and fun and was I was 13, I did get sat down and told he had AIDS. I asked if it was drug use...I mean I knew he was a hippie that partied it up in California back in the 70's and early 80's and mom said it was probably because he is gay. I think I must have already knew what that meant.

    And than I remember my aunt was drunk this one time....it was a party and I was babysitting someone but it wasn't my cousins but I was like 18 or so. and she was like well you know I'm a lesbian. I was like um yeah duh. I mean really my aunt had several "roommates" during my whole life that were long term and we had holidays together. And they shared a room.

    Nobody ever sat us down and had a discussion about it...this was the 80's and early 90's and things were not so open back then. I just don't know that it is necessary to do that either unless specific questions come up.

    I don't know that I would do anything different for my kid. He or she will mommy and daddy's relationship, and since I'm really close to my sister, they will see auntie Rocky and J together. (if something happened to us, my sister would get my kid and dogs). I think that just seeing the example in their lives really just makes things normal.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    I haven't sat down and had a serious discussion about what marriage entails with my children, or what rights people have or what the legal ramifications of a state- or federal-sanctioned relationship mean. We've talked about who can get married, and they have asked me if two people of the same sex can get married. They have plenty of friends with two moms or two dads, and we have family friends that are same-sex couples. One of their friends with two dads has the mom still living with them. So plenty of interesting relationships.

    I have told them that in some states and some countries, two men and two women can get married, and in some other places it is not considered a legal relationship yet, but by the time they grow up I think it will be more common around the country and in more places in the world. I've told them that the most important thing is to find someone to love and to be happy with, and it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl.

    I haven't used other terms yet, like gay/lesbian, etc. I haven't felt the occasion to use the words and it's not something you can see, like skin color. Someone can have two mommies or a girl can be in love with a girl (I also haven't felt the strong need to delineate between marriage and long-term relationships most of the time), but in order to point out the different terms, I feel like I would also need to define heterosexual or straight and I haven't really gotten into sex talks that much except how eggs are fertilized. So I would rather stick with the very simple relationship words for the time being.

    Also, since "gay" is still a pejorative word in a lot of contexts, ie "That shirt is so gay," I want to be really careful that my kids have the maturity level to understand the context and meaning of the word and when/how to use it wisely. I don't even like phrases like "man up" as they are kind of this insidious sexism that implies that women are weak and men have to be strong, so I want them to be able to handle the language.

    My daughter asked me if she could marry me when she grew up, too. I was very touched. I can't think of a better compliment.

    To acknowledge one of your main concerns, I did read Nurtureshock and I do bring up skin color and race. Around here, we are so much of a mixed community, with different colors and different families and different languages and nationalities and mixes and my children are constantly exploring the differences. To them, it seems like someone with a single-child family or a smaller house or different toys or pets is the interesting thing, and not whether or not they speak a different language or have two parents who are the same sex or whatever. Those things are old hat to them.

    ETA: I also had exposure to same-sex couples growing up, and it was just taken for granted that they were in those long-term relationships just like everyone else was in their relationships.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 03-27-2013 at 09:54 PM.


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    Well, I have a lesbian cousin and dh has a lesbian cousin but neither of us really see them often. We are geographically distant. We have gay and lesbian friends though. My kids have always known that people love people regardless of their gender, but because we also have marched in the gay pride parade they are familiar with those terms. We talk about political and human rights issues a lot in our house because I'm an advocate. I'm a doula, I am all about human rights. We don't shelter our kids from those discussions. When they ask questions we answer them. Also, a few years ago I reconnected with an old friend and he has a transgender sibling who actually had sexual reassignment surgery recently. My oldest 2 know about that, because they were around when we discussed it, but I don't see that it would come up with the other kids.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    does he have a partner? Do the kids know them as a couple?
    He has had 2 serious relationships over the past few years. They have once asked if T and is dbf were married and at that time I explained that they cannot n our state.

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    Nurture Shock was the first thing that sprung to mind too as I read the OP. I do think it's our jobs to present the concept of homosexuality to our kids in a way that promotes openness and acceptance, rather than just letting them find out about it and react to it with confusion. That said, I think any real discussion about it is best saved for when the kids are a bit older. I've always said you have to be old enough to grasp sexuality to be able to have a frank talk on homosexuality. Until then, I think it helps shape our kids' tolerance if parents are just factual and accepting in tone about homosexuality. Who can marry. Who is able to procreate, etc. I'll also talk about the fact that some people aren't accepting and want to ostracize gay people and emphasize how wrong/hurtful that is.

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    I explain to Maiya, but I don't like to label. Ever, really. I don't like to lable races or sex or sexuality or class. I kind of want her to just think of everyone as people. I do find myself having a hard time not labeling a person's sex, but I know with her "babies", they change sex all the time. "He" and "she" are used interchangeably, too. We've had pretend marriages, and I mostly let her set the pace, but she's had frogs marry elephants and worms, and all sorts of random unions. Most of the time, the "participants" in the wedding are sexless, or change sex constantly, but I think it's good for her to see different wedding set ups, even just with her pretend scenarios. Kids learn through play!

    I do everything I can to deconstruct gender stereotypes, and that includes who loves whom and who is in love with whom (and we have gone over the differnces between loving and being in love with someone). We have not talked about sex very much (though she knows how to make babies in frightening detail... In fact, I'm a bit worried that she'll grow up thinking that you need a doctor to make babies, and then she'll NOT be infertile and have an "oops"... I mean, yeah, I tell her sex is how you make babies, but actions speak louder than words, ya know.), so far she only understands the difference as "mommies and daddies" versus "friends".

    I do tell her quite often that some people have only one mommy, some have only one daddy, some have a mommy and a daddy, and some have two mommies or two daddies. Just like I tell her that some people are in love with boys, and some are in love with girls. And some people have dark skin and some have light skin. And some people have one eye, and some have two. I even bring her babies in to play and tell her some babies have 3 eyes. And some people walk on their legs, and some use wheelchairs. Some people talk with their hands and some read with their fingers. And, basically, we're all the same, because everyone is different.

    But with all that, I do my best to avoid labels. We have read a few books called "Some Kids Are Deaf" and the like, so she has learned that label, but I still try to emphasize that they are just people that happen to not be able to hear.

    As for segregating themselves, I'm not concerned, as long as kids are exposed. When I was in 3rd grade, we learned about MLK Jr. Read books, talked about what he did, and then drew his picture. In the books, I'd read he was "black", so I used the black crayon. The teacher mentioned to me that I should use the brown crayon, and I didn't get it at all. She said "Look at your black friends, what color is their skin?" I told her I didn't have black friends, I didn't know anyone who was black.

    The truth was, I had about 4 black friends at the time, and knew countless black people. I had just never heard them refered to as "black", I had never even thought about our difference colored skin.

    So far, Maiya has a few friends of different races, and doesn't seem to "see" the difference yet, either. We do have same sex couples in our life, too, and honestly, there's really no difference to see with them, really, because it's not a look. She knows people can be in love with boys and with girls, and that's the extent of it. I hope to keep it that way.



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    I've had to do a little bit of explaining where blended families are concerned, because honestly we have a lot of that in our circle of friends/family. I assume the two mommies or two daddies talk will be a natural extension of that, in fact I'm pretty sure we have run into it. It's just not a particularly memorable conversation. I think the homosexuality talk will come more with the sex talk, at a much later date.

    We talk about what it means to be married. She plays "wedding" and she usually has a boy marry a girl, but that's probably because that's what she sees most of, sees in her own home. I've asked her before what kind of person she wants to marry when she gets older and we talk about the qualities that we think are important in a spouse. I want her to always know she can be "picky", she can have certain expectations and requirements, she can have deal-breakers, she has a choice. We never attach a gender to the imaginary spouse. She always says she wants to marry me


    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    In fact, I'm a bit worried that she'll grow up thinking that you need a doctor to make babies, and then she'll NOT be infertile and have an "oops"... I mean, yeah, I tell her sex is how you make babies, but actions speak louder than words, ya know.)

    I really had to giggle at this, only because I completely get it! I've explained to my DD how babies normally grow in a mommy's belly, but then also had to explain that's not exactly how she got in mine. She just might grow up thinking everyone needs a doctor and an auntie to help get a baby in mommy's tummy

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    I think this is a great discussion. I've been wondering about this myself.

    What's hard for me is that we don't really have any gay or lesbian friends. I mean,there are a few family members, but none that we are super close too or that are local anymore. So its not going to be as simple as him seeing such and such with two mommys/daddys and asking questions.

    That and dealing with my husbands homophobic tendencies (which we are working on).

    Basically, in my mind even now as an adult. It is about two people loving each other. Sexuality doesn't really play a part in it for me.

    Where I live is still very close minded though and that worries me for my son. I can only hope that I can teach him to be open minded enough to ward off the ignorance of the majority of the people in this town.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    I don't know if I feel like it's necessary to discuss sex to discuss homosexuality. We discuss hetero families and without talking about sex and what makes them hetero. I think it was the gay rights parade that made me think maybe we should discuss these terms with them. It's hard to be involved in gay rights without knowing the terms or what they mean or why a specific group needs to be fighting for their rights. And while it is labeling in a sense, it is reality and part of our life. There is no way we will avoid the label.

    The difference isn't as visible as race but it's still a visible difference that could cause them to silently draw their own conclusions. I find that DD1 doesn't ask a lot of questions so I tend to wonder what is going on in that little head of hers. She learned about MLK in school and we had a discussion about how black people are really more brown-skinned and that there are variations of skin color. DD1 says she wants to marry a boy. DD2 says she wants to marry me and her baby sister I just say ok for now. We may have explained that you generally don't marry family members but I think what she is saying is cute and harmless and there is no need to get in to details - she is only 4.

    DH works in a school for special needs children and we have visited him there before. Most of the kids are in wheelchairs so we have discussed wheelchairs and how some people need help walking, etc. Sometimes they point it out in public which is slightly cringe-worthy but really they are just observing. I do cringe at the thought of teaching them the terms like gay or lesbian and then seeing 2 women together and saying, "hey mommy, they are LESBIANS!" which I can totally see happening

    Obviously as they get older we will get more in depth on the topic of sex and what it means to be a same sex couple but I don't plan on getting that detailed right now.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

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    I really had to giggle at this, only because I completely get it! I've explained to my DD how babies normally grow in a mommy's belly, but then also had to explain that's not exactly how she got in mine. She just might grow up thinking everyone needs a doctor and an auntie to help get a baby in mommy's tummy
    Yes, in another example like that, my daughter assumes that doctors make incisions in abdomens for babies to come into the world. We've had a couple of books that discuss the birth canal, but the twins haven't read them since our youngest was born, and I think when faced with the overwhelming evidence of how all four of my babies were born, they would just shake their heads in confusion.


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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    DH works in a school for special needs children and we have visited him there before. Most of the kids are in wheelchairs so we have discussed wheelchairs and how some people need help walking, etc. Sometimes they point it out in public which is slightly cringe-worthy but really they are just observing. I do cringe at the thought of teaching them the terms like gay or lesbian and then seeing 2 women together and saying, "hey mommy, they are LESBIANS!" which I can totally see happening


    Nolan randomly told his sitter the other day "You don't have penis" After having him get between my legs to 'inspect' the other day while I was changing I had to explain to him that only him and daddy have penis'.

    Luckily it hasn't happend in public.... YET

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    We aren't quite there yet (DD will be 4 in may), but I will probably answer any questions that come up and explain it in more detail as she gets a little older. Two of my best friends (who my kids know fairly well) just got engaged last week, so they may be attending their first same-sex wedding in a year or two (provided they decide to have children present at the wedding). It will just be normal to them hopefully.
    AKA Lisa724

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    Seems we do what everyone else around here does. At a young age, it's just presented as normal, no big explanation. My sister and her partner are both called "Auntie (name)" by my kids. With a preschooler, obviously we don't talk about it from a sexual standpoint, but she does know that a boy or a girl can love a boy or a girl, and we've talked a little bit about gender fluidity as well, since we know people who are transgender. I'm trying to remember at what age I started talking specifics with dd1 and introduced her to terms like gay and lesbian -- probably by K or 1st grade, because I wanted her to have a grasp of what they meant and how to use them correctly from us instead of schoolmates. DD1 had a best friend in elementary school with two moms, and it just seemed ordinary to her (probably because of her aunties). We definitely talked about discriminiation and marriage rights when Prop 8 was on the ballot (dd was 10) because we were active in fighting against it, but I'm sure it had come up before that. Now that she's a teen, we have talked about the sexual aspects of same-sex relationships (she's asked me questions like "what do two girls do together,"), but I don't think she started initiating those kinds of convos until she was 12 or so.

    Like the rest of pp, I try to walk the line between seeing all relationships as normal, and recognizing that we need to actively stand with our fellows to ensure their rights. If we never use people's chosen words to describe them, they can become loaded words. I had a very sweet, well-meaning friend this week on fb who wrote that she just couldn't bear to change her profile in support of gay rights because she "just couldn't believe this is even an issue anymore," and that to stand up to the opposition "gives the opposition credence." I see what she means, but I don't think we're there yet. To pretend that discrimination no longer exists, that it isn't happening on a state and federal level, is to marginalize what so many people are fighting hard for every day. As long as they're out there saying "I'm gay, I'm lesbian, I'm a person, I'm here," I will be saying it too.

    Did I answer your question? I don't even know... just stream of consciousness babble.
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  19. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    I explain to Maiya, but I don't like to label. Ever, really. I don't like to lable races or sex or sexuality or class. I kind of want her to just think of everyone as people. I do find myself having a hard time not labeling a person's sex, but I know with her "babies", they change sex all the time. "He" and "she" are used interchangeably, too. We've had pretend marriages, and I mostly let her set the pace, but she's had frogs marry elephants and worms, and all sorts of random unions. Most of the time, the "participants" in the wedding are sexless, or change sex constantly, but I think it's good for her to see different wedding set ups, even just with her pretend scenarios. Kids learn through play!

    I do everything I can to deconstruct gender stereotypes, and that includes who loves whom and who is in love with whom (and we have gone over the differnces between loving and being in love with someone). We have not talked about sex very much (though she knows how to make babies in frightening detail... In fact, I'm a bit worried that she'll grow up thinking that you need a doctor to make babies, and then she'll NOT be infertile and have an "oops"... I mean, yeah, I tell her sex is how you make babies, but actions speak louder than words, ya know.), so far she only understands the difference as "mommies and daddies" versus "friends".

    I do tell her quite often that some people have only one mommy, some have only one daddy, some have a mommy and a daddy, and some have two mommies or two daddies. Just like I tell her that some people are in love with boys, and some are in love with girls. And some people have dark skin and some have light skin. And some people have one eye, and some have two. I even bring her babies in to play and tell her some babies have 3 eyes. And some people walk on their legs, and some use wheelchairs. Some people talk with their hands and some read with their fingers. And, basically, we're all the same, because everyone is different.

    But with all that, I do my best to avoid labels. We have read a few books called "Some Kids Are Deaf" and the like, so she has learned that label, but I still try to emphasize that they are just people that happen to not be able to hear.

    As for segregating themselves, I'm not concerned, as long as kids are exposed. When I was in 3rd grade, we learned about MLK Jr. Read books, talked about what he did, and then drew his picture. In the books, I'd read he was "black", so I used the black crayon. The teacher mentioned to me that I should use the brown crayon, and I didn't get it at all. She said "Look at your black friends, what color is their skin?" I told her I didn't have black friends, I didn't know anyone who was black.

    The truth was, I had about 4 black friends at the time, and knew countless black people. I had just never heard them refered to as "black", I had never even thought about our difference colored skin.

    So far, Maiya has a few friends of different races, and doesn't seem to "see" the difference yet, either. We do have same sex couples in our life, too, and honestly, there's really no difference to see with them, really, because it's not a look. She knows people can be in love with boys and with girls, and that's the extent of it. I hope to keep it that way.
    I just realized the other day that Moira calls black people brown people. I don't remember what we were talking about. They were doing historical people in school and somehow it came up and Moira said something about someone not being white but being brown. We just don't talk about race a whole lot. My dad's family is very racist. They use the N word a lot. I was raised around them and knew it was horrible the way they talked and acted, but I was outnumbered and too insecure to speak up. When I married and moved away and had my own children they were in public schools and in neighborhoods where there was a big racial mix. I remember going back to my family's house for holidays and how much more horrible it was knowing my kids were hearing the hate they were spewing. So I don't go around my family anymore. I had a discussion with my kids about my dad's family being racist and how wrong that was, but other than that my kids aren't exposed to much differentiation between white and black or even other races. We have a big Hispanic population here so a lot of my kids' friends are Hispanic as well. In one of our previous neighborhoods about 80% of our neighbors were Hispanic mostly Mexican. My mom and stepdad were also very racist when I was growing up, but my mom has changed remarkably since moving away from our hometown. I like to think I've had a strong influence there. She comes to my kids birthday parties a lot and their friends are all very racially diverse so I think just exposure has made her realize how ignorant she was being. I think that it's important for kids to understand that there is hate and intolerance in the world. The younger they are the more open they are to understanding it for what it is.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  20. #20

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    Paige's best friend back in NY has 2 moms... She did ask about it and I talked to her about it.. I did not use any labels or anything, but just talked to her about how people can love who ever it doesn't matter weather it's a man or a women... She did ask about how they had a baby since she knows it takes a man and a women.. so I just explained about how her friend was adopted.. I just tell her very matter of factly and answer questions as they come up. If she had not asked and just mentioned it like you DD I probably would have answered the same way.. and I'd probably not explain it further unless she asked. She probably just accepts it has normal... especially since your friend and her partner live downstairs.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    When I was in 3rd grade, we learned about MLK Jr. Read books, talked about what he did, and then drew his picture. In the books, I'd read he was "black", so I used the black crayon. The teacher mentioned to me that I should use the brown crayon, and I didn't get it at all. She said "Look at your black friends, what color is their skin?" I told her I didn't have black friends, I didn't know anyone who was black.

    The truth was, I had about 4 black friends at the time, and knew countless black people. I had just never heard them refered to as "black", I had never even thought about our difference colored skin.
    I love this story, btw.

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    I am normally not in here but, I am glad to see this was posted. I was also curious of what you all had to say about it. I have a cousin that is bisexual and is currently with a man so Cody hasn't ever asked about this. However, when Cody's cousin asked my husband " Uncle James, What is it called when two girls get married"? He said "Its not called anything two women can just be married". So basically we want to teach our children they love who they love and its okay. I am a gay marriage supporter I feel like is a basic civic right.



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    Quote Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly View Post
    I really had to giggle at this, only because I completely get it! I've explained to my DD how babies normally grow in a mommy's belly, but then also had to explain that's not exactly how she got in mine. She just might grow up thinking everyone needs a doctor and an auntie to help get a baby in mommy's tummy
    Yes exactly! Well, hopefully our girls will be well prepared for whichever coin- fertility or infertility- fate throws at them.



    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    I don't know if I feel like it's necessary to discuss sex to discuss homosexuality. We discuss hetero families and without talking about sex and what makes them hetero. I think it was the gay rights parade that made me think maybe we should discuss these terms with them. It's hard to be involved in gay rights without knowing the terms or what they mean or why a specific group needs to be fighting for their rights. And while it is labeling in a sense, it is reality and part of our life. There is no way we will avoid the label.

    The difference isn't as visible as race but it's still a visible difference that could cause them to silently draw their own conclusions. I find that DD1 doesn't ask a lot of questions so I tend to wonder what is going on in that little head of hers. She learned about MLK in school and we had a discussion about how black people are really more brown-skinned and that there are variations of skin color. DD1 says she wants to marry a boy. DD2 says she wants to marry me and her baby sister I just say ok for now. We may have explained that you generally don't marry family members but I think what she is saying is cute and harmless and there is no need to get in to details - she is only 4.

    DH works in a school for special needs children and we have visited him there before. Most of the kids are in wheelchairs so we have discussed wheelchairs and how some people need help walking, etc. Sometimes they point it out in public which is slightly cringe-worthy but really they are just observing. I do cringe at the thought of teaching them the terms like gay or lesbian and then seeing 2 women together and saying, "hey mommy, they are LESBIANS!" which I can totally see happening

    Obviously as they get older we will get more in depth on the topic of sex and what it means to be a same sex couple but I don't plan on getting that detailed right now.
    For labels, I avoid them, but I don't forbid them. I certainly don't treat labels like "bad words". Just unnecessary. Obviously she will come to learn the terms, but especially at such a young age (she'll be 3 in less than a week), I see absolutely no reason to introduce them or to use them regularly. I know it will change as she gets older and more involved, but for now, I avoid them. For example, she's been to one wedding in her entire life, and it was that of two men. I never once referred to it as a "same sex marriage", I never once said they were gay. Others did, and she heard it, but I didn't feel the need to reiterate it. For all she knows, that was "M & J's wedding", and that's the extent of it. Totally normal.

    And I think you nailed it, exactly. You said "the difference". I did, too. But my goal is to show- not tell- Maiya that it's not a "difference" at all. We're all the same- because we're all different. Again, I know this will change when she's older, but for now, I feel like this is a good starting point. She knows people can be in love with men, and people can be in love with women. When she's older and really utilizes the labels and gets more involved, she'll already understand that it's not really a difference, just one of many different characteristics of people. At least, those are my lofty intentions, we'll see how reality plays out, hah!



    Quote Originally Posted by MaryJane View Post
    I just realized the other day that Moira calls black people brown people. I don't remember what we were talking about. They were doing historical people in school and somehow it came up and Moira said something about someone not being white but being brown. We just don't talk about race a whole lot. My dad's family is very racist. They use the N word a lot. I was raised around them and knew it was horrible the way they talked and acted, but I was outnumbered and too insecure to speak up. When I married and moved away and had my own children they were in public schools and in neighborhoods where there was a big racial mix. I remember going back to my family's house for holidays and how much more horrible it was knowing my kids were hearing the hate they were spewing. So I don't go around my family anymore. I had a discussion with my kids about my dad's family being racist and how wrong that was, but other than that my kids aren't exposed to much differentiation between white and black or even other races. We have a big Hispanic population here so a lot of my kids' friends are Hispanic as well. In one of our previous neighborhoods about 80% of our neighbors were Hispanic mostly Mexican. My mom and stepdad were also very racist when I was growing up, but my mom has changed remarkably since moving away from our hometown. I like to think I've had a strong influence there. She comes to my kids birthday parties a lot and their friends are all very racially diverse so I think just exposure has made her realize how ignorant she was being. I think that it's important for kids to understand that there is hate and intolerance in the world. The younger they are the more open they are to understanding it for what it is.
    Yes, this, too. Since she is still so young, we're only just dancing around the edges of this topic, but I do think it is SO important. She knows some people are mean, and right now, she believes most people are mean because they're either tired or hungry, hah! But I completely agree with you.



  24. #24

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    My kids think of it as a normal parameter for love. My sister is a lesbian and is getting married in September and the older two are in the wedding. My future sil has been in the picture their entire lives. My son and his beastie got in a fight at school because his friend told him a boy can only marry a girl and N told him boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls (in our state it is legal) and it is their normal.

  25. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by toesockies View Post
    My kids think of it as a normal parameter for love. My sister is a lesbian and is getting married in September and the older two are in the wedding. My future sil has been in the picture their entire lives. My son and his beastie got in a fight at school because his friend told him a boy can only marry a girl and N told him boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls (in our state it is legal) and it is their normal.
    Congrats to your sister. All states in my opinion just need to allow it. People love whom they love there's nothing wrong with it.
    *** Lindsay ***



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