Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 38

Thread: Equal Rights

  1. #1

    Default Equal Rights

    I'm posting in here because I figured you all would be more likely to share my point of view

    Even if you don't watch tv I'm sure everyone is aware of the Supreme Court hearings going on this week. It's all over FB, and for the most part people are posting very supportive things from what I've seen come across my newsfeed. Until this evening.

    My DH was actually the one who text me and said "Look at Todd's post. There goes that friendship." His friend posted a picture of a = with a line though it. OK.... *breathe*..... he's allowed to have his own opinion, even if I think he's wrong. But then I read the hate filled text that was shared along with the picture, and it made me sick to my stomach. I told him so. What followed hasn't gotten any better, and I'm pretty sure the friendship is over because of it. I KNOW I disagree with so many of my friends on so many different topics, but I have a feeling this particular disagreement is going to destroy all of our friendships- Ryan's friendship with Todd, and my friendship with Todd's wife. I'm kind of sad, but not sad enough to not stay anything. I *have to* take a stand for something I believe this strongly in. I'm sad that I didn't know he's such a douche.

    How do you deal with differences of opinion? I've been able to navigate the religious thing pretty well, the parenting differences aren't even a big deal because everyone does things their own way, I chose not to talk politics- not even with family.... but equal rights isn't something I can say "we'll agree to disagree on it."

  2. #2

    Default

    I basically totally ignore Facebook for the most part because of people like that. I hate confrontation so I just ignore it and move on. Doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off though!!
    Karen (28), DF (28), DD (3), DS (2 months)


    Beanpop's Fluffy Butt Diapers *GRAND RE-OPENING 3/13*

  3. #3

    Default

    For some people, I'm ok with agree to disagree. It really depends on their reasons and how they present it. In your situation, yes, 100% unfriend. I have a few strongly religious friends who have said that while they have no problem with gay people in general, they just cannot stand behind gay marriage due to their religious beliefs. But they aren't going around saying hateful things or trying to convert people to their stance, so I just respect their opinion and move on. It's the "christians" who spend more time spewing hateful messages than anyone that really bother me.
    AKA Lisa724

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14,844

    Default

    That stinks. I just could not be friends with someone (on facebook or IRL) spewing hate. I would be pretty horrified if someone I was friends with suddenly came out with a stance that was so extreme. I guess you never know.

    I have a few FB friends through DH that post very anti-Obama stuff and it bothers me but I just ignore it. If they posted something hateful in regards to marriage equality I don't think I could ignore that.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  5. #5

    Default

    A difference of opinion on this issue would make me okay with an end to the friendship. Really. I couldn't be friends with someone who thought that way.



  6. #6

    Default

    I agree....with pretty much all opinion and political type issues, I don't care where people stand and it's a to each their own type of thing. But for this issue it is different... I couldn't imagine being friends with someone that would have say hateful things towards marriage equality. It's one thing to have been raised very religiously and be against it as long as it's not in a hateful way (although I still don't agree at with that point of view) ... But it doesn't sound like that was the case here. But to actually have hateful things to say in regards to it I don't see myself being friends with that type of person. This issue is bigger that way because we are talking about people and weather or not we should continue to discriminate against them... so when someone says something hateful regarding the issue they are saying hateful things toward a whole group of people making it more unforgivable.



  7. #7

    Default

    I can tolerate difference of opinion, but not hateful bigotry. I would have to end the friendship.

  8. #8

    Default

    I look at it the same way I do interracial marriage. I couldn't be friends with someone who thought that people of different races shouldn't be allowed to marry. That's such a fundamentally wrong and cruel way of thought that I won't stand for it. The same is true for gay marriage, imo.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,694

    Default

    I pretty much went through this yesterday too....except this was a relative by marriage...my DH's cousin. I'm over it....I thought for a while that the hateful posts (not so much this issue but a few other hot button ones) and the insults and rudeness were something that she didn't realize she was doing and finally called her out on it. Nope guess it's who she really is. I mean you can have a different opinion on things but she was just so insulting and hateful. I'm done with her, my DH is done with her, even his mom is done with her mostly. Says she loves the little niece she used to know but doesn't know or like her as an adult.

    As for this issue, definitely a deal breaker. My little sister that I just adore is gay and I don't understand why anyone would care if she married her fiance. I mean seriously, not like it changes or affects my marriage (other than I get to be a maid of honor and that will cost us some money!). Religion isn't a good enough excuse....against one's religion, fine than THEY don't have to marry a same sex person.

    There is no compromise with discrimination and civil rights.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,917

    Default

    I am fortunate in that even my self described right wing whackjob friends are socially liberal, and the deeply religious ones follow more of a 'What Would Jesus Do?' (understanding, compassion, kindness) model. We don't agree on everything, but we all agree that hatred and bigotry have no space in our lives. I wouldn't tolerate that sort of hatred. Not saying anything is the same as being complicit.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14,844

    Default

    I might be able to "agree to disagree" on this subject if I could hear ONE valid reason as to why gays should not be granted the same rights as heteros to marry...but I have yet to hear one. I am all for religious differences but using religion in this case just doesn't cut the mustard.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  12. #12

    Default

    Popping in; I am in a little different position- we are Episcopalian and our church supports gay people and allows openly gay priests as well as women priests. The other day while my son was in speech, a born-again Christian approached me and chastised me to no end that my church and I support gays and was so rude and arrogant that it makes me wonder about all these super duper religious people who have sooooooo much hate and judgment in themselves.

    Personally I cannot maintain friendship with people who are so extreme and cannot see other's point of view (or for that matter cannot talk to you more than 15 min without quoting the Bible, but only those passages that are convenient to them.)
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  13. #13

    Default

    I'm a "depends" kind of person on this issue. Some people speak hatefully about homosexuals from a place of moral superiority, and I can't be friends with that. Some, like my sweet granny who shakes her head and says things like "I just don't understand" and has never had any direct interaction with a gay person, just lack the perspective to accept anything too different from what they know. But, yeah, mostly I find that those against equal rights are sanctimonious and thoughtless/mean in their comments. I'm typically already not friends with people like that, so I don't have to decide whether or not to keep them.

    Don't feel bad about kicking that one to the curb, Carrie. Oh, and btw, "Go, Ryan!"

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    Differing opinion and hateful opinion are different. He would be removed, promptly

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  15. #15

    Default

    Thank you for all the comments. I really do feel done with the friendship. My DH is a fixer by nature, so he made an attempt to salvage our friendships this morning by posting in the group we are all in (yeah, the 4 of us have our own FB group), but I can't get past it. I wouldn't be able to hang out with them again as "friends" knowing he's such an assh@le.

  16. #16

    Default

    In a friend, it would be automatic unfriending, by both dh and me -- both on facebook and in real life. Like Jennifer, I have a gay sister I love dearly, and also a cousin who is very involved in the fight for equal rights (she just went to DC with HRC the other week! Go her!). The issue is very important to dh and I, and we are vocal about our support.

    In dealing with family, it can be complicated. My parents are very religious and my mom has quite an issue with homosexuality (far more than any other "sin," it seems to hit home with her - I guess because of my sis). She would never say hateful things, but she's the type who would say she's "saddened" by it, and she makes sure we know that she is not supportive of "that lifestyle." DH and I feel very angry about her bigotry (and less so, my dad -- he's less vocal than my mom and a little less extreme, but I know he shares her sentiments to some degree). BUT, my sister has chosen not to make it a big issue in her relationship with them, and she's asked us not to let it drive a wedge into the family. So, for her sake, we try. That doesn't mean we're not outspoken about our passion for equal rights. They know how we feel about it. If my sister ever said the word, we'd do whatever we could.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  17. #17

    Default

    Off-topic, but related. My favorite exchange from this week:

    Justice Kagan: It seems as though your principal argument is that same-sex and opposite -- opposite-sex couples are not similarly situated because opposite-sex couples can procreate, same-sex couples cannot, and the State's principal interest in marriage is in regulating procreation. Is that basically correct?

    MR. COOPER (representing the original sponsors of Prop 8): I -- Your Honor, that's the essential thrust of our -- our position, yes.

    later...

    Justice Breyer: What precisely is the way in which allowing gay couples to marry would interfere with the vision of marriage as procreation of children that allowing sterile couples of different sexes to marry would not? I mean, there are lots of people who get married who can't have children.

    Justice Kagan (continuing): Well, suppose a State said, Mr. Cooper, suppose a State said that, Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation, we are not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55. Would that be constitutional?

    MR. COOPER: No, Your Honor, it would not be constitutional.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,694

    Default

    yeah Myles....I mean by the prop 8 people, maybe my marriage should be invalid. I mean it's been almost 10 years we haven't procreated.
    Wouldn't it be crazy if procreation = marriage? Like a common law one.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    In my head
    Posts
    11,933

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I'm a "depends" kind of person on this issue. Some people speak hatefully about homosexuals from a place of moral superiority, and I can't be friends with that. Some, like my sweet granny who shakes her head and says things like "I just don't understand" and has never had any direct interaction with a gay person, just lack the perspective to accept anything too different from what they know. But, yeah, mostly I find that those against equal rights are sanctimonious and thoughtless/mean in their comments.
    This is where I am on the issue.

    And I love that quote from the justices!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  20. #20

    Default

    Seriously, now he's telling me to look up cultural liberalism and the UDHR. Uh huh. I'm so confused right now. Does he think his point of view is supported by that?

    Dude is a massive tool. Not to be confused with having a massive tool.

  21. #21

    Default

    Sounds like more of the same "it's my human right to quash other people's human rights" argument to me.

    How soon can you cut this guy off, Carrie? It doesn't sound like you'll ever get any satisfaction by arguing with him, just more frustrated. :/

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly View Post
    Seriously, now he's telling me to look up cultural liberalism and the UDHR. Uh huh. I'm so confused right now. Does he think his point of view is supported by that?

    Dude is a massive tool. Not to be confused with having a massive tool.
    Whatever his 'justification' it doesn't change the fact that he was hateful and THAT is no good for anyone. My husband has his issues with homosexuality, but has never EVER spoken in a hateful way towards gays and/or gay marriage. Opinions are one thing, to each their own, but to be hateful against a whole group/lifestyle of individuals is sickening.

    and I'm sorry. Your second comment made me snort a little

    and if marriage equaled procreation, than what the hell do they plan to do about all the unmarried couples out and about procreating, force them to get married? Constitutional rights my ass.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  23. #23

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sounds like more of the same "it's my human right to quash other people's human rights" argument to me.

    How soon can you cut this guy off, Carrie? It doesn't sound like you'll ever get any satisfaction by arguing with him, just more frustrated. :/

    Yeah, that's what I thought Mylah. I guess I'm only hanging on because I'm curious what his wife has to say. So far she hasn't even seen the comments in our group. She won't see the post that started it all last night because he deleted it this morning. But I want to know what her response is going to be and how important my friendship is to her. At least if she sees it and doesn't respond, then I know where we stand. Although knowing what I now do about him, I'm not sure he would allow her to have a friendship with me after I unfriend him. Yeah, he's showing his true colors.

  24. #24

    Default

    UUuuuuugghgh, Carrie... anytime someone you're in an argument with (and it always seems to be a man who does this, triple uggghh) tells you to "look up" something, it means he's in THIS camp:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning...3Kruger_effect

    Thinks he's smarter than he is and is feeling threatened. Jump ship... although I understand you wanting to wait to talk to your friend.

    I was planning to change my fb profile pic back to normal today from my nice big red = ... but today seems to be the day that all the "antis" who were taken by surprise yesterday are posting their own crapola. On my feed, that's mostly my religious relatives posting quotes from the bible or from pastors they like (things like "hate the sin, not the sinner," and "we can be compassionate without agreeing with sin" or whatever), or sharing articles they think "tell the real truth." It's p!ssing me off so much that I don't want to change back. I would hate for them to think they had any influence at all... plus I'd love for them to keep having to look at it. Speaking of which, my mom obviously saw it, because I called her today and she was all in a snit. I hate that that bothers me.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  25. #25

    Default

    I had no idea there was actually a name for it!!! He's been condescending all along, admitted he knew we were going to go around on this but posted it anyway, and then accused me of taking it too far for saying it was disgusting (hysterical female.... anyone?). He's a homophobic, sexist pig. Oh, yeah, let's not forget racist. I've heard that from him too. Discriminate against everyone!!!


  26. #26

    Default

    I would drop him in a hot second. From facebook, from my life. I know it can be hard because I have had to do it (family even) but it's liberating to realize that you can actually cut that sort of thing out of your life and not have to think of it, like, EVER.

  27. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14,844

    Default

    Do you care what the wife thinks or are you just curious? I can't imagine being able to be friends with the wife knowing the way the husband is and knowing she is willingly committed to him.

    Glad at least you and DH are on the same page about dropping the friendship!
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  28. #28
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    In my head
    Posts
    11,933

    Default

    Sounds like it's time for this friendship to go.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #29

    Default

    You know, my MIL is not in a supportive camp either, and it bothers me too. But she's not hateful. It's ignorance. And fear. But I don't know what else I can do to help her either. We've talked and talked and talked about it. I pretty much avoid the conversation now.

  30. #30

    Default

    You know, you cannot choose your family so you have to learn to live with them but friends are a different story. Regardless of whether the reasons are religions or secular, I have a problem with people so full of hatred against gays, political opponents, you name it, when the object of their hatred is not doing anything hurtful or harmful to the rest of the world.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •