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Thread: If you had a homebirth

  1. #1
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    Default If you had a homebirth

    Did you tell people??

    Maybe its a silly question, but we are having our first appointment with our HB MW next week and plan on announcing the news about the pregnancy afterwards. It's going to be considered "odd" enough amongst my family and DHs that we'll be going for a VBAC, more or less telling them that we will be HBing.

    I am not at all worried about their opinions and neither is DH, its just, I don't know if I want to deal with the questions or the negativity. I have enough anxiety about pregnancy/birth that I just don't want to be bombarded with negativity.

    DH doesn't think it'll come up much, but from my experience woman tend to ask
    "Whose your doctor?" "Where are you deliverying" pretty regularly....

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  2. #2
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    I'm having a home birth with my first due in July. A LOT of people have asked me who my dr is, where I'm delivering, etc. it's actually come up far more frequently than I expected it to.
    Nobody has been rude about it at all, but you can't help but read in their faces that they are shocked/think it's weird/think I'm crazy. It doesn't really bother me. Honestly, I think people are weird for the births they choose that are unlike mine so I'm just as equally guilty. Just be prepared to answer a lot of "why" questions. I just give the short version that I'm doing what I think is best for me and my baby. Can't argue with that.

  3. #3

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    I have a beautiful HBAC with my second almost 2 years ago. Did I tell people. YES. And I was not ashamed or embarrassed about the followup questions. And I didn't feel the need to elaborate on all of their "what if's" or their fears about birth. I just basically told people that this is what we decided and are at peace about it and hope that they could be happy for us. Since homebirth with a CNM is legal but with a CPM is still illegal in this state, and we were using a CPM instead of a CNM, I didn't give out the name of my midwife often. I just said her first name and left it at that. I will give you this word of advice from one VBAC to another. I don't know what your reason was for your prior c section. But you will get to a point in labor where you may start to kinda give up..just know your at the end and keep going!!! Mine was the usual 24 hour labor after a rollorcoaster of interventions..ran an epi fever..baby heart rate escalated...baby was supposedly "too big" and my pelvis to small ...at 7lbs 8oz I knew that was crock of bologna. With my HBAC total labor time 5 hours start to finish. Baby was 7bls 6 oz and same exact other measurements. JUSTIFICATION IMO. But i digress. For me i DID get to the point in labor where I didn't think I would be able to push him out and my fears were starting to mount about maybe he is too big and i'm too small. But since I was open with my midwives about that fear they helped me push through. I would be glad to share my birthstory with you if you want. It's in a word format.

    Brenda

  4. #4

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    I had HBAC too but did not tell anyone. I did not feel like explaining and defending myself. My in laws would have been adamantly against it and they lectured us after the fact so no, I don't want calls and explanations and "please listen to me".
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

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    We told ppl...my family worried but were supportive. Dh's family was thrilled since some of his sibs were born at home. Most of the women in my circle of friends at the time were having homebirths. For us it wasn't a big deal but not everyone lives in rural northern MI surrounded by Amish families who make homebirth and midwives fairly common . We had occasional naysayers but eh...didn't bother me...I felt it was a lack of knowledge on their part not mine .

    I would completely understand why someone would not want ppl to know though...not sure why ppl who have no real vested interest are so quick to loudly voice their opinions about something they know nothing about to the hurt of someone else . I know most questioning is just for the sake of conversation but it really isn't anyone's business. And yes, it does come up a lot in my experience.

    (((Hugs)))...praying you get all the support you need and ppl keep their negativity to themselves ! I'm thrilled for you ...hoping you have a hh9m and a beautiful hbac !!
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






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    Quote Originally Posted by kmrk336 View Post
    I'm having a home birth with my first due in July. A LOT of people have asked me who my dr is, where I'm delivering, etc. it's actually come up far more frequently than I expected it to.
    Nobody has been rude about it at all, but you can't help but read in their faces that they are shocked/think it's weird/think I'm crazy. It doesn't really bother me. Honestly, I think people are weird for the births they choose that are unlike mine so I'm just as equally guilty. Just be prepared to answer a lot of "why" questions. I just give the short version that I'm doing what I think is best for me and my baby. Can't argue with that.
    I tried to explain to hubs how much it comes up, I don't think he gets it It's like... that's what woman ask... Always!

    Quote Originally Posted by pants View Post
    I have a beautiful HBAC with my second almost 2 years ago. Did I tell people. YES. And I was not ashamed or embarrassed about the followup questions. And I didn't feel the need to elaborate on all of their "what if's" or their fears about birth. I just basically told people that this is what we decided and are at peace about it and hope that they could be happy for us. Since homebirth with a CNM is legal but with a CPM is still illegal in this state, and we were using a CPM instead of a CNM, I didn't give out the name of my midwife often. I just said her first name and left it at that. I will give you this word of advice from one VBAC to another. I don't know what your reason was for your prior c section. But you will get to a point in labor where you may start to kinda give up..just know your at the end and keep going!!! Mine was the usual 24 hour labor after a rollorcoaster of interventions..ran an epi fever..baby heart rate escalated...baby was supposedly "too big" and my pelvis to small ...at 7lbs 8oz I knew that was crock of bologna. With my HBAC total labor time 5 hours start to finish. Baby was 7bls 6 oz and same exact other measurements. JUSTIFICATION IMO. But i digress. For me i DID get to the point in labor where I didn't think I would be able to push him out and my fears were starting to mount about maybe he is too big and i'm too small. But since I was open with my midwives about that fear they helped me push through. I would be glad to share my birthstory with you if you want. It's in a word format.
    My fear, is pregnancy, not so much labor, so far. I was induced due to hypertension (began at 20wks, managed with medication until 37ish weeks) and if it develops again, I will loose my HB, and end up in a hospital again. That worries me more than anything at this point. That is to be my topic with my MW this week, I need to let that anxiety go.

    I got my surgeon's report today and it says that Nolan was direct posterior which explains a lot about my labor. Things that no one could explain to me previously (the severe back labor, him not descending, the hematoma that he was born with (along with bruises apparently from my pelvis on his head), and my inability to maintain consistent contractions or get past a 3 despite maxing out the pitocin).

    I would absolute love to read your HBAC story if you are willing to share. I read them constantly and they always make me feel so empowered.
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 03-26-2013 at 03:21 PM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    I had HBAC too but did not tell anyone. I did not feel like explaining and defending myself. My in laws would have been adamantly against it and they lectured us after the fact so no, I don't want calls and explanations and "please listen to me".
    My mom, knows. Or she is mildly aware. We haven't discussed it in depth, just haven't had time. She is... unsure, but supportive in her way. Other people though? Will think I'm nuts. Most of them have NO idea what a VBAC is. My very dear friend and co-worker who had a C/S with her first, her comment was "OMG what if your uterus explodes". I love her, but I just sighed and sent her some links.

    Quote Originally Posted by kellyowens View Post
    We told ppl...my family worried but were supportive. Dh's family was thrilled since some of his sibs were born at home. Most of the women in my circle of friends at the time were having homebirths. For us it wasn't a big deal but not everyone lives in rural northern MI surrounded by Amish families who make homebirth and midwives fairly common . We had occasional naysayers but eh...didn't bother me...I felt it was a lack of knowledge on their part not mine .

    I would completely understand why someone would not want ppl to know though...not sure why ppl who have no real vested interest are so quick to loudly voice their opinions about something they know nothing about to the hurt of someone else . I know most questioning is just for the sake of conversation but it really isn't anyone's business. And yes, it does come up a lot in my experience.

    (((Hugs)))...praying you get all the support you need and ppl keep their negativity to themselves ! I'm thrilled for you ...hoping you have a hh9m and a beautiful hbac !!
    Thank you! I don't think it would be as bad if I wasn't a VBAC and I just feel like..... It's not my job to educate people. I don't want other peoples ignorance affecting my life Maybe I'm just lazy and selfish

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  8. #8

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    I've had 2 home births, the 1st one (my 2nd baby) I only told close people and it was sort of on a need to know only basis... Honestly I just didn't feel like battling with some people... both sides of family were supportive, so it was more strangers or non close friends that I just didn't tell, I always answered pretty vague when asked... After everyone knew, so the 3rd time I had more of a battle on my hands... all the what ifs... and so on... I just started telling people it was a personal decision and unless they were going to research both sides, I wasn't up for having the discussion... I did have a bit more family drama from some newer family members last time, and it was a downer...

    Best wishes with your plans! I'd have another homebirth again in a heartbeat! Its a sacred moment and awesome to spend it at home with family!
    Katie~
    DD1 (7) DD2 (4) DS1 (22 months) Baby #4 EDD 7/13/14

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    Quote Originally Posted by caligirl07 View Post
    I've had 2 home births, the 1st one (my 2nd baby) I only told close people and it was sort of on a need to know only basis... Honestly I just didn't feel like battling with some people... both sides of family were supportive, so it was more strangers or non close friends that I just didn't tell, I always answered pretty vague when asked... After everyone knew, so the 3rd time I had more of a battle on my hands... all the what ifs... and so on... I just started telling people it was a personal decision and unless they were going to research both sides, I wasn't up for having the discussion... I did have a bit more family drama from some newer family members last time, and it was a downer...

    Best wishes with your plans! I'd have another homebirth again in a heartbeat! Its a sacred moment and awesome to spend it at home with family!
    It never ceases to amaze me how people like to provide their input on things that don't concern them. I am sorry you had to deal with that mama

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #10

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    Congrats again!!!

    I am having a home birth this time, and will tell anyone who asks. My situation is not the same as yours, so maybe the level of concern/worry isn't the same. But I wouldn't worry too much, I say each conversation you will know what will be best for YOU and YOUR BABY, and FAMILY! Sometimes, you won't say, sometimes you might say a little, and sometimes a lot.

    I can't wait to hear your home birth story...now off to stalk your DD room! ;)



  11. #11
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    I think the suggestions here are great - especially the response, "I am doing what I think is best for me and my baby." I would not consider a home birth for myself (high risk), but where my baby is delivered is a decision for me and SO alone.

    I am sure those that have a lot of opinions are just concerned (benefit of the doubt that they are not being mean or a jerk!). If someone close to you is giving you a lot of negatives, tell them your alternate plan should there be a complication (doctor on call, hospital nearby, etc.). Maybe that will allay their concerns. Otherwise, ignore it and do what you need to do. You are not around to solve everyone else's worries.
    Lily

  12. #12

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    I told family and close friends and of course my daycare families which is where the most jaws dropped, but no negativity really.

    The president of our local hospital lives at the end of our street and we chat a bit when she goes by walking her dog. We were leaving the grocery store one day close to my due date and she was coming in. It was busy in that little entry area where the carts are so we had to keep moving as she asked me across all of the other people if I was having the baby at her hospital. I said no I was having the baby at home. She had this frozen smile and when we got to the car dbf said her face was priceless, as if I'd told her i was giving birth to a goat! Lol

    Good luck to you!

  13. #13

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    Hi it's Meagan from TC! I'm never on here anymore but I thought I'd answer a friend. ;)

    We told close family and friends, and eventually it became such a "no biggie" that I mentioned it a few times on facebook, not as an announcement as much as if someone asked who our doctor was etc I answered them publicly.

    In Vermont we have 3x the national homebirth rate, and almost everyone knows somebody who had one. Though those folks are pretty much dismissed as "hippies" they're not crucified for endangering their kids. My mother-in-law just said, "as long as your midwife carries medicine to stop bleeding, can do infant CPR & you're so close to the hospital go for it." She got a little antsy when we went 2 full weeks overdue, but that was one of the reasons why we chose a homebirth-I always always always go overdue without any other complications & we wanted a provider who would not induce just because of the timeline without other reasons. We were able to reassure her with his excellent test results & she went back to normal MIL nailbiting. My father asked "Why do you want to do it at home...your mother had all natural births in the hospital..." And I explained that a lot has changed in the culture of medicine in the country and in that particular hospital since the '80s and '90s & he was fine with it, even proud...he told his friends at work! My grandparents were the least worried of all, which was shocking, but I guess I should've guessed. My grandfather was born at home & a lot of other people were in the '20s in Vermont. He just said "well just don't eat your own placenta (I think he said afterbirth come to think of it) like an animal, Meg." Pretty snappy for an 86 year old!

    And anyone who averted their eyes and changed the subject, or cast a negative light on it in any way that I encountered had to eat their words when I delivered an 11# 16.25" headed boy in 1.5 hours. I had the last laugh!
    Last edited by CoffeeCat; 04-10-2013 at 08:31 AM.

    Meg (30), DH (40) & the 4 J's (Almost 7, 5, 3.5, 21 months)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I told family and close friends and of course my daycare families which is where the most jaws dropped, but no negativity really.

    The president of our local hospital lives at the end of our street and we chat a bit when she goes by walking her dog. We were leaving the grocery store one day close to my due date and she was coming in. It was busy in that little entry area where the carts are so we had to keep moving as she asked me across all of the other people if I was having the baby at her hospital. I said no I was having the baby at home. She had this frozen smile and when we got to the car dbf said her face was priceless, as if I'd told her i was giving birth to a goat! Lol

    Good luck to you!
    I love it!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeCat View Post
    Hi it's Meagan from TC! I'm never on here anymore but I thought I'd answer a friend. ;)

    We told close family and friends, and eventually it became such a "no biggie" that I mentioned it a few times on facebook, not as an announcement as much as if someone asked who our doctor was etc I answered them publicly.

    In Vermont we have 3x the national homebirth rate, and almost everyone knows somebody who had one. Though those folks are pretty much dismissed as "hippies" they're not crucified for endangering their kids. My mother-in-law just said, "as long as your midwife carries medicine to stop bleeding, can do infant CPR & you're so close to the hospital go for it." She got a little antsy when we went 2 full weeks overdue, but that was one of the reasons why we chose a homebirth-I always always always go overdue without any other complications & we wanted a provider who would not induce just because of the timeline without other reasons. We were able to reassure her with his excellent test results & she went back to normal MIL nailbiting. My father asked "Why do you want to do it at home...your mother had all natural births in the hospital..." And I explained that a lot has changed in the culture of medicine in the country and in that particular hospital since the '80s and '90s & he was fine with it, even proud...he told his friends at work! My grandparents were the least worried of all, which was shocking, but I guess I should've guessed. My grandfather was born at home & a lot of other people were in the '20s in Vermont. He just said "well just don't eat your own placenta like an animal, Meg." Pretty snappy for an 86 year old!

    And anyone who averted their eyes and changed the subject, or cast a negative light on it in any way that I encountered had to eat their words when I delivered an 11# 16.25" headed boy in 1.5 hours. I had the last laugh!
    Hi Meagan!!

    Your grandfather's comment had me cracking up!!

    I suppose a lot of it is my own concerns involving whether or not I'll actually be able to have a homebirth. My goal is to stay as positive as possible this pregnancy and having negativity surrounding me is not what I need.

    With an HBAC there are so many 'what ifs'. What if my BP goes up again this pregnancy (will risk me out of a HB), what if we can't find an OB to sign off on my HBAC (FL is one of the least VBAC supportive states), what if I end up in a hospital again (serious anxiety point for me), and the list goes on.

    So having people throw more negativity at me, on top of what I am already dealing with in my own head, is the opposite of what I want.

    I do like the "I am doing what is best for myself and my baby" comment. It is true, I believe an HBAC is the safest option for me and this LO. It's short, sweet, and simple. Just perfect enough to shut people up I hope

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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