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Thread: Got a little more info on my own

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,768

    Default Got a little more info on my own

    Okay so I did something I hadn't thought of doing before, but heard from other people it was a good way to look people up...soooo...I looked up the petitioner that we may have to worry about on FB. Maybe I shouldn't have done it but it shed some light on things for me. In some ways it makes me feel better and in some ways it makes me feel worse. I still think the lady is super nice and knows what she's doing when it comes to babies and raising children. However, it appears she's like a career parent sort of person meaning that she raised her kids, then they had kids, so she raised her grandkids, then they had kids, and now she's raising great grand kids. So she's raised 3 generations of children. In my opinion, that sounds like mistakes are being made somewhere where kids are being produced over and over and over again who have kids and can't take care of them. I mean some of this is in all families. My grandma had some issues with my uncle for a while and took care of his 4 kids on again and off again but he got straightened out and they went back home. They all have kids now except for one and no one is taking care of theirs so it worked out. On DH's side we have a situation like that too where his grandmother adopted her grand daughter and she got pregnant really young and doesn't take care of her son and so now they're taking care of him too. They're in their 70s and 80s and they hate it and wish that his mom would step up and do her job. So...I don't know.

    The petition lady is retired, and has written on her FB that she's raised around 20 kids including grandchildren and great grandchildren. Right now she's got a 17 year old and a 12 year old as the youngest. I can't imagine taking on a baby with all of that going on, but it just seems like such a chaotic mess to me. Being in a family that had some of this, it was always chaotic so I worry about it. On the plus side, she's clearly a kind woman and loves these kids (like my Grandma and DH's Grandma) but on the other hand, isn't it time to break this cycle and just let this poor child be cut off from all of this? Seems that way to me, but I'm scared that because of her experience with kids they'll see her as a great candidate.

    Oh and there's pics of the girl that lives with her flicking off the camera and and wearing shorts so short they almost show her butt cheeks...I mean she's a teen so I get it I guess, but I'd hate for this precious, innocent baby to be thrown into all of that. Ugh! Okay sorry just had to get it out. I just want some ANSWERS but everyone's pretty much out of commission right now.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  2. #2

    Default

    Didn't want to read and not respond. I've been following your story - sending you lots of !



    6w3d132 / 9w5d180 / 13w3d155

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Melting in the Desert Sun
    Posts
    4,125

    Default

    Just sending

  4. #4

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    Hang in there Leah, sending all kinds of good thoughts and prayers.

  5. #5

    Default

    It must be so hard to want information about the possibilities for that sweet girl and not have access to it. Keeping you guys in my thoughts.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,530

    Default

    That wasn't inappropriate at all...if she doesn't want her info public she can change her privacy settings. I looked up ds' s family on fb and even though it's a mixed cup the knowledge helped me feel more empowered in my role as his adoptive mom and less insecure about the unknown

    (((Hugs)))...really praying baby girl gets to stay! It's so hard to understand how the state can allow the children back into these home/family situations . I know family ties are Important but do the children have to *live* with these family members? Why not encourage "open adoption" situations where bfamily is "safe" but not stable enough to care for the child and limit "closed adoption" for situations where the bfamily is not "safe"...it would still be up to the afamily but the state could do more adoptions at younger ages while encouraging bfamily contact. Anyway, I don't have answers, I know it's complicated but I sure wish there were easier solutions for situations like baby girl's.

    There was a little boy in the same fhome as ds and while we did visitation with ds we also fell in love with the other boy too so I told fmom that if his plan changes from R/U to adoption to let the cw know we're interested. He ended up going back to bmom who is mildly mentally handicapped (bdad is also and they "got together" in an adult foster home). Bmom had to move out of the fhome when she was pg and moved in with a "boyfriend" and his mom. She severely neglected the baby (pp depression combined with the mental handicap) and dhs removed him. He had been with fmom for 10months when we met him. 6months later he was back with bmom (who had a newborn by this time)...she loved him but that's not enough...I don't understand how they can give a child with delays and health issues to someone who can't live independently themselves !

    It's so grieving and I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of these ups and downs! You're in my thoughts and prayers !

  7. #7

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    I've been following your story and just wanted to send you lots of hugs and positive vibes. It would be absolutely ridiculous to expect you not to get your heart so invested in this sweet baby girl. What kind of person could go on this roller coaster ride and not be phased?! Having kids is like wearing your heart on the outside, biological or not! Praying hard that she gets to stay with you!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,768

    Default

    Thank you all so much for the support. I posted on another forum and apparently everyone thought I was saying that grandparents are bad and aren't adequate parents which isn't true at all and no parent can protect their child from everything, but it's well known that history tends to repeat itself. I'm just worried that'll happen here. Not that this woman isn't sweet as can be, because she is, and knowledgeable of babies but I just want the best for baby girl. If it can't be us, I want to know she's safe and happy and well adjusted and has all the opportunities and experience that every kid should have.

    I love knowing that when I post here I'll get nothing but support and kindness. I think we'll know more soon and we'll just have to have peace with whatever happens but again I just worry about baby girl. She is who matters here. Sometimes I think DSS and everyone else tends to forget that.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

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