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Thread: Just had to say...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Virginia
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    Default Just had to say...

    That I am completely exhausted! I went to the doc last week and my blood pressure was sky high. My blood pressure is always on the low side of normal until we start dealing with all the court stuff and mom goes off her meds. It's insane!

    After the terrible episode she had last week, I was told that they didn't think it was safe anymore for her or baby to continue visits, but so far nothing has been done about it and that scares the crap out of me. She had a psych evaluation today that was supposed to determine whether or not visits would be suspended and I was supposed to get a call about it but never got one. I did talk to the SW this morning and she told me I need to show up for the visit anyway whether mom is there or not because the two ladies who petitioned still technically get visitation though they've never shown up for a visit. So I have to drive all the way over there and uproot baby girl who is teething and feeling like crap just in case they show up. I know this is often how things are done, but I find it ridiculous. It scares the crap out of me that when I talked to them today they acted like it wasn't a huge deal that mom had another bad episode and that last week they were saying she wasn't safe to be around. Personally, I don't feel safe around her myself because she's so unpredictable and you just never know what she's going to do. But if she scares me then it terrifies me to leave baby girl with her, supervised visits or not.

    I just don't understand this process sometimes. There are days when I can't imagine baby girl ever leaving because the situations are so screwed up and so far they don't want her to go anywhere else because there isn't anywhere else that's safe, and other days when I just feel like we jump through so many hoops I forget what life is like without all of this stress, and without constantly worrying I'll do or say something wrong that will jeopardize the case. I keep having nightmares about court and about mom flipping out and hurting the baby or hurting me or running into her in public and her freaking out and I'm just exhausted.

    Someone tell me that it's not like this every day. I know it's a hard process and it's worth it to know that baby girl is safe with us and getting what she needs, even if it's not forever, but I'm not sure my body or my nerves can handle this every day. There's got to be some good and normal days in there right? Where I'm not terrified and feeling like I can't do anything right? I think I'd feel better if I could just trust DSS but it's hard to when one day they say it's not safe and the next day they're like "eh, it's ok". I mean I'd love to know what they're basing their info on. I just hope that the psych eval shows something and that mom gets the help she needs and that, until she does, baby girl gets to stay away from her.

    I just had to rant. I'm so tired and worn out with it all this week. I knew I could rant a little here without anyone being mean. Thanks for reading my rant!

    On a positive note, baby girl is officially rolling from tummy to back. Started consistently doing this at exactly three months. She also has her first tooth with three more close behind that one. Yikes!
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  2. #2

    Default

    sorry to hear you are so stressed. I hope that things become easier for you with some answers soon. You are being an awesome mommy to baby girl! She is super lucky! Vent away...cause you have to have an outlet too. Is there any sort of support group for parents who are foster/adopting that you could join to try and find people who have been in a situation like yours?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
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    Thank you! I'm thinking of asking our SW or maybe calling the CM to see if there is a way to connect with other foster parents in our county. We met one family at the Christmas Party...can't remember their names, but they were the nicest people and were very friendly. They said that there was another family who has a baby as well, and that they wished we could have talked to them because they were struggling with it too right now. I wish we could get in touch with the family that has the baby and share our stories. I don't know if we're allowed to connect with a specific family or not, and I think most people meet at the training events but we can't go to the next one. It would definitely help talk to someone about it, especially someone who has done it before in this county and knows the SWs better than we do.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  4. #4

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    I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now. Hopefully things will settle down soon . You guys will be in my prayers!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    Melting in the Desert Sun
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    4,071

    Default

    Julie, DH: W, DS: Mason, GGB Trips Amelia, Ellanor & Noah
    FFS "Baby C" disrupted fost/adopt of sibs Q,Z,J & K 9/10-3/11

  6. #6

    Default

    Have you heard any updates on her psych eval?
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,672

    Default


    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #8

    Default

    Hope you're less stressed today! Thinking of you!



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,247

    Default

    Thinking of you Leah (((hugs)))!!! My heart absolutely goes out to you ! I don't have experience with fcare but I would think everything you're thinking/feeling seems normal...how could it not be! You have all the common stresses of being a new mom and all the added stresses of being an fmom on top of it.

    I definitely think a support group is a great idea! Don't wait on that...call your sw today and find out. Support can make all the difference in any stressful situation !

    Hang in there momma...from my side of it you seem to be doing great !

  10. #10

    Default

    Good luck Leah...remember to take care of you! That sweet little girlie needs you. Hope you get information soon.

    Jess

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,767

    Default

    Thank you for all the support ladies. I think we're done with foster care honestly. I'll never do this again no matter how it turns out. It just won't happen. Mom's visits were suspended and that all seemed to work out the way it should have, and then I went to visitation for the petitioners who haven't showed up before but did yesterday. No biggie, still went fine, and I was told before that we had to go through the motions but that neither of them would be given custody and now they're telling us otherwise. I was also basically told today that it was MY fault that mom's visits were suspended and she's having a hard time. They basically made it sound like, because of her delusions which were aggravated because of the stupid valentine I gave her, visits had to be suspended so that she wasn't a danger to herself. So, why they didn't say it, it makes it sound like she was suicidal or something because of a valentine and they're blaming it on me. They said it was because I was told to give pictures to the SW instead of directly to mom which I did if they were new pics, but I took her 3 favorites and added them to the valentine. I was just trying to do something nice for her. I wanted her to feel as though she was involved in her child's firsts even if she couldn't be there all the time, and that was the reason I did it.

    Now I feel freaking terrible and I will NEVER do this again. It's like all they want is to discredit foster parents yet they seem totally lost in understanding why they don't have repeat foster parents. We definitely will not be repeat parents with this system, at all. At this point, I'd just rather there be an answer so we can choose to move on with our lives if that's what needs to happen. I feel like they do everything they can to make it hard for you to allow yourself to spend your time loving the children in your care. Days like this, I notice I hold her less, and kiss her less, and smile at her less. Makes me feel like a terrible mom and a terrible person. I'm so over it.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  12. #12

    Default

    I'm sorry things are going this way. I hope you get the answers you need and soon. Only you know what's best for you and don't anyone take away the good you've done for this little girl.

    Jess

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