WWY(have)D?? MIL series :)

[SeptemberMom]

Yesterday, my DH called me at 5:10 PM wanting to know our dinner plans because his mom had called him and invited us to Red Lobster for dinner. They were in the process of getting ready to leave. I was cutting up red pepper to put in the spaghetti sauce that was already on the stove cooking. I was dressed in my lounge wear and it was raining outside. So I told him I was already cooking. I know he was hurt. Should I have made more of an effort to totally change plans and get me and DD ready to leave right then. Oh, DD had not had a nap so you know how she was.

Background info...we have a very structured schedule so I am always cooking at 5:00 and everyone in my circle knows this. My MIL doesn't make contact often so my DH would like the heavens to move to accommodate her.

What would you have done?

[Pineapple]

I would have done the same as you. The invite came kind of late, so they should have known you might already be cooking. Also, with a toddler, you can't just pick up and go like you could if it were just DH and you. If your DH is bummed about it, why not invite MIL out to dinner or over to your house?

[Bridget]

My initial reaction would have been the same. If he'd have stressed that it was important to him and he really, really wanted do it, I might change my mind to accomodate especially if he/we don't see her much. But I know what you mean about a toddler with no nap. It might have been a nightmare.

[impatient]

I would have done the same as you. I would have suggested that they come to our house for dinner instead.

[ibisgirldc]

I dont like red lobster, but i probably would go if it's a rare chance for my family to spend time together. Or simply b/c my husband wanted to go. Doesn't sound like there were any real barriers to making it happen. (rain, loungewear etc aren't big deals. Being a red lobster, you could just pull on jeans or sweats, and the food could cool on the stove or in the refrigerator.) Yeah, it's a bit of a hassle at the last minute, but I don't see the harm in a change of plans.

[JJorn]

I probably would have been irritated but packed everyone up and saved the dinner for the next night. My three year old (and two year old) loves going anywhere and the distractions would have kept her happy even if she was tired.

I've just been slowly learning that people are so much more important than schedules. Nap can be missed, bath delayed another day, and the consequences are worth the time spent with family (maybe not right away but certainly the time paid into that relationship should reap dividends for at least your children).

[macksmom]

I would have done the same. While it's nice to see relatives that you don't see often there is no need to make everyone else miserable to achieve that - especially a toddler who missed a nap. It likely would not have been a pleasant experience. You can always go out to dinner another time. I don't see why it would be necessary to drop everything and run to Red Lobster.

If it were really important for some reason of course I would do my best to get everyone ready but if it's just a spur of the moment thing where only the adults would benefit and the child would suffer (meaning being really cranky because of the missed nap) it aint happnin'. I would have suggested another time/date.

[tanyachap]

I don't know the family dynamics in your family but on this one, I would have gone.

I probably would have been irritated but packed everyone up and saved the dinner for the next night. My three year old (and two year old) loves going anywhere and the distractions would have kept her happy even if she was tired. I've just been slowly learning that people are so much more important than schedules. Nap can be missed, bath delayed another day, and the consequences are worth the time spent with family (maybe not right away but certainly the time paid into that relationship should reap dividends for at least your children).

I agree with ibis and JJorn but I have to be honest though and admit that I would have been irritated that I had to make changes in the last minute. Regardless, I don't blame you for saying "no" and don't dwell too much on it.

[kmrk336]

I probably would have sent DH to dinner with his parents and stayed home.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

I absolutely would have done what you did. It would not have been pretty if I had to get ready and pack up the kids. It would take be at least 45 minutes to do all that, and by the time we actually sa down, my kids would be too hungry, and then overtired. If your DH was upset, he could ask his mother to come to dinner or ask to set up a date in the future.

[Krystal5]

If someone was going to buy my entire family dinner, I would have gone, for sure. Especially for family it sounds like you don't see often. And especially if it was going to be three adults to one tired toddler. But, I know my toddler would have been ok; not good, but we'd manage.

But then, our days are very unscheduled and I live for last minute decisions, so it's all par for the course here!

[ljs318]

Honestly, I would have gone in a heartbeat. I try to never miss an opportunity to go out to eat... just because it happens so rarely. For me it's a treat and even a last minute treat is appreciated. I'm the one that cooks and cleans every night so it's a nice break for me. But, I do see the other side and do think it was okay for you to say no under the circumstances.

[Suja]

Given the circumstances, I would've gone. What Jessica said is true, and it seems really important to DH. Since that is all in the past, I would find a way to make it up somehow.

[Ambrelle]

If dinner was cooking I would tell him to tell them we would join them another night but dinner was cooking already. If it was raining plus we weren't close to being ready and they were on their way I would say we'll see them next time. If it was just no nap I would have gone. I'm not crazy about last minute they're on their way stuff now that I have kids because it takes us a while to get ready. Our BFF called and said he and his wife were going to eat at the mall and invited DH and us to join them. DH asked when and he said in 5 minutes. DH just laughed and said no way, we'll see them next time.

[Flynn08]

I have had this happen (when we lived near my BIL/SIL) and I probably would have said dinner is on the stove but you're welcome to join us or offer to meet the next night. I feel like it was too late but I would have made some offer to offset the no.

[BrandiB]

I would of gone. I have done this multiple times. My parents will call last minute and invite us to dinner, if I'm cooking I just put it all in the fridge and we have it the next night.

[SeptemberMom]

Thanks for the replies! If MIL would have called me, like I have asked her in the past, I would have made some form of a compromise but DH just gets frustrated and makes an excuse. I actually suggested that he go and meet them and spend time with his folks but he immediately shot that down. I will try to make a point to see her before the end of this month; she and my FIL live not ten minutes away but we still don't see them much.

[Scarlett]

Just the rain and the no nap toddler would have been enough to keep me home.

[Adhafera]

I agree with Jessica too. I would have been irritated initially, but I would have gone.

[runningmomofmany]

I agree with Jessica too. I would have been irritated initially, but I would have gone.

Me too, like she said, people are more important than schedules. I think the most important thing we can do for our kids is help the, build relationships with people who love them.

[Pangie]

My initial reaction would have been the same. If he'd have stressed that it was important to him and he really, really wanted do it, I might change my mind to accomodate especially if he/we don't see her much. But I know what you mean about a toddler with no nap. It might have been a nightmare.

Ditto