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Thread: Name criticism from close family members...

  1. #1

    Default Name criticism from close family members...

    I'm so sad! I 'finally' told a close family member our name choices we've been tossing around and they were met with major criticism! How rude is that! I've posted quite a few naming threads here on apa because I truly like hearing how people view certain names out of curiosity, but I would never criticize the naming choice of a close family member, to their face! She seemed to think honesty was best but what does she expect ? Me to change the names?? Now I just know she doesnt like them! I changed the subject quickly so I wouldn't be upset (i'm not upset that she doesn't like them, she doesn't have to like them, i'm upset that she told me) Would you tell your sister/brother/best friend that you dont like their name choices? Even if you honestly, strongly disliked them? Im just a little shocked She is suppose to be with me at my birth (along with DH of course) that's the only reason why I told her...we haven't told anyone else, but now I am all upset about this. Should I let it go??

  2. #2
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    I understand how heartbreaking that is, esp. if you truly love the name you picked. I had a close friend criticize the name we chose for DD1. I was really surprised she said anything and it kind of shocked me into not telling anyone else our name choice, not even family. We kept DD2's name a secret until she was born, to. Not sure what we'll do this time. I'd let it go. There's no point in letting it bother you any more than it already has. If you like the name, that's all that matters! Your friend will just have to deal. When she has kids she can pick her own names!

    ~ Cassie, mama to Madison (8), Ali (4) & Wesley (new dude!)


  3. #3

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    I've been on the other end, didn't care for the name chosen but I would NEVER say I didn't like it or show any kind of disapproval. I don't feel it's my place. Plus, it's their kid so their choice! Sorry she made you feel bad. I already have names picked out for future kids and I'm sure it would hurt my feelings if my best friend said how much she didn't like the names.
    Candice, 28, STC 7+ years


  4. #4
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    I have had close friends/family critique names. BUT, they were able to provide rational, not just 'I don't like it', but that it would be hard to pronounce/mispronounced in a bad way/has bad connotations type of stuff. Otherwise, it's none of anybody's business.

  5. #5
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    My nieces and nephews have names I dont like but I would NEVER tell them I did not like their names. Maybe they dont like my kids names. It doesnt matter as long as you like it. When we had DS and told my grandma what his name was she told me she didnt like it. She would seriously call me with other name options. I just told her that he's my baby and I will name him what I want. She never said anything else after that and infact she now tells me that she really likes the name. She gave my mom greif about naming me also and my mom did not chose the name she wanted because of that. I refuse to let anyone tell me what I can and cant name my own child.



  6. #6
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    I have seen both sides. My MIL refused to call DS Kyle for the first 3 weeks of his life till DH got fed up. She was wanting us to call him Grant. UM No. Then my brother's son is named Chandler and I am not too fond of it but I have never said a single thing about it because for one he is not my child so I do not get a say and for 2 its out of respect. The only think I told my brother was that I wouldnt of chosen it because it is an odd name. I would never out right criticize someone's choice.

    Sammi(me)~DH(Troy)~DS(Kyle)~DD(Rebecca)My Blog

  7. #7
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    I have told people that I didn't care for the name. Especially if given name choices....as in it's not written in stone that THIS will be THE name. And I have had family/friends make faces at my choices in names. I don't care, if I love it, I will use it. They will get used to it. The thing is, names are such a personal preference. If I thought it was a great name, I would use it myself. So of course, I'm not going to love or like others name choices and don't expect everyone to like or love mine.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #8
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    I think a lot depends too on how close you are. I had a close friend who was leaning towards a just awful boy name but was thinking about some other options that were way better. I did try to tell her as tactfully as I could that all the other boy names were nice over this other one. I was so happy she had a girl....still don't love her girl name but it's not an awful name. DH and I seriously were not sure that we could say her boy name. All the name choices were cultural names but this particular one just too cultural....the others sounded so much better for a child that was going to be living in the US.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  9. #9

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    Unless, I was asked I would never say. I feel that way about most things, actually. And once everyone meets and falls in love with the child, the name is the name of someone they adore so they learn to love it, I'd think.

  10. #10
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    I didn't get to read the other responses....this is EXACTLY why we have never told anyone names before the babies were born! Although it's worse when you get faces afterwards but most people try to hold back.

    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  11. #11

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    I wouldn't say anything unless I thought the name might cause some real problems for the kid later on. Like, if the person was going to choose the name Adolf or Osama, I might try to tactfully point out that it has negative connotations for many people because of Adolph Hitler/Osama bin Laden. (Okay, those are so obvious that I don't know of anyone who seriously considered those names, but you get my point.) If it was just a regular name that I don't particularly care for, I wouldn't say anything. People just like different names.


  12. #12
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    That's exactly why our names are a closely guarded secret (well to everyone except the apa ladies lol) until the baby comes. My family is so critical, but I think it's a LOT harder for people to be critical when the baby isn't born yet. Saying you don't like the name once the baby is born is like walking up to someone you just met and saying you don't like their name.
    I haven't liked a few of my family members name choices in the past (never said anything of course) but I've found the name has really grown on me and now I love the name.

  13. #13

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    No, if the name was chosen I would not say anything. But like others have said, this is why we didn't tell our names when asked. People usually are nicer when they baby is already here and named. If the baby isn't born yet they seem to think opinions are required.

    I understand how you feel too, my teenagers were the worst when it came to sharing how they felt. There is a name I love, but never got to use. Got talked out of it with #5, and was SURE I would get to use it for #6. But my oldest 2 daughters hated it so much and it made me so sad. We did ask for our kids opinions about names, and let them vote on a list. Then when we had DD we didn't use a name on the list, and I think the reason I never added it was because I didn't want to hear anything negative about it at all!

    I would probably tell the person how it hurt your feelings. This person is obviously close if she's invited to the birth. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you, but was just being thoughtless.

  14. #14
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    People and even family can be rude. When I was even talking about ideas for the kids' names I heard, its too long, its complicated, no, ugly, etc... etc. When I finally decided I got positive feedback overall but, my mom is the negative Nancy type and she insisted on Sophia's middle name to be Marie like her middle name. No! I wanted it to be Jade so that's what I decided.



  15. #15
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    I have seen the older generation (parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles) criticize more so than people in our family who are our generation or younger. When we named our son Damien, my MIL immediately referenced the movie "Omen" and went on Facebook rampantly going against it, even though I've never seen the movie but just liked the name! So people will establish their own views based on experience or movies or whatever to try to say the name you chose has some weird problem with it, or some negative connotation attached to it.

    Stick to your guns, this is YOUR choice! If my MIL had her druthers, my son would be named D!ck or Boris.
    Leigh(36)/Matt(40)/Sonja Lily(4)/Damien Andrew(1.5)




  16. #16
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    I can see how it would be hurtful if someone let you know they did not like the name you had chosen. I would only tell some one if they specifically asked my opinion on it. I would never just offer it out.

  17. #17

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    I don't think I've ever said anything to anyone about the names they're chosen/are thinking about for the children EXCEPT when my daughters have asked me my opinion about certain name combinations. Even then, the most I've ever said was that it's not a name I would personally choose, but if that's what they like, that's all that's important. Laura doesn't have children yet and is not pregnant, but she has talked to me about names she likes for future children. She's said things like "which do you like better, X or Y?" and I've told her which one I like better. Really, naming your children is such a personal decision that NO ONE else's opinion other than your own opinion and that of your spouse/significant other matters.

    When DH and I had our children, I don't think we asked anyone else's opinion except when we were naming our son and asked my sister if it would bother her if we named our son David when she had a son named David, and I don't remember anyone ever offering an opinion, either.
    Last edited by LanceBabe; 02-22-2013 at 05:20 PM.
    Lynne, Grandma to three beautiful girls and one handsome little man!


  18. #18
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    I'm sorry someone did that, it is very rude. I wouldn't ever say anything, unless I was asked. This is why we didn't tell anyone DS's first name until after he was born. We did tell MIL his middle name, because its a family name from her family and we wanted to get her blessing to use it. I don't like either of my cousin's daughters names, but I would never tell her that.
    Jennifer


  19. #19
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    DH's brother made it clear that he didn't like our sons name, Jayden. We didn't ask for his opinion and when he was told the name, he knew it was a final decision and still chose to comment about it . When my friend was choosing names for her DD, I criticized the name she ended up picking but she asked me to tell her the truth about the list of names she had which was a list of 6 names at the time. I still feel bad about it even though she asked me to tell her the truth and it wasn't the final chosen name yet but now that she is here, I can't imagine her having any other name. I would listen to criticism, decide whether it is justified or not and chose what you want. So sorry people are so insensitive
    Jenny 32, Jason 34, 1 cat, 12/09


  20. #20

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    Thank you ladies...I feel a bit better now.. I'm still kind of mad at her thoughtlessness though! I am going to try to let it go and not discuss it any further. I'm sure when baby is born, she won't say anything, though knowing her, she may make it bit obvious at first. This is definitely a lesson to me! Not telling anyone else until birth! Though, I think it would have hurt more if something was said after baby was born. I didn't ask for her opinion, we've gone through babyname books together and discussed names we like/dont like, it wasn't brought in that context at all!! It was quite literally 'and the names we've picked are....!!' *Drum Roll* Just rude!

  21. #21

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    I am sorry this happened to you. I would feel very hurt if I were you. I am sure the names are beautiful. All the names you asked for here were great. Now, good luck with L&D
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  22. #22

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    imo, there's a difference between saying that you don't like a name...and being critical. I'm not clear on what your family member did, but if she's close and her reaction seriously bothered you, I'd talk to her about it.

  23. #23

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    That's why -- whether I like it or not, I always say something nice when someone tells me a name they're thinking of.

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