Pity party

[CandiceLeigh]

My worst fear has happened. IDK if ya'll remember me posting a few months ago about how my "BFF" was about to start TTC and I was really upset about it because I just knew she'd get PG quickly...sure enough she tried twice and is PG. It's just been awful for me these past few days. First of all, we'd gotten into a little tiff earlier last week (Tuesday) she did something that really hurt my feelings so we didn't talk at all last week when usually we text/talk every day. Well I knew that by Saturday she would either get AF or be PG. She posted something on FB and I just knew she was PG. Yesterday I texted her-hey, haven't talked in a while. How are things? Gave a little update on myself. She text back answers to my questions then proceeded to write, "Guess what? I'm due Nov 5 if I don't miscarry." I was just kind of like My heart dropped, even though I knew it was coming. I said congrats, asked her when she found out. She found out last Wednesday and had already told her whole family and sent out a mass text to everyone except for me. On one hand, if I'm her BFF why am I let the last to find out? That hurts my feelings all over again! And then on the other hand, I'm glad she didn't tell me because really it would have ruined my week. I'm just so sad for myself (lame, I know) and I'm soooo jealous. Which I hate to admit that, but I'm really jealous. In the time it took her to try twice and get PG, I've only been able to try once and didn't even ovulate. Then she's living my dream as far as kids and the time between them. We started trying when Chris was 9 months old, he's going to be 7 in a month. It just hurts my heart and I wish it could be me. Add to all that I've got Clomid running full strength through me right now...I just cried and cried at work yesterday. Then I cried again on my way to lunch. I think I've cried out all the tears over my frustrations that it can't be that easy for me. It just makes me want to stomp my feet and say, "Not fair! Why not me??" Plus I feel she was really insensitive the way she broke the news...but that could totally be me just being extra sensitive about the subject, which I totally am. I can completely admit to that. Anyway, I just need someone to vent to and I figure you ladies would understand the most. Sorry I can't make paragraphs so it's a long post!

[SaraJP0804]

I totally get the feeling of being hurt when someone gets pregnant when you've been trying for so long. One of my best friend got pregnant 1 month after getting married. She had 2 kids before I even had 1. It's hard to be happy for them when its something you long for and want so bad.
I had a friend that after my m/c texted me. She goes how far along where you when you had your m/c? I was like oh I was about 5 weeks along. I was like why? She was like oh just wondering... I thought to myself you don't just wonder about those things. Then she proceeded to text me and go oh by the way, I am pregnant and due in August (this was awhile ago). I was like oh thanks for bringing up one of the hardest moments in my life that just happened like 2 weeks ago to tell me the news that your pregnant. Its like really? Needless to say, I wasn't to thrilled about her pregnancy nor did I talk to her about it because I think they way she told me was rude.
Sorry rant over! But I know where you are coming from! Just try to keep your head up high and know that it will happen. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but it will!

[HighHopesMama]

I'm so sorry!!! That is soooo frustrating I completely understand how you feel and all your feelings are normal!!! But I agree, the Clomid ain't making it easier to deal with. I'm sorry your friend wasn't more sensitive to your situation. Maybe when the tiff has blown over, you can talk to her about how you're feeling, if you think she'd be open to it. It is frustrating sometimes how people don't understand infertility and the devastation it causes. Unless you go though it, you have no idea. We're here for you, so vent away. I hope you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself today, maybe a little treat is in order.

[babypayne]

I know exactly how you feel. My best friend just called me last week to share her good news that she's expecting again. While I'm so happy for her, I'm jealous too. She, of all people deserves this baby because she was pg a few years ago. She began having problems at 17 weeks and finally had to deliver @ 19 weeks to save her life. The baby didn't make it, of course. So I guess that's why I feel so guilty for being jealous of her. She did take my feelings into consideration when telling me and even told me she was scared because she knew I'd get sad. Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're feeling is normal. We all feel the same way you do. Big (((HUGS!!!)))

[CandiceLeigh]

Thank you guys so much for supporting me and commiserating. It really means the world to me. Devastated, that's how I've been feeling and just sharing with you ladies has helped to ease that. No one can really understand this until they've been through it.

[Gwenn]

[Krystal5]

I'm bringing cookies and juice... Can I join this pity party?

I don't blame you at all for being jealous. It is so, so, SO frustrating. I haven't been through half as much as some people, and yet I am just ready to kick something!! It. Is. Not. Fair!!!

My two "favorite" stories are one, my good friend had her first kid just about when I officially moved over to struggling. By the time I conceived, nearly 2 years later, she knew about what I went through, and yet STILL had the nerve to tell me "Oh, yeah, I know how hard is trying to have a kid. It took me almost 5 months to conceive mine."

Right. Because 5 months- which means only 4 times that didn't work- is *SUCH* a good understanding as to what it's like to be infertile.

And then... My brother and his wife decided to try shortly after I had Maiya (I don't think that was a coincidence!), and of course it only took them a few months. I have been TTC since, well, pretty much 8 weeks after she was born, so nearly 3 years now, and I've had one miscarriage. Since having their kid nearly 1 1/2 years ago, they just got off BC last month. First of all, the fact that any one needs BC for any reason other than to HELP you have a kid is irritating to me. But second of all... I know they'll be pregnant soon. They may be already and just haven't announced it. And we're all going to Hawaii in June, so she'll be like 5 months along and super cute in her bikini and spend the entire time talking about baby names...

And me? If this IUI doesn't work, I probably won't be able to afford another one until after Hawaii, so I'll have to listen to all this and TRY to act like I'm happy for her as I just seethe inside that I can't even TRY to have a baby.

GAH!!!

Ok, ok, I know it hasn't happened yet, and for all I know, they won't be pregnant, and maybe this IUI will actually work, so the tables could be turned. Or we could, by some huge miracle, both be pregnant... But it sucks that the most likely outcome so awful (for me, but great for her!).

I hate STC...

[babypayne]

I know exactly how you feel. My best friend just called me last week to share her good news that she's expecting again. While I'm so happy for her, I'm jealous too. She, of all people deserves this baby because she was pg a few years ago. She began having problems at 17 weeks and finally had to deliver @ 19 weeks to save her life. The baby didn't make it, of course. So I guess that's why I feel so guilty for being jealous of her. She did take my feelings into consideration when telling me and even told me she was scared because she knew I'd get sad. Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're feeling is normal. We all feel the same way you do. Big (((HUGS!!!)))

I am very sad to update, but my friend called me lastnight . The kidney problems Heather is having, has been diagnosed as Lupus IN her kidneys. Her right kidney has almost shutdown and the left is getting worse daily. The drs have told her the strain of this pregnancy will put her into kidney failure and could possibly cost her, her life. So this Friday, they will do a d&c to remove the baby. I am so devastated for her. She is taking this like a champ and I'm the one balling my eyes out. I feel so guilty for being jealous of her when finding out she was pg. I apologize for hijacking your thread again. I just wanted to share this and ask that you all say an extra prayer for her. Once they get her kidneys functioning again, they will do a hysterectomy.

[CandiceLeigh]

I'm bringing cookies and juice... Can I join this pity party? I don't blame you at all for being jealous. It is so, so, SO frustrating. I haven't been through half as much as some people, and yet I am just ready to kick something!! It. Is. Not. Fair!!! My two "favorite" stories are one, my good friend had her first kid just about when I officially moved over to struggling. By the time I conceived, nearly 2 years later, she knew about what I went through, and yet STILL had the nerve to tell me "Oh, yeah, I know how hard is trying to have a kid. It took me almost 5 months to conceive mine." Right. Because 5 months- which means only 4 times that didn't work- is *SUCH* a good understanding as to what it's like to be infertile. And then... My brother and his wife decided to try shortly after I had Maiya (I don't think that was a coincidence!), and of course it only took them a few months. I have been TTC since, well, pretty much 8 weeks after she was born, so nearly 3 years now, and I've had one miscarriage. Since having their kid nearly 1 1/2 years ago, they just got off BC last month. First of all, the fact that any one needs BC for any reason other than to HELP you have a kid is irritating to me. But second of all... I know they'll be pregnant soon. They may be already and just haven't announced it. And we're all going to Hawaii in June, so she'll be like 5 months along and super cute in her bikini and spend the entire time talking about baby names... And me? If this IUI doesn't work, I probably won't be able to afford another one until after Hawaii, so I'll have to listen to all this and TRY to act like I'm happy for her as I just seethe inside that I can't even TRY to have a baby. GAH!!! Ok, ok, I know it hasn't happened yet, and for all I know, they won't be pregnant, and maybe this IUI will actually work, so the tables could be turned. Or we could, by some huge miracle, both be pregnant... But it sucks that the most likely outcome so awful (for me, but great for her!). I hate STC...

I totally get that feeling of impending doom. It's exactly how I felt with my friend because I just knew she'd get pg quickly and I'd still be twiddling my thumbs. Lo and behold...I must be psychic. Good luck with your IUI. I think we are headed in that direction next. ETA: This particular friend who is now pg, after ONE month she was like, "Ugh, this is so hard. My SIL got pg 1st try!! Wah. I know you probably want to punch me right now for complaining huh? lol" Punch you? No, more like murder you!!

[CandiceLeigh]

I am very sad to update, but my friend called me lastnight . The kidney problems Heather is having, has been diagnosed as Lupus IN her kidneys. Her right kidney has almost shutdown and the left is getting worse daily. The drs have told her the strain of this pregnancy will put her into kidney failure and could possibly cost her, her life. So this Friday, they will do a d&c to remove the baby. I am so devastated for her. She is taking this like a champ and I'm the one balling my eyes out. I feel so guilty for being jealous of her when finding out she was pg. I apologize for hijacking your thread again. I just wanted to share this and ask that you all say an extra prayer for her. Once they get her kidneys functioning again, they will do a hysterectomy.

Oh no, I'm so sorry! There's no way you could have known something like that would happen to her. Don't beat yourself up too much. Gosh, that's just awful for her though. Will definitely keep her in my thoughts.

[HighHopesMama]

Babypayne - my prayers go out to your friend and her DH at this time. I can't imagine what she is going through. God bless her.

[Gwenn]

Babypayne, I'm so sorry to hear that about your friend. I know that just because you wished things were different, you didn't want this to happen to her, either.