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Thread: 14 week miscarriage

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    6,739

    Default 14 week miscarriage

    Hi Ladies, I am coming to this room for support that I never thought I would need. I have had two healthy pregnancy's that produced two healthy children. My daughter Jada is 6 and my son Jack is 4. DH and I thought we were done and were in the process of planning to do something longterm as far as birthcontrol. We found out in early December that we were expecting our thrid child. I admit at first this news stressed us out and happiness was not our first reaction but after some thought and prayer we began to get excited and were very happy about it. We told all of our friends and family and our children. On Wednesday morning I went in for my 14 week appointment. It was suppose to be a routine appt. (listen to baby's heartbeat and get all my vitals) but the doctor was not able to hear a heartbeat with the little thing so he hooked me up to an ultrasound machine and there was no movement or heartbeat. I was and am devestated. I had no bleeding or cramping. They measured the baby around 12 weeks but it was not an accurate measurement because the baby was slumped over. The image of my little baby with a perfect profile and all his arms and legs just slumped over will forever be in my mind. It was terrible and I wish I had never looked. On Thursday I had to be put to sleep at the local hospital and they did a D and C surgery to get the baby out. I am fine physically just some light bleeding. Emotionally I am still shocked and just have moments where I start crying and can't stop. I feel guilty for my initial reaction to this pregnancy and I feel so angry that we would be surprised like that, get excited, and then have the baby taken away from us. I feel hurt when I think of all the images I had in my head of what our baby would look like and alll the moments I was going to have with him. I have seen some true side of people who have made the most awful comments in reponse to this (its for the best, its Gods plan, aww you poor thing). I am mortified I had to have my child surgically removed from me, I am devestated that I had to look in my childrens eyes and explain the baby is not going to come home to us . Just a number of emotions. I know I sound like a nut and I promise I am not. Just venting because I know this is the place to do it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,389

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    (((Big big hugs))) !! I'm so sorry for your loss...breaks my heart !

    You don't sound like a "nut" at all...you sound like a hurting and grieving momma !

    Thinking of you!!

    Come and vent anytime...that's exactly why we're here

  3. #3

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    I am so sorry.

    You don't sound like a but at all. Everything you're saying, I can relate to. I had a hard time with all the "comforting" things people tried to tell me. In the end though, I realized people just don't know what to say to console you, and regardless of what comes out of their mouth, they have good intentions.

    Remember that it's ok to cry. I cried randomly for awhile, but it helped rather to keep the sadness and hurt inside. I don't think the pain every truly goes away. I think time just lessens the hurt you first felt.

    Many many hugs sent your way right now!
    Angela, Andrew & Nicholas

    Three sweet angels in heaven

  4. #4

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    Ah, like a nut!

    Sorry. I'm on my phone!

  5. #5

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    Big hugs to you mama. This is very hard for me to write because, like you, I suffered the loss around the same time myself. Once last April at 16 weeks and then again in Oct. at 17 weeks. My first looked like you describe, being slumped over. It still haunts me. I am so sorry you have gone through such a loss. People say that it will get better as the time passes. Well, I'm still waiting. Feel free to cry, scream, or hit something, if you feel the need. I have a wonderful support group that I talk to and awesome friends on here that have helped me get through. A lot of us have experienced a loss, whether it be an early loss or late loss. It all hurts the same. I'm here anytime to need to talk or vent.
    Missing my angels. Forever my babies. Gone but not forgotten! I will see you three again one day!!![/FONT]

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    18,162

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    I'm very sorry for your loss.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    9,996
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    You aren't a nut for sure. It is heartbreaking to go in expecting everything to be routine and then find out that your baby's heart has stopped. My first loss was very similar to you. I went in just before 12 weeks for a routine check. The doppler didn't pick up a heart beat so we did an ultrasound to see that the baby's heart had stopped and the baby was already smaller than it was at 8 weeks and a few days. I skipped the D&C, though, and miscarried at home. I had also two pregnancies before this one resulting in two beautiful children so it was very shocking to me, too. We had also told just about everyone and it made it so much worse to have to tell everyone that we had lost the baby.

    There is always a pain but it does lessen over time, just as the loss of another loved one. Cry and grieve, you did lose someone precious to you.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
    My Ovulation Chart , My blog about MCAD

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    12,331

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    I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is completely normal for you to grieve so please feel free to vent here any time. I think we all understand the rollercoaster of emotions that come with a loss. Mine was nearly 7 year ago... wow, that's crazy to write, but I still have moments where I cry and grieve for my babies. I think it's a life long thing that we just learn to deal with. We may move on, but we never forget and are never not sad about the loss of our child(ren). HUGS to you. Be extra kind to yourself and please ignore all of those comments. Most people do not know what to say and others have not been in the situation and do not realize how hurtful the comments are.
    Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
    Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06

  9. #9

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    I would venture to guess that all mothers who have suffered losses have the same feelings that you do. Big hugs to you. I know it doesn't help NOW, but it is true, you WILL feel better with time, like babypayne said people keep telling her. However, it won't be any time soon and it will never completely go away -- just become less constant, ya know? Allow yourself to grieve no matter how long it takes and no matter what anyone tells you. I wasn't allowed to grieve as I should have and I had a breakdown two years after losing my son at 22 weeks. I lost my son over 30 years ago and I still have moments when I tear up thinking of my loss.
    Lynne, Grandma to three beautiful girls and one handsome little man!


  10. #10

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    I am so sorry for your loss. You don't sound like a nut, just someone expressing some very normal feelings after such a heartbreaking loss. We have all been here to some degree, and I'm sure most of us have felt pretty nutty sometimes, but we are all here for each other and will be here for you. Please feel free to come in here to vent, cry, remember, or share, we'll be here


    Erica 33, DH 34, STC for 4+ years, Diagnosed DOR 4/2011, mom to 4 , Barbados IVF March 2013!!!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    11,911

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    I'm so very sorry for your loss. You sound perfectly normal to me, I felt the same emotions, and then some! I wish no one had to endure this pain!


    Co-sleeping, baby-wearing, bfing, pumping, working ft mama.

  12. #12

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    Just checkin in on you. I hope things are ok. Let me know if you ever need to talk. (((HUGS)))
    Missing my angels. Forever my babies. Gone but not forgotten! I will see you three again one day!!![/FONT]

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