Hi Ladies, I am coming to this room for support that I never thought I would need. I have had two healthy pregnancy's that produced two healthy children. My daughter Jada is 6 and my son Jack is 4. DH and I thought we were done and were in the process of planning to do something longterm as far as birthcontrol. We found out in early December that we were expecting our thrid child. I admit at first this news stressed us out and happiness was not our first reaction but after some thought and prayer we began to get excited and were very happy about it. We told all of our friends and family and our children. On Wednesday morning I went in for my 14 week appointment. It was suppose to be a routine appt. (listen to baby's heartbeat and get all my vitals) but the doctor was not able to hear a heartbeat with the little thing so he hooked me up to an ultrasound machine and there was no movement or heartbeat. I was and am devestated. I had no bleeding or cramping. They measured the baby around 12 weeks but it was not an accurate measurement because the baby was slumped over. The image of my little baby with a perfect profile and all his arms and legs just slumped over will forever be in my mind. It was terrible and I wish I had never looked. On Thursday I had to be put to sleep at the local hospital and they did a D and C surgery to get the baby out. I am fine physically just some light bleeding. Emotionally I am still shocked and just have moments where I start crying and can't stop. I feel guilty for my initial reaction to this pregnancy and I feel so angry that we would be surprised like that, get excited, and then have the baby taken away from us. I feel hurt when I think of all the images I had in my head of what our baby would look like and alll the moments I was going to have with him. I have seen some true side of people who have made the most awful comments in reponse to this (its for the best, its Gods plan, aww you poor thing). I am mortified I had to have my child surgically removed from me, I am devestated that I had to look in my childrens eyes and explain the baby is not going to come home to us . Just a number of emotions. I know I sound like a nut and I promise I am not. Just venting because I know this is the place to do it.