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Thread: The "joys" of fostering

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Virginia
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    Default The "joys" of fostering

    Well today was great fun and yesterday as well. And in saying great fun I'm being very sarcastic. Lol.

    Yesterday was supposed to be the first visitation with the two petitioners along with mom. Well, I was nervous as heck about it, and then convinced myself it was a good thing and I was determined to win them over in case they were granted custody though it seems very unlikely. I also wanted to get to know the older son's grandmother so that, if we adopt, baby girl can have a relationship with her brother if she wants. Well...neither one of them showed up. And I guess it should make me happy, and it does, because it looks better for us, but it really made me mad too. I can't believe people would file a petition and get granted visitation to try to bond with the child they want custody of, and then just not show up. The fictive kin grandmother was crying in court and spent so much time talking to the GAL so I thought for sure she would be there, and she wasn't.

    In addition to that, I took baby girl to get her cheek swabbed for a DNA test today and NO ONE told me that mom and potential dad would be there! I was so mad about that and still am! I was in a hurry too because I started baby girl in Kindermusik today and I had to hurry up and get there and I had to deal with both mom and the maybe dad. And while I'm glad mom feels comfortable enough with me to sit and talk and all, she basically got an unsupervised visit today while we waited and it was kind of my job to keep things under control and I didn't feel that was fair at all. She keeps asking us if she can have more visitation though obviously that has nothing to do with us. I think she asked for more and they wouldn't give it to her because she doesn't even think the baby is hers sometimes.

    When I got home, I called the CASA manager for our area and talked to her about a lot of these issues. She said again that those petitions just weren't happening, especially after not even showing up when they had a limited time to try to bond anyway. CASA is wonderful and I would have lost my mind last week if it hadn't of been for them. They're keeping us sane...but seriously, didn't even tell me that I would be dealing with mom and maybe dad on my own... SERIOUSLY!!!! I feel like I've been a nervous wreck ever since it threw me off so much this morning. *sigh* Okay rant over. Baby girl is doing very well and is happy and nothing else has changed in the case yet but I sure wish DSS would have helped out a little more by at least telling me they'd be there so I wasn't ambushed.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  2. #2

    Default

    Ugggghhhh. That's not cool at all especially with the crap she pulled with the pictures. I'm sorry. That really was crappy of DSS.

    Mommy to Piper 6/5/09 and an 11/2011
    Make a pregnancy ticker

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    Melting in the Desert Sun
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    4,066

    Default

    That is total crap. I'm sorry they put you through that.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
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    Default

    I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks it's total crap that they did that. I know the CASA manager will be seeing our SW tomorrow. I'm hoping she brings it up with her or something because even she agreed it shouldn't have happened. I mean, mom is accompanied by our SW to her psych evaluations. It doesn't make any sense when she's still getting only supervised visits and they refuse to give her more time because of her current mental state that they would knowingly allow that to happen.

    One thing I forgot to mention to is that mom took baby girl's hat with her today also. She's so small that no hats fit her head and DH's cousin special ordered her a hat that would fit. She has needed that had absolutely with all the snow and wind chills below zero lately when we've had to go out and it was very cold this morning and I had to go through the rest of the morning without her hat, the only one that fits. I'm not sure if mom took it by accident or what, but it appears she had it in her hand and then slipped it in her pocket. I called the SW asking her if she would ask her to please return it since it's the only one that fits and was specially ordered by a family member and not something DSS paid for, and she said she'd let her know. I thought for sure the SW would say something about us all being there at the same time being a problem but she didn't. I can't wait until CASA does a home visit and we can talk about it more because I just feel wronged in this situation. They were saying today they want us to continue to be foster parents after this placement but honestly if we adopt her I think we'll move on. It does suck that they trust you with the life of a child but they can't call and give you a heads up. Ugh! Okay second vent over!
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,218

    Default

    (((Big hugs)))!!! That was totally inappropriate of them not to let you know mom/potential dad were going to be there! Wowsa!!

    I hope this issue is addressed so it doesn't happen again

  6. #6

    Default

    They should have told you.
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




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