sass

[Marcie]

How do you all handle sass from a preschool-aged child? DD has gotten a little, um, feisty these days. I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary, but it is still something we want to address. It makes DH especially angry. When she gets an answer she doesn't like or when something doesn't go her way, she does a little stomp or kicks out her foot and says "I'm leaving and I'm never coming back, hhmmph." And sometimes she does a little angry cry thing. So how do you respond to situations like that? DH does an angry "Sadie, we do not talk that way in this house" - if it's in combination with another broken rule, maybe a time-out or a few minutes in her room. I certainly don't want her to grow accustomed to speaking to us (or anyone else) like that. But I also think that may be the reaction she's looking for....so I would rather kind of ignore it. Or just remain neutral and tell her we don't talk like that. DH thinks I am too easy on her for the attitude stuff. (And then seems to get angry with me when it happens, if that makes sense?) I really want the sassy behavior to stop, but I am just not sure how to do it quite yet. I feel like I need a plan of attack - and then we need to be consistent in how we handle it. Thoughts?

[MomOfAnOnly]

Stalking!

We have an abundance of attitude over here. She's always had it though. She actually seems to be getting better for the most part- when she wants to anyway. At least now she acknowledges when she's having an attitude and when she's being nice..... not only with us but with her friends and cousins too.

[tapir]

We used 123 Magic (cheap on Amazon!) and also the phrase "Do you want to rephrase that more politely?" about a hundred million times. We now have an incredibly polite non-sassy 5 year old (whom I have just jinxed) and almost never need to remind her.

[JJorn]

My DD was born very sassy so we've been addressing this forever! We tell her that she needs to use a kind, nice voice and do ask her to rephrase it. If she can't then she does get a time out. She generally can talk nice to us and her brother after that, for at least a little while.

She even talks sassy to her baby dolls and close friends.

[Dreya]

We don't get a whole lot of that around here, usually it's arguing. Like I will say "Jonathan please put on your shoes" and he'll respond "but I'm busy with X right now." Usually I tell him that there should only be one response when I ask him to do something, "Yes ma'am." That usually gets "Yes ma'am" and compliance, even if he's pouting while he does it.

With backtalk I say "You do not backtalk your parents." And he will get a time out for it. Usually he will come apologize on his own afterward.

[Bridget]

At that age, I have been more inclined to label the feeling. You are angry because xyz. You may speak kindly. At this age they really, really need help identifying and learning to manage feelings of anger and frustration. So basically, lots of dialog and even empathy in some cases as in, I know it's hard...
This has been a successful method in our home. I feel my children are respectful. Most of the time.

[macksmom]

no clue. I have 2 sassy ladies up in here.

I like the rephrasing idea but knowing DD2 she will just give a flat out no to that request...it might work on DD1

Why is it mostly mom's of girls responding here???

[Bridget]

lol I have to say actually that Kai is my sassiest.

[macksmom]

lol I have to say actually that Kai is my sassiest.

[DucksLikeRain]

I don't want to go so far as to say I ignore it...but I almost do. Like Bridget I will give a label to what is going on, or I might request a rephrase. But for the most part my girls have learned "mom doesn't listen" when they're using unkind words OR voices. I don't care if the words are kind ("I'm sorry" can come out the rudest and most demeaning phrase in the world when Keira says it sometimes), if the voice isn't (or vice versa) I tend to not respond. I will walk away, I'll turn to the dog and start talking to her, to their dad, to the other one of the girls if it's just one of them having an awesomely sassy day. Of course to get to this point I've spent the last 4 years asking for things to be rephrased, tones of voices to be modulated, whining requests to be redone. I'm done requesting it and now expect them to clue in-and they do. Well, Keira does. Scharae doesn't but Scharae is rarely ever the one who gives me attitude. She has a naturally whiny component to her voice that I'm working on with her. But it's Keira who gets sassy and so it's Keira who usually will be ignored until she can make changes. Often I just point at her bedroom. By age 7 she KNOWS when she's taking inappropriate attitude and she KNOWS where she is allowed to have that attitude as long as she wants and it is definitely not in my kitchen or living area!

But to get here it has been a lot of rephrasing-me modeling, me requesting they do it-and labeling feelings and emotions. It's been me having to examine how I talk to them or they hear me talk to their dad when I'm in a similar mood-I will absolutely admit to getting sassy with him when I'm frustrated with his lack of common sense And I know they can hear that and see that and pick up on it. It's been a lot of me leading up to being able to "ignore"-telling the that I'll listen to what they're wanting me to do when they change their voice/quit yelling/use kind words/etc.

[MommyShannon]

DD3 is almost 3 and I'm bad about laughing. Its so funny when she talks back since she has the best facial expression to go with it. I mostly address it by refusing to follow her command. I tell her its not ok and that she's not getting whatever it is by yelling.

[sparks3]

DD3 is almost 3 and I'm bad about laughing. Its so funny when she talks back since she has the best facial expression to go with it. I mostly address it by refusing to follow her command. I tell her its not ok and that she's not getting whatever it is by yelling.

This is what we do, too (with boys ).

[froggie83]

ds is a sas talker... he likes to back talk too. just lastnight i told him to clean up his toys before bed and he said: NO! YOU clean up my toys. and he got sent to his room and all the toys he refused to pick up got taken away

[lindsay1981]

Stalking. I could have written this post! Let me know when you figure out what works!

[jazzmom]

Stalking as well. DD1 is starting to take an attitude and I'm not liking it one bit.